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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Tuesday, April 30, 2013

One metter shared...

I had to post this from the Jamaicangroupiemet.com Before you SLEEP with him, READ THIS (A lot of our young black women in and out of the DH need to understand their worth) Addicted What’s between your legs he can get anywhere; what’s in your heart is rare, it can only come from you. Value increases when something is considered rare. A real man finds glory in the hunt, the chase, the wait. Every time a man “enters” a woman he gives her his strength, every time a woman “receives a man” she gives him her beauty, her vulnerability. Why give up the greatest and most precious part of yourself to a man who has not proven he is worthy or capable of caring for your heart? Giving our bodies, forsaking our hearts Let me make this very clear, I was FAR from a virgin when I got married. For many years I used sex to numb the rejection of my father and men in my past. I gave my body to men to validate me, to help me prove my worth, to numb the pain and fear of the life I was half-living. And sure the conquest was fun, but the relief was momentary, never lasting. The confidence in my soul was broken, so my body screamed for instant gratification. Then as a “party girl” high on drugs and alcohol, sex just accompanied that lifestyle, but getting drunk and high to open my legs, only proved that my heart’s deepest longings were simply being masked, numbed, hidden. The greatest gift a woman can give a man A few years before I met my husband, I made a decision to be celibate, to find out beyond sex, what did I truly desire? Fortunately when I met my husband he carried this same conviction. This current culture has diminished women into believing we have nothing to offer besides our bodies. How many times have you laid besides a lover after he has released inside of you and felt dulled, disappointed, numb? Don’t you want more? Women scream this false bravado independence “I can do whatever I want!” But whose truth are you living? Are you living out your sexuality like I was; reacting to your wounds, attempting to meet your own needs the only way you know how? Or are you living from the truth of how amazing, cherished and priceless your heart is? Real women know their value Women who know their value, know they are worth more. They have learned what their heart truly needs, and they are not afraid to ask for it. God wired us to be loved, cherished, protected, fought for. Our hearts deepest longing is often times not for sex, but to truly know who we are…we don’t find the answers to the deepest questions in our souls in a man’s bed; we discover them by seeking God’s heart. Many of us never had an earthly father to affirm our beauty our value, but we have a merciful God waiting to lavish upon us a passionate love beyond our wildest dreams. Dare to be honest. Learn how to ask for what you need with your heart and not your body. When you truly see your value as a woman, you will know you are worth the wait, and so will the man who has decided to wait for you…

Why when women young, dem so fool fool!

Now is is these kind of conversation with women that frustrates the hell out of me but i am not too mad still cuz i remember say a so me did young and fool fool too. I DO NOT NORMALLY SHARE MY COUNSELLING SESSIONS WITH THE WORLD BUT THIS ONE WAS AN EXCEPTION. Sarah: hello how are you? [3:09:18 PM] crystal evans : HI [3:09:34 PM] crystal evans : how you doing? [3:09:41 PM] crystal evans : I am great [3:09:41 PM] Sarah: im fine thanks. how are you? [3:09:46 PM] crystal evans : How may i help you [3:09:57 PM] Sarah: i was wondering if i could talk to you about my ex boyfriend. im kind of confused [3:09:57 PM] crystal evans : indeed [3:10:06 PM] crystal evans : ok o ahead [3:10:12 PM] crystal evans : go* [3:10:41 PM] Sarah: we've been broken up since june. but that longest we stopped talking was a month and a half. in november he told me he doesnt want to lose [3:10:59 PM] Sarah: me and in january he said he misses me and would be lying if he said he didnt look at pictures [3:11:03 PM] Sarah: we started talking again in mid march [3:11:08 PM] crystal evans : k [3:11:42 PM] Sarah: he has said he loves me but i didnt at that point say it back cause it took me off guard. i did say it a couple weeks later. he told me that [3:12:03 PM] : Sarah: he does love me but doesnt think its the same way and wants us to be friends who still care for each other and he doesnt want a relationship [3:12:05 PM] : Sarah: but [3:12:28 PM] Sarah: when we are together it seems like he wants us to be together and he has sent me texts calling me sweetheart and love and with kissy faces [3:12:39 PM] Sarah: and he still has my stuff around his room that he never took down from the breakup [3:13:04 PM] Sarah: basically his actions dont match his he doesnt want a relationship words but they match some of his other words [3:13:25 PM] Sarah: i can see he loves me and cares for me thats why im so confused. and he cant explain why he doesnt or what happened [3:13:26 PM] crystal evans : well why would u want to be away from someone you claim that you love dearly. The way that you feel about him, he does not love you with that intensity. He is leaving you to find his ideal partner then when he is disappointed he comes back to you because he knows that you love him. He cares for yoyu? yes/ maybe ...he is not confused... [3:14:32 PM] Sarah: how did he know i still loved him when we were not talking...and my stuff around his room mean absolutely nothing? [3:14:43 PM] : Sarah: and his actions are just fake? [3:14:48 PM] crystal evans : you see men love sex and they try to make breaking up with a woman as easy and less heartbreaking as possible if they would like to keep you around for future reference. I dont mean to be harsh but you love him more than he does [3:14:52 PM] crystal evans : not fake [3:15:15 PM] crystal evans : he cares about you [3:15:29 PM] crystal evans : but not enought to settle down with you [3:15:45 PM] Sarah: just not enough to be with me?? then what could have happened. 2 weeks before we broke up he told me i meant the world to him and the break [3:15:58 PM] : Sarah: up was out of the blue. not just to me and he was hesitant to even end it [3:16:08 PM] crystal evans : He cannot give you what you want out of a relationship [3:16:19 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: how did he know i still loved him unless i voiced it when hes the one trying to keep contact [3:16:41 PM] crystal evans : Sarah someone can care about but not want a relationship with you right now [3:17:11 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: if he wanted to be just friends why does he act the way he does or call me love and stuff like that? [3:17:20 PM] crystal evans : Sarah ...look at how much you care for him, he shoud be trying to figure what went wrong as much as you do [3:17:30 PM] crystal evans : Honey men will lie to us [3:17:43 PM] crystal evans : and he might not want to hurt your feelings [3:18:09 PM] Sarah: how would actually just being friends hurt my feelings tho. [3:18:13 PM] : Sarah: its everything else thats confusing me [3:18:21 PM] : Sarah: he says one things and acts another [3:18:36 PM] Sarah: it was like that when we broke up too and thats why i cut contact [3:18:40 PM] crystal evans : Men will send you mix messages without even knowing it and you are confused because you read a lot into his behaviour because you love him [3:19:02 PM] Sarah: what am i suppose to believe tho [3:19:20 PM] : Sarah: yeah to me the breakup seems like a mistake and always has [3:19:23 PM] crystal evans : Sarah the truth is as far as your eyes is from your ear [3:19:44 PM] Sarah: i dont know what that means [3:19:49 PM] crystal evans : it does not matter what a man tells you with his mouth (hear with your ear). [3:20:03 PM] crystal evans : your eyes always sees the truth [3:20:18 PM] crystal evans : so if he tells you he loves you and is not acting like it [3:20:24 PM] Sarah: okay i can understand that but my eyes are what is telling me he still loves me and all that [3:20:26 PM] crystal evans : he probably doesnt love you [3:20:50 PM] crystal evans : sometimes we see what we want to see...let me ask you this [3:21:30 PM] crystal evans : Why would any woman want to be in a relationship with someone who is not sure of where he wants to be [3:21:39 PM] crystal evans : he keeps playing with your emotionns [3:21:41 PM] crystal evans : yoyo [3:21:50 PM] crystal evans : up and down with your adrenaline [3:21:57 PM] crystal evans : isnt it tiring? [3:22:02 PM] crystal evans : it would be to me] [3:22:11 PM]Sarah: im not making what i see up i promise you. i dont have any expectations right now but i also know what i want [3:22:16 PM] : Sarah: but thats not what is affecting what i see [3:22:29 PM] crystal evans : i couldnt manage another round of this yo-yo relationship [3:22:33 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: i cant explain it [3:22:38 PM] crystal evans : love sarah [3:22:43 PM] crystal evans : you love him [3:22:52 PM] crystal evans : hence why they say love is blind [3:23:18 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: yeah i know but seeing how he acts isnt me making it up. [3:23:46 PM] crystal evans : i have an ex who would view my profile evryday, call me, bbm me and then he would just disappear [3:24:04 PM] crystal evans : and resurface again telling me sweet innuendos in my ear [3:24:12 PM] crystal evans : it took me three years to get over him [3:24:19 PM] Sarah: thats not what im dealing with now tho [3:24:32 PM] Sarah: hes not disappearing [3:24:33 PM] crystal evans : i kept asking myself that if he did not love me he wouldnt keep coming back [3:25:20 PM] crystal evans : but it is similar, theres a reason why people break up. The ugly truth is that people do not want to be away from someone they love [3:26:02 PM] : Sarah: then how do you explain him never really going away. yeah we broke up i got that. but couldnt there be an actual reason. people get back [3:26:05 PM] Sarah: together all the time [3:26:22 PM] crystal evans : So if someone wants to take a time out on a relationship then.. it leaves a lot to think about...have you spoke to him about this sarah [3:26:26 PM] Sarah: we stopped talking because i stopped tlaking [3:26:27 PM]Sarah: talking* [3:26:46 PM] crystal evans : These are just my opinions because i am not there, i have to go off what you tell ,e [3:27:00 PM] Sarah: yeah and he cant explain it to me. its like he doesnt have a reason [3:27:16 PM] crystal evans : theres your answer [3:27:22 PM] Sarah: i have that question everyday, how could you love someone but not be with them. but yet he shows me that we should be together but says he [3:27:26 PM] : Sarah: doesnt want a relationship [3:27:36 PM] Sarah: that doesnt make sense to me tho [3:27:54 PM] Sarah: whats the answer [3:28:15 PM] crystal evans : yes sarah as i said its quite confusing and thats because relationship are complex [3:28:18 PM] crystal evans : intricate [3:28:31 PM] crystal evans : someone will love you and not want to be with you [3:28:38 PM] Sarah: why [3:28:56 PM] Sarah: how could everything seem so perfect yet it fell apart out of nowhere [3:29:05 PM] crystal evans : You might have great chemistry with someone and they dont want a relationship. people have different goals [3:29:15 PM] : Sarah: im not the only one who thought our breakup was dumb [3:29:20 PM] crystal evans : and soemtimes i dont fit into that perons future [3:29:46 PM] crystal evans : well if he does not see anything wrong with you being apart then he wont come back [3:30:59 PM] Sarah: his actions dont match his words. he does keep coming back just we dont commit. he keeps in contact. he acts the way he does i dont force [3:31:04 PM]: Sarah: anything i dont alter anything [3:31:23 PM] Sarah: he's the one that cozys up to me and grabs for my hand not the other way around [3:31:29 PM] Sarah: its always been like that [3:31:34 PM] crystal evans : yes [3:31:55 PM] Sarah: hes the one who was hesitant to end it and then not let me leave until i calmed down and hes the one who contacted me the next day [3:32:04 PM] crystal evans : if i knew more about him i could disgnose but he sunds like an emotionally unavailable man [3:32:10 PM] crystal evans : diagnose* [3:32:19 PM]Sarah: what makes a man like that [3:32:33 PM] crystal evans : socialisation [3:32:55 PM] crystal evans : past break ups [3:33:03 PM] crystal evans : if he is still not over his ex [3:33:09 PM] crystal evans : not ready to settile down] [3:33:30 PM] Sarah: he hasnt talked to the ex before me way before we met. [3:33:41 PM]: Sarah: whats the reasoning behind my stuff? anything or no [3:33:53 PM] Sarah: he gave back everything to his last ex but wouldnt exchange with me [3:34:00 PM] : Sarah: i tried leaving his necklace he wouldnt let me leave without it [3:34:19 PM] Sarah: i also found out he gets notified on facebook when i post things [3:34:27 PM] crystal evans : maybe trophy.. he loves you [3:34:36 PM] Sarah: what do you mean by trophy? [3:34:41 PM] crystal evans : likes intimacy hates commitment [3:34:46 PM] crystal evans : so he can remember you [3:34:56 PM] crystal evans : some people like loving someone from a distance [3:35:19 PM]: Sarah: thats so stupid tho....it makes no sense to me [3:36:06 PM] crystal evans : well love rarely does [3:36:08 PM] Sarah: it sucks because ive tried moving on...nothing felt right. i want him [3:36:23 PM] crystal evans : i understand [3:36:43 PM] Sarah: i care about him more than ive ever cared about anyone and i dont know why [3:37:28 PM] crystal evans : it ok to feel that way sarah [3:37:48 PM] crystal evans : but it means nothing if he doesnt want to create a setting where you can share your feelings [3:38:16 PM] Sarah: but i can tell him that, i just dont anymore [3:38:43 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:39:16 PM] Sarah: its like it seems like hes afraid but idk what hes afraid of [3:39:31 PM] crystal evans : commitment [3:40:09 PM] Sarah: it sucks... [3:40:22 PM] Sarah: esp since i cant really change that if thats what it is [3:40:26 PM] : Sarah: i cant help with that [3:40:27 PM] crystal evans : i am sorry [3:40:35 PM] crystal evans : exaclty [3:40:39 PM] crystal evans : exactly [3:41:02 PM] Sarah: so im just stuck... [3:41:12 PM] Sarah: what am i suppose to do [3:41:20 PM] crystal evans : no you can try to move on with your life [3:41:28 PM] crystal evans : if he loves youhe will find you [3:41:36 PM] crystal evans : dont pause your life until he grows up [3:41:58 PM] Sarah: im not pausing my life but i dont want anyone else....thats where im stuck. [3:42:12 PM] Sarah: i cant even not have him in my life. i was miserable not talking to him. i hated it. [3:42:21 PM] Sarah: it was the hardest thing i had to do [3:42:35 PM] Sarah: hes like my best friend [3:42:39 PM] crystal evans : i understand [3:42:45 PM] crystal evans : hwo old are you sarah? [3:42:55 PM]: Sarah: im 22 [3:43:04 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:43:06 PM] crystal evans : he? [3:43:39 PM]: Sarah: he's 24 [3:44:04 PM] Sarah: the only real difference between us is that im in school but he never finished but hes talked about always going back [3:44:28 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:44:43 PM] crystal evans : Sarah Concentrate on school [3:44:50 PM] crystal evans : he is still young [3:45:01 PM] crystal evans : be the woman he cannot afford to loose] [3:45:01 PM] Sarah: one time last year he told me that im the only girl who really knows him....i dont know if its because he's broken down in front of me or if [3:45:04 PM] crystal evans : lose [3:45:06 PM] Sarah: that was just words [3:45:15 PM] crystal evans : and he will come back to you [3:45:19 PM] Sarah: what do you mean by cannot afford to lose [3:46:13 PM] crystal evans : u see men [3:46:35 PM] crystal evans : rate women who are on top of their game [3:46:50 PM] crystal evans : be on top of your game [3:47:10 PM]Sarah: okk [3:47:11 PM] crystal evans : get your degree, get a good job and buy a house and a car and he will never wanna give you up [3:47:21 PM] crystal evans : because you are the pinnacle [3:47:32 PM]Sarah: isnt there like a men pride/ego tho [3:47:35 PM] crystal evans : best girl any man is gonna wanna [3:47:37 PM] crystal evans : yes [3:47:50 PM] crystal evans : men cant resist a woman who is sexy attractive [3:47:53 PM] crystal evans : educated [3:47:57 PM] crystal evans : holds her own [3:48:05 PM] crystal evans : dont matter how big his ego be [3:48:13 PM] crystal evans : he is gonna wanna own you [3:48:16 PM] Sarah: cause at the end of our relationship i was paying if we went out because he was in between jobs. and i know he didnt like that.....now he [3:48:23 PM] Sarah: pays and wont let me even when i offer and stuff [3:49:16 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:49:21 PM] crystal evans : that is great [3:49:27 PM] Sarah: why [3:50:11 PM] crystal evans : well at least he shows signs that if he is in a position to help he will take care of you [3:50:58 PM] Sarah: could that be a part of what happened before? he didn't feel like he could take care of me? [3:51:24 PM] crystal evans : maybe [3:51:37 PM] crystal evans : men can feel bruised by financial embarrassing [3:51:38 PM] Sarah: alright... [3:51:55 PM]Sarah: well thanks for talking to me. [3:53:04 PM] crystal evans : you are welcome i JUST HAD TO PUBLISHED AN ARTICLE AFTER THIS MESSED UP CONVO THAT LEFT ME SO ANGRY! i AM NOT BEING INSENSITIVE TO HER FEELINGS BUT SOME WOMEN ARE IN DEEPER THAN I OR ANY PSYCHOLOGIST CAN HELP THEM. you can get over him, it will not be easy and it may not happen right away but you will feel better as time passes by. It will not happen in a day and you wont move pass your obsession if you continue to re expose yourself to the same venom, over and over again. He is not going to come back to your melodrama, be the woman he cannot afford to lose. Let him fall in love with your strength of character, not a whiny, crying, grovelling nutcase. Educate yourself, work out, get a job and be on top of your game, then and only then will your man not be able to look elsewhere. I get frustrated when women ask me to break down every word he said or what he did. If you know that you love the man, don’t ask me to validate that love because i will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Don’t ask for my advice and then tell me you do not think he does not love you. If you think he is coming back to you, do not waste my time asking what i think. You already have that figured out. Women do not understand that men for the most part do not see relationships the way we do. He does not wonder if you are his soul mate and the million other wistful romantic notions that women entertain. For most men it is how he feels when he is around you and it does not matter how much he cares for you, if he doesn’t not feel right. He is going to dump you in a jippy. Read more: http://socyberty.com/relationships/his-behavior-says-he-loves-me-why-are-we-breaking-up/#ixzz2Rz2svOW2

Sunday, April 28, 2013

My In laws encouraging the decay that is destroying our societies

There was a confrontation recently between my child's father and some relatives he has. The next morning, my 20 month old daughter sees one of her kin that her dad had the altercation with passing by and proceeded to say hi with such enthusiasm in her own childish gibbers. The cousin looked at my child and looked ahead of her with a smirk on her face. I was enraged at them for teaching my young innocent child hatred. My contempt worsen when i realized that these are the people that are responsible for most of the problems we have in this world. Next scenario, i Saw my daughter playing with an estranged family members child, the older child barked at the younger one to stop playing with my baby . I quickly extrapolated that this eight year old was acting on the advice and commentary that she heard at her parent's house, Because of what precipitated between her father and them, they were teaching my child to hate from an early age. They are teaching my baby about discrimination and prejudice. She's automatically their enemy , my baby who is not even two year old. She turns around and cries, running back to me because she does not understand why these children treat her with hostility or mocked indifference. I like to read Belmoun Ibolele Ayibobo FACEbOOK Page because it is a good source of knowledge of my black culture. There was a post there that i loved "A child comes into this world without hatred and envy, thus we should be careful not to pass our own disgusting anti-humanity views to them. Instead we should educate them to differentiate between reality and fallacy, not mindless indoctrination" To teach a child the right knowledge is to build family and community. I understand that my Job is to make my baby become the best woman she can be but i also understand that this world is far from ideal. I will have to educate my child and how to deal with people like these, family or not... > Education is essential to how we deal with others. I will have to encourage my child to seek knowledge and comforts in her book because i already know that if she is anything like me then her intellect will be both a curse and a blessing. She will see the world in all its infinities for what it is, the planes of life, the superficial nexus, "As a parent you have a duty to stir your child(ren) toward the right path, regardless of your past experience. At all cost, please avoid passing toxic mental deficiency belief to your child(ren). Encourage them to love nature and understand their nature as well". I do not need to be a perfect mother, I just simply need to be there for my daughter. I am concerned at times about my immortality. How long will i live to impress upon my child all that i have learnt in my 25 years alive. I ask god to let me live everyday to see my child past the worst...

Jamaican Men Homophobic Yet Spend a Lot of Time Socialising with Men

As i was listening to Vybz Kartel's "Your business song" I remembered an article that i had written a commentary on sometime ago online. The article points to a notion that i have questioned for years since i developed an acumen for signalling male behavior. Vybz Kartel pars with a lot of men for a guy who is highly homophobic and makes it known in his music. It is not just him but many Jamaican artistes par wid a slew of men but are quick to condemn men who sleep with other men. Oh yes i understand you do not sleep with men so you can do everything else with a man but sleep with him. What was even funnier was the gay men at Carnival 2013 broking out to Vybz Kartel's song? I wonder how does Kartel feel about that? This is a conversation that i have had aplenty with my spouse and male friends about the unlimited amount of time they feel inclined to spend with male friends instead of with their partners. I am not saying that they should commit themselves exclusively to their wives but many men will spend the entire day at work with friends then spend another four hours after work with male brethren at the bar. My spouse replied that sometimes they are not at bars with men but with other women( often promiscuous, loose, tartly women) that is they are basically hunting in packs. When my spouse comes home sometimes after 12 midnight or one am, he claims he walked out the road to be with his boys and when i would tag along sometimes, i am the sole female among a bag of men often gossiping about people's business, pontential and achieved sexual conquest. I am no longer invited to these extended male bonding sessions since i consistently rain on their parade and frivolous, prurient, superficial conversations. Here is what a writer from the Jamaican star had to say that backed up a phenomena that i have had countless discussion with men and women about which is even though Jamaican men are homophobic, they spent a lot of time bonding with men. It appears that the only thing they don't do with men is have sex with them but they would rather spend their entire day with male friends and come home when they want to have sex. If they have a friend who spends a lot of time with his woman than with them (male friends) they begin to "bun" out the woman and bring strife to disintegrate the relationship. Some men begin to call their male friends who spend time with their women defamatory terms such as implying that they are with their women in an effort to get this particular male to spend more time with them. here is an extract from the article "Some Jamaican brethren love to run off mouth about how dem love woman and brag 'bout dem nuh pet man. Yes, big man, start counting the number of activities that you participate in, exclusively with other 'man friends'. Calculate the amount of time you spend with members of your own sex. Now, compare that with your quality engagement and time spent with the opposite sex. I'll bet all the money I lost in Cash Plus that when the situations are objectively compared, many men will find that they spend more time and energy dedicated to activities with other men than with women. Isn't that funny? But, as I'm never tired of saying, we are a case study in contradiction. Is true, man! Many Jamaican men seem to be violently homophobic, yet passionately 'homosocial' at the same time. Check it, dem burn fire on men who sleep with men but di only company dat dem keep is men. Some roughneck, macho men seem totally happy to spend 20 hours of one day socialising with a bag a man and then share the remaining four hours with a woman. And, those four hours are likely to involve maybe 15 minutes of talk, 45 minutes of sex and three hours of sleep. In fact, one man made it clear to me that, as far as he's concerned, the main thing to do with the opposite sex was sex. Strip poker When asked if he talks or plays with his lady, he said he hardly talks, he mainly sends text messages. Quoting an old joke, he said the only game he plays with his girlfriend is strip poker, with the aim being for her to strip and for him to 'poke her'. He went on to seriously assert that men, who spend a lot of time with women, are sissies. What do you think? I think it's kind of sad. Plenty men just don't treat social, emotional or intellectual engagement with women as a central part of their life. It's like they marginalise their dealings with women to the extent that any relationship with a woman that doesn't involve sex, gets minimal time, limited space and zero value. And, the women, with whom we share conjugal relations, sometimes only get personal attention when it's time for them to ease our sexual tension. Potential conquest You know, there are men, who have no genuine women friends? You realise that there are men out there, who can only see women as objects of potential conquest? And, some of those same men love and idolise other men, who they describe as their 'God, dads and general'! Some men work all day with men, spend evening chilling and talking with other men, then spend the weekend playing with men again. They eat and drink with men, 'par and link' with men, then smoke and joke with men again. That's how I see it yah and I don't care who vex. Some men do every single thing with other men - except sex - and the one deggeh-deggeh thing dem do with women is sex. But, guess what happen in the process? We miss out on opportunities to learn, grow and build mutual respect with our sisters. Look nuh, I love sex, I adore women and I value the many things I can share with them. Yeah, man, that's one of the reasons why I'm a big fan of co-education. If it does nothing else, mixed-sex schooling helps boys to learn, from early, that there are many fulfilling experiences to share with girls, including, but not limited to sex!" what do you think? when i showed them the article they became angry and conflicting suggesting that whoever wrote this article must be gay or a sissy since no real man would ever make such a literary dictum. What do you think

Every Woman has the exact relationship she wants!

Andrea is angry because her boyfriend refuses to look a job or at least permanent employment. She claims she loves him but recently she no longer relish shouldering the bills and watching him gorge down her hard earn money like an obese gluttonous child. Her resentment is brimming over and she now finds herself snapping at him when he sleeps late in the mornings or if he drinks the entire jug of fruit juice in a day then calls to remind her that she needs to pick up one at the supermarket when she is coming home from work. She does not want to tell him to be economical with the consumption of their resources since her meager earnings can barely cover their expenses and bills. She does not want to hurt his feelings but lately she feels like she is going to explode any minute now. She contends that he is a good man but she cannot baby him anymore and is considering moving out of their shared apartment. She is worrying about how he is going to fare when she is gone and this consternation has prevented her from taking the necessary action to leave a relationship that is crippling her financially. She muses that she probably will spend the same amount when she is alone but she will have no one to blame but herself. What should Deandra do? She needs to have a talk with her partner: the fact that she has not said anything about his unemployment givers him the impression that she is ok with him not satisfying some of the financial needs of their relationship. Men easily get complacent if they think you are okay with whatever they are dishing out. Your man cannot read your mind. You need to make him know what you want out of a relationship and where he stops short. Asking your partner to find a job is not towing the line. You are not asking him to do the impossible. You are simply insisting that he becomes a responsible, contributing partner. If you leave one relationship without resolving the issues, you may end up with a new partner and settle for the same faux paus you did in your previous union. Some women with low self esteem insist on becoming the bread winner because they are afraid if their man goes out in the world that he will find someone else. They “baby the man” and when harsh economical times arrive or they realize that feeding an adult male is far more difficult than they may have anticipated. You might lose your partner if you insist that you need more from your relationship but it’s often for the best. It’s like cutting off a gangrenous arm before it spreads so that you can live forever.

Can crime ever be tamed in Jamaica?

"It has become increasingly apparent that the so called war on violence, crime and murder in Jamaica has been lost by civil society and law enforcement authorities.Terrorists,gunmen,goons, savages,sociopaths,criminals et al, unleash bloody butchery and savagery on the society daily with total impunity,as the death toll, or, murder rate increases beyond comprehension with a correlated level of excessive anxiety on the part of most Jamaicans.Indeed, the Rubicon has been passed,terrorists and gunmen reign supremely.And,yes,anyone,anytime, anywhere, anyplace can be viciously and savagely cut down or metamorphosed into a duppy while an impotent State and a decayed and exhausted Opposition discuss and politicize the merits of another vacuous crime plan which most likely will not become operational while people are being butchered including women and children.The empirical reality of the lost war on crime, murder and violence on the part of civil society and the law enforcement authorities, is aptly demonstrated and evidenced in the arithmetic of death for the month of May, which saw 181 of our brothers and sisters butchered and slaughtered in the tsunami of death which now engulfs Jamaica akin to a killing field.Hopefully, my perspective is totally wrong and the respective authorities will be able to put some manageable limits on this monster called crime, violence and murder." Politicians are suppose to alleviate the crime situation by passing laws and producing an environment that will not breed criminals by augmenting the economic climate and encouraging avenues for job creation. If these soci-economical mechanism are not put in place then We leave a breeding ground for crime and lawlessness. I understand full that in order for crime to be eradicated that a communal effort has to be made by members of the community and criminal relatives to snuff out the ones that committ these heinous crimes whom they protect. The question on everyone's lip is whether or not crime can be mitigated in Jamaica. I am afraid to even write these articles as i am trepidated top write articles that criticizes the government and criminals because everybody knows no one is above dying in Jamaica or disappearing. My family often cautions me about what i write online. It breaks my heart to see how fearful people are in this country. We are afraid of the gun man, the police and the politician because no one can be trusted. I am afraid much of dying and leaving my daughter in this senseless world of psychopathic killers who murder small children with no remorse and are quick to defend their love ones. What twisted sense of justice. Their minds are apparently warped to believe that they can continue hurting others without reprisals from the creator of life. Read more: http://socyberty.com/crime/the-crime-situation-in-jamaica-and-politicians/#ixzz2RnveTKXf

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Are darker skin black women cheaper than light skin women of african descent?

What do you think about this topic? Here are SOME RESPONSES I got from a discussion on Facebook. Women will eternally be pissed at black men for marrying other races when they get rich but this morning i thought who can blame them? The guy is a star now. what do you think he is going to want to do with your loud, aggressive, confrontational and bellicose ass at his promotional meetings trying to fight off the groupies who are chasing him. He is going to stay with a woman who understands how to behave in public and frankly most black girls do not know how to behave. Someone might say these young men are saying this only because they cannot afford the browning or white girl now.... And does this imply that darker skin women are cheap? Sophia Francis-Pryce; Sophia Francis-Pryce "Dark skin one going to use them money to buy Bleaching cream....DWL. But on a serious note I find this a bit distasteful to say the least to know that it is deemed that a man will only settle for me a (a dark skinned girl) because i am "safe". Please!!" 23 hours ago · Unlike · 4 Laci Mac Brite dem brite!!! "Why people love generalize suh much?? I think, (Generally Speaking) dark skinned girls are many times too often made to feel that something is "WRONG" with them or they are "NOT" as beautiful as Lighter skin girls because its those very same men with comments like these!! JUST KNOW DIS!! DIS YAH BLACK GAL YAH WILL BUN U POCKET TOO, and NUH GET MI STARTED pan how much man competition me will gi yuh"!!!! 23 hours ago · Unlike · 3 Crystal Diamond "haha! Yes i think men are responsible for making most browings feel like they are superior hence why women bleach! Well every dark skin girl suppose to know by now that some black men only wants us when nothing nah gwaan fi dem and as soon as dem get rich..dem draw fe de whitey or the brownin..." 23 hours ago · Edited · Like · 2 Jodi-Ann Brown Its very sad to know that this is reality and it also happens on the basis of where one lives. Because if you live uptown or downtown a man will treat you accordingly which is very shitty cause where one lives or the colour of their skin shouldn't determine these things. 23 hours ago · Unlike · 1 Jodi-Ann Brown crystal this is true don't we all see it all the time....smh 23 hours ago · Unlike · 1 Crystal Diamond i always tell women that from a man meet yuh and ask couple question him already know how him agao deal wid yuh. You are either a 10 or a five or better yet zero.. and he treats you accordingly hence the term one gyals mean man is another gyals AtM... 23 hours ago · Like · 1 Kezia Donaldson those men are very shallow 23 hours ago · Like Jodi-Ann Brown Shallow yes but its affecting some women look at those who bleach remember the 'WAT A GWAAN EPISODE ON BLEACHING?" 23 hours ago · Like Crystal Diamond Well yes they are butif you tel them that they might just label you as another bitter black woman who vex cuz she was born wid the wrong phenotype, MEN FIND ALL KINDS OF WAYS TO JUSTIFY WHY THE WORLD IS THEIR PLAYGROUND.. 22 hours ago · Edited · Like Laci Mac Crystal U right!!! From a man see weh u deh pan, him treat u same way(black or brown).. Seen it happen all too many times, Once a man see seh u nuh ediot and u nuh frighten, him tek weh himself, and on to the next lagga head weh will fall fi him tricks!! BUT Silly rabbit, TRICKS are for kids!!!! (had to put that last bit).. 22 hours ago · Edited · Like

PUM PUM IS CHEAP SO JAMAICAN MEN HAVE OPTIONS...

Lately i have heard this popular saying if Vagina was Stock then it would be worthless. This might sound harsh but today's young women are just cheap. Some pundits contend that the economical climate is what is contributing to women given up the hairy fruit for little and nothing. What can women to to get men to value their sexual asset,..They can withhold sex until their desires are met but that is an even more difficult thing to do when men can get it elsewhere for free or steal price. Read article here http://www.nypost.com/p/news/opinion/opedcolumnists/cheap_dates_EnfcHi7NwBAkD3RYMUWv6I Cheaper sex comes at the price of shorter relationship. Some say the price of the hairy fruit have never been this low before but is it really? A CONVERSATION WITH A FRIEND ON FACEBOOK Crystal Diamond lol.. well as i said before on numerous expositions that women did not know what they bargained for when we insisted that men allow us the same social freedoms they were bequeathed by society. Now we are paying for it now since men are basically disregarding commitment altogether since sop much pum pum deh a road fe free....Additionally it is very difficult for one to put a high price on something that everybody else sometimes/often times better looking that you is giving it away for free or at steal price... Micheal responded allow us, some men seem to remember the debate and discussion differently Crystal Diamond Crystal :Yes allow us, we wanted to be able to play field a little! Not having to marry the first man we slept with or being stoned in the middle of town for allegedly keeping two man. We wanted to wear the pants too, We asked society to release us from the social strictures cultivated for centuries and encouraged by a male dominant culture to put restrains on women sexual and relational options the article does state a crucial point at the end that if these gyals would stop giving up the nookie for nothing then us women with a little value could start getting some tat on our you know what...but from the begining there will always be women who will accomodate male whim for the sake of personal gain. Sign into facebook and comment on this topic...

Money is My Religion! MR BLEACH CHIN

I was listening to Vybz Kartel’s Song on YouTube and decided to write an article on what he said about money being his religion. It was Ziggy Marley who sang in the nineties that “Love in my Religion”, now controversial dance hall singer Vybz Kartel who is in Jail claims that life is the greatest thing but Money is his Religion in his song;titled Mr Bleach Chin. It gave me an idea for this article. Vybz Kartel might not be wrong because of today’s obsession with money then it might just be a religion. According to this article on Whatreallyhappened.com “Money was originally invented as a store of value, to facilitate trade. But in recent decades money as it is created today has no value at all. It is just pretty printed paper with no intrinsic worth. The only value is in the mind of the holder, which means money is no longer a unit of worth but an article of faith! As such, money is the new religion, supporting a system that operates solely on the belief of the public that this is the way things are supposed to be.” The world believes in Money and thus it is now the stimulus between all things good and bad! I do not worship money but i definitely love money not more than life but then again without money their is no life. Without money you will die from Ill-health, poor nutrition and lack of access to life’s necessities! Kartel seh "You no see the dollar sign weh deh pon me neck, everytime me cough a money that!" Read more: http://bizcovering.com/business/money-is-my-religion-mr-bleach-chin/#ixzz2Rgi8eKbN

New Data on How to make Money Online

My Triond users often send me emails about websites that helps them in making money. I found and used for the last three months a program that many Triond writers could benefit from. Its the Christopher Chricton Programme! 0 inShare 0 I have been writing on line for the past 5 years and during the last years i have tried several on line companies and websites geared at producing a an income. Some even promised considerable wealth gain in a small amount of time. Some were free and the free ones often entails the most work with the least gains from labour. Some were paid that involved work and recruiting. I have heard of some scams but i never signed up with any hence i will not comment on that aspect of the game. There is a new system spearheaded by Canadian Christopher Chricton that has completely We do not try to sell you a dream or comfort. We sell you ideas that will assist you in finding your wealth. IF YOU NEED A GET RICH QUICK SCHEME THEN THIS IS NOT THE CONSULTANCY FOR YOU. Read more: http://webupon.com/web-talk/new-data-on-how-to-make-money-fast-online/#ixzz2RgfUabWA

How my internet solutions made clients on average $450 dollars a month

There is not one simple formulaic that will work for Online Businesses and sometimes the difference between Google and yahoo is the reason why both companies stay relevant and are on top on the wealthiest on the world wide web and others get left behind in the clutter at the end of Alexis. People in this internet business like to copycat because they believe that since something is working for someone that it will work for them too. That may not necessarily be the case. Look how twitter blew up after Facebook, No one though something this big in social media would survive after Zuckerberg's ingenuity. Look at Instagram, every is using instagram instead of Flickr. Why has Google Maintained its search engine blank when it could have riddle it with ads, it is because works for them. You have to find an idea that works for you and find a team of people who believe in your money making dreams and is willing to see it through. I never stopped writing because i met a few people on the way who never stopped encouraging me and investing in me. Namely, Douane Tomlinson, Tyrese Ferrara, Francesca Tisot, Owen Salmons Read more: http://webupon.com/web-design/how-my-internet-solutions-earned-an-average-450-for-each-client-2/#ixzz2RgdocEKh

Why your Jamaican Small Business Needs a Website?

Website gives your business credibility as it shows that hundreds of people know about your business. Your entrepreneurial venture gets a particular status when it has an Internet presence than those who don’t, It is particularly crucial especially for those who want to attract investors from around the world. 0 inShare 0 Why does your Jamaican small business need a website, Many Jamaicans think that their business does not need a website because it is doing well but surveys has shown that business that are on line get a boost of sales for having a web presence. Read more: http://webupon.com/web-talk/why-your-jamaican-small-business-needs-a-website/#ixzz2RgcZfrQB i wrote that article above because most Jamaicans have not gotten a hang of what the internet can do for a business or product you are trying to permeate, make some sales and get some money. If you are not selling sex it will be two times harder and if you are selling services it will be ten times more difficult. I wont brag, i dont necessarily know everything but five years blogging, ghost writing, writing reviews, joining mediocre survey and email sites and Pay to click sites have taught me that making money online is not as easy as most of these websites try to make it seem. Like any business you need all the support and help you can get. If you need my insight cocodiamond2009@live.com Remember to read the article.

Top Ten Reasons TO CHOOSE a consultant over Money Making Programmes!

I remember how I felt when I started writing on Triond. I was out of a job and studying, needed supplementary income. I did not make my first 50 dollars until a year later and I thought it was worth it when Triond sent me my first check. That’s how I knew Triond was not a scam. Triond has paid my internet bills ever since. I had Google Triond to ensure that it was not scam and i got mixed reviews but i still contacted them because my instincts told me that this would be a great site to work for. People sometimes expect to get paid for work they never put in and that’s why they fall for scams. There is no short and fast in making money. If any of you have ever read Napoleon's Hill Think and Grow Rich then you will understand that wealth creation takes time , risk and a little start up capital. It also involves taking advice from the pundits in the business. I want to take my business to the next level hence i solicited the aid of Jamaica's pioneer in Online Business Consultancy ,ms Dayna Wallace. I listened to her earnestly and realized that she is a woman of my own heart, committed to offering young people and entrepreneurs a way out of poverty on the internet. What i hate more than anything is people who believe that they can use you as a means to an end. I have met many web developers and online entrepreneurs who believe people like Dayna AND I talents are better off given to them for free. If that is your perception and value system then you will never reach further than where you already are... Read more: http://socyberty.com/issues/top-ten-reasons-this-online-money-making-programme-is-not-a-scam/#ixzz2RgaQQbob

Time hard in the Traditional Job Market: Turn a $100 into a Million Today!

I spent most of my pregnancy at home trying to see if I could discover challenging but manageable ways that I could make some money to secure the future of my daughter. I was fed up with working with start up companies that used and discarded my talents whenever I ask to be lawfully compensated. It has been three years and i am making money on the Internet now consistently, not in the traditional dot com bubble that so many authors purvey on line or join the scams and pyramid schemes that promise large returns with minimal efforts over short periods of time. I utilised a quantified approach to making money on line. It involves truly understanding the on line market, applying the principles of the business that we learnt in school about the actual physical, business and financial market to the world wide web. Using this knowledge based online to transcend infinite intelligence into actual wealth. On line is similar to what happens in real life not because most of the factors are made believe or designed on line, it does not mean that wealth creation can be designed or uploaded via a software. If anyone tells you that there is a software that can put millions in your bank account by weekend, then that is either a scam or they are involved in some illicit activity. Other than Viable investment schemes and access to business development companies,such high returns are virtually unrealistic. I said unrealistic…not impossible. Your small on line business like your home business has to be built from the ground up and not an overnight sensation. If you want to make millions without spending a dime then you are in for a lot of disappointments. You will be a slave on line as you would be in real life! The more you put out the more you get back in. Read more: http://socyberty.com/issues/how-to-turn-a-1000-dollars-into-a-million-dollars-fast/#ixzz2RgZcg0d1