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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie



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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

What really happens when we die?

My latest encounter with death has opened my eyes to question what really happens when we lose consciousness. MY friend is death and I doubt that I will ever see him or encounter him in this lifetime again.

My grandmother is of the opinion that when we die that our souls remain in a state of limbo until the trumpet sounds on judgement day and we are called upon by god to admonish our many sins in this world.

I do not know what happens when I fall asleep. I am unconscious for a few hours and then I wake up fully conscious of who I am because my brain during this deep sleep phase is still oxygenated. I often think to myself that dying must me much like that. Losing consciousness permanent. I had a near death experience when I haemorrhaged after giving birth to my daughter and fainted. I do not even remember fainting. All I remembered was the voices of the doctors and nurses trying to save my life as I lost litres of blood. I kept thinking about the baby that I did not see and my child's father who was waiting patiently outside for me.

I kept slipping in and out of consciousness and I did not feel the stitches the doctor gave me for forth degree tears I had that the nurse miraculously missed. These lacerations during childbirth had cost me to loose too much blood rendering me unconscious, I did not remember much of what happened that afternoon and that night.

I Know that people from time to time question their existence and wonder what it is going to be like when you die. I believe it when scientist say that energy is not lost but merely transpose from one object or system to another. I was thinking about when I boil water and it evaporates. The water does not disappear, it becomes a gas and then it cools, condenses and falls back as rain. Life within itself is a big cycle.

Does this mean that I support reincarnation. If energy is not then what does that say about the energy that makes me who I am. The very elements of my personality and what composites me as a person. Where does that go when I die?
The information that we have on the incorporeal is purely supposition and conjectures formulated on reason and scientific extrapolations. No one who has died has ever come back to tell us what death feels like and the afterlife.
But this perception might be faulty because how can we account for psychic connections with our love ones in the afterlife or messages being send to us from our love ones who died.

Sometimes I look at my daughter and wondered where she got her personality. I see parts of her dad and her me in her personality but she has certain proclivities that I do not see in her father and I that makes me confident that those are inherent aspects of her "soul" personality.

My brain goes on these "meds" and thousands of thoughts and perceptions are conjured up during these meditation sessions that often leave me more befuddled about the missing parts of our existence.

Experts claim that consciousness grows and it shrinks but it never dies. Even so what really is death? Does the spirit leave the corporeal body because it is not longer able to hold it. Take for instance someone gets shot in the head several times yet remains alive but unconscious for over half an hour. Then take large gasps and die. Has the soul given up on the body that cannot contain it any more

Just thought about this on my lunch break...

Monday, August 26, 2013

Why these educated, College Women and I ve got my cxc subjects cant hold a man!

Let me first say that I am not here to demonstrate any level of superiority to any woman in this man and woman relationship game. Truth is I have been slucked and ducked too so albeit I may have experience and insight on what really makes this relationship business suck, I am no greater or lesser than any other female out there.

I live my life on some simple tenets I have embraced over the last three years or so.

When it comes to dating, you cannot convince a man to love you whose love has been misplaced on you in the first place. If he has shown you signs that he does not care, believe him, he truly doesn’t.

Do not date men who make whores my competition, because it does not matter how low I go, I will never get as nasty and dirty as these hoes and I will be messing up my social image for nothing.

It is OK to feel hurt when some guy passes you over for some other chick, but remember their will always be women more attractive than you since new girls leave high school every year, Do not chase some guy and waste your greatness on his ignorance.

When I was going to high school my teacher told us that when you have your education that you can get any man you want. She was far off on that notion because educated women are often single and struggle the most to get a man to stick around.

The average men complain that we are bossy, manly, disrespectful, ' full of ourself" and a wide range of epithets to rationalise why he would settle for a basic chick than a girl who has her life in top gear. Most men who date women who have their lives together almost, always do so on the premise of opportunity to improve themselves. Just the other night, a friend of mine was saying that most men in Jamaican were becoming Gigolos. More interested in what was happening in a woman's pocket than in her panties.
She went on to tell me that the worst type are the gay men masquerading as heterosexual, who have no sexual attraction to women but use them for monetary gains to support their flamboyant lifestyles

Why are educated women in Jamaican getting the shitty end of the stick????

Women who focused on their education, making their own money and have a life are more likely to end up sleeping around with one circle of men. Why ? Because most educated, functional women are attracted to the same kind of men. We all want a perfect, kyrptonian guy who looks like he just step off the cover of GQ Magazine yet we do not understand that the rarity with which educated women were sought after of the past is gone now.

Women are focusing on education now more than ever therefore men have more pickings. They can delay commitment for as long as they want because there will always be fresh young women coming up D block for fresh man year at the University of the West Indies.

When I watched BET pilot for Mary Jane, my child's father said to me that I was one of those types. He is not just not my lover, my child's father and the man I may marry one day, more than anything, he is my friend. He Knows me very well and sometimes I laugh at how much attentions he pays to my personality. He is not Brad Pitt, he is an average guy, who happens to be handsome, compassionate and kind. We have our conflicts but he has this uncanny way of always coming back to talk it over after one of his many tirades. We can "reason" for hours and that is what counts. I watch him playing with our daughter a lot, IF HE IS NOT ANYTHING, HE IS A GOOD FATHER.

From time to time, I may meet a handsome guy or the type that makes your belly flutter because he is so good looking and I am always tempted to compare the way he treats me to the way my child's father does. Truth is if he falls short, I am automatically turned off because I know what it feels like to be treated right.

What about the woman who has never been treated right by a man?

I do not believe in that notion because we all meet men who would go out of their way for us but we are not interested in them because they do not look like whatever image we have in our head of a good partner. A good partner is never based on ways or precepts but more on looks and status and I will tell you that men with looks and status are not very kind to women who fall short of their glory. If we would concentrate more on how a man makes you feel instead of how he looks then we might get somewhere.

Back to the Mary Jane Story

A good man will not come in a good package and that is why we often see beautiful people dating not so attractive individuals. People who are good looking use their beauty as crutches and they never develop a real personality. Why would I want to be nice to people when people look at my cute face and wanna be my friend?
These wealthy cute guys are not focused on personalities, they have been trained to concentrate on what looks good.

I was talking to a handsome wealthy guy on Whatsapp, I sent him a cup of tea pic in the morning. He posted "dwl", that is a huge a red flag for me because I sent it to other men and I got responses like oohs, ahhs and thank you. He failed to acknowledge my gesture because I surmised he probably does not even understand the meaning of what I did.

Then I notice something else, he skims over very interested questions about who he is as a person or his life. Huge red flag number 2. He never calls only whatsapp and I feel like a sycophant every time I talk to him.

If your relationship feels like work. It stresses you out, you feel as if you are "pushing up" on this person. You feel unappreciative, unloved and unrecognised then you are in a non-relationship and you need to get out. Not because a man looks as if he is right for you. It does not transcend into him being the man for you. When you can decipher the difference then you will be able to save yourself a lot of heartache.

I use the knowledge I gained from my past relationships to recognise red flags. If you keep dating the same type of men over and over again then you are bound to get the same results.
Throw that check-list away and start giving the guy with the corny ways a night out to see how he truly makes you feel.

Have you ever wondered if a guy is just unkind to you or if he is like that to all women? Or wondered what this woman that he is with has over everyone else he looked over including you? That is a huge no-no. He may not have chosen her because she is better than you and even so that is his opinion but remember that she might be settling for elements of the relationship that you may never stoop for. Never compare yourself to another woman, love is not a competition entirely. Because a bitch gets a man you wanted, it does not mean she has won anything.

You can have sex appeal without dumbing down. You simply have to learn how to switch between personalities. Be the boss lady on the street and a freak in the sheet. I do not mean fellatio. Guys can get oral sex any day, anywhere on the street so you cannot bet on that stock to make your man stick around because these ratchets be popping dildos in their mouths by the dozens. I mean wow the guy with role play. Any man that laughs and looks at you in amused admiration after you burst around the bathroom door in
a goofy sexy ensemble, is definitely a keeper. Then pulls you into his arms and be like..."I like it" while grinning from ear to ear because he knows you look stupid but gives you an A for trying is definitely the guy that you should be dating.

The guy who compliments you on your beautiful smile or notices that you have dimples is the one you should be giving a chance and not the one who is giving you a once over. The man who is luxuriant, shows potential for growth and improvement not some dead stock cutie who you might spend the rest of your life taking care of him. You do not need a grown baby walking around looking like man. I am not saying he has to have a six figure income and ray ray or that you should be lowering your standards.

But maybe if women would alter their calculated needs and realise that a good check-list will not guarantee a life partner. Someone who really loves you does not make you work for his respect. You have a natural chemistry. He anticipates your needs and he is right there when you need him. NO man who truly loves a woman is always too busy for him. You know that you are not being treated right but you stay with him because you believe that he is right for you.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

What Tommy Lee is doing to our Young Men!

I would be a liar if I said that I was not intrigue by Tommy Lee Sparta lyricism,his fixation with morbidity and graphic detailing of crime and violence has given me much insight into the minds of our young SHOTTas.

Tommy Lee Sparta did not begin this connection between dance hall music and violence but he has taken it to a different level. Tommy Lee augments the glorification of the gun, he purports killing as if it is a superior artistic elemental that only youths of a certain; a not easily attainable calibre can commit. The grimmer the death experience is for the victims, the better, he sensationalizes the connection between criminality and the dark forces. Only someone deep in satanic worship as religious  fanatics put it would name himself "Uncle Demon"

When I listen to Tommy Lee even last night at this party I went to, I always observe the magic transformation, his music has on the patrons. Young men with Gun Fingers at their sides, step out in militancy, face contorted in mime anger and determination: if a bwoy step to any of these young men in the height of one of these Tommy Lee "highs" , memba smady a get dust out.

Not even Vybz Kartel elicits this kind of violent response, after all Kartel is mostly regarded as a Galist and not a badman. Mavado is the one that is considered a Gangster. My main concern Is how the man them get grieve as soon as them hear a Tommy Lee Song.

I will admit that on many afternoons, high on Hennessey and red bull, I would imbibe doses of Tommy Lee Sparta's at parties and Jah Know 'me feel like the baddest gyal around'. I am not naturally a violent person so last night after seeing the Gangstas them "clutch back" as they would say in one of the many badman idiomatic references that are becoming a part of mainstream dialect in the Ghetto. This I will explore after I've done some researches with some of these alleged 'chargies'.

.what I often imagine is how this type of music affects a well thinking person of a rather mild disposition and compare it with the psycho emotional impact it has on a young, semi-literate, barely rational, angry, disaffected youth carrying "vengeance"(grudges) against society for his unfortunate status in life. What you have are easy candidates to build an army. Add some drugs and ,liquor to the mix, and you have found yourself a mean killing machine.

Who is responsible for our young men's obsession with Guns, Money and Murdering someone for the slightest offence? Our young men have lost touch with their values brought on by an erosion of the value system in our society and its replacement being that of the media and misguided notions purported by people with dishonourable intentions.

i believe that our educators have a greater burden on their shoulder, we need an ethics and values class within our education system where children are taught from kindergarten about the value of their humanity. When i was a child, most kids went to church. Today parents do not send their children to church therefore children are not encountering the tenets of christian principles which forms the cores of the values and moral that the Jamaican Society Embraces.

Successful people are afraid to go back to the Ghetto and help youths because they become preys for social predators and their army. How can anyone be interested in helping our children evolve into the best of their humanity when they are consistently bombarded by extortionist, gangsters and thugs.
Small minded people misinterpret charity as meaning you have more to give than seeing it as generosity and will become plagues upon your life. Imagine i buy some books and give it away to children, keep a little back to school fete, i spend a mere $50,000 plus donations from Charities and people misinterpret that as being rich. What does that say about how people view life? If i have to give away, it means i have a superfluous amount! Unknowingly, i invited "bay preements" unto myself without having any intention of doing so. All of a sudden people start checking you for pampers for their baby and stuff...

Tommy Lee is a product of our society. He claims it is just entertainment yet i watched a couple interviews he did and wondered how vacuous he really is and if he writes his lyrics. He sounds shrill to my ears, like rubbing a piece a zinc on a grater and that "yuh zimmi", its annoying and a tell-tale sign of imprudence and rest assure, most teenage boys use it like a pronunciation at the end of every statement.

I say to cousin "WEH U A GO TRAVIS' His response "go out pon the front" laughs and adds "you zemmiiie". I roll my eyes, this is what Tommy Lee does to these young men.

I am not saying Tommy Lee Sparta does not have depth and he has probably seen more gruesome stuff in his 24 years than i have in my 25, but we are the same age group yet we do not think the same way. We have two completely different outlook on life. Or maybe i am not in a position to judge Tommy Lee the person since i only know about Tommy Lee the Artiste.

What i would like to hear is Tommy Lee putting on Forums and spearheading campaigns against Violence. Telling young men the horrific truth of life as a Spartan. Better yet i do not even know why Tommy Lee chose Sparta. He is not even Greek. Does he understand who is a Spartan? Is He alluding to the residents who were free in the Greek city but did not have political rights? why not Zulu or Mandingo? he might have a pint there but endorsing the murder and mayhem as resolution tactics is not the way forward for our society.

I know many overzealous young men are dying for a revolution and power. But remember with great power comes great responsibility. Tommy Lee has five kids and he should think about how his lyrics are affecting the way people might deal with his children.Conflict is unavoidable because human beings will have disagreements but should we be encouraging our children to "mek river run" like blood out of any one who disagrees with our opinions or if someone says something that offends our sensibilities.

Friday, August 23, 2013

Jamaicans stop thinking individually and more nationally.

I have spoken several times about how much due to my past endorsement during my adolescent years of the Jamaica Labour Party. I was subjected to calumnious rhetoric and slews of profanity whenever I went to the corner shop to buy anything. Worst if I complained about the high prices of the groceries.

This staunch PNP supporter in his early seventies would start on the (dutty Laborites) as soon as I grace his shop front. I know that this diatribe was geared at me. Why was I subjected to this verbal abuse was completely beyond me?  I blogged about it several times on the platform.

Fast forward, PNP ,a party that I help put in Government because I was dissatisfied with the performance of the labourites and in particular, the Tivoli Incursion , now disappointing most young people yet these older folks not quarreling about the state of affairs when I go to their shops.

Instead I hear Ms Enid claim that "it don't matter who Inna government things nah get better, Jamaica done mash up long time";$haking her head vehemently ' she hands me a pound of flour now $70 a pound.
In my big dunce head this lady's statement translates that she would rather have a hard time living under a PNP regime than the dutty labourites.

Despite the logic that I administered trying to explain to them that JLP did not take flower from "six pence and trupance" to fifty dollars a pound. I tried to elucidate that our inflation rate was steadily rising over the last 18 years of PNP administration. They would not listen or see my illustrations of facts, they were too concern in Insulting my generation who are more interested in progress than party loyalty to Manley's dead legacy.

I am not gonna trash older Jamaicans because God Knows I have not seen or experience some of things they have. I cannot truly say I understand where they are coming from because they remember Jamaica from a time that I know nothing about. I also know that life can change who you are. I see it everyday. In my twenty five years, every year brings new insights and old ideologies are shaken off. I often imagine what my perspectives will be if I
Iive to see seventy and the rate Jamaica is going. I doubt I will.

What I do not like is older people thinking that they can dictate the future of a society that for the majority has moved beyond the grasp of their comprehension. My generation do not think moving from pit latrine to inside bathroom is an upgrade. We have cable TV and know that we want nice bathroom, with water coming out of the wash bowl, jacuzzi and the whole works.

We live in a different world so we have different needs brought on by this media socialization. We don't want our kids to sleep together in a one room, we want them to have their own rooms. We have visions of living our lives to the best of our potentials and the internet has taught us that opportunities are abound in the world.

We need a government that will make that happen. A government that is thinking twenty first century. We respect the foundations that our elders and ancestors have cemented but we believe that it is now time to move on to greater heights.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

"One Love: Jamaican Blogger Tag"

I was going through the Jamaican community of Bloggers and discovered this on many of the Blog Sites `


-Title your post “One Love: Jamaican Blogger Tag”
-Link back to the blogger who tagged you ( you may add a brief definition of what a tag is if you for the benefit of your readers)
-Copy and paste the rules at the beginning of your tag.
-Copy and paste the questions as well so readers know what’s going on.
-Answer the questions (No duh!)
-Tag seven other (untagged) Jamaican bloggers to continue the trend. Kinda forces you to make friends, no?

The questions are as follows:

1.Why did you give your blog its name?

Haha actually I got the name from a Guy i used to date . Kudos to Doctor Rohan Mullings for that name (such a smart ass). I wanted to write about how i was feeling at the time, I had fallen rather sickeningly in love with some random guy and writing was a form of therapy for what i was going through and when other women started emailing me about their relationship issues. I decided that I might want to do this not for me but for other women too.

2. Why did you start blogging and why do you blog now?

Because it offered me a platform to say what I wanna without having to censor my writings and also gain audiences for the books I published.Blogging is my life. I started out as an aperture for venting my feelings and it has morphed into a podium where i can pontificate my ideas and perspectives upon my audiences. I think writing has always been apart of me i mean, you do not come second place in Jamaica in CAPE literatures IN ENGLISH FOR NOTHING.

3. Do you think being Jamaican influences your blogging style?

Yes it does. I mean I have lived in Jamaica, all my life and its culture intrigues me at times and some other times, I wanna run away and not come back here at some of the antiquated beliefs that so many Jamaicans have. It is a unique kind of place with a complex set of people bonded by similar historical and social elements.

4. What do you think about the increase in Bloggers in Jamaica?

It is a good look, it means that people are thinking and writing and I am glad that so many of us who do not have a platform like a local newspaper where we can share our ideologies are afforded opportunities to express themselves. I have been reading other blogs by Jamaicans and I am impressed by what I have encountered and some of the stories that are out there.

5. What is your favourite thing about being Jamaican?

I like the creativity of our people and if most of us were afforded the opportunity to express our myriad of talents then that would be a move forward towards the progression of our society. Most Jamaicans are blunt and I think it is good that my Jamaican parents don't grow cowards as I observed in some other cultures. I mean children are taught from your young that this world is a cruel, evil place. Parents do not really sugar coat reality in Jamaica. What you see is what you get.

6. Ackee and saltfish or “ (mackerel) run down”?

Definitely a ackee and salt thing. me love it with the white rice and everything else. I love tin mackerel if a that you a ask and the mackerel with the ackee and some pumpkin rice. yeah a me that.

7.Stew peas or stew chicken?

Haha i love stew but i love stew chicken, with a little pepper and some ketchup with a little sugar in the gravy...old time style yuh know.

8. Tastee Patties, Juici Beef Patties or Mother’s?

JUici beef my thing deh especially the cheese patty. lick lick lick

9. Pantucky or KFC?

DWL. This is a hard one, love my jerk chicken and yes the occasional Kingston fowl coop. but Jerk chicken with roast breadfruit or a piece a bread is definitely more finger lickin than kfc because i hate all that fry food in one sitting but love kfc still.

10. What do you hope to be the future of blogging in Jamaica?

With the advent of the Jamaicablogawards i think that blogging has a great future in Jamaica, moreso as i said before that this coming generation is committed to social media and will be turning to the internet for information on their culture either or recreation or scholastic studies. We the blogosphere are here to fill that gap by providing content that is credulous, witty, educational and engaging for this new computer/reader generation that is coming up.

Corve Dacosta
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Javed Jaghai is on twitter @Chatimout
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The Eagle Challenge: Human Sucess and Failure

Borrowed from :

I remember a while back watching something either on NatGeo or Discovery about Eagles.

Now, it’s general knowledge that the Eagle, a bird of prey is often regarded as the King of the sky. His splendour is a thing to behold as he soars high above the clouds then plunges at break-neck speeds to the earth to seize his prey.

There are many types of eagles, but the most famous is the American Bald Eagle. His wing span can reach up to 8 feet long! I’m only 6′ 1”! They can see up to 1.5 miles away, fly at speeds of 35 mph and dive at over 100 mph!

What I found to be particularly interesting though, is that, being lords of the skies and all, they tend to make their nests in trees and cliff sides no lower than 75 feet high. Can you imagine breaking through your shell and already being at the top of the world? But it’s not all glamour. The Eagle isn’t the King of the sky by accident. Think about what it means to hatch at 75 feet in the air…. think…keep thinking… got it yet?… well, aside from not being able to get pizza delivered, it means that these little suckers have ONCE CHANCE TO LEARN TO FLY!…yep…ONCE CHANCE!

An eagle generally lays about three eggs in one sitting. If all three hatch successfully, chances are, one of them will learn to fly without accident. These baby eagles must wait until they have fully developed motor skills before they can attempt that horrible plunge. They’ll practice flapping around in the nest to build their strength, perhaps try flying from one end to the next, and maybe argue fiercely over who gets to go first! But when the time comes to make that fateful leap, it’s do or die chickies! Let’s just hope mommy perched above the sea so your punishment will be less…messy.

So, what I’m getting at here is; what if we only had one chance to succeed in life? One chance to do our best or simply die. Truth is, many people don’t even get that chance. The persons suffering under tyrannical regimes don’t have that chance to succeed, so many of them do die. And those of us who do have not just ‘the chance’ but many chances waste them.

This is not meant to be a humanitarian trip. I’m simply pointing out how spoiled we have all become in the West. I remember sitting in class one morning. A girl walked in half an hour late and sat down, no book, pen, nothing…just her blackberry in hand and style fi stone dog (pardon the expression). Now, instead of finding out what she’s missed so far, she begins fretting because her BB is about to die and she can’t find a plug in the class. “Now, what the hell?”, I think to myself. That’s what you spent your school fee on?… your damn Blackberry? I hate this zombified culture we’ve created with these damn devices; people just walking around bumping into things because their BBs have them soooooo distracted. There’s no connection, no soul in anyone.

Anyways, this isn’t a BB rant either. I just thought I’d air my little observation that WE ARE WASTING THE CHANCES WE GET IN LIFE! We already get too many of them! How can you have persons going to UWI and not knowing shit about what’s going on around them when the library is so well-stocked and equipped and the internet is EVERYWHERE (even in the palm of our hands). You’re at one of the oldest educational institutions in the Caribbean; one that has put out the most Prime Ministers in the world, and some of the greatest minds; people who have worked along side Al Gore on his climate change research, people who have contributed to glaucoma research so much that their findings have changed medical practice throughout the globe and these are people who didn’t have portable internet in their pockets, no mounds of money to throw away on re-sits and no time to waste.

I think we all owe it to ourselves (yes, because I’m just as guilty as everyone else) to start taking these crocus bag-fulls of opportunity and chances and start making them count as if they wont be coming ’round again. We never know when we’ll see the bottom of that bag and Lady Luck doesn’t dance for us like she used to.

What are my beliefs? What defines Crystal Evans?

Have perseverance as one who doth forever endure, thy shadows live and vanish, but that which is in thee shall live forever more;that which is in thee know, for it is of knowledge, not fleeting life, it is the man that was, that is, for whom the hour shall never strike!

The Voice of the Silence HP, Blavatsky

What constitutes Crystal Evans? Why am I here? Why am I different from most people I know! Why do I make discord with the societal instruments that existed long before I was conceived in my mother's womb.

Why do I interrogate the core beliefs of the society that I live in? Why do I challenge men to treat women better? Big Society to give the youths a chance or Criminals to realize how ,much their behavior is detrimental to the advancement of this noble race? The human race. 

Why am I purporting that one be intrepid in face of ignorantly driven animosity? How do you reason with someone with the psychology of a nine year old with underlying psycho social tendencies that has nothing to do with you?

How profoundly do I believe that my concepts will be internalized by a society that is more interested in instant gratification, bling culture and being ingrates to people with money? How do I convince them to begin to dig deeper than popular belief to embrace the truth of the universe. People tell me I have changed. Yes I have grown much into myself in five years of blogging. Finding my true purpose, day in and day out.
I read a book that claimed that the true meaning of life is growing into our full potentials as sentient beings.

What happens when I die? The laws of nature suggest that energy never dies, it just moves from one host to another. I read a book written by a Buddhist years ago that claims that death to the organized mind is but yet the next great adventure. Another book suggests that every life we live, we experience it on a different plane. If we make the most of this life then we are birthed into the next realm into a better life.
It does offer some comfort to know that death is not permanent unconsciousness infinitely.

I do believe we live on in our children and that is how we gain immortality. I do however subscribe to this philosophy being that we eat plants and animals, when we die, plants and animal feed on our decomposing corpse. Life within itself is one great cycle.
I envision that death must be like when I fall asleep and the night events past with me being ignorant of it. I also assume that dying must be like the fight I have with my eyes when I try to stave off sleep but it eventually beats me.

My body involuntarily does what it wants despite what my mind tells it to. That's the revelation, this world, its illusions, the unknown, all exist in my head..
Hence my belief in Karma....

I am no greater than any other human, just being true to myself...

Bob Marley: Jamaicans Stand up for your RIGHTS!!!!

Every man gotta right to decide his own destiny,
And in this judgement there is no partiality.
So arm in arms, with arms, we'll fight this little struggle,
'Cause that's the only way we can overcome our little trouble.

I was watching a documentary about Bob Marley after reading a book I borrowed from our parish library and realised that these notions that were slowly developing into a misanthropic attitude on my part.

Bob The attempt of Bob Marley's life was not about music, it was an attack on what he represented, who he was and the powerful movement that he forged before I was even born. He preached One Love. lOVE.UNITY AND TOGETHERNESS yet some small minded person believed that it was better someone like him died than lived. My Family warns me sometimes about this obsession I have with human rights and revolutionising our situations. They preferred when i only wrote books about men.

I See Jamaicans lined on the streets during his funeral and wondered why in this country we only fight for good people posthumously. We wait until they died before we honour what they were standing up for. We do not fight for their revolution when they are alive, we turn away and we cower in fear. Sometimes i imagine that despite the almost 100,000 views i have on this blog that my fight might not be accomplished in this lifetime or that someone might me offended by my philosophies and murder me before my time. I am not immune to the idea that all revolutionist and the world greatest social changers have died young except for President Mandella.

We have to see someone die or a life sacrificed before we see the reality of the world that we are creating. Some of us will wait until someone close to us is hauled into the demonic dragnet of the monsters of this world before we stand up for our rights or challenge the few people who run this world. we do not understand that by standing and doing nothing you have iadvertently agreed with everything that is happening in our world. I take for example when a police officer allegedly kills an innocent man, we protest with our placards and we call on the media to bring the accused police officer or officers to justice yet many of our innocent people are slaughtered by citizens among our own communities and everyone walks around on eggshells afraid to decry a matter of injustice.
What if it was your child that was killed/, your daughter raped or your brother brought down in a hail of bullets? We look at the world differently when its harsh realities hit at home.

Bob Marley says every man has a right to his own destiny and we should judge with impartial. These are the minds of the people whose philosophy i follow. I call upon the intellectual class of Jamaica to stop hiding behind this psuedo intelligence mired in instant gratification and become truly enlightenment about our humanity for the future of our children.
You got an education not to segregate yourself from the lower class entirely and snug up to the upper class because as we can see none of us is safe. Your role is to lobby for the improvement of the life of the lower class citizens and use your ability to reason with the upper class to foment a greater responsibility by the powers that maybe to the people, the semi literate masses.

You cannot live like a prisoner in your own country and you cannot be afraid of your own people. This mass fear that we are all experiencing is what kept our forefathers in slavery for over 3 centuries. And most of the people who died in order for us to be free today would have been ashamed of what we have become as a people. The ethos that we have embraced. Bob Marley, Marcus Garvey, Martin Luther King and Micheal Manley did not envision this Jamaica where militant underground sub units are slowly, blatantly taking over this country.

Emancipate yourself from Mental Slavery, do not let pirates rob your life.
I do not know what our leaders have planned for our future. Sometimes i get angry and frustrated at the processes that they are taking and other times i muse that they have probably exhausted all avenues.
Why don't they give young people like myself and many other aspirants who have a dream like Martin Luther King for this Country.

My Summer: What i am writing on her Personality?


Our children do nor become what we want them to become but who we are.

My daughter is quite precocious for her age. She has a very short fuse and like most two year olds, she is very defiant. I look at her and wonder what kind of person will she be as an adult. I worry if I will live to see her become an adult or if someone will take her away from me after all the time and resources I put into her development.

I am anxious of how I can manipulate her personality into becoming a human being whose life is valued by many. Not everyone will like her but she should not genuinely loathed by a wide range of individuals because her life actions have been to their detriment.

I prefer to be hated for standing up for what is right because when you fail to decry the injustices happening to others, you are continuing injustice for everyone.

I rather be despised because the standard of my life makes others feel inferior. I concurrently illustrate what one could become if only we would choose to seek enlightment whilst abandoning folly and ignorance.

I do not expect my child to be a sane when after all, I have my own issues and core values that are fraught with contradictions, may stakes and misdemeanors.

I have wished death upon people who have offended or harmed the people I love. It is only human for me to seek to want to preserve my life and protect those that I hold dearly to my heart.
But natures complex workings gives me confidence that life will always balance itself out. Gravity ensures that what goes up always comes back down.

My greatest factor would be teaching my daughter about this omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent god who allow diabolical people to prosper and the good, weak and the poor to be trampled by ignorant narcissists.

I will have to explain evil and good to her. Why some children are more inclined to want to hurt her than others. How does she deal with people who are more predispose to violence

Parenting is not an easy job. But i will try my endeavour best not to create a menace to this society.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

RIP CHECKY : Why do evil people prosper and Good people die?

RIP CHECKY by Slidely - Slideshow maker

Truly missing my friend.

I was searching for an answer to why Evil people prosper and found this on Yahoo.

Nobody is inherently anything. When you are born, you are pure innocence. A blank slate. Throughout our lives we have experiences that shape the way we see the world. We can choose to look at the world with eyes of cynicism, hatred and negativity, or we can choose to look at the world with eyes of happiness, acceptance and love. Naturally, being happy feels better. Loving makes you feel fuzzy <3

In my opinion, nobody is a bad person. On purpose. We create mental tools to deal with the world, and we choose between good tools and bad tools based on what has worked before. Some people don't know how to deal with the world except through negativity, and I feel sorry for them. (

Good and evil aren't esoteric concepts. Human life is biased toward its own value. We value our lives
--for the most part--and those things that further human life are good and those that do not are bad. Bad people do exist and we do isolate them from society, in prisons and mental institutions (not that all people with mental problems are bad or evil).

If bad people exist then whose fault is that? Well, in my estimation so far each human being on the planet decides what is good and what is bad and which way they will treat human life, including their own and so the responsibility on how to view this value is an individual responsibility and forms the premise of all individual philosophies which in turn motivates all individual actions. This means the judgment of good and evil, the judgment that is usually left to the gods is really in each man's breast and expressed through each man's limbs and tongue. The power of mankind is godlike. The interactions of our minds and the accumulation of knowledge is godlike. The choices we get to make make us into the gods we spend so much time prostrating ourselves in front of.

If people knew how much influence their ideas and their actions had on their human environment then religions and institutions of power and the very idea of what power is and where it actually derives would flip and each man would take his godlike responsibility and wield it without shame. Power, since the beginning of history will do anything to suppress this idea and it has. There are those that stand at the starting line and consciously decide that human life doesn't have value, or that some has value over others and that in this way he can do bad or evil things. That is evil. That is a man deciding that life has no value and influencing his human environment in a way that is "bad" or in my estimation, evil.

If a man chooses to remain ignorant of his choice his actions will still be influencing his environment and so he doesn't free himself from the responsibility he merely leaves it up to fate, or the next man who decides that he could use last guys resources and power in the name of what he believes is justified. How can one man, one dictator, control so many people? All of the people decide to give resources and their power to that one man. In our search for gods we seem to have forsaken and forgotten about ourselves. The things that happen when human minds interact and human beings take responsibility for themselves is godlike. How does a religion become powerful? All of the people decide to give resources and their power to the institution. The power derives from all the people and the social contract wasn't invented it was discovered and manipulated to ensure power paradigms remained in the same form we see today, massively and disproportionately expressed as deriving from institutions.

I guess the question we should all ask ourselves is where is my money, my resources, my power going? What am I propping up and in my estimation is it good or bad? In this way indifference has been the main cause of bad, or evil in the history of mankind. You are right, mankind doesn't need gods or angels, just an adequate understanding of reality, but good and evil exist and they are expressed everywhere at every moment and it creates sociological reality for all of mankind.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

What has happened to our Jamaican Young Men?


people blame absentee fathers and negligent mothers for the dysfunctional males that we have running around our Jamaican communities creating mayhem, murder and moaning!

What about education? A man who has never learnt to think for himself will forever be a slave to the philosophies of others. Our young men do not want to read. They prefer to listen to toxic music that they embrace of wholesome ideologies than entertainment.

Why are so many young men smoking Ganja?

Many contend that the smoking of marijuana gives them a respite from the harsh realities of their lives. Everybody want to be in the bling and flossing world! Everybody want big house and big vans to roll into but nobody wants to work for it. Everybody wants it to come as easily as it does in the movies where all bad men are wealthy, dress well, eat well and have the best cars while the cop drives some broken down mobile.

They young men who have broken the mould and become successful are afraid of the grime of the ghetto.They want to be as far away as possible from the young men that they grew up with for fear that envy and jealousy will cause them to kill them. So they do not come back to the ghetto hence the young boys have few role models. No one to look up to of esteemed character because all the good people that leave, never comes back!

I wanna sleep will continue this tomorrow

Dear Checkie? I never thought someone close to me would die by the Gun!

I miss you...LENVIL checkie Flemming...

I cried so hard tonight because I believe a dozen shots is an overkill. You are not a murderer, a troublemaker or a terrorist but someone thought that your life would be fair punishment for the affront that you exhibited towards him/her.

I see people commit worst atrocities that you and they live to see the so many sunrises that someone saw it convenient to deny you of. I am afraid to speak out against injustices at times because I am only one woman. Who am i to call for a revolution in Jamaica when I may forfeit my life by opening my mouth. My philosophy has always been that if you put up with fuckery then fuckery will ketch up with you. If you fail to speak out against injustices then justice and mercy will forever be far from your gate.

I began posting about Checky's death on Facebook and no one commented on it. Why because Checky is not important. He is not living a "flossing life" nor is he some big time socialite or Politician. He meant something to me and his family. I remembered as a child all the time that he made me laugh and poked fun at me and my sisters. I love him and i miss him!

He was treated like some old criminal as my grandmother would say!
They cannot take him away from us because he lives in my heart with the memories of who he was and what he meant to us. My only regret is that my daughter will not get to know the man I loved like a uncle.

A childhood friend of mine said to me ( a male) that he tries as much a possible not to look at him because we all knew him since we were children. No one can tell me not be upset or hurt over the untimely demise of man I knew since I was a child. I see him and Lorna Flemming coming across the ball field when ever there was any community fracas, laughing it out,. the two of them. Went one year after each other!

He continued that he was weak and that no one could chide him for grieving for his friend. No one can tell me not to be upset over a life that was lost to me. I know my lost, no one can expect me to be happy or support the senseless killing of this man. His death is not without reason but I would not wish death on even my most devious enemy. Once you take a life, there is no going back!

He fought for his life half an hour before he died, I looked at his dead photograph and realise the sadness that clouds his face with his teeth clenched either from pain or the realisation that his journey as Checky Ends here.

It makes me even sadder to know that he was not given a chance to beg for his life. Someone asked me why? Why should we beg another mortal for our life? I gave my child life, who is you to take it from him? I think mankind was better off not knowing about the fragility of our humanity. Of how easy it is for us to be vaporised. I always wondered what the gun man seeing what the gun can do to another's life if he is not scared of losing his own life or has he reached a place that he no longer values his life therefore he does not care.

He the undertaker of life, doesn't he understand that his life too can be expended just like so many people lives he takes but no he protects his life with his gun. The same gun he uses to take the life of my brother and sisters.

I would be a hypocrite if I said that people have not done things to me in my life that made me think that these people are better off dead. Sometimes when I reminisce I concede that what they did to me is their Karma and my reaction is mine. My friend Checky is blowing in the wind, Gonna take the woman in me to break free from this insanity.

Death is no fair punishment!

There was a time I thought that killing someone who hurt, disrespect me or violated me would be the best punishment. I was wrong and I was young and angry! Life has taught me that killing someone is no fair punishment. Death is no system of penalty since we all have to die.

People might say that life is precious and to cut a man's life short is the worst thing one can do to him but what if this life that we live is merely an illusion, a dream and when we die, we wake up! Someone once said that reality is the biggest illusion because we create our own reality.

I was on my way out when I heard that my dad took his childhood friend to the hospital and he was shot multiple times. I could not move because the character I knew did not sound like someone who deserved to be murdered much less shot twelve times. He is not a killer, a thieve, a scammer or a drugs man. He was simply a man who love to run jokes and who will from time to time enter fist fights with other men. But don't we all have our disagreements with people! If I could count the people who violated me in my life,and who I sometimes thought deserved death then I would have halved an entire cemetery.

In Jamaica everybody wants to be a leader and tell people what they should or should not do. These appointed leaders are elected out of fear than any true respect. Most Dons govern their communities by eliciting fear in community members but very few understand the psychology of gangsterism. Absolute power corrupts absolutely! Dons and so call bad men always cross the line. The more they kill, the more powerful they become within themselves, they begin to feel impervious and this leads to narcissism.
In the end they always end up fucking with the wrong people!
Most Gansgters do not understand that when people fear you, they will hate you and if they do then they will hide and kill you! You will never have a lot of loyal followers only people who do things for you out of fear, or because you have something to offer them. When your money and your guns run out, these same people will kill you! They will always remember the deaths that you engender that were in colloquial terms " kill man over foolishness"
How you wield your power like god over the same people you swore to love and to protect? There is one thing I know is that we all have a end in the grand scheme of things! And many gangsters are murdered by the same rottweilers they had hunting down and murdering people! Any badman friend that you cannot control or talk to will eventually become your enemy because he will one day mess with someone you hold dearly! Your authority means nothing to him and worst he respects no one but his gun!

Where do we draw the line?

People say words cannot hurt you and that you should not physically attack someone who said something that offended you. But who are we kidding, people say things to you that cut you life a knife! Mavado says " me no have no time fe pree my enemy cuz if me pree my enemy a gunshot fe dem bludclaat me done talk"

Am I to watch someone murder my family, leave my children fatherless and they live their lives as if nothing has happened? How much can any human being bear? Do I wait on karma or father time to exact the revenge I so desire so that I can see the fairness of mother nature?


Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Dear Summer: Letters to My Daughter! Jamaica May not be the best place for your future!

I went to my neighbourhood shop yesterday and bought a orange juice for a $100. I remember as a teenager an orange juice was sold for anything between 30 and 50 dollars. I was incensed at the shopkeeper who were staunch supporters of a particular political party. I have heard them several times degrading and disrespecting the other party that was in power when flour went up to being sold for $50 dollars a pound. They said that they loathed the "dutty nasty labourite them" Back then I was subjected to this constant verbal abuse every time I visited their shop. Albeit I have never voted in my life back then but because my generation had rallied for a change in government and because I was quite outspoken about the political fracture of our government system. These people in their seventies thought it would be OK to continue sabotaging my future for the love of their beloved party.

They who would soon pass away, many who have not lived to see their beloved government finish a term, wanted to shape the future of my generation. They did not care that Manley's legacy had died! They just want us to continue to live in this decrepit of a nation!

I sometimes muse that i cannot blame these old people who think for the most part that since they went from pit latrine to flush toilet that things are actually going on for them. Or these poor people who use to cook inna dirt floor outside kitchen and now have kitchen on house with inside sink etc will think that they have made great leaps of success in their life.

But what about my generation who are watching cable TV and have the internet and realise that these accomplishments rendered good by my elders are nothing in comparison to life in the 1st world countries.

They who learn about Politics by listening to the radio or arguments of other people that they hold in high esteem can never truly understand the dynamism of Jamaica's Political sphere. They cannot comprehend that the reason why i am upset with them is because they cannot see anything wrong with our governance if when I was a teenager i use to buy a pound a rice for $15 dollars and they now sell me that same pound a rice for $60.
I am infuriated when they cannot see how the likkle cup soup weh keep the hunger away for so much people was originally for $20 dollars is not being sold for $50 and $60 at the corner shop in rural Jamaica.

One time when you had a hundred dollars. You could a run a pot as they would say in our dialectal expressions! Now it is almost a hundred dollars for a tin a mackerel! Mackerel sold at $85 at this corner shop is dearer than chicken back! And chicken Back is another issue when it will soon be as expensive as chicken and will no longer be looked upon along with tin mackerel as the former Ghetto steaks and the latter poor people veal!

Where are we headed?

Sometimes I wonder what kind of world I have brought you into Summer?
I sometimes will be a huge hypocrite if I said I did not think of migrating and never returning to this slump of a country. I know this because of my DIALOGUES with my people within the diaspora who claim that they will never return to Jamaica.
They are afraid of being murdered by criminals looking for money as soon as they land here! Even if you have a little money in Jamaica, you have to feign poverty because people will kill you fi you tings!

I am ashamed at the congregation of women on the doorstep of another idiot and watch as they internalised the foolish ideologies of how relationships should be and rant about men, children and money. What is even more heartbreaking is the little girls who they haul behind them to these female sessions who sit their and imbibe these ideologies, convince that these are epithets of relationships. I know this too because only two percent of people read my blogs are Jamaicans! I assume that it means only two percent traffic comes from Jamaica but i do get high readerships from my Jamaicans living in the UK, Canada and United States!
I am glad the day i made smart people my companions by reading my books! Your book must be your best friend! That is what my father taught me to seek education first and everything else afterwards!

People claim that all they need is a little money to move forward with their lives but scamming has proven that money might allow some Jamaicans to afford Temporal things but it does not buy them intellect, morality, values or communal precepts!
Most Scammers and their families are as vacuous, bad mind and decadent as they were before their ill gotten wealth. The only difference is that many of them are more embolden now because they believe wealth makes them invincible!

I was driving in Montego Bay when an alleged scammer bad drove another man! The driver a friend of mine said to me that he was not even going to complain because these scammers might just pull their guns and murder you in broad daylight if you say anything to them! They are a deadly mutant brand of narcissism.

What will Jamaica be in the future?

I tell people that it will soon be a place like Nigeria! We gonna have 100,000 dollar notes! We will be renounced for scamming and corruptions! Our people will be going back into the dark ages at this rate! There will be a time again when only rich people can afford Gas stove as evident of the Cylinder Gas now being sold for 2500 for the small Gas Tank!

When only rich people will afford electricity as evidence by widespread theft by in some communities!When JPS improves their theft detection technology we will see many more people using lamps and candles for light at night! After all with minimum wage being just under $5000 Jamaican dollars, how can i buy the gas, pay the electricity bills, buy the tin mackerel and the chicken back,or the internet or the cable with just $4500 dollars a week!

Poverty breeds illiteracy which in turn gives birth to bad mind, corruption and crimes! How will my child's generation afford education or a first world education when they cannot afford cable or Internet to see how things work in the wider world beyond the borders of Jamaica!

How can a Jamaican be able to send their child to school when you cannot even afford simple amenities for that child! A slide window with mesh to keep out insects cost 21,000 Jamaican dollars. One Piece of wood cost an average a 1000 Jamaican dollars!. How will mom extend the house from the one room that she has all six children in when it is easier to buy food for them than buy a 4 by 4 sill to extend the room for another room so we can stop cooking in our bedroom.

If there is no hope for the future of this country, it means their is no hope for the future of my daughter in this country where people think I must believe I am better than them because I insist that my daughter has a private school education not understanding that I only seek to develop her talents to their highest potentials. It is also an issue of safety! I do not wish to send her to a public school with its inappropriate fencing or expose her to the ethos of children sprung from the wider society! With the alarming rate at which children are committing violence in schools! Sometimes I think about educating her at home!

What do we need

We need an overhaul of the education system that is what we need and that of our political systems! This is not the eighties or seventies. We are not being ungrateful to our political leaders because Jamaica has come a far way from in the eighties! But it will take a new brand of leaders, young leaders with a clear understanding of where we need to be heading politically! We have people within the diaspora who are inkling to invest in Jamaica both financially and intellectually!
We need a vast majority of our politicians to retire! We are tired of their hair-brain policies that are not taking us anywhere, anytime soon. Why Lisa Hannah could not use those Millions for the two independence Galas to build some factories where designers and hairdressers can produce clothing for Jamaicans so that we do not have to import so much clothes!
People say Jamaicans will not buy Jamaican brands, that is a lie. Look at Cooyah! If celebrities and noteworthy citizens begin wearing Jamaican brands everyone will wear it! Jamaicans love to follow the crowd! Just make an idea or item popular belief among those they perceive to be superior and everyone will no doubt follow suit!

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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Jah know mi loose too much friends ; Dear Summer?

I have realised the effect that death have on human beings from I was a little girl. I will not forget my first funeral! I saw my grandmother crying and I watch the chorus of the choir consume the crowd as they cried inconsolable for their love one.

I was 13 years old when my great grand mother died and I watched my grandmother crying with her hands on her head!A Friend of mine followed suit in a car accident in Negril! Damian ANDRE Williams aka demus Gone too soon!

Then my classmate Ricardo Mongol got stuck in the river headway and his friend ran away and never told anyone that he plunged into the river headway and never came back up! He was only 15 years old and i will never forget the last time i saw him after school before we went for summer holiday. He never came back in September.

Shaniel Robinson went to a football match over the weekend and never came back to school the following Monday. She died in a car accident.

My aunt who was like a mom to me, went to the hospital complaining of pneumonia and she never came back home. She died a week after. After being with us as children, she never lived to see me become an adult. I never get to buy her anything or will my daughter ever know her. She was solid like a rock but death always wins in the end doesn't it.

This is for my fallen soldiers we miss you. DWAYNE AKA bADWORD, KADEEN, ANDRE, CAREY, LISA, ANDRE, SHAGGA LION, BOBO DREAD..

What have i learnt in the grand scheme of things?

Death is a must! I plan to do everything today but i never plan to die yet death has been pronounced upon this body i inhabit from the day i was born. I look at my daughter and laugh at the unfairness of life, that my child, a toddler is born to die!

It makes me wonder, what is the purpose of life if you will inevitably die.

I cherish my life more when someone dies in my life because its a stirring reminder of how fragile my existence is and how at any moment I can be thrown into permanent unconciousness!

I often muse that death must be like sleeping in the night! Travelling on planes of dreams, completely unaware of which cockroach crawled on the floor or if some insect flew in through my open window. I imagine death must be like that, an utter world of confusion.

But paranormal Science claims that nothing is destroyed in nature. Energy can never be eliminated, it is merely passed on from component to another. Does that mean I don't die when I do or does it mean that my body dies but my spirit goes into that newborn baby.

IF THAT BE THE CASE I KNOW WE WILL NEVER GET RID OF CORRUPT POLITICIANS, BADMIND PEOPLE AND WICKED MEN, because their spirits will go into babies. I am just guessing here.

What about this Ghost in our Genes theory where it is said that we only have about 30,000 different chromosomes. Does that mean that most of us or replicas of a former life and that maybe the reason why some of us are more inclined to murder,steal, rape than others. It is already written in our Dnas.

HUMAN BEINGS lived as if they will never die and when we die it is as if we never lived. People talk but eventually they move on because there is too much things going on in life, to be worried about the dead! Too much struggles, complains, pains and debt, some us even think the dead is lucky! At least they do not have to pay bills and experience hunger!

In all of this, I only have one life to live and I am going to live it to the fullest! NO one is going to tell me how to live my life because at the end of it all, I am almost sure that i will die alone hence my life is mine to live the way I see it. Aint nobody coming down in that casket or tomb with me! They will cry and moan but they too value their lives and will move on!

Only remembering me by the house I built or the car I drove which they might decide to fight and kill themselves over it! And they too will have to die and leave it too.

How do I gain immortality? Through this blog, through my books, through my children maybe. But I want to ensure that what I contribute to this life makes it better for my kids generation!
They will have to live with the consequences of my life and not me!
What is important to me is family because at the end of it all my friends and my family will miss me the most not the guy who ditch me like I had leprosy five years ago or the people online. They might be shocked by my death considering my youth but they will not feel it like the people whose lives i affect directly.

Monday, August 12, 2013

Black people doing businesses in Jamaica

A client of mine who consulted me in finding a property for him to buy contacted me this morning about how he was repeatedly insulted by some reality companies when he wanted to buy properties.

He said that he was aghast at being treated like this by his very own people.

He commented that no wonder white people were buying out Jamaica!

It is not just Jamaica, Black people are often prejudices and marginalized! It is a frowned upon misconception that if a black person is successful then he must be doing something illegal!

It is not only racial profiling, it is an insult to the black race aggravated by the fact that black people themselves belief in this crap!

I had to explained to him that due to the financial crimes that have all but consumed the world that companies are being asked by bank policy makers to ascertain funding of market purchases before doing business transactions.

I recently went to the bank to do a substantial withdrawal and I was given hell. I had to have some documents faxed to me from abroad and receipts, invoices, contracts and several E currency payment systems and money transfer documents to validate how I came to have that likkle bit a money in the bank. I mean in the grand scheme of wealth, people like me are on the outside looking in! so I could not understand why this bank was asking me so much question.

I believed it had a lot to do with how I looked.

I do not dress to impress, I dress for comfort and convenience. Left up to me I would go anywhere, any how! Something my partner and family members hate. I do not like attention! Thats just me!

The bank manager was amazed at how someone as simple as I looked could pull off all that was before his very eyes. He remarked after giving me his card with some numbers on it that I should give him a call so that I could teach him how the hell I do that!

Impressions are everything so yes you should put yourself together and ray ray but a black man in a suit or a black woman is seen more as an assistant than a boss!
You cannot change the colour of your skin or the way you were born.

What should young black entrepreneurs who stumble on Gold Mine ideas and not even know it should do!Keep documentations of everything that you do! Get a certified Auditor and always have your receipts invoices etc...

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Why some Jamaicans Abroad Piss me Off?

What i hate more than anything is hearing many of these so call migrated Jamaicans talking about Jamaica like it is the worst place on earth. I always say that everybody comes to Jamaica and get rich, chineese, spanish, white people. Everybody comes here and do business and make money but our own people. The ones abroad think it is so easy to paint us dirty and distance themselves from anything Jamaican, Unoo fi glad say unooo left yah but unlike yall some of us do not have anywhere else to go but here and there are many people like myself who believe in our country and are willing to fight for my people...kmft..since when sum a unoo rass arrive...

Many of them treat Islanders like they are dirt beneath their feet since they became Americanised and things a gwaan fi dem now. But I am not surprise. Jamaicans are like that when dem feel say them deh pon top now. Everybody thinks it is OK to bash Jamaicans as homophobic savages, money mendicants, murderers and scammers.

I am not denying that Jamaicans do not have issues, i mean i can't stand some of people I know sometimes but these personality issues are not only confined to Jamaica.

If Jamaicans abroad would come back here and invest in the ideas of young entrepreneurs, business ideas of university graduates, open businesses and buy cheap lands and build some hotels then we would be moving forward with changing the way Jamaica is. People forget that the reason why they left Jamaica was to seek a better life and come back! Now everybody wanna go and build up a foreign country than their own nation.

What you have learnt in the first world country, come back here and apply it so that we can move our country forward. Not everybody will be on board. Some of you cannot tell me that there are not criminals , gay bashers and scammers in America.

When we put on this holier than thou, brush your shoulders off to Jamaica then we will not be going anywhere, any time soon and as you probably already know not all of us can migrate and leave this island empty.
Step up and work together for the Jamaica that made you who you are. The place you lived during your formative years, the education system that made you pass your exams in America. Don't throw away your stick before you cross the bridge. Give back to your foundations!

Tired of Corrupt politicians, come together and decry out political systems.
Tired of crime, come together and rally for donations to buying equipments so that our crime lab can be fully modernised and our forensic team have first world technological gadgets to work with when fighting crime. That will deter the youths from committing crime if they are no longer convinced by the rate of unsolved murders in Jamaica that they can get away from with it.

Maybe if some Jamaicans would invest in Jamaica the way these Chinese and Spanish people been buying up our properties, beach front lands and resources, becoming wealthy, then and maybe then Jamaica will be the place to live....

Open up your holier than thou eyes and see the bigger picture!!!!

Why are you upset with the Narcissist and he does not love you!

Why are women upset with the narcissist for not pretending about how he feels about you! Why are you grieving a relationship that never existed?

It is because the relationship exists in your mind. The narcissist has denied you the right to be in his life. You are not apart of his legacy.

You envision what he does when he goes to his bed at nights! If he snores or farts in his sleep

What is his family members like? how it would feel to see him interacting with them?
What intrigues you even more are the women he married or had children with! Why them and not you?

You probably mused a thousand times if he simply saves his anger, disrespect and abuse for you.

A billion questions that often leaves you angry, hurt, null, void and miserably unhappy!

He has moved on with his life and you are still hopelessly in love with him. You are still holding on to a dream that may never be more than just that.
You question the notion of whether or not you might deserve what is happening to you and why does he go on living his life happily while you live on the edge of insanity.
He is crazy and the one thing that narcissist are good at is making their victims look crazier than they do! You wanna get your life N sync! You wanna get out of his life! And get him out of your head but it is not easy when you stalk him.

Social media has made it quite easy to keep tabs on his life but that is no comfort because he is not physically there. What will you do now?

If he is meant for you, He will come back to you

My grandmother always say " what is for you cannot be un fi you"!

So i bumped into one of my first boyfriends. You know the one you had before you had sex and consider whether or not he was worth it. The one that challenged your moral grounds and made you almost give him nookie until he ran out of patience, messed up and you are glad you never slept with him.

So he looks the same way just the glamour rubbed off the day I caught him with that girl! He also spent the rest of my teenage years flashing his father's money in my face and this light skin girlfriend that he went up and down with like they were the Jamaican Bonnie and Clyde!

Until his daddy's empire floundered and he had to sell those cars he inherited, bank took back the house and his dad business ran into the ground. I was ashamed of him, felt sorry for him. What he had become and he said to me " I wanna talk to you, give me your number" and so I did.

He called and began to explain to me why he thought for the most part that if I was his girlfriend, he would not have lost his family fortune and business. I laughed and told him that he never fought for our relationship. He thought that I had slowed his game by him being committed to me and not getting any kitty!

And he admitted that he told his light skin girl about me hence why anywhere she saw me. she gave me the green eye. This flick knew I meant more to her man than just a childhood fling since he took the time out to educate her about our relationship.

I suspected he knew he had made a mistake when he admitted to me after showing me his first-born when he was still the most wanted bachelor in town that he missed me and we became friends after being sworn enemies for three years!

Sometimes i wonder where did i go wrong in my life. How did I go from Crystal the girl who didn't take crap from men to the girl who grovel, cried and beg some arrogant schmuck to give me the time of the day when all indications signalled, he did not give a rats ass about whether I ate or lived!!!!

I loved my childhood boyfriend and despite his pleas, I could not forgive him for such an indiscretion then. He pleaded and I shouted at him and embarrassed him before his friends. My pride would not let me give him a second chance or was it because he did not worth much to me then. I mean at 16 and coming first in my traditional, expensive high school with many other great scholars in my class made me somewhat arrogant about men in my rural community. I was not the prettiest girl around but I was the cream of the crop because boys and men knew I was going places because I dazzle them all the time with my brilliant mind. When I was not flaunting my intellect on them, I was baffling them with erudite, grandiloquent bullshit.

I had what a Dentist referred to as charm. I could charm the skin off a snake if I wanted to. Men would say bad things about me, but never to my face. They would rather shut up than face the wrath of my bombastic nature.

I care for my friend but truth is I am not sorry for him. He sees that I am the ideal woman when all is failing in his life. I gave him my number because I saw it in his big brown eyes that he needed a friend who knew him when he lived in that big house and I use to past him staring out his bedroom window and wondered how lucky he was to live in that big white house and have his own room.

I am angry at his girl because she doesn't deserve him and he has kids with her so he will not leave her. She could not complement his lifestyle. She drained his pocket and all those other women. But that is what men get for looking inna face instead of at values and behaviour.

So now he claims he wants us to try at something. I am not interested because when i needed him, he was busy looking elsewhere. I am not going to take "what lef" after his lights have been dimmed. I see this all the time, women taking men in who at the highlight of their lives would never want anything to do with you.

I also see men marrying pretty women who when they were young and supple would not want anything to do with them. These women are now groping at straws because even though them "whore out" most of these men still see them as the girls that were off limit so now they are gratified to have them.

NO man who didn't seem as a simpleton cannot possible want to be with me now that I am an entrepreneur. But then life has a way of working itself out.

what do you do when the guy you loved comes back to you years later up to you. I like to lets sleeping dogs stay dead...

Why do you hate your Matey When you have so much in common with her?

So I hear women say how much their matey is a whore or she gave their man a "jacket pickney" and ray ray but I wonder if wifey's ever stop to think that they are no greater or less than their matey!

Who is a matey? The girl who screws your man on the low. The one he lies about and who he will never publicly own and if he does you know that you have slipped from being number one lady in his sex life. The enigmatic, rarely proven woman you know that you are sharing your man with but have no proof of it.

How do you hate your matey when you have the same taste in men. Anything that you label her as applieS to you in the same breath because you are busy tearing down each other when you should confront the lying bastard who is taking you both for a long dreary ride. He will likely dump both of yall for a new matey.

And women who have cheating men know that the matey thing will go on forever. A married guy I once dated told me he did not see why his wife was intimidated by me since cheating for him was a common assault. I never spoke back to him despite his many calls, stalking and monetary offers.

Your Matey cannot force your man to have sex and trust me she has just as much misery going on in her life and yours. Think about how much you love your man. Then consider loving your man the way you do and not being able to share Christmas with him, valentines day, his birthday, attend his family functions as his spouse. The only person getting what they want out of this matey/wifey situation is the man who gets to keep his pie and cake and eat them both.

So stop hating on your matey and ask your man to fess up and give one of yall a break. This cat fight will not get any of you anywhere. BOth of you will be labelled as drama queens and his ego will rise ten notches upwards and some other chick will be mature enough to step in and swoop him off his feet.

He will be whisked away from the drama queen of the matey and then you will have a fresh mate to fight him over until he tires of you and makes you an ex and his mate, his new missus!

Friday, August 9, 2013

Is Queen Ifrica Chatting too much like so many Jamaicans?

I was reading the Jamaica Gleaner Online after a fellow blogger pointed me to a comment signalling the end of Queen Ifrica's Career after she supposedly should not have voiced her opinion on the Buggery Laws of Jamaica being repealed and whether or not she thought homosexuality was right or wrong! The person claims that Gays with their control and dominance of the Entertainment Industry will surely murder Queen Ifrica's Career!

I Probably should have said this in my earlier post that with all due respect, the occasion was not conducive for that sort of comment but i understand that due to the widespread attention it has in media signalling the Gays influence on News Medium that she thought it the right platform to voice her opinions.

In all of this i Have been busy trying to figure out whose right's supersedes whom! GAYS OR HOMO-SENSITIVE ARTISTES LIKE Queen Ifrica! The right to free speech or the right to live ones lifestyle.

I believe that if i do not like a certain lifestyle, i stay away from it. I do not spend my time trying to convince people to live their lives the way i want them to. I definitely understand how Gays feel. I gained Fifty Pounds and everywhere i go people tell me how FAT i AM. I do not have a problem with my weight but they do and feel the need to let me know albeit, I have never begged them money to buy food or "them nah feed me" I fail to understand how me being overweight affects them.

That is Jamaica, you do not have to ask for people's opinion, they feel the need to impress their beliefs upon you. Sometimes I wonder why they have not adapted Gay lifestyles when so many women know that you cannot contain any and any uptown boy if you nah tek fuck inna yuh asshole!

If a man puts that to me, I do not wanna do it. I stay the hell away from him. I do not try to conform him! People should respect other people's right to live the life that they want without imposition from others. I will however choose what my child will hear and interpret about what is considered normal.

But who determines what is normality. The masses or the wealthy class of any society? We accept that darker skin people are less attractive because most upper class Jamaicans are light skin and because the media glorifies light skin black women as beautiful. We embrace the notion that overweight women are not sexy but we will not accept gays even though uptown overlooks it and the media cable TV normalizes it.

Does this mean that awe only support what serves our own self interest? Whose self interest supersedes whom? What i care to do with my body or what people on the street would like to see? Do i live my life for me or allow my individuality to be overthrown by the demand of this tribe!

Thursday, August 8, 2013

Fuck That old Flame : Seven Sad RELATIONSHIPS mistakes women make!

I often say that i thanked this particular and only one night stand for opening up my eyes to what relationships are truly made up of in the real world. People who will pretend, lie, and act until they get what they want from you then reveal their true colours. A male friend told me today that Crystal I like you so I am gonna break the guy code and share some insights on men.

1. You cannot change a person. If he shows you his real colours believe him. He has stopped caring to hide who he really is.

2. You cannot have a relationship with me or any other man, if you do not let go of what this guy did to you. You have essentially centred your entire life on proving to him that you are worthy. No relationship that you go in will ever work if you do not let it go.

3. Always look for the right signs in a man. Do not make the same mistakes or else you will keep dating the same ass holes. Do not ignore the signs and say he will change. No man is that introspective to change who he is. You either gonna take him or leave him. Do not stay with him or forgive him because he can fuck good, he is cute or he has money. He knows you do not worth shit because any woman with any grain of self worth or self respect would wanna stay with a man that treats her like crap.

4.Choose the person that meshes with your dreams and habits, not the guy that fits the little check-list you have in your head.Sometimes Mr Right has too many options to settle for average.

5. It doesn't matter how long you take to have sex with a guy if he does not get that connection , he will run.

6. Always choose the guy who make you laugh, feel happy or special, the one that makes sense not the one that makes your adrenaline rush because after about three months that high...fizzles out and relationship based on rush will die.

7. If he doesn't call, text, or come back to you after at least a month consider that he has moved on. No man in his right mind can love a woman and stay away from her that long. Even if he loves you, he still thinks you are not worth the bother...

Jamaica is not the most Homophobic place on the Earth!

"When a society accepts feaces /feces as a natural part of sex then there is something more than wrong with them. Feces itself has its own literal and figurative meaning, both of which are negative . It speaks volumes of the direction a society is headed. They are using a part of the body that is meant to be used for excretion to carry out their expression of love and of who they are cannot be anything positive or productive. Just like the lesbians have left the comfort of men and have sought to comfort their own kind but need man made objects to reach their ultimate pleasure. This cannot be what is right."


I read some comments recently pertaining to a voiced public opinion by Reggae singer Queen Ifrica with regards to her disavow of the endorsement of homosexuality within her nation and society. I was somewhat appalled that some people thought it ok to express violence towards her because of what she said. People clamouring about what she should or should not have said. Truth is whether a person utters their opinions behind your back or in front of your face, it does not change how they feel about you.

This is my opinion on a personal level, I do not care if someone sleeps with the same sex or the opposite sex. I just do not want someone wielding their sexual preferences in my face. That is a private matter. I do not wish for anyone to tell me to encourage my child to accept a behaviour that in my opinion is aberrant. I do however honour the sanctity of human life and believe that everyone is entitled to their own individual happiness. People should be free to choose whatever path they want for their own individual life, i just do not want any one shoving their beliefs down my throat or forcing me a heterosexual woman to walk around on eggshells because someone might me offended because of my opinion on their lifestyle. At the end of the day. Just as how they are entitled to their opinion of love, I am entitled to my values and precepts.

I know a few gay men and I must say that they are the most lovable person people on the earth. Truth is if most of the straight men I knew had some of their character traits, I probably would not have written this blog in the first place. What I have never encountered is my gay male friends telling me about anal sex or encouraging any of our straight male friends to become homosexuals. One even went as far as to say, "I know that what I am doing is not right but I feel so right when I am with another man". I knew he was not lying because at the end of the day, we are humans, social beings and I too have felt it was right with someone and knows how painstaking it can be to be away from the one that tugs at your heart. This is how I support...homosexuality as an Individual's right.
I do not like homosexuals and their supporters commenting on Ifrica's utterances using biblical references when that same bible denounces homosexuality to death.

I also do not think that my child should see men dancing on other men in public, I believe that is what Gay clubs are made for. We denounce the idea of children watching heterosexuals gyrating on each other so how can anyone expect us not to decry same sex dancing in public.

What I do not appreciate is people stating that Jamaica is the most Homophobic place on the earth! I could say the same thing about many countries that accept homosexuality and how they would rather see two men together than someone of my skin tone elevated in society. Well it is OK for Gays to have rights but Not black people
Some might say that most persons of AFRICAN DESCENT have a disproportionate homophobic tendency which maybe true but it is only because many Jamaicans "black people" think homosexuality is actually a white boy thing!
Hence why people get incensed when they see gay black men, in the past most men thought that only white men were gays.

Back to the Topic at Hand
Jamaica is not the most Homophobic place on Earth.

Russia has anti-gay laws and so does Zimbabwe. In many places of the of the Middle east, Asia and Africa. Among, Muslims, Hindus and Jews, homosexuality is seen as an abomination in the eyes of religion. I do not condone the murder and torture of Gays in many of these countries because after all Gays are human beings too but what I will not tolerate people jumping on Jamaica because we are the dialectal, proverbial "weak fence".

Why don't someone jump down Vladimir Putin throat for his stance on the demotion of homosexuality in his country. Our legislature was coined before Homosexuality even became an issue in Jamaica. Most Gay men are not threaten by violence if they dress like males but look the gay part. Many people view them with either amusement or disgust! People know that what took place at carnival 2013 would have in the past resulted in widespread bloodshed. Everybody knows " Batty men at large in Jamaica"! They are not hiding any more.

What I see no one commenting about is the widespread rapes by gay on straight men that they dress like women and lure away. What I do not hear any one talking about is the men who take little boys away and rape and murder them in Jamaica. I need to see J-flag also rallying for the protection of our children than just for Gay rights! Someone once said quite offhandedly that Gays didn't care about children because they have no intention of reproducing. I wonder if that statement were true, what would that say about this human race that we jointly gay or straight want to protect its continuation.
There are greater issues in Jamaica that needs attention to than Gays. Too many people are too busy trying to survive to care if men sleep with other men or vice versa. People are suffering in that country and inflation rates have gone up 400% on average on most retail products.

Violence in our country has always been a problem but children are never to be taught to be prejudicial towards any group people regardless of creed, pigmentation or sexual orientation. I will never teach my child to loathe gays but then again I have to teach her to be confident despite the fact that she is dark skin because I know that racism and shadism is real.
So too is homophobia, People fear what they do not understand, hate what they cannot conquer. Many Jamaicans think homosexuality is a "rich uptown man thing" and poor gays are forced into homosexuality due to socio-economical pressures like poverty and lack of access to amenities. This leads to a pervasive widespread notion that homosexuality is not really about love but money, wants and needs.
There are greater underlying issues that fuels homophobia in Jamaica than just violent
lyrics, legislature and murders. There has to be a social transformation.