“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Monday, August 26, 2013
Why these educated, College Women and I ve got my cxc subjects cant hold a man!
I live my life on some simple tenets I have embraced over the last three years or so.
When it comes to dating, you cannot convince a man to love you whose love has been misplaced on you in the first place. If he has shown you signs that he does not care, believe him, he truly doesn’t.
Do not date men who make whores my competition, because it does not matter how low I go, I will never get as nasty and dirty as these hoes and I will be messing up my social image for nothing.
It is OK to feel hurt when some guy passes you over for some other chick, but remember their will always be women more attractive than you since new girls leave high school every year, Do not chase some guy and waste your greatness on his ignorance.
When I was going to high school my teacher told us that when you have your education that you can get any man you want. She was far off on that notion because educated women are often single and struggle the most to get a man to stick around.
The average men complain that we are bossy, manly, disrespectful, ' full of ourself" and a wide range of epithets to rationalise why he would settle for a basic chick than a girl who has her life in top gear. Most men who date women who have their lives together almost, always do so on the premise of opportunity to improve themselves. Just the other night, a friend of mine was saying that most men in Jamaican were becoming Gigolos. More interested in what was happening in a woman's pocket than in her panties.
She went on to tell me that the worst type are the gay men masquerading as heterosexual, who have no sexual attraction to women but use them for monetary gains to support their flamboyant lifestyles
Why are educated women in Jamaican getting the shitty end of the stick????
Women who focused on their education, making their own money and have a life are more likely to end up sleeping around with one circle of men. Why ? Because most educated, functional women are attracted to the same kind of men. We all want a perfect, kyrptonian guy who looks like he just step off the cover of GQ Magazine yet we do not understand that the rarity with which educated women were sought after of the past is gone now.
Women are focusing on education now more than ever therefore men have more pickings. They can delay commitment for as long as they want because there will always be fresh young women coming up D block for fresh man year at the University of the West Indies.
When I watched BET pilot for Mary Jane, my child's father said to me that I was one of those types. He is not just not my lover, my child's father and the man I may marry one day, more than anything, he is my friend. He Knows me very well and sometimes I laugh at how much attentions he pays to my personality. He is not Brad Pitt, he is an average guy, who happens to be handsome, compassionate and kind. We have our conflicts but he has this uncanny way of always coming back to talk it over after one of his many tirades. We can "reason" for hours and that is what counts. I watch him playing with our daughter a lot, IF HE IS NOT ANYTHING, HE IS A GOOD FATHER.
From time to time, I may meet a handsome guy or the type that makes your belly flutter because he is so good looking and I am always tempted to compare the way he treats me to the way my child's father does. Truth is if he falls short, I am automatically turned off because I know what it feels like to be treated right.
What about the woman who has never been treated right by a man?
I do not believe in that notion because we all meet men who would go out of their way for us but we are not interested in them because they do not look like whatever image we have in our head of a good partner. A good partner is never based on ways or precepts but more on looks and status and I will tell you that men with looks and status are not very kind to women who fall short of their glory. If we would concentrate more on how a man makes you feel instead of how he looks then we might get somewhere.
Back to the Mary Jane Story
A good man will not come in a good package and that is why we often see beautiful people dating not so attractive individuals. People who are good looking use their beauty as crutches and they never develop a real personality. Why would I want to be nice to people when people look at my cute face and wanna be my friend?
These wealthy cute guys are not focused on personalities, they have been trained to concentrate on what looks good.
I was talking to a handsome wealthy guy on Whatsapp, I sent him a cup of tea pic in the morning. He posted "dwl", that is a huge a red flag for me because I sent it to other men and I got responses like oohs, ahhs and thank you. He failed to acknowledge my gesture because I surmised he probably does not even understand the meaning of what I did.
Then I notice something else, he skims over very interested questions about who he is as a person or his life. Huge red flag number 2. He never calls only whatsapp and I feel like a sycophant every time I talk to him.
If your relationship feels like work. It stresses you out, you feel as if you are "pushing up" on this person. You feel unappreciative, unloved and unrecognised then you are in a non-relationship and you need to get out. Not because a man looks as if he is right for you. It does not transcend into him being the man for you. When you can decipher the difference then you will be able to save yourself a lot of heartache.
I use the knowledge I gained from my past relationships to recognise red flags. If you keep dating the same type of men over and over again then you are bound to get the same results.
Throw that check-list away and start giving the guy with the corny ways a night out to see how he truly makes you feel.
Have you ever wondered if a guy is just unkind to you or if he is like that to all women? Or wondered what this woman that he is with has over everyone else he looked over including you? That is a huge no-no. He may not have chosen her because she is better than you and even so that is his opinion but remember that she might be settling for elements of the relationship that you may never stoop for. Never compare yourself to another woman, love is not a competition entirely. Because a bitch gets a man you wanted, it does not mean she has won anything.
You can have sex appeal without dumbing down. You simply have to learn how to switch between personalities. Be the boss lady on the street and a freak in the sheet. I do not mean fellatio. Guys can get oral sex any day, anywhere on the street so you cannot bet on that stock to make your man stick around because these ratchets be popping dildos in their mouths by the dozens. I mean wow the guy with role play. Any man that laughs and looks at you in amused admiration after you burst around the bathroom door in
a goofy sexy ensemble, is definitely a keeper. Then pulls you into his arms and be like..."I like it" while grinning from ear to ear because he knows you look stupid but gives you an A for trying is definitely the guy that you should be dating.
The guy who compliments you on your beautiful smile or notices that you have dimples is the one you should be giving a chance and not the one who is giving you a once over. The man who is luxuriant, shows potential for growth and improvement not some dead stock cutie who you might spend the rest of your life taking care of him. You do not need a grown baby walking around looking like man. I am not saying he has to have a six figure income and ray ray or that you should be lowering your standards.
But maybe if women would alter their calculated needs and realise that a good check-list will not guarantee a life partner. Someone who really loves you does not make you work for his respect. You have a natural chemistry. He anticipates your needs and he is right there when you need him. NO man who truly loves a woman is always too busy for him. You know that you are not being treated right but you stay with him because you believe that he is right for you.