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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Monday, January 27, 2014

Comin from where am from

Comin from where am from 


Badmind is a treacherous emotion because the very thing  the hater dislikes you for is the same commodity or convenience he wants for himself. The hater initially wished you success because he believes you will never achieve much. It's like your nieghbour who demonstrates happiness for you because you building a house, then withdraws from you because your house is now bigger than his or your car is more expensive than his. Your neighbor initially wishes you success because he believes that you will never surpass his level... He prefers your success to be beneath him. Successful but not as successful as him 


From the Article -preface 

Copyright©Crystal Evans

#coming from where am from" 


I always heard voices in my head. They often sounded like mine but more mature, sometimes inspiring,other times angry and many times profoundly deep. These voices started when I was about three years old. 
It carried me throughout my life, through the emotional torrents of my teenage years and my first initial torrential
Relationships that all but add the finishing touches to what I have evolved into today. I've learnt so much in my short existence about people. These lessons have changed my voice. 

I think it was after those relationships that my voice morphed into the one that I have now. Originally I wanted to change men and empower women now I believe I have a greater calling. 

It may seem that with every new experience in this life journey I am force to discover a new perspective on our existence. 

My route is not a straight road, it branches off into crevices and detours that I never expected. I sometimes climb mountains, traverse valleys and veer into menacing plains. 

I like music yet sometimes the music despite its  euphonious and melodious tones sounds like dissonant and cantankerous to my angry mind. 

I sometimes think my spirit is trapped in the wrong body. I hate the involuntary nature of my body to change without my consent. I often feel powerless to stop it. 

I write to become characters that I am not. I write to explore feelings that are apart of my personality. I explore the ghetto girl in me and the intellect that is in constant conflict with the offsprings of my socialization process. It's like a battle between environmental influences and my intellectuality. This war has been going on since high school when what I learnt at school was in direct conflict with the notions endorsed at home and affirmed in my community. 

I have a similar battle now. I wrestle with the part of me that is attached to my lower class upbringing and the side of me that tells me even though I was spawned from this that I don't belong here. 

I sometimes wonder if the Ghetto was always like this and in my teenage oblivion I failed to see the world for what it is. This type of world will break a child's dream. 

There is little depth or circumference. Where I am. Philosophies are formed from afar view of the horizon and opinions are ruled in as facts. Feelings govern utterances and ideologies. 

Where I am from
badmind will
Kill you faster than any other social element. People choose your battles for you and you create enemies without knowing it. Your neighbors wish you success only because they believe that you will never reach their level. If you reach that and surpass then then your neighborly friends becomes your Enemy and that is why bad mind is the most treacherous emotion in the Ghetto. Bad-mind people hate you for the very things that they want for themselves . They believe your success is an indictment of their inadequacies and inferiority. They don't bother to think that you must have worked hard and made sacrifices to get there. In the Ghetto everybody wants to rule the world but no one wants to do the work. 

Success in the Ghetto is synchronic with impending policial run ins. After all, every new money must be accounted for. Acting wealthy without any tangible or noticeable employment is a precursor to bigger problems in the Ghetto. Everyone comes teeming out of the woodworks looking for dues. 

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