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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie



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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Jah know mi loose too much friends ; Dear Summer?

I have realised the effect that death have on human beings from I was a little girl. I will not forget my first funeral! I saw my grandmother crying and I watch the chorus of the choir consume the crowd as they cried inconsolable for their love one.

I was 13 years old when my great grand mother died and I watched my grandmother crying with her hands on her head!A Friend of mine followed suit in a car accident in Negril! Damian ANDRE Williams aka demus Gone too soon!

Then my classmate Ricardo Mongol got stuck in the river headway and his friend ran away and never told anyone that he plunged into the river headway and never came back up! He was only 15 years old and i will never forget the last time i saw him after school before we went for summer holiday. He never came back in September.

Shaniel Robinson went to a football match over the weekend and never came back to school the following Monday. She died in a car accident.

My aunt who was like a mom to me, went to the hospital complaining of pneumonia and she never came back home. She died a week after. After being with us as children, she never lived to see me become an adult. I never get to buy her anything or will my daughter ever know her. She was solid like a rock but death always wins in the end doesn't it.

This is for my fallen soldiers we miss you. DWAYNE AKA bADWORD, KADEEN, ANDRE, CAREY, LISA, ANDRE, SHAGGA LION, BOBO DREAD..

What have i learnt in the grand scheme of things?

Death is a must! I plan to do everything today but i never plan to die yet death has been pronounced upon this body i inhabit from the day i was born. I look at my daughter and laugh at the unfairness of life, that my child, a toddler is born to die!

It makes me wonder, what is the purpose of life if you will inevitably die.

I cherish my life more when someone dies in my life because its a stirring reminder of how fragile my existence is and how at any moment I can be thrown into permanent unconciousness!

I often muse that death must be like sleeping in the night! Travelling on planes of dreams, completely unaware of which cockroach crawled on the floor or if some insect flew in through my open window. I imagine death must be like that, an utter world of confusion.

But paranormal Science claims that nothing is destroyed in nature. Energy can never be eliminated, it is merely passed on from component to another. Does that mean I don't die when I do or does it mean that my body dies but my spirit goes into that newborn baby.

IF THAT BE THE CASE I KNOW WE WILL NEVER GET RID OF CORRUPT POLITICIANS, BADMIND PEOPLE AND WICKED MEN, because their spirits will go into babies. I am just guessing here.

What about this Ghost in our Genes theory where it is said that we only have about 30,000 different chromosomes. Does that mean that most of us or replicas of a former life and that maybe the reason why some of us are more inclined to murder,steal, rape than others. It is already written in our Dnas.

HUMAN BEINGS lived as if they will never die and when we die it is as if we never lived. People talk but eventually they move on because there is too much things going on in life, to be worried about the dead! Too much struggles, complains, pains and debt, some us even think the dead is lucky! At least they do not have to pay bills and experience hunger!

In all of this, I only have one life to live and I am going to live it to the fullest! NO one is going to tell me how to live my life because at the end of it all, I am almost sure that i will die alone hence my life is mine to live the way I see it. Aint nobody coming down in that casket or tomb with me! They will cry and moan but they too value their lives and will move on!

Only remembering me by the house I built or the car I drove which they might decide to fight and kill themselves over it! And they too will have to die and leave it too.

How do I gain immortality? Through this blog, through my books, through my children maybe. But I want to ensure that what I contribute to this life makes it better for my kids generation!
They will have to live with the consequences of my life and not me!
What is important to me is family because at the end of it all my friends and my family will miss me the most not the guy who ditch me like I had leprosy five years ago or the people online. They might be shocked by my death considering my youth but they will not feel it like the people whose lives i affect directly.

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