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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Monday, November 10, 2014

Fat Girl Problems : Dating

I met a young man yesterday and we had an interesting conversation. He surprised me in more ways than one. It is not the first time I am seeing him. Our paths crossed a few times and I was equally surprised that he noted I walked pass him in the supermarket a couple Fridays ago. 


When I trudged pass he did not seem particularly interested. He gave me a fleeting look and stared away. And yet he remembers every detail of what I did that day down to what I said to the cashier. I learnt something important, if a man is not staring, it does not mean he is not looking. 

We bumped into each other last night. He apologized profusely. And we started talking, he has known me all my life, remembers when I was going to high school. I could not pick him up, didn't recognized him until he showed me pictures of his family. He looked nothing like the boy I knew. 

When it comes to dating and relationship ships, I often emphasize contrast and comparison when dealing with different suitors. This young man reminded me of what a genuine attraction looks and feels like. 

I didn't have to ask for his number.  There was no need to employ subterfuge, drop hints or encourage interest. It flowed naturally. I was given his number, invited to his Facebook page and asked which day I was free so he could take me to lunch in his brand new Honda SUV. 

I asked him if he was sure I was his type. He asked me." What was wrong with me?" He then said. " I like trying new things" I was sold. 

I did not ask him out of insecurity. I pride myself on being logical in my approach with men. I am a big bodied girl and have to question the interest of a man I often see with slender, petite women. I admit that physically I am not his type or at least I think I am not. I did not know why I reminded him. It was not a prudent move but his response wiped the doubts from my mind. 

And I decided that my next book will be about Fat Girls Problems. It is a reality that bigger frame women deal with everyday and it is the notion that our bodies are not considered ideal. 

Fat girls have to work twice as hard to get respect from men, who see them as third class citizens and last resort. A fat girl is only considered an ideal partner if she has money. While slender women can come as they please! Broke or joke! 

Any ambitious, successful fat girl will tell you the shit men put them through. Men automatically assume that because your body is big, it means you are insecure. A guy once told me that fat women are easy. He was seriously deluded. Women are easy regardless of size, it all boils down to self value. 

But my fat sisters get played a lot. Guys who ask you to pay their phone bills so they can call other women. Men who offer a little sex, miminal interactions and want to collect huge benefits. 

Men who will never he caught dead with you in public and yet have the most demands on you in private. Fat Girls problems goes on and on.... 

I love my child's father for he was the man who loved me for who I am, without glamour or success. He values me. He is the template for sincere affection. Therefore I watch other men and I think about him. This little boy I met last night came pretty close. 

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