“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
A male friend of mine sent me a link on You-tube for a song by Dance Hall controversial artiste 'Alkaline' titled "How it feel". The raw version of the song conveys that women love to have relationship with bad men, gangsters and thugs. The lyrics states that 'bad man' give women 'one hundred percent security' in a relationship. It is an interesting concept but relationship with alleged bad boys are anything but secured.
How can a woman feel secure in a relationship with a gun man and be safe when she has to be constantly looking over her shoulder for reprisals from people he might have hurt and rogue cops carrying out extrajudicial killings. How can you be secure and build a future with someone who might not be around to see your children grow up? A man in possession of a gun does not mean he will be able to save his woman's life or better yet ward off several intruders.
But the truth is women who date gangsters and bad men are not thinking about death. They are intrigued by their confidence, the contrast between the ruthless social image and the loving partner he often is to them. Some females find the "Alpha Maleness" of alleged gangsters appealing and the thrill associated with their dare-devil lifestyle exciting. Some girls love the drama, the beatings and the powerful feeling of conquest when they get a bad boy who is "mean a road" but "loving" to commit to them. After all bad boys do not have heart and it takes a strong woman to "calm them down when them a rage". Some ladies say guns are an aphrodisiac and are aroused by a man with a firearm, legal or illegal.
Girlfriends, wives and baby mothers of bad men know they play a dangerous game of karma. A few cases of women and children murdered with their bad boy father brings to the fore the grim reality of these unions. Pregnant women killed with alleged gangster baby father, children of alleged murderers abducted and women going to jail as accomplices to crime. The fact that the woman knows means that she is more or less accountable for the wrongs her man perpetrate. Bad boys offer everything except, 'one hundred percent security'.
"You alone understand me devilish ways...You don't know how much man out deh you save when me go fe one a them and you tell me behave...me no bother want fe dead and me no bother want fe go a jail"
Bad boys create recurring generations of career criminals. Mi granny always say be careful who you have children with, Guinep bring Guinep not Grape. Children sometimes suffer ill fated lives brought on by karmic consequences of what their fathers actions.
Bad Boys are a fetish for many women brought on supposedly by the cinematic and literature hero portrayal of gunslingers. Different strokes for different folks and women have been known to have relationships with serial killers and convicted murderers. Gangsters need love too and their women will tell you that not because he has a gun, it does not make him a killer.
A badman depending on how damning his reputation is will deter offenders from his family or his home thus providing a sense of security. Society has long called upon girlfriends, wives and baby-mothers to say what they know of their partners in an effort to curb crime and bring perpetrators to conviction. Some experts question the psycho-emotional state of women in these relationships and declare that girls from broken homes and dysfunctional families are more likely to be involved in such unions'.
Do you think badmen give their families and women one hundred percent security?
Share Your Views
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Saturday, December 27, 2014
I always knew what kind of man I wanted. I just was not particularly insightful about the types I didn't like. I knew good looks were important to me, it was all I dreamt of as a child, ten years old, on the cusp of puberty plaiting a straw grass in the middle of the Ball Field. I wanted a light skin boyfriend with curly hair because I did not want any nappy head black baby like myself. My grand aunt drilled the notion in our heads that if a man did not have money, he should at least have colour. Never in my life did it occur to me that black was not a colour. At least not in my granny's vocabulary.
So I spent the first quarter century of my life judging men by how nice looking they were, instead of how nice they were to me. How much better than me they were and how much I needed to improve or change myself to deserve them.
I was not good looking by European or West Indian standard. Boys pinched my high cheekbones and made fun of my "black chiney" looks. I quickly learn to accept that I was not ideal but I never once thought that I was inferior for what I lack in looks, I compensated in smarts. I was extremely intelligent and I learnt to use it to my advantage. I quickly learn how to charm the skin off a snake, even the most elusive player blushed to whipping sounds of my sugar coated phrases and witty tongue. I was safe as long as i did not fall in love, let my guard down and become vulnerable.
So I took tips, read books and psychoanalyze relationships. I was the date doctor, armed and dangerous. I sieved guys out like ''Wheat inna flour'' and still always end up with jerks. Why? Because men who think they were all that are always alphas and I am very much attracted to alpha males.
I compliment them, build their self esteem, help them to see their true value and potential. And in return i believe they used me as some form of target practice. Now that they knew that they could get a girl like me, they wanted someone better. Better by virtue of who they i made them believe they were. Someone higher than themselves.
I was their placeholder, fall back girl and ideal but not perfect girl. I was cheated on, emotionally abused and verbally mistreated. At times I was tempted to tell them exactly what I felt but I could not resort to their pettiness. I thought their behavior was immature, ignorant and distasteful. I was an intelligent woman and I would not resort to their level.
But sometimes my emotions got the best of me and in a fit of anger and/or emotional frustration I told them exactly what I thought of them and how they treated me. Some reacted with indifference, ignoring my messages, packing up and leaving my place or treated me with blatant disregard that I got fed up and left.
Friday, December 19, 2014
I do not wish to become any man's target practice. If you do not want anything substantial with me, please do not waste my time. Do not use me as a placeholder for your ideal woman until you meet her. If you are still searching for your ideal or your upgrade then use the facilitations of prostitution.
If you want a relationship without the attendant commitment and demand of a union then why not buy pussy, that is what hookers are there for. No, Todays men want to treat every woman like she is underserving of a commitment for it makes them feel better . If they can treat you like a whore then there is no shame in not making an honest woman out of you.
Friday, December 5, 2014
The dogs ran through the yard kicking up ruckus outside. They said that dogs could hear a man coming down the road from a mile away due to their superior auditory mechanism. Something was coming and the dogs were afraid.
Diamond rolled over in her bed and fell back into a deep sleep. She could have sworn she heard noises outside, boots stampeding the ground and low guttural voices but then people always checking her Uncle early in the morning. She was falling back into a deep sleep when she heard a strong thud.
Diamond looked out the window, the place was chillingly silent. She knew what that silence meant, she had experienced it several times over the years. It was the sound of catastrophe. She heard a pop, it sounded like a gunshot and then eight more similar ricocheting sounds and it was coming from her Uncle's house.
She could have sworn she heard her uncle scream “Murder! No! No!!!!!!!!!” in her sleep. She knew it then even if the Police Officers standing at his gate and the several Lorries of Soldiers promenading on the road did not confirm that her Uncle was either dead or seriously injured.
She saw her mom ran out onto the Verandah and Uncle Patrick on the ground with his head in his hands. His face was strewn with tears. The soldiers and police officers were barricading her Uncle John's home preventing her mother from going inside to see her brother. She watched through the curtained window as they pulled her Uncle out by his arms and flung him into the back of the police Jeep. His baby mother and the child kneeling outside on the ground, crying inconsolable. As they drove away with him, he appeared to sit up in the back of the Van and the officers pushed him back down. His lips were moving, he was not dead.
Diamond ran outside feeling as if she was in a trance. Why didn't anyone follow the Police Jeep? She heard another pop reverberate down the road where the cane fields began. Her mother wailed on the ground at the feet of an officer who retreated and she fell on her face, rolling from side to side in a fit of hysteria. People were milling out of their houses, neighbors shouting "murderers" at the Police officers.
Diamond convulsed and her head spun, she knew the police had just murdered her Uncle. It was very clear in her mind. John was still very much alive when he left here. She grabbed her stomach, a wave of nausea that had nothing to do with her pregnancy overtook her. The police had simply murdered her uncle in cold blood. She spun around and then she heard the Police officer said “lady” after which all went blank.
The lights went out and Diamond fought to regain consciousness. She was dreaming, that was it! But she kept hearing her mother's screams and her Uncle Patrick's sob. She saw the blank look on the Officer's faces as they executed an innocent youth. John was no badman and everyone knew that. She saw John sitting up in the Van pleading to the police officers “Please officer don't kill me”, his chest covered in blood. Everything went black again.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Crystal Evans Novel
Life is meaningless and death is glory
Sunday, November 23, 2014
Available on Kindle for free tommorrow. Full download.
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Franco ran down the dark streets of Red Lane with his shirt in his mouth. He had seen a shadow grabbed his friend around the corner and began ditching blows into his upper torso. Why Raty stopped to urinate at the junction was beyond him but he ran because he was sure that when he glanced back at the shadows, Raty lay motionless on the ground and the creepy silhouette was running towards him with a shimmery object in his hand that illuminated into a spark when it hit the lights.
He careened the deep corner, jumped into a yard and catapult onto the Verandah. He crouched immobile on the ground, confident that this was the only way he would be able to escape the dark, quiet silhouette that he knew would soon creep up around the corner looking for him.
His breath ragged and his heart hammered in his chest, he felt the tentacles of death crawling from somewhere in the darkness, skeletal fingers of the Grim Reaper closing in on his existence. He thought about his Van, Mimi and Mother. He howled like a wounded dog for he was for the first time in his life face to face with a predator.He placed his hand over his mouth to muffle the choking sobs that made his lips quiver.
He vowed to "Murder them and them family" if he got out of this predicament alive. No one was ever going to make him feel like a mouse in a rat trap ever again. This was what Raty was talking about, leaving your back careless. The one night Raty came out without the "firestick", Mr. Death came knocking.
He only hoped that the occupants at the house did not see him come into the yard and call the Police. It would never work in his favor if the police came. They'd either shoot him mistakenly for a burglar, Raty's killer or they would imprison him under similar speculations.
The creepy figure came into the light then mask into the shadows. He took something from his pocket and lit what appeared to be a cigarette in his mouth. He glanced down the road. He took a smoke and stared up the road. Then another figure with the shiny tool in his hands appeared, looking frantically behind him. He gazed over into the yard and Franco could have sworn he looked directly into his eyes.
Franco did not move. The figure scanned the yard and knocked his friend on the chest with two fingers. He pointed down the road and motioned for him to go into what Franco realized for the first time was a waiting car. Franco didn't know if his eyes were playing tricks on him but he knew within himself even if the last glance the stranger telepath towards the verandah did not confirm that he may have seen him. This was strange and Franco knew enough about the streets to conclude that these strange men who pursued him were not that much of strangers to begin with. The second figure opted to spare his life, a decision Franco knew he would live to regret.
Monday, November 10, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
Some diseases like breast cancer or respiratory conditions like tuberculosis can also cause breasts to sag. Also, excessive consumption of nicotine, alcohol and carbonated beverages can contribute to the problem.
Breasts do not have muscle. They are made of fat, connective tissues and milk-producing glands, and they need proper care to keep them in good shape.
A wide variety of creams and lotions are available on the market to tighten and tone up sagging breasts. However, if you prefer natural methods, there are many simple and easy home remedies that you can try.
Here are the top 10 home remedies to firm sagging breasts.
Those with saggy breasts must incorporate exercise in their daily routine. Exercises that target breast tissues and pectoral muscles around the chest can help a lot to add firmness.
Some exercises that can effectively lift up and firm sagging breasts are– chest presses and pulls, arm raises, round-about push-ups, and dumbbell flyes.
Along with these, there are other types of exercises that you can perform to firm your breasts. Check out this video to learn more.
Always wear a supportive or sports bra while exercising.
2. Ice Massage
Ice massage is also considered very effective to regain firmness in sagging breasts and uplift them. The cold temperature will cause the tissue to contract, in turn making the breasts appear firmer and more lifted.
Take 2 ice cubes and massage them in circular motions around each of your breasts for 1 minute only.
Dry the breasts with a soft towel and immediately put on a proper fitting bra.
Stay in a reclining position for 30 minutes.
Do this at regular intervals throughout the day.
Note: Do not expose your breasts to ice for more than 1 minute at a time as it can cause numbness.
3. Olive Oil
Massaging your breasts with olive oil is an excellent technique to firm sagging breasts. Olive oil is a rich source of antioxidants and fatty acids that can reverse the damage caused by free radicals and prevent sagging breasts. Plus, it will help improve the skin tone and texture.
Put some olive oil onto your palms and rub them together to generate heat.
Rub your palms over your breasts in an upward motion.
Massage gently for about 15 minutes to increase blood flow and stimulate cell repair.
Follow this remedy at least 4 or 5 times per week.
You can also use almond, argan, avocado or jojoba oil to massage your breasts.
4. Cucumber and Egg Yolk
Another excellent remedy for lifting the breasts is a mask prepared from cucumber and egg yolk. Cucumber has natural skin-toning properties and egg yolk has high levels of protein and vitamins that can help treat sagging breasts.
Puree 1 small cucumber in a blender.
Mix in 1 egg yolk and 1 teaspoon of butter or cream to get a paste.
Apply it onto your breasts and leave it on for about 30 minutes.
Wash it off thoroughly with cold water.
Use this mask once a week to firm and strengthen the breast tissues.
5. Egg White
Egg white is also good for sagging breasts due to its astringent and skin-nourishing properties. The hydro lipids present in egg white helps lift loose skin around your breasts.
Beat 1 egg white until you get a foamy texture. Apply this onto your breasts and allow it to sit for 30 minutes. Wash it off with cucumber or onion juice and then with cold water.
You can also prepare a breast mask by mixing 1 egg white with 1 tablespoon each of plain yogurt and honey. Apply it onto your breasts and leave it on for 20 minutes. Rinse it off with cold water.
Follow either of these remedies once a week to enjoy firm breasts.
In Ayurveda, fenugreek is often used to firm sagging breasts. It has vitamins and antioxidants that combat free radical damage and help lift, tighten and smooth skin around the breasts.
Mix 1/4 cup of fenugreek powder with enough water to form a thick paste. Massage this paste onto your breasts and leave it on for 5 to 10 minutes. Rinse it off with warm water. Follow this remedy once or twice a week.
You can also prepare a breast mask with 1/2 cup of yogurt, 10 drops each of fenugreek oil and vitamin E oil and 1 egg white. Mix the ingredients until you get a smooth paste. Apply the paste onto your breasts and rub it in gently. Let it sit for about 30 minutes and then rinse it off with cold water. Use this mask once a week.
Pomegranate is considered a wonderful anti-aging ingredient and can help prevent sagging breasts. Pomegranate seed oil is rich in phyto-nutrients that can lead to firm breasts.
Make a paste of pomegranate peel and some warm mustard oil. Use it to massage your breasts in a circular motion for 5 to 10 minutes daily before going to bed.
You can also use pomegranate seed oil to massage your breasts 2 or 3 times daily.
Another option is to mix 4 teaspoons of neem oil with 1 teaspoon of dried and powdered pomegranate rind. Heat this mixture for a few minutes. Allow it to cool and then use it to massage your breasts twice daily for several weeks.
8. Aloe Vera
Aloe vera has natural skin-tightening properties that can help get rid of sagging breasts. The antioxidants in aloe vera prevent damage caused by free radicals and help firm sagging breasts.
Apply aloe vera gel onto your breasts and massage gently in a circular motion for 10 minutes. Allow it to sit for another 10 minutes and then wash it off with warm water. Repeat this remedy 4 or 5 times a week to get effective results.
You can also prepare a mixture of 1 tablespoon of aloe vera gel and 1 teaspoon each of mayonnaise and honey. Apply this onto your breasts and leave it on for 15 minutes. Rinse it off first with warm water and then use cold water. Do this once a week
9. Shea Butter
Another natural ingredient to firm and tighten breasts is shea butter. It is a great source of vitamin E that tightens the skin to give your breasts a firmer appearance. Also, it helps prevent cell damage caused by free radicals.
Rub some shea butter onto your breasts.
Massage in an upward and circular direction for 10–15 minutes.
Leave it on for another 10 minutes and then wash it off with water.
Follow this remedy 3 or 4 times a week to see noticeable results.
10. Rhassoul Clay
Rhassoul clay is a natural skin-firming ingredient. It contains minerals like silica, magnesium, iron, calcium, potassium and sodium that helps to firm and tighten sagging skin, including breasts.
Mix 2 tablespoons of Rhassoul clay in powder form with enough water to make a smooth paste.
Apply this paste onto your breasts and allow it to dry.
Rinse it off with lukewarm water.
Follow this treatment once a week.
Avoid extreme dieting as drastic weight loss in a short time span can cause your breasts to sag.
Enjoy swimming as it is a great exercise to firm breasts.
Avoid doing forward bends, contracting poses, jogging and running without wearing a supportive bra.
Make it a habit to drink an ample amount of water daily to hydrate your skin.
Do not directly expose your breasts to the sun without sunscreen. Sunlight can lead to loss of skin elasticity. Apply sunscreen on your breasts whenever you are wearing a tank top, bathing suit or sundress that has a low neckline.
Stop smoking to improve overall health and to protect the fragile skin of the breasts.
Make sure to correct your posture to avoid sagging breasts. Always sit straight and walk straight, without drooping.
Always wear the right fitting bra to provide enough support for your breasts. If needed, wear a push-up bra to give your breasts proper support. Wear a sports bra while doing aerobic exercises, playing tennis, jogging or doing any kind of workout that causes the breasts to bounce.
If you are overweight, lose weight. Excessive body weight causes the skin to stretch and breasts to sag.
You can also try yoga to tone and tighten the breasts within a realistic range.
Eat healthy foods with essential nutrients like proteins, vitamins, calcium, minerals, carbohydrates and essential fats that are required to firm up the breasts.
Monday, November 3, 2014
I refuse to be caught up. These boys won't pull me into their misery. They have succeeded in drawing us all into their sense of hopelessness. I refuse to let them affect my life. I choose to be happy. We are left experiencing the world through their eyes and regardless of our ambitions, achievements and gains, we sink ourselves so low by thinking they are the masters of our lives. I choose to live.i choose to be free for there is no glory in being an effigy.
I will not be drowned in their pessimism. I will not banish self hope for dreaming of change is the first step forward in bringing about transformation. I will not be sucked into fatalistic meditation.Wallowing in their macabre and fatalism, them want us to give in and give up and validate anarchy but we will not
I choose to be sane, i choose to be happy, whatever comes my way. I choose to live. I choose to be free.
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THE EDITOR, Sir: I think Yendi Phillipps is now the poster child for the way young women ought not to go about having a child.
Had Yendi and Chino been married, she would now be entitled to one-half of the family home and could offer her child the security of a roof over her head. She might also have been entitled to some portion of his assets as his divorcing wife.
As a babymother in a relationship for less than five years, all Yendi is entitled to is child support for the child and absolutely nothing for herself.
As a means of breaking up, divorce is a more formal procedure and commands more respect from the person being divorced. When the party being left hears from the departing party's attorney, the former usually sits up and takes notice and recognises that much is at stake in the break-up.
Ending cohabitation or a non-cohabiting committed relationship which has produced a child is not a formal procedure and, in fact, a woman could be simply cut loose by the man without so much as an explanation.
Marriage offers the greatest legal protection to women who consider having a child with a man. The legal relationship cannot be severed on either party's whim, and provision for the child is an automatic step in the divorce procedure.
Babymothers, on the other hand, can be humiliated into leaving the relationship or cut loose without any child support until they themselves resort to the courts, at their own expense, to get support for their child.
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Kitty smiled. “I met someone. He is twenty one"
Trina jumped up with glee and sat back down as abruptly, legs folded beneath her chair, her face resting in her palm, elbow fixed on the table. She squealed, “Details! Details! Am waiting..."
Kitty gave her a conspiratorial smile and threw fleeting looks around the house to confirm that they were alone. “I met him at the party and found him online. We have been talking via messenger. He seems like a really cool guy"
Trina's eyes widen in anticipation and then her face took on a somber look. She shrugged "That sound boring"
Kitty pursed her lips. “Life is not all about excitement. Sometimes it's nice to take it slow!"
Trina made a dry laugh. “You too frustrated to take things slow, you need a good Joe Grind and you need it now so gwaan fool yourself"
Kitty slapped Trina's arm playfully. “Girl mi like the little bwoy eenuh but me fraid. What if him go use me?"
Trina pushed her hands away? A scornful look on her face. “Girl you a gwaan like you a virgin. A three pickney you have so you come out a plastic"
Trina gave her a reprimanding look. "You memba say anno husband you a look. You just a look some fun so be careful of all that messaging shit before you get a serious mindf___k before you even sleep with the bwoy"
Kitty grinned, she could always depend on Trina to be the voice of rationality. “So you think I should do it?"
Trina drew her chair in and it made a rakish sound on the tile.
“Girl just have fun and don't put your heart too much in it cause them yah young bwoy yah no want nobody and if Tom find out him ago kill you. So thread safely and make sure say anno no chatty mouth weh ago have your business all over the place. Jamaica is a very small place and news travel fast. Just do you thing and use protection."
Kitty smirked and her knees brushed Trina's leg under the table. She loved these girl’s bonding sessions.
"Girl him no drop dead handsome but him swagger turn up girl. And him can read good and sound intelligent"
Trina snickered. “Not like the ediat weh me did meet who never respond to a message but send bare voice notes and make calls. Him never understand nothing inna my text cause him can't read."
Kitty let out peals of laughter. "Wah did happen to him though Trin?"
Trina threw her a flirty look. "Well let's just say him is a stud in bed"
Kitty lips perked up. "Them ugly illiterate types are always endowed. They know how to beat it up like a stallion"
Trina sniggered. "Well if you can't read, you can't dress and you ugly then something must work for you and that bwoy know how to work"
Kitty poured herself another shot of vodka and red bull. She rocked sideways in her chair and fixed Trina a questioning look. "Coming like him still a beat it up?"
Trina smacked her lips and sipped from her cup. She licked her lips and burst into loud guffaws at the disgust that was plastered on Kitty's face. "Girl live a little nuh? Have some fun. You take life too serious and life short girl"
Kitty shook her head. “Seriously how do you look into his face? No sah you stomach strong!”
Trina laughed hysterically. Kitty’s glare riddled with repugnance. “I imagine he is someone else. But honestly the ugliness add another level to him appeal. Feel like some raw, rare Jungle fever”
Kitty’s eyes widened, she looked up at the ceiling and shook her head. She fixed Trina an amused look.
“You mad eenuh Gyal? You maddddd!!!!
She continued matter- a-factly. "You no know me eenuh. Mi have as much fun. There is just something about this little bwoy weh just hold me and me feel say the only way me ago find out if it real is if me and him do it. So me know a never just fantasy thing you know."
Trina's lips puckered. “Sound like you looking for a second husband?"
Kitty rolled her eyes. “No you crazy? Him have a baby mother and him can't subsist my lifestyle!"
Trina waved a finger at Kitty, two shots of vodka and she was already high. “Baby mother?!!! Oh please you a gwaan like him married and she is his problem not yours"
Kitty chuckled. " I don't give a damn about no woman I just hope them likkle boys keep their bitches on a tight leash"
Trina snickered, she twirl her fingers in her drink and brought it to her lips for a slow dance with her tongue. She eyed Kitty and smiled.
" Sounds like the little bwoy have a game and if that is true and he ain't running you down then you know he is a real alpha and when it comes to those types even Boss chicks like us have to wait our turn."
Sunday, October 26, 2014
I was encourage a few a years ago to start writing from a story perspective instead of commentary for people could relate more.
When i wrote the article "How we can save Jamaica's Young Men", i wanted to expose a situation from a personal point of view. I do know an absentee father is not the suffice reason to justify criminality. My father does not know his father, i do not know my grandfather or any of my father's paternal relatives for that matter. My father is not a bad man or a thief and he said it is not that he could not have gone that route but he chose not to for he loved my grandmother and he saw her struggle to make ends meet for him to ever break her heart by following bad company.
I met this young man once. It was rainy evening after school and i love to talk. I love to share what i know for i believe others can benefit from enlightenment. I was talking to a schoolmate. I was in forth form and he in the sixth form. We are from the same community and he is not a bad boy, he knows of no father and today he is a successful banker in America. The boys i went to school with, the smartest boy in my class were homes without a father. I know dysfunctional people from completely stable family backgrounds.
These are the stories that should be shared so that boys know that people from their background do make it. I once said to a young man that i was not given any more or less opportunities than any of us. We are where we are because of choice.
I was not trying to justify anything. I clearly said no one owes them anything that they should try to do the best with their lives. Stop saying mommy never have it or the politician do not care. Your life is your responsibility. Start thinking for yourself and do not allow others to "programme" you. Read and find the truth for yourself instead of subscribing to the secondary information by people who hardly know more than you. You do not need to be bad to earn respect. That is what i tell them not that people should feel sorry for gunmen who do not show anyone mercy. I judge too. I look at boys on the street and clutch my purse tighter. I thought really hard before writing this article. I knew some people will see it like i was asking them to feel sorry for any bad man. That was not my intent...But to each his own. I am not what happened to me. I am what i have become. I am who i choose to be. That's what the mirror keeps saying to me.
Saturday, October 25, 2014
By time the boy reaches thirteen and start watch television whether at home or at the corner shop, he realizes that this life, his "livety" is something to be embarrassed about. He is ashamed of the zinc fence and the one room house that mama lives in. He wants a life like the one he sees on T.V. Now he does not even need television, he only needs social media like Facebook where people make posts about their perfect lives and force ordinary people to question the legitimacy of their own banal existence.
Mama begs him to keep out of trouble but mama knows little about grooming a good man for she probably has never met one and as Tupac said it is hard for a woman to raise a man. The boy stop take "talk" from mommy and albeit mommy will want him to become a better man. She is unable to effectively teach the difference between ambition and desires.
I had this discussion last night at a memorial for a cousin of mine who was killed last year. I said to a group of boys, hoping that my words would not fall on deaf ears. They appeared disinterested, who was i to talk to them when i could not even get my own to listen.
"You cannot get something simply by wanting it. Not because you feel entitled to something or you want it, it does not mean you should get it or people should facilitate it for you. We must learn that our lives is our responsibility, yes we can blame our parents for never having it or politicians for never giving a damn, but at the end of the day people will question your virtues and not theirs. You will be held accountable for your life."
My cousin's death haunts me because i somehow feel responsible. I know it was not my fault but everyone knows reading about something and finding it on your own doorstep is an entirely different experience. I did not just lose the little boy i grew up with, i lost friends and the respect of people for being related by blood to someone killed by the police. They assumed he must have done something wrong.
They lambaste, soo soo behind my back and question my integrity for having "people like that in my family", something i believe i have no control over. Other people got to chose their families but unfortunately i was born into one. So i was left with the burden of being blamed for the disaffected young men in my"breed"and if they are wrongdoers and apart of my kindred then it meant i was a criminal sympathizer, that i somehow must have known and upheld with what they are doing.
Now i knew how some parents who believe they raised good children felt when one child falls by the wayside. I am human and it pricked at my conscience. I was vouching for the boy i knew, not the man it was rumored he had become. All i remembered was the kind boy who "wramp" too much, he was too trusting, not judgmental enough and never really took life seriously. He embraced everybody and it was this " keep all kinda friends" attitude, to life that got him killed.
I cannot adequately emphasize how difficult it is to speak to one of these young men and have them listen to a female. I often think how difficult their mothers must have it. They apparently only listen to other males, men who they want to emulate, men with power, money and guns. His story is epic, single mother, father ran off, mommy sell clothes pon roadside fe buy the chicken back and rice to send him and his several siblings to school. He and his brothers went to church every Sunday for his mother is a christian and by the time they were teenagers, no longer listen mommy for she was not a man, they thought themselves men now. Men do not listen to women. These men stop going to church and did what they wanted to.
They know of the gender bias with regards to advice that exists in this patriarchal society. "Men don't take talk from women not even their own mothers", So i took it upon myself to encourage young men whenever i get a chance even though half the time they probably won't listen. I have come to a conclusion that our young men have serious identity and self esteem issues. Our young men want money, they believe having a lot of money will make them a man. "They want to be like the Don or the Politician, who drive big vehicle and have a lots of girls".
They have not heard ordinary men with success stories only ordinary men who work all them life and never get further than the two room board house. Ordinary men getting killed everyday.Ordinary men whose women left them for men with supposedly more money. Ordinary men who are called dead beat fathers. Ordinary men who the people i went to school with call " Old Neygahs!"
They do not read and i doubt they watch Profile on Sundays with Ian Boyne. They do not think that ordinary people like them of unborn opportunities can offer anything to this world. They cannot be like the "big boys" because they did not finish school and cannot get a "neck tie job".I feel guilty about my little cousin's death and so encourage, educate and reason with young men every chance i get to see if i can save even one and save some other family from this tragedy.
And so i tell them. :" Badness don't pay and all gangsters must die. Most bad men we heard of in our lifetime died in their youths and that supposedly should be a lesson enough for you. So if you love your life, you steer clear of badness and guns"
I invite the men in my extended family, enticing them with the occasional cook out and rum. Sometimes i sit and listen for i get great material from their conversations for my stories. Other times i engage them in some "conscious reasoning" and they listen, nod with pensive stares, gazing out in space. Gone to another place, i wonder at times what they are thinking about and when they smile, i see the boys i have known all my life.
A friend of mine once said. "Crystal stop post up pictures with them bwoy bwoy deh a yuh yard. Them look like a some thief."
I asked her "if is mi family them she a call thief?". I could not blame her for her observation for i have had the same problems walking on the streets and seeing young men with kerchiefs tied across them face, wearing Hoodie in broad sunlight and stepping like Super Cat. The Boys i grew up with are not an exception, they too think dressing like that is quite fashionable and since Lil Wayne and Tommy Lee are doing it then why not.
She told me one day in a heated conversation about how i sympathized too much with Ghetto people when they put up with too much slackness and how she seriously question my moral leanings. She went on to say that " a one a them same youth deh weh me counsel might take my life." I believed i told her. " It is the same kind of risk the Pastor, the social worker and even our teachers take everyday in this society. Somebody have to do it. We cannot all just sit aside and watch". She laughed and shook her head calling in the support of her other intellectual friends to show me how much of a fool i was to think i could ever change "people like them". She said. " When i go back to my area, i talk to them, i say hi to the boys on the corner but i never make them feel as if they are my equal. I do not know if is fear you fear them or you a try fit it but sometimes you sound like act like two different person to me. You have crystal the blogger, intellectual extraordinaire and then you have Diama from down Westmoreland bush bush."
I cannot blame her for thinking that way. I have found myself staring at little boys even babies whose mothers find funds to buy horse hair and Chinese tights to wear go dance and yet cannot send their sons to schools and wonder if i am staring into the eyes of my own killer. It is unfair for me to judge a child based on the circumstances he was born into. My friends will say. " Make them take up badness and see if them nuh dead". I always respond. " Well every badman have a bad end. My only issue is how much a we them ago kill before someone gets rid of them."
I will continue to counsel for any one with dreams or fantasies of change knows that the work must first start with themselves and their small circles. I-nation implored me to start a reading club in my parish. I will find out how i can go about doing that. Nelson Mandela said education is the most powerful weapon that can change the world. I grew up in the same circumstances like these boys, i believe the only difference was that i would rather read a book than play ball on the Play field. I am hoping that by encouraging literacy, that i might find an antidote. A commentator wrote on a previous article a quote from John F. Kennedy. " ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country"and it made sense.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Five minutes later and Brawdy's mother huffed and puffed her way up the street and from the smoke chimneying from her ears and nostrils we knew that there would be bangarang in the community that evening. Mr. Buckner was furious that Brawdy climbed the tree without his permission and worse he had the audacity to come over the fence and not through the gate. Mr. Buckner spoke in harsh tones and said. " A that's why them grow come tun thief and murderer. A train them a train from now fe come over people yard come take them things when them not home and see the mumma a run a come cuss me"
He did get a good tongue lashing from Brawdy's mother who chided Mr. Buckner for calling down "disgrace on her son" over few measly mangoes on a tree. She emphasized that she was not "deading" for hungry. Mr. Buckner retorted. " A that's why police end up shoot them cause when them do wrongs unoo shield them and cuss people instead of showing them the err in their ways"
I was somewhat embarrassed by what happened and my father warned us about taking things from people's yard without asking for it. I understood what he meant now, i was there and i agreed for Brawdy to risk going over the fence for the mangoes therefore i was just as culpable as him. Brawdy called names and told his mother "who and who" were with him and would benefit from the loot. His mother hissed. "And the whole a dem gone left you. You seet say company anno good something though? That is why you must low friend". Brawdy got several quick slaps leveled at the back of his head and shoves in the direction of his home as his mom shot daggers our way. We huddled behind the Hibiscuses and prayed our parents did not find out that we somehow contributed to the uproar.
I learnt a few things from that experience and in retrospect Mr. Buckner response was hurting but may hold certain truths to it. Today Brawdy is laying in a tomb in the Cemetery, gunned down a few years ago by unknown assailants. I am not saying Brawdy is dead because he stole mangoes as a kid. Raiding fruit trees was all the rave for children growing up in the early nineties.I think his mother did a poor job of parenting by cussing off Mr Buckner instead of asking Brawdy to apologize to man and punish him for his wrong doings. She behaved like many parents did; who instead of doing what is right are more concerned about saving face and winning an argument.
Brawdy spent his short life "brucking shop, terrorizing people's building materials and being an all around petty criminal". Every time you go to his mother about what he did, she would "cuss and galang" bad, run people from her gate and "nyam bible leaf" say " a lie dem a tell pon her pickney. Sometimes she would say a free things and how nobody do not want it so the boy should "use up free things". Other times when things look serious and the boy was guilty for police found the goods in his possessions, she walk up and down with her hands on her head and beg for mercy from the victims. She would say. " A the whole a we live yah so make we just put it good." The victims knowing Brawdy from he was a little boy would drop the charges and Brawdy would boast that they did it for they were afraid of him and what and what him could do if anyone ever testified against him. Before the week was out, Brawdy would take something again.
In Hindsight, i thought about what his mother said on that day with the "Mango business". She had exposed a way of thinking when she established that if we lived in the same area then it was okay to take something without permission. It is this licky licky mentality and sense of entitlement that lends credence to the idea that if people look like them have it and refuse to share it, then we should take it. Brawdy's mom thought it was okay to take the mangoes because Mr. Buckner had "people a fahrin", his fence made of concrete and his house was big.
. She opined that the mangoes did not worth anything and that Mr. Buckner 'neva haffi a gwaan so' but she like many parents missed the principle aspect of the argument. It was not so much about the mangoes, it was because he took it, breach the privacy of someone else's home and had the nerve to give Mr. Buckner a couple profanity on top of it.
Brawdy's luck ran out. His mother missed the memo. While people in the district would forgive or overlook his thievery for he was Mass Cecile's grandson and they know him "before him bawn". People who did not know about Brawdy's family and how much of a good people his grandparents were wanted justice when he stole anything. Police stopped listening to the pleas of his mother who bawled that he was an innocent bwoy for everybody knew that when he took anything or he was paid for a hit, he gave her the money. She was building mansion and sending her other children to school on blood money. People murmured that if she had nipped that boy in the bud from he was a 'likkle fingasmith' then he might be alive today. His mother they claimed,' bruck him bad'.
Now every tub have to stand up on their own bottom. And just as how Brawdy was left alone that day with the mangoes, he was found alone on a dirt trail with several gunshot wounds. No one cried but Brawdy's mother and the community albeit sympathetic towards her for everyone knew that 'mother belly deceitful' sighed with relief that the terrorist finally was put to rest. Mr. Buckner rested his arms along the fence and uttered in earshot of the wailing mother who kept him malice since the day her son was caught on his mango tree. "Any mother weh fail to give people justice when them pickney do wrongs shall bury them. You think a everybody like you or know your family and ago come seek recompense and put good when your boy do things? You have some people out there who do not know your family and don't care and i believe a them take him life."
The mother shook her head, slapdashed up the street, bumper wheeling and dashing, and using a rag to wipe the mucous from her that drained from her nostrils onto her upper lip. Mr. Buckner shouted. " Sorry for your lost but you mothers put up with too much slackness." I felt sorry for Brawdy's mother but she was not innocent of the fate that met her son. I mumbled a " Good Morning" to Mr. Buckner. He looked at me as i trudged pass him in my community college uniform and threw me a crooked smile. " The world is a better place without that bwoy. If a did up to me alone. All lacka them would not even born."
From Crystal Evans Book
The People Next Door and Other Stories
Sunday, October 19, 2014
I notice that men tend to be very personal when they are responding to my articles. One i do not promote sexism (2) Mi no have a man problem and 3) You do not know me so stop assuming crap about me based on what i write. Am in this to make money not to make friends.
You can disagree without having to resort to insults.
Saturday, October 18, 2014
1. A Jamaican man can have as many outside children as he likes and his wife is expected to forgive him and continue the relationship. This is a big issue since if a woman within a relationship gets pregnant for an outside man, the relationship is over. Very few Jamaican men will stay with a woman "who annodda" man impregnated. Men who do so are considered fools and lose respect from their male peers. People might say women who stay in these relationship have a choice to leave but in reality some do not. Before you condemn these women, be mindful of the facts, never react without knowledge of their situations.
2. A man can sleep with as many women as he likes and still be considered a very eligible partner while if a woman has been around the "blocks" a couple time then men cross her off as being unmarriageable. This might only be a perception for women with less virtuous reputations and history of promiscuity do end up with a good partners for what is trash to one man is gold to another. It is unfair that women are not allowed by social sanctioning to play the field as much as men without any form of reproach. A woman cannot do what a man does and still be a lady.
3. A Jamaican man is not expected to wash underwear, as a matter a fact a lot of men within lower economical class stress the notion of not having their rags in the same basin as a woman's panties. While women will wash a man's undergarments. Some men will not put panties on line or take them off. To wash a female underwear is considered emasculating while female's watching a man's brief is seen as traditional.
4. A man can stay out all night, all day if he likes but if a woman decides to live this " pon the road" lifestyle then men complain. It was only recently a female acquaintance explained that her man will go to work, come home and leave again to chill with his friends. She said that she decided to give him a piece of his own medicine by stepping in and out as she liked and spending less time at home. She said he claimed that she was not living a "good gyal lifestyle" and was becoming a "road terrorist". He found it unpleasant the idea that a woman could love road as much as him and he might not be alone in this perception.
5. Men are not chastised as much when they abandon children but women are considered lower than the bottom when they leave their children. It is widely assumed that women have more intense bond with children due to pregnancy and only a heartless woman could leave her child. Men can pass their children on the streets without as much as a glance but a mother is suppose to be committed to her children. Men can spend less time with offspring's, refuse to attend school meetings and have zero contact and it is acceptable.
6. When a man remarries he can bring his new wife to the house he shared with his previous partner. Women especially if the house was built by their first partner is not expected to bring another man into the home. She can live there with the children as long as she does not bring any man there. A woman will help a man build a house and he will throw her out and bring in a next woman while if a man builds a house with a woman and the relationship goes sour, he will insist that "no man nah live a him yard"
7. When a man likes a woman, she is expected to like him back but if a woman crushes on a man and he is not interested she is expected to leave him alone. A man will psst at a female and if she refuses to give him any attention, he will pursue, insult and even manhandle her. If a woman likes a man and he is not interested and he makes his disinterest known, the woman is suppose to give up and leave him alone. Why can't men leave a woman alone when she shows him that she is not interested.
8. Men who insist that they do not eat and yet expect women to eat (from) them. Oral sex has always been an issue that highlights the hypocrisy of some Jamaican men. Not all men are uncomfortable and som will admit that they will do it but a vast majority will "nyam bible leaf" that they do not believe in men doing oral sex yet seem to enjoy it with a female. How can you enjoy something you do not see yourself doing. That is just plain hypocrisy. Like Kartel bashing Lisa Hype and then come endorse the same concept in his later music.
9. This ties in with number one. Many Jamaican .love to give bun and expect their women to forgive and move on. They will insist that the woman gets over it and stop nagging him about his indiscretion. Now make him a get a bun and is a whole different scenario. He will cuss, bawl and wail over the alledge cheating and find it very difficult to forgive his woman. His friends who have no qualms about encouraging him to cheat saying " Don't be no Bottle torch or One Burner" will boost him to leave him woman cause "the gyal diss him". So hypocritical.
10. Jamaican man can carry himself any way in a relationship but not so for females. Men think they deserve the bestest and sexiest girls and want to carry themselves as them feel like. Men say it is their spending power that a woman is attracted to and not their bodies so they can come with "big belly, face full a hair and two days don't bathe or brush teeth" and females are suppose to accept it once they are spending their money. Women now have to be perfect in every way and less attractive men will call girls ugly and fat when they have big belly, no teeth and dirty clothes swag.
I assume he meant women should not be leaders because they lack the emotional fortitude that men possess. But men do express emotions. I think anger is an emotion. Maybe my definition or my idea of what expressions characterizes an emotion might be somewhat skewed but the last time i checked men might not cry, write a poignant article or mope around but they will definitely get angry. In my estimation, men can be just as emotional as women only that they express their feelings differently.
I have never seen :The Honorable Portia Simpson Miller, President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf of Liberia, President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner of Argentina or President Dilma Rousseff of Brazil cry for that matter. But i did see Minister Kern Spencer "sob" in Parliament during the Cuban light bulb Saga. Not only him but Former Prime Minister Edward Seaga is widely known to cry publicly and even so is still consider among the masses as a militant leader. Male leaders from time to time will shed a few tears and there is nothing wrong with that. Some men might squirm at the idea of a man crying but maybe if we encouraged our boys to cry more, we would not have so many angry disaffected youths walking around beating their chests like King Kong.
I do not see a male as less of man for being "emotional, if anything it reaffirms his humanity. I think women are very strong individuals and have more balls than a lot of men put together. Women can certainly do more with less money, take care of children without a partner and tolerate the excruciating pains associated with childbirth labor.
If crying is the only thing that disqualifies a woman from a leadership position then anger displayed by men should deem them unfit for leadership. People get killed everyday because most men cannot keep " their emotions" in check. It is because of "masculine emotions" why our jails are teeming with males and wars are waged each year. On the path we are heading with women dominating men in our Universities and Managerial positions we might very soon have an all-female parliament. OOps!!!!
Any woman will admit that when a lover, brother or male relative is hurt, his emotional expression will range anywhere from mild annoyance to rage, men do not cry but they will get upset and let out a slew of profanities. Crying is considered a weak emotion while anger telegraphs strength and defense but anger often lead to violence. I do not thing getting loud, angry and abusive is a demonstration of level headed emotions necessary to run a country. Females are far more sensitive but are not so due to sex but socialization and hormones. Look at all the problems we are having in this world ran by testosterone.
One writer muses that if the world had more female leaders we would have less wars only a group of countries not having any form of dialogue. That might be the issue that most men have with the idea of female leaders that their "emotions" will affect their decision making process. It means that if a country is to go to war then a female leader would be hesitant for her maternal instincts might kick in and she would feel empathy for women and children in that country who might become casualties of a war. It is not that women are not inclined to be ruthless but men will claim that they are more capable of handling this part of leadership.
I do not think leaders turn off their emotions when they make certain decisions. Everyday leaders and citizens make choices concerning their lives based on their own individual rationale. Women who lead companies and countries have displayed that they are just as capable of making rationale decisions as men. One's ability as a leader should not be based solely on gender but on effectiveness based on skills and demonstrated experience.
Men and Women cry, people react to situation differently and even hardened men in the face of hopelessness and exhaustion will become emotional. Emotions do not always influence bad judgement, some people do attest to having clarity after a bout of emotional outburst. I am female, i cry whenever i feel overwhelmed, it is my natural response, it is my expected reaction based on gender roles and social norms. Does it make me or any other female more or less likely to make erroneous decisions, maybe and maybe not. We have experimented with both male and female leaders so that should tell us something about gender bias when it comes to politics.
Ebola has a survival rate of thirty percent on average whihc means that for every ten person who becomes infected with the virus only three stand a chance at survival. Ebola significantly undermines the immune system and those who survive the onslaught of the Ebola virus have a supercharged immune system.
Here are some tips on how you can improve your Immune system and increase your chance of survival
1. Eat more fruits and vegetables that have immune boosting phyto nutrients.Cabbages, Grapefruit, Watermelons, Strawberries and Blueberries are great boosters for the Immune system. Eat a lot of green, leafy vegetables and organic fruits. It might be time to start eating those Almonds that waste on the ground in our Jamaican Back Yards, According to WEBMD.Com, Almonds are great at helping your immune system to cope with stress and there is nothing more stressful than a national panic over a disease that could kill you in twelve days on average.. Another Good food that gets rid of free radicals that could subvert the immune system is sweet potatoes.
2. Cut out stress by exercising and maintaining a positive outlook on life. You will be surprised at how a change in thoughts can vastly improve your health. We have heard enough stories of people who died "faster" because they alledgedly "fret" on their illness. Being positive does improve your overall health and ability to fight diseases.
3. Get good night sleep,at least eight hours so that your body can repair damage cells and reboot for the next day's work. Your body needs to be at its best to fight diseases and a body overworked and run down cannot withstand an Ebola Virus. Get a good night's sleep. Rest is very important.
4. During an outbreak it is best to cook your own food. Wash all fruits and vegetables. Cleanliness when handling food is your best bet against viruses and diseases that are transmitted through contact.
5. Person's suffering from complications already have a compromised immunity against diseases. People who are HIV positive, suffering from heart complications, those with major organ damage and respiratory problems need special attention and should take extra care during an Ebola Outbreak
6. Drink Green Tea such as Papaya leaves, it is rumoured to be very effective against Chickungya and might prove beneficial in Ebola Outbreak as it is a great immune system booster.
7. Refrain from taking or stocking up on anti-biotics as they kill the Cytokines messengers to your immune system. A suppressed immune system will not be able to fight against a viral infection in the effect that modern medicine is unavailable
8. Spices that boost your immune system include Tumeric ( use to make CURRY), Cinnamon and Garlic. Garlic is known for its antibiotic properties.
9. Coconut is good for your health as it is rich in lactic acid that converts which converts to Monolaurin, the milk compound found in a mother's breast that strengthens a baby's immunity.
10. Protein is good for your overall health and a good source of protein with immune fighting agents is Egg. Egg can be consumed raw, boiled or fried. Egg is a great recommendation for regeneration of cells. It is recommended that it is eaten as close to its natural state as possible to get the full benefit of the Egg meal. Three Eggs per day is good enough according to the experts.
This might not sound like much but your best combat against diseases has always been your diet. If your body has a good immune system then it can fight infections. Make your body strong by eating right and boosting your immune system
Tuesday, October 14, 2014
No girl wants to be with a man who cannot let other women know that he is taken. The rules are simple. A man cannot expect to get all the benefits of being a husband when you are together yet acts like a bachelor in your absence. He is either in a relationship or he is not, he cannot be both.
Too many men parading around because they have wives at home who are too weak to demand more from their relationships and putting single women's life in jeopardy by pretending to not be in a relationship. Any man who has an arrangement where you are only together when you are together is not worth your time. When it comes to dating, exclusivity is the name of the game.
Getting yourself sexually entangled with a man who does not have a girl despite being seen with twenty different women or rumored to be involved with other women is just setting up yourself to become another of his statistics. If he does not own them, what makes you think that he will ever admit to being with you?
If a man wants to sleep with a woman without emotional attachments or obligation then he should find a lady of the night and pay for her services. Women should draw the line at men treating ordinary women like whores by paying them to not demand more from a relationship. Some might say our young women act like whores and therefore deserved to be treated as such.
He will sleep with you and box you in with his other casuals while he chases another "fresh meat". You will join those women on the sidelines who watched, eyes green with envy as you trot around town with the man who slept with them last weekend wondering if you are the real thing. They know that your hype is only transient, that you will soon be joining them on the bench waiting for another chance to be number one draft pick.
It is better a man admits that he is not ready for a relationship and gives a woman the choice to be in that situation than deceive her into thinking he wants something permanent just to get into her panties.
It is up to the woman to find out by asking direct questions as to what the man she is dating is expecting. Do not assume that he wants a permanent relationship or that he will commit to you. You should get into his head before you give him any head!
Sunday, October 12, 2014
This memory came to me this morning as i read the Observer issue on the Candidacy for the Central Westmoreland Member of Parliament Post. My family and i mean on both sides, my maternal and paternal relatives are staunch PNP supporters. I recall having heated debates with my father over the notion that i was a stupid little girl to want a white man to rule my country (Edward Seaga) when Jamaica was a predominantly black country and Mr. Patterson was the most fitting candidate for the Prime Minister since he was black. I once ask my father what complexion was Micheal Manley and Norman Manley? My father glared at me and i was banned from that day from even saying the (LLLL) 'the L sound' in his house. I was fourteen years old and the only rationale my dad gave me for supporting his MP was that he was black and came from Micheal Manley's Legacy. I was not interested in that, I only wanted to see another party in power. I wanted to give the other party a chance to rule. I was fourteen but challenged adults at the Pipe Stand when i carried water in the morning and they warned my father about my Labourite leanings and how he could not afford for labourites to capture my young mind for i was very intelligent. My father further emphasized the ban on the the word "Labourite" within his earshot.
The same thing happen when i was in sixth form and Bruce Golding went up against Portia Simpson Miller. I remembered my peers and i being elated that Portia Simpson-Miller won. I recalled being in heated arguments with the men on the corner after school when they made assertions such as "No one seeing their period" should run the country. They claimed that men could not rule under a woman's frock tail. This is the place that i am from. This is how people think where i was born and socialized. I wanted to see a female at the helm, it was important to me as a young woman, it was a testament that regardless of my sex with hard work and perseverance, i could one day rule the world. I wanted Portia to win for i was from similar circumstances like her. She triumped against Peter Philips and my classmates and i were happy for we young Jamaicans wanted to see progressive. I cried when i saw her on Television after the bitter presidential battle for the PNP leadership and the Shaggy's " Strength of a Woman" playing in the background. I was genuinely happy for her.
When the next General Election came around my peers and i were still interested in seeing a another Party in power. One afternoon i entered my father's business place and was in a Lime Green blouse with sequins on the front. My father's political activist friend was there and i will never forget how he pointed at my shirt and asked how my father allowed me to wear such a disgraceful colour in the house. He said that his house was painted in Orange and that he did not even drink Heineken. He said he hated the colour Green. I did not argue with him for my father shot daggers at me with eyes that told me to shut up. I felt sorry for my father, watching him struggle everyday selling food to send me to school, a child as brilliant as i am and after placing third in the CXC National Awards and Second for CAPE Literature in English, i asked him one evening if he could not get some assistance from his "Political Party" to send me to university. He smiled at me, his face etched with understanding, crows feet at the corner of his eyes and for once i believe my father understood why i gave him hell about politics. I was not promoting tribalism, i was a child questioning the political process and why this business of politics did not seem to brook any developments for my peers and I. I will not question my family's loyalty to the PNP, i did some reading and i have heard stories of some awful things that took place in the eighties and that might be the grounds for their resentment. I was born in the late eighties and my father said " Young Bud no know storm" He was not particularly pleased about buying female paraphernalia with food items i believed he said one day in a very colorful language and he did not want to experience that again.
Albeit Bruce Golding was intellectual and represented the change my Sixth Form Liberal Arts Classmates and I wanted. We were disappointed. We had high expectations and Bruce ruined it. We might have expected too much of him to erase the ills of a system established by another for years. We suffered in the west, we were suffering before and we suffered more for as my granny put it " Socialist was not in power". I remember one day on the cusp of adulthood at twenty years old and entering the corner shop and hearing the owner, an Activist croak in contempt. " Them nuh say a change them did want. See them get change deh for them did feel say Bruce coulda help Jamaica and now me live fe come see Labourite a trust down me shop" I wondered if he was making reference to me since i owed him three hundred dollars for a pack of tough crackers, a Tin of Sardine and a Pepsi. I thought about the fact that i supported him with little regards for party lines and he had the nerve to bring politics into business. He did not seem to have a problem collecting my "Labourite" money when i bought from him during the four year tenure of Bruce Golding. He judged me based on the arguments i had for a change of Government and i did not even vote in the election that put Bruce into power. I did not have a vote. I was not on the electorate list.
Due to my dissatisfaction with the Jamaica Labour Party and the cruelty that was meted out to the people in the Tivoli Garden's Incursion, I wanted the Labourite Government out of Power. I was twenty two years old and I gave my first vote to the People's National Party for i wanted to see what the Portia Simpson Miller, the woman who rose against all odds to become the leader of the People's National Party could do. I believed in equal opportunity and I prided myself on making a sound choice as an adult. I was not voting for my MP, i saw him once on a campaign, i was like my father voting for a party and not my constituency candidate. He can never seem to fulfill his promises. We asked for better roads and each morning after trucks of Marl were deposited on the street, i had to throw water on it to keep the dust down. The entire community was afflicted by the common cold and the flowers that fenced our yards were white from the deposit of dust. It was a white Christmas in my district.
The "socialist" laughed and said " Seet it deh, dem ago fix the roads" and yet joined hands with us each morning watering the road to keep down the dust. I laughed for therein i found an epiphany, it mattered not who was in power, whatever decisions they made affected us all. Labourite and Socialist babies caught colds and even the PNP acitvists hung his head in shame but still murmured. " Anno really the Mp we vote for is the party". I was angry that these elders would gamble my future and that of my peers on favoritism each time they went to the polls. I weep sometimes because they have destroyed my Jamaica. I had high hopes for a future here. Now i like many of my classmates have or considering migration. Jamaica no have nothing fe offer we. These old people mash up mi country. I just broke down in tears writing this because that was exactly how i felt. I once considered entering politics but was discouraged when i approach young people to talk to them about politics. They did not want to hear anything from me about any "P's". They did not turn out at the last election for they do not know who to vote for. They rather not choose the lesser of both evils.
I have nothing against the shopkeeper or my father. They grew up in a different time and i cannot adequately understand what shapes their beliefs. I however know that they are going and i am coming and i am tired of these feelings of depression and disillusion. I admire my father and the shopkeeper for they are hard working people, struggling and it s a shame that their loyalty has never benefited them much above the ordinary. I am upset that they may have been taken for a fool. Maybe when i get older i will understand. They are victims like so many other Jamaicans.
A lot of young youths that i grow up with are laying in tombs including my own family because they do not see a way out of this paucity and turn to a life of crime. On top of that i have to go on Facebook each day and read post from my peers who claim they will never return to Jamaica and encourage me to leave as soon as possible and leave the old neygahs dem down there with them stupidity and corrupt politicians. I am looked upon as a fool for having any confidence that one day a Jamaican leader will rise up and take us out of this decrepit context. A leader like Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Marcus Garvey,a leader so visionary that he/she will move the gun men to put down their guns and if they ever take up arms it would be to become rebels for a cause behind a revolutionary leader.
Now the prices on the items in the shopkeeper's shop has tripled in the last four years. The tin of Sardine that was fifty dollars is now a hundred and thirty dollars almost as expensive as the chicken back that i use to buy for twenty dollars a pound. When i ask him "how the things them just a go up so", he said it did not matter who was in power, it would be the same thing. I knew what he meant, he would rather suffer under his party government than experiment with another. He shouts that " Labourite" will never rule this country again. My community is overrun with young men with nothing to do but "pree" illegal. I foresee that this coming election might be a bloody one. These youths are frustrated, tired of old people forming governments with no regards for this youth generation. I admire Lisa Hanna but standing from where i am and maybe i am wrong, maybe i do not read as much nor experience as much of this world at twenty six years but i am yet to see something being done about our youths.
For Now i will continue to vent in my stories, write on my blogs and make disenchanted post on Facebook to irked my former classmates until they unfriend me for all this negativity. Maybe a better Jamaica is just a dream but i won't stop dreaming. I do not think asking for a better Jamaica for my three year old is too much to ask for?Or maybe it is? People say that i should shut up and do something about it. I do not care about any parties, i just want a good leader and this is all i can do.
I am frustrated, tears streaming down my face. This was not what my forefathers fought for, they would be ashamed of what we have become. Tired of Journalist writing recondite prose in their political reviews instead of addressing the real issues! Tired of my brothers complaining that the only work available is Cane Cutter, Hotel worker or Scammer! Tired of politicians quarreling over foolishness while this country is on its way to becoming another Haiti! I am tired so i write for the course of History was never changed my the many but the few who risked exposing facts reminds me always that the pen is mightier than the sword. Let the Chips fall where they may!
Saturday, October 11, 2014
Men who don't mean you any good always give you a million signs to walk away from him. We complain that men are liars. Men do not lie, actions speak louder than words. It does not matter what a man tells you with his mouth, what matters is what you see with your eyes. That is how far the lie is from the truth-from your ears to your eyes.
Watch out for the red flags and ask questions in order to get clarity. Do not just assume that you are on the right track. You might misread his intentions, but everything you notice about him is real. He is not pretending to not like you; he probably is honestly not that into you. He's not staging his disinterest, he's not interested and if you insist on giving him coochie despite his indifference, no straight male is going to say no to sex.
Here are some signs to look for:
• Always online yet takes forever to respond to your messages: News flash he has someone else who piques his interest far more than you do. Responds to text a day or three later only to apologize and make a date often indefinite to catch up. An indefinite date means that you might be waiting for ever to meet up with this man who may just want to have sex. Nine out of ten time he meets up for sex because he knows you desperately likes him, you are his fall back chick when the women he likes won't give him any time of the day. He basically has you on reserved. His spare tire. Who is going to give him some pussy so that she can snag some more personal favors? He didn't like you before sex, what makes you think he will be more attentive now? Am not saying men don't change their minds after sleeping with women but those women are the exception not the rule, experience shows most men fall off the earth altogether.
• If he is always busy then you know he is not interested. Men are never too busy for women they really like even if it means to take her on the job with him.
• Never calls only text. Chances are he lives with a woman or is too busy using his phone minutes to call other women he is interested in and not you.
• Always waiting until last minute to cancel dates. He is never going to see you. This is one guy you should cancel off your dating options completely. He has no regards for your time and he makes a mockery of your sense of timing by consistently misrepresenting his intentions. Time is precious. Put an x on men who waste your time! Period!
• The guy who lies misrepresents reality and cannot even trust to say one virtuous word. You will never be able trust him and you will always question his intentions. Anybody who is quick to lie about himself will hold no reserves when it comes to lying about you.
• These are some simple, subtle ways a man hints that he is not really interested in you. If you want to be sure about where a man head is give him some space and see how long he takes to realize your absence and reconnect.
If he drops off the face of the earth then know that he is so indifferent to you existent that he did not even realize that your absence. You did the right thing. You just dodge one big ugly bullet.
Men who are not worth the effort and should be crossed off. Don't invest anything in this man.
• Be wary of the men who offer batty wash... They do it to everybody...
• The dude who never takes you out.
• Men who look good but are perennial single.
• The one who makes promises he cannot keep
• The one who only calls you for sex, ask for naked pictures
• The one who ask you for money, phone cards and favors yet can never do anything for you.
• The one who says all the right things in bed but does the wrong thing out of bed. He will tell you he love you while screwing you but never treat you that way.
• The one who never calls or text first and texting or calling him feels like a strain on you.
• The dude who blames everything on you and never takes accountability for anything.
• The one who is married, live with his baby mother and or have woman a foreign is a headache. He is only using you as a substitute a spare tire.
• We are not interested in bashing men, I love men, and some of us will admit that some of our happiest moments were because of a man or due to the presence of a man.
• I have a chapter in my new series especially for dudes like you who always making promises that they are incapable of carrying through for whatever immediate or life threatening reason.
• You have not even an ounce of credibility. I forces to wonder if any iota of truth emanates from your lips
• Don't play hard to get play hard to forget...
• If you going to give your pussy away, as a hefty price tag.