“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Monday, July 28, 2014
1. I think a man or a woman knows when someone wants to be with them, they often avidly pursue their object of affection. If someone is not calling you, speaking to you or display any interest in your life then that person's interest is already invested elsewhere. Use yourself as a measure of your prospective partner. As a matter a fact, use the guy who likes you too much who you want nothing to do with as a yardstick for the one you are chasing and is running away from you.
2. The one whom you have to be begging to return a message or a text is definitely not that into you. When we love people we want to be around them so that we can catch pieces of their lives, share their most intimate moments of joys and offer comfort in times of despair. If the guy you like doesn't call when your mother dies or offer condolences, then he definitely does not care about you.
3. The one who only texts or calls to ask when he will be able to have sex with you. It is okay if you do not have a problem in being only an orifice for some boy's penis but if you are hoping for a relationship with a man who is clearly only interested in the physical part of your correspondence and finds your best personality boring, has never invited you on a date or outing, does not talk about taking it to the next level and often refers to your relationship followed by hashtag #Just for sex or We have a ting? This nigga is clearly not that into you.
5. If you are afraid to text or call your love interest then your feet is already halfway through the door. Your inhibition might be faulty but it is always a manifestation of things within your sub-concious that tells you that this guy is not that into you. Something you notice in his behaviour like a knit of the brow, that odd feeling you get from being around him which is him often subtle giving you a negative vibe. If approaching your crush makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe you should relax and let him do some of the work in getting this union off the jump start.
6. If you are having sex with someone and you feel used or exploited then that is your cue to stop. Sex is a beautiful natural activity and one should feel fulfilled and relaxed after sex. If you are feeling pressured, unloved and sexual intercourse is like doing an exam you did not study for then you are having sex with someone who is not that into you. Face it, you know when you do something with a guy who loves you, how he treats you and how he responds to your needs. If he is demanding, insistent on his own pleasure, quick to leave after the act and discards you like a used football jersey then you are clearly screwing a guy who is not that into you.
7. The Guy who just broke up with his ex that he is still brooding over is the last man you want to have a relationship with. He will not only be emotionally unavailable but he will carry over his resentment for his ex into this relationship. Not that men do not rebound very fast from a break up but if your new beau is someone recently old dude then you might be sharing your life with a transient lover who is using you to dull the ache in his heart, to soothe his bruised ego and might not be entirely into you. If he leads the relationship with a " am not ready for another relationship or we can do a thing on the down low or is afraid to let the world know that you two are an item". He is clearly not that into you.
8. If you are in a relationship already and you are interested in a new person then it is best to leave the one you are with first. You will not get one hundred percent from a man who knows you already has another man. He will take whatever you offer but he will never truly respect you because he knows you are cheating on your beau. If you decide to cheat then ensure that if your partner leaves you then he/she will be willing to dedicate themselves to you. If not you would have wasted their time and yours. You exchanged your bronze for a wash over gold.
9. Classism affects relationships in that a woman has to be careful how willing she is to settle or sleep with someone who might be of a lower social, intellectual or financial status. It is not being prejudicial but the social image fall out from sleeping with someone who is not your equal can leave an indelible mark on not only your life but your reputation. It is like doctor sleeping with a scammer. You should not be having a relationship with someone with whom you are ashamed of and can never be public with. Pursuing relationships that if they are made public could spell disgrace are one of the reasons middle class women end up with fatherless children.
10. Don't give away your love for free. It doesn't mean a man should have to buy your affection it only states that if you value yourself then make him at least work for it. Do not hand it to him on a platter. If someone values your company then they will not see spending time with you as work or some kind of inconvenience. If your gut is telling you that you are in a messed up situation then maybe you need to get out.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
Friday, July 18, 2014
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Women are the agents of social change. Control how many babies we have and we could change the world. We cannot deny the connection between having too many children and poverty. We know that poverty leads to more crime. Contraception literally saves lives.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Saturday, July 12, 2014
He was upset that despite the reverie sorrounding Tessanne Chin winning ABC the voice that the Jamaican population and those within the diaspora were not supporting Tessanne's Album. This dude probably left Jamaica years ago and does not remember that Jamaican's loved anything that was Free and will support you as long as it makes them look. Break a leg or lose the limelight and you are just as easily forgotten. Never make your own success be at the mercy of the opinions of Jamaicans.
I responded to his post with these three comments...
" Typical Jamaican"
He asked me. " By the way Crystal did u buy her album?"
I responded " No i was happy she won but in all honesty i am not a fan of her music. Tessanne kinda reggae is somewhat elitist and you know the average Jamaican just cannot relate to that...its of a different grain. well it is the reality, we celebrate her victory because she represented us and we reveled in her accomplishments...success by proxy...then the hype faded away and we went back to listening the Akaline, Popcaan and the Vybx Kartel. Tessane tunes don't really bring any vibe in the dance hall...i have never heard one of her songs played at any sessions i have even been to."
Disc Jockey's do not play Tessanne's music and if truth be told Jamaicans are just as happy that Rhianna and Nicki Minaj are of Caribbean heritage but would never buy an album. We like to take credit for the success of others when they build themselves up. We celebrate with you at the pinnacle but very few people are going to be willing to do what is necessary to keep your there. That is just reality.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. You all need to have the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to . . . . . . . .
You see if people would concentrate on their own individual skills instead of mumbling over what they don't have then we would have a better world with less badmind and envy. Take for example am not perfect. Certain things I can't do like make up or comb hair. I can't do nails. I can't sing. I can't draw or make elaborate designs. I am not a neat person. I cannot bake without using a cake mix and even then I still might spoil it. There are many things in this world that I could never do even if I wanted to but other people can. I don't concentrate on what I was never blessed with...I work what ever talent I was born with. That is what you should do.
Friday, July 4, 2014
A guy ask me last night, why I don't talk about my books in real life. I told him you have to be careful how you talk about your success. Your achievements can make others feel uncomfortable. Your success may sometimes accentuate their own inadequacies within themselves. People will be offended by who you are, especially those who know where you are coming from. It is better for them to see you as you are than to think something else of you.
I hold no grudge against those who are pushing forward in this life because successful people often go through a lot to reach where they are now. I reserve myself to happiness, because each success cements the notion that anything is possible with hope, perseverance and hardwork. I like when people succeed because they give me hope. They reaffirm the dominance of the human spirit, anything is possible if we put our minds to it. Successful people don't bring out envy in me. It brings out the need to achieve in me. I don't know about you.
when the tear up batty pants bwoy start drive x5...all of a sudden he is treating ppl the way people use to treat him..like the slave who becomes a master and in order to feel less of a slave he too has to enslave, belittle and demean others...the only way you can feel truly values is by devaluing others. I think not.
In order for people to shake off their feelings of inferiority when they elevate in life... They must treat people like shit, ironically the way people use to treat them when they were nobodies. Superiority is essentially commanded not demanded. If you deserve respect and clout, you will get it, you don't have to diss ppl. They might fear you but they will never respect you or value your life.