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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Sunday, October 26, 2014

And they said write stories...People will relate more...Lessons will get across.



I was encourage a few a years ago to start writing from a story perspective instead of commentary for people could relate more.

When i wrote the article "How we can save Jamaica's Young Men", i wanted to expose a situation from a personal point of view. I do know an absentee father is not the suffice reason to justify criminality. My father does not know his father, i do not know my grandfather or any of my father's paternal relatives for that matter. My father is not a bad man or a thief and he said it is not that he could not have gone that route but he chose not to for he loved my grandmother and he saw her struggle to make ends meet for him to ever break her heart by following bad company.

I met this young man once. It was rainy evening after school and i love to talk. I love to share what i know for i believe others can benefit from enlightenment. I was talking to a schoolmate. I was in forth form and he in the sixth form. We are from the same community and he is not a bad boy, he knows of no father and today he is a successful banker in America. The boys i went to school with, the smartest boy in my class were homes without a father. I know dysfunctional people from completely stable family backgrounds.

These are the stories that should be shared so that boys know that people from their background do make it. I once said to a young man that i was not given any more or less opportunities than any of us. We are where we are because of choice.

I was not trying to justify anything. I clearly said no one owes them anything that they should try to do the best with their lives. Stop saying mommy never have it or the politician do not care. Your life is your responsibility. Start thinking for yourself and do not allow others to "programme" you. Read and find the truth for yourself instead of subscribing to the secondary information by people who hardly know more than you. You do not need to be bad to earn respect. That is what i tell them not that people should feel sorry for gunmen who do not show anyone mercy. I judge too. I look at boys on the street and clutch my purse tighter. I thought really hard before writing this article. I knew some people will see it like i was asking them to feel sorry for any bad man. That was not my intent...But to each his own. I am not what happened to me. I am what i have become. I am who i choose to be. That's what the mirror keeps saying to me.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Jamaica : How do we save our boys?

It is tragic that most bad boys i have heard of, have similar stories. Grew up in a single parent house, father runs off after he is unable or in many cases unwilling to meet the financial demands of the family. In some instances the father was not there because the mommy got pregnant by some man she was in love with who only wanted to have recreational sex and left at the first sign of responsibilities.

By time the boy reaches thirteen and start watch television whether at home or at the corner shop, he realizes that this life, his "livety" is something to be embarrassed about. He is ashamed of the zinc fence and the one room house that mama lives in. He wants a life like the one he sees on T.V. Now he does not even need television, he only needs social media like Facebook where people make posts about their perfect lives and force ordinary people to question the legitimacy of their own banal existence.

Mama begs him to keep out of trouble but mama knows little about grooming a good man for she probably has never met one and as Tupac said it is hard for a woman to raise a man. The boy stop take "talk" from mommy and albeit mommy will want him to become a better man. She is unable to effectively teach the difference between ambition and desires.

I had this discussion last night at a memorial for a cousin of mine who was killed last year. I said to a group of boys, hoping that my words would not fall on deaf ears. They appeared disinterested, who was i to talk to them when i could not even get my own to listen.

"You cannot get something simply by wanting it. Not because you feel entitled to something or you want it, it does not mean you should get it or people should facilitate it for you. We must learn that our lives is our responsibility, yes we can blame our parents for never having it or politicians for never giving a damn, but at the end of the day people will question your virtues and not theirs. You will be held accountable for your life."

My cousin's death haunts me because i somehow feel responsible. I know it was not my fault but everyone knows reading about something and finding it on your own doorstep is an entirely different experience. I did not just lose the little boy i grew up with, i lost friends and the respect of people for being related by blood to someone killed by the police. They assumed he must have done something wrong.

They lambaste, soo soo behind my back and question my integrity for having "people like that in my family", something i believe i have no control over. Other people got to chose their families but unfortunately i was born into one. So i was left with the burden of being blamed for the disaffected young men in my"breed"and if they are wrongdoers and apart of my kindred then it meant i was a criminal sympathizer, that i somehow must have known and upheld with what they are doing.

Now i knew how some parents who believe they raised good children felt when one child falls by the wayside. I am human and it pricked at my conscience. I was vouching for the boy i knew, not the man it was rumored he had become. All i remembered was the kind boy who "wramp" too much, he was too trusting, not judgmental enough and never really took life seriously. He embraced everybody and it was this " keep all kinda friends" attitude, to life that got him killed.

I cannot adequately emphasize how difficult it is to speak to one of these young men and have them listen to a female. I often think how difficult their mothers must have it. They apparently only listen to other males, men who they want to emulate, men with power, money and guns. His story is epic, single mother, father ran off, mommy sell clothes pon roadside fe buy the chicken back and rice to send him and his several siblings to school. He and his brothers went to church every Sunday for his mother is a christian and by the time they were teenagers, no longer listen mommy for she was not a man, they thought themselves men now. Men do not listen to women. These men stop going to church and did what they wanted to.


They know of the gender bias with regards to advice that exists in this patriarchal society. "Men don't take talk from women not even their own mothers", So i took it upon myself to encourage young men whenever i get a chance even though half the time they probably won't listen. I have come to a conclusion that our young men have serious identity and self esteem issues. Our young men want money, they believe having a lot of money will make them a man. "They want to be like the Don or the Politician, who drive big vehicle and have a lots of girls".

They have not heard ordinary men with success stories only ordinary men who work all them life and never get further than the two room board house. Ordinary men getting killed everyday.Ordinary men whose women left them for men with supposedly more money. Ordinary men who are called dead beat fathers. Ordinary men who the people i went to school with call " Old Neygahs!"

They do not read and i doubt they watch Profile on Sundays with Ian Boyne. They do not think that ordinary people like them of unborn opportunities can offer anything to this world. They cannot be like the "big boys" because they did not finish school and cannot get a "neck tie job".I feel guilty about my little cousin's death and so encourage, educate and reason with young men every chance i get to see if i can save even one and save some other family from this tragedy.

And so i tell them. :" Badness don't pay and all gangsters must die. Most bad men we heard of in our lifetime died in their youths and that supposedly should be a lesson enough for you. So if you love your life, you steer clear of badness and guns"

I invite the men in my extended family, enticing them with the occasional cook out and rum. Sometimes i sit and listen for i get great material from their conversations for my stories. Other times i engage them in some "conscious reasoning" and they listen, nod with pensive stares, gazing out in space. Gone to another place, i wonder at times what they are thinking about and when they smile, i see the boys i have known all my life.

A friend of mine once said. "Crystal stop post up pictures with them bwoy bwoy deh a yuh yard. Them look like a some thief."
I asked her "if is mi family them she a call thief?". I could not blame her for her observation for i have had the same problems walking on the streets and seeing young men with kerchiefs tied across them face, wearing Hoodie in broad sunlight and stepping like Super Cat. The Boys i grew up with are not an exception, they too think dressing like that is quite fashionable and since Lil Wayne and Tommy Lee are doing it then why not.

She told me one day in a heated conversation about how i sympathized too much with Ghetto people when they put up with too much slackness and how she seriously question my moral leanings. She went on to say that " a one a them same youth deh weh me counsel might take my life." I believed i told her. " It is the same kind of risk the Pastor, the social worker and even our teachers take everyday in this society. Somebody have to do it. We cannot all just sit aside and watch". She laughed and shook her head calling in the support of her other intellectual friends to show me how much of a fool i was to think i could ever change "people like them". She said. " When i go back to my area, i talk to them, i say hi to the boys on the corner but i never make them feel as if they are my equal. I do not know if is fear you fear them or you a try fit it but sometimes you sound like act like two different person to me. You have crystal the blogger, intellectual extraordinaire and then you have Diama from down Westmoreland bush bush."

I cannot blame her for thinking that way. I have found myself staring at little boys even babies whose mothers find funds to buy horse hair and Chinese tights to wear go dance and yet cannot send their sons to schools and wonder if i am staring into the eyes of my own killer. It is unfair for me to judge a child based on the circumstances he was born into. My friends will say. " Make them take up badness and see if them nuh dead". I always respond. " Well every badman have a bad end. My only issue is how much a we them ago kill before someone gets rid of them."

I will continue to counsel for any one with dreams or fantasies of change knows that the work must first start with themselves and their small circles. I-nation implored me to start a reading club in my parish. I will find out how i can go about doing that. Nelson Mandela said education is the most powerful weapon that can change the world. I grew up in the same circumstances like these boys, i believe the only difference was that i would rather read a book than play ball on the Play field. I am hoping that by encouraging literacy, that i might find an antidote. A commentator wrote on a previous article a quote from John F. Kennedy. " ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country"and it made sense.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Mother Belly Deceitful and Other Stories

I was around sixteen year old when Brawdy climbed the mango tree next. He scaled the fence faster than a monkey and blast up the Mango tree like a Squirrel. We readily awaited the Mangoes, our eyes fixated on the juicy, oblong fruits on the tree that we forgot to be a look-out for Mr.Buckner, the mango tree owner. We heard the sudden halt of the Bicycle brakes and dashed down the street leaving Brawdy alone in the Mango Tree to face Mr. Buckner's wrath.

Five minutes later and Brawdy's mother huffed and puffed her way up the street and from the smoke chimneying from her ears and nostrils we knew that there would be bangarang in the community that evening. Mr. Buckner was furious that Brawdy climbed the tree without his permission and worse he had the audacity to come over the fence and not through the gate. Mr. Buckner spoke in harsh tones and said. " A that's why them grow come tun thief and murderer. A train them a train from now fe come over people yard come take them things when them not home and see the mumma a run a come cuss me"

He did get a good tongue lashing from Brawdy's mother who chided Mr. Buckner for calling down "disgrace on her son" over few measly mangoes on a tree. She emphasized that she was not "deading" for hungry. Mr. Buckner retorted. " A that's why police end up shoot them cause when them do wrongs unoo shield them and cuss people instead of showing them the err in their ways"

I was somewhat embarrassed by what happened and my father warned us about taking things from people's yard without asking for it. I understood what he meant now, i was there and i agreed for Brawdy to risk going over the fence for the mangoes therefore i was just as culpable as him. Brawdy called names and told his mother "who and who" were with him and would benefit from the loot. His mother hissed. "And the whole a dem gone left you. You seet say company anno good something though? That is why you must low friend". Brawdy got several quick slaps leveled at the back of his head and shoves in the direction of his home as his mom shot daggers our way. We huddled behind the Hibiscuses and prayed our parents did not find out that we somehow contributed to the uproar.

I learnt a few things from that experience and in retrospect Mr. Buckner response was hurting but may hold certain truths to it. Today Brawdy is laying in a tomb in the Cemetery, gunned down a few years ago by unknown assailants. I am not saying Brawdy is dead because he stole mangoes as a kid. Raiding fruit trees was all the rave for children growing up in the early nineties.I think his mother did a poor job of parenting by cussing off Mr Buckner instead of asking Brawdy to apologize to man and punish him for his wrong doings. She behaved like many parents did; who instead of doing what is right are more concerned about saving face and winning an argument.

Brawdy spent his short life "brucking shop, terrorizing people's building materials and being an all around petty criminal". Every time you go to his mother about what he did, she would "cuss and galang" bad, run people from her gate and "nyam bible leaf" say " a lie dem a tell pon her pickney. Sometimes she would say a free things and how nobody do not want it so the boy should "use up free things". Other times when things look serious and the boy was guilty for police found the goods in his possessions, she walk up and down with her hands on her head and beg for mercy from the victims. She would say. " A the whole a we live yah so make we just put it good." The victims knowing Brawdy from he was a little boy would drop the charges and Brawdy would boast that they did it for they were afraid of him and what and what him could do if anyone ever testified against him. Before the week was out, Brawdy would take something again.

In Hindsight, i thought about what his mother said on that day with the "Mango business". She had exposed a way of thinking when she established that if we lived in the same area then it was okay to take something without permission. It is this licky licky mentality and sense of entitlement that lends credence to the idea that if people look like them have it and refuse to share it, then we should take it. Brawdy's mom thought it was okay to take the mangoes because Mr. Buckner had "people a fahrin", his fence made of concrete and his house was big.

. She opined that the mangoes did not worth anything and that Mr. Buckner 'neva haffi a gwaan so' but she like many parents missed the principle aspect of the argument. It was not so much about the mangoes, it was because he took it, breach the privacy of someone else's home and had the nerve to give Mr. Buckner a couple profanity on top of it.

Brawdy's luck ran out. His mother missed the memo. While people in the district would forgive or overlook his thievery for he was Mass Cecile's grandson and they know him "before him bawn". People who did not know about Brawdy's family and how much of a good people his grandparents were wanted justice when he stole anything. Police stopped listening to the pleas of his mother who bawled that he was an innocent bwoy for everybody knew that when he took anything or he was paid for a hit, he gave her the money. She was building mansion and sending her other children to school on blood money. People murmured that if she had nipped that boy in the bud from he was a 'likkle fingasmith' then he might be alive today. His mother they claimed,' bruck him bad'.

Now every tub have to stand up on their own bottom. And just as how Brawdy was left alone that day with the mangoes, he was found alone on a dirt trail with several gunshot wounds. No one cried but Brawdy's mother and the community albeit sympathetic towards her for everyone knew that 'mother belly deceitful' sighed with relief that the terrorist finally was put to rest. Mr. Buckner rested his arms along the fence and uttered in earshot of the wailing mother who kept him malice since the day her son was caught on his mango tree. "Any mother weh fail to give people justice when them pickney do wrongs shall bury them. You think a everybody like you or know your family and ago come seek recompense and put good when your boy do things? You have some people out there who do not know your family and don't care and i believe a them take him life."

The mother shook her head, slapdashed up the street, bumper wheeling and dashing, and using a rag to wipe the mucous from her that drained from her nostrils onto her upper lip. Mr. Buckner shouted. " Sorry for your lost but you mothers put up with too much slackness." I felt sorry for Brawdy's mother but she was not innocent of the fate that met her son. I mumbled a " Good Morning" to Mr. Buckner. He looked at me as i trudged pass him in my community college uniform and threw me a crooked smile. " The world is a better place without that bwoy. If a did up to me alone. All lacka them would not even born."

From Crystal Evans Book
The People Next Door and Other Stories
Copyright 2014

Sunday, October 19, 2014

For the Men trolling Articles and leaving Nasty Comments and sending me disrespectful emails.

bwoy got about seventeen comments and a bay cuss them a cuss and diss westmoreland people. Nigga don't assume anything about me? You don't know me. I guess that is why people are afraid to write. All them self appointed psychologist start make conclusions. How you can analyse the book base on the epilogue. Aww a tell unoo bout uno brainwash education.

I notice that men tend to be very personal when they are responding to my articles. One i do not promote sexism (2) Mi no have a man problem and 3) You do not know me so stop assuming crap about me based on what i write. Am in this to make money not to make friends.

You can disagree without having to resort to insults.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Ten Jamaican men can get away with that women can't!

Ten Things Jamaican Men can but Jamaican women cannot do!

1. A Jamaican man can have as many outside children as he likes and his wife is expected to forgive him and continue the relationship. This is a big issue since if a woman within a relationship gets pregnant for an outside man, the relationship is over. Very few Jamaican men will stay with a woman "who annodda" man impregnated. Men who do so are considered fools and lose respect from their male peers. People might say women who stay in these relationship have a choice to leave but in reality some do not. Before you condemn these women, be mindful of the facts, never react without knowledge of their situations.

2. A man can sleep with as many women as he likes and still be considered a very eligible partner while if a woman has been around the "blocks" a couple time then men cross her off as being unmarriageable. This might only be a perception for women with less virtuous reputations and history of promiscuity do end up with a good partners for what is trash to one man is gold to another. It is unfair that women are not allowed by social sanctioning to play the field as much as men without any form of reproach. A woman cannot do what a man does and still be a lady.

3. A Jamaican man is not expected to wash underwear, as a matter a fact a lot of men within lower economical class stress the notion of not having their rags in the same basin as a woman's panties. While women will wash a man's undergarments. Some men will not put panties on line or take them off. To wash a female underwear is considered emasculating while female's watching a man's brief is seen as traditional.

4. A man can stay out all night, all day if he likes but if a woman decides to live this " pon the road" lifestyle then men complain. It was only recently a female acquaintance explained that her man will go to work, come home and leave again to chill with his friends. She said that she decided to give him a piece of his own medicine by stepping in and out as she liked and spending less time at home. She said he claimed that she was not living a "good gyal lifestyle" and was becoming a "road terrorist". He found it unpleasant the idea that a woman could love road as much as him and he might not be alone in this perception.

5. Men are not chastised as much when they abandon children but women are considered lower than the bottom when they leave their children. It is widely assumed that women have more intense bond with children due to pregnancy and only a heartless woman could leave her child. Men can pass their children on the streets without as much as a glance but a mother is suppose to be committed to her children. Men can spend less time with offspring's, refuse to attend school meetings and have zero contact and it is acceptable.

6. When a man remarries he can bring his new wife to the house he shared with his previous partner. Women especially if the house was built by their first partner is not expected to bring another man into the home. She can live there with the children as long as she does not bring any man there. A woman will help a man build a house and he will throw her out and bring in a next woman while if a man builds a house with a woman and the relationship goes sour, he will insist that "no man nah live a him yard"

7. When a man likes a woman, she is expected to like him back but if a woman crushes on a man and he is not interested she is expected to leave him alone. A man will psst at a female and if she refuses to give him any attention, he will pursue, insult and even manhandle her. If a woman likes a man and he is not interested and he makes his disinterest known, the woman is suppose to give up and leave him alone. Why can't men leave a woman alone when she shows him that she is not interested.

8. Men who insist that they do not eat and yet expect women to eat (from) them. Oral sex has always been an issue that highlights the hypocrisy of some Jamaican men. Not all men are uncomfortable and som will admit that they will do it but a vast majority will "nyam bible leaf" that they do not believe in men doing oral sex yet seem to enjoy it with a female. How can you enjoy something you do not see yourself doing. That is just plain hypocrisy. Like Kartel bashing Lisa Hype and then come endorse the same concept in his later music.

9. This ties in with number one. Many Jamaican .love to give bun and expect their women to forgive and move on. They will insist that the woman gets over it and stop nagging him about his indiscretion. Now make him a get a bun and is a whole different scenario. He will cuss, bawl and wail over the alledge cheating and find it very difficult to forgive his woman. His friends who have no qualms about encouraging him to cheat saying " Don't be no Bottle torch or One Burner" will boost him to leave him woman cause "the gyal diss him". So hypocritical.

10. Jamaican man can carry himself any way in a relationship but not so for females. Men think they deserve the bestest and sexiest girls and want to carry themselves as them feel like. Men say it is their spending power that a woman is attracted to and not their bodies so they can come with "big belly, face full a hair and two days don't bathe or brush teeth" and females are suppose to accept it once they are spending their money. Women now have to be perfect in every way and less attractive men will call girls ugly and fat when they have big belly, no teeth and dirty clothes swag.

Are Women too Emotional to be leaders?

This gentleman left a comment on my post stating that women should not be leaders because they are too emotional. I went to my Oxford to confirm the definition of " Emotional " and it states : (of a person) having feelings that are easily excited and openly displayed or arousing or characterized by intense feeling.

I assume he meant women should not be leaders because they lack the emotional fortitude that men possess. But men do express emotions. I think anger is an emotion. Maybe my definition or my idea of what expressions characterizes an emotion might be somewhat skewed but the last time i checked men might not cry, write a poignant article or mope around but they will definitely get angry. In my estimation, men can be just as emotional as women only that they express their feelings differently.

I have never seen :The Honorable Portia Simpson Miller, President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf of Liberia, President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner of Argentina or President Dilma Rousseff of Brazil cry for that matter. But i did see Minister Kern Spencer "sob" in Parliament during the Cuban light bulb Saga. Not only him but Former Prime Minister Edward Seaga is widely known to cry publicly and even so is still consider among the masses as a militant leader. Male leaders from time to time will shed a few tears and there is nothing wrong with that. Some men might squirm at the idea of a man crying but maybe if we encouraged our boys to cry more, we would not have so many angry disaffected youths walking around beating their chests like King Kong.


I do not see a male as less of man for being "emotional, if anything it reaffirms his humanity. I think women are very strong individuals and have more balls than a lot of men put together. Women can certainly do more with less money, take care of children without a partner and tolerate the excruciating pains associated with childbirth labor.

If crying is the only thing that disqualifies a woman from a leadership position then anger displayed by men should deem them unfit for leadership. People get killed everyday because most men cannot keep " their emotions" in check. It is because of "masculine emotions" why our jails are teeming with males and wars are waged each year. On the path we are heading with women dominating men in our Universities and Managerial positions we might very soon have an all-female parliament. OOps!!!!


Any woman will admit that when a lover, brother or male relative is hurt, his emotional expression will range anywhere from mild annoyance to rage, men do not cry but they will get upset and let out a slew of profanities. Crying is considered a weak emotion while anger telegraphs strength and defense but anger often lead to violence. I do not thing getting loud, angry and abusive is a demonstration of level headed emotions necessary to run a country. Females are far more sensitive but are not so due to sex but socialization and hormones. Look at all the problems we are having in this world ran by testosterone.

One writer muses that if the world had more female leaders we would have less wars only a group of countries not having any form of dialogue. That might be the issue that most men have with the idea of female leaders that their "emotions" will affect their decision making process. It means that if a country is to go to war then a female leader would be hesitant for her maternal instincts might kick in and she would feel empathy for women and children in that country who might become casualties of a war. It is not that women are not inclined to be ruthless but men will claim that they are more capable of handling this part of leadership.

I do not think leaders turn off their emotions when they make certain decisions. Everyday leaders and citizens make choices concerning their lives based on their own individual rationale. Women who lead companies and countries have displayed that they are just as capable of making rationale decisions as men. One's ability as a leader should not be based solely on gender but on effectiveness based on skills and demonstrated experience.

Men and Women cry, people react to situation differently and even hardened men in the face of hopelessness and exhaustion will become emotional. Emotions do not always influence bad judgement, some people do attest to having clarity after a bout of emotional outburst. I am female, i cry whenever i feel overwhelmed, it is my natural response, it is my expected reaction based on gender roles and social norms. Does it make me or any other female more or less likely to make erroneous decisions, maybe and maybe not. We have experimented with both male and female leaders so that should tell us something about gender bias when it comes to politics.

Improve your Immune System to Fight Ebola

Ebola is an infectious and generally fatal disease marked by fever and severe internal bleeding, spread through contact with infected body fluids by a Ebolavirus ( Ebola virus), whose normal host species is considered to be Bats in Africa.
Ebola has a survival rate of thirty percent on average whihc means that for every ten person who becomes infected with the virus only three stand a chance at survival. Ebola significantly undermines the immune system and those who survive the onslaught of the Ebola virus have a supercharged immune system.

Here are some tips on how you can improve your Immune system and increase your chance of survival

1. Eat more fruits and vegetables that have immune boosting phyto nutrients.Cabbages, Grapefruit, Watermelons, Strawberries and Blueberries are great boosters for the Immune system. Eat a lot of green, leafy vegetables and organic fruits. It might be time to start eating those Almonds that waste on the ground in our Jamaican Back Yards, According to WEBMD.Com, Almonds are great at helping your immune system to cope with stress and there is nothing more stressful than a national panic over a disease that could kill you in twelve days on average.. Another Good food that gets rid of free radicals that could subvert the immune system is sweet potatoes.

2. Cut out stress by exercising and maintaining a positive outlook on life. You will be surprised at how a change in thoughts can vastly improve your health. We have heard enough stories of people who died "faster" because they alledgedly "fret" on their illness. Being positive does improve your overall health and ability to fight diseases.

3. Get good night sleep,at least eight hours so that your body can repair damage cells and reboot for the next day's work. Your body needs to be at its best to fight diseases and a body overworked and run down cannot withstand an Ebola Virus. Get a good night's sleep. Rest is very important.

4. During an outbreak it is best to cook your own food. Wash all fruits and vegetables. Cleanliness when handling food is your best bet against viruses and diseases that are transmitted through contact.

5. Person's suffering from complications already have a compromised immunity against diseases. People who are HIV positive, suffering from heart complications, those with major organ damage and respiratory problems need special attention and should take extra care during an Ebola Outbreak

6. Drink Green Tea such as Papaya leaves, it is rumoured to be very effective against Chickungya and might prove beneficial in Ebola Outbreak as it is a great immune system booster.

7. Refrain from taking or stocking up on anti-biotics as they kill the Cytokines messengers to your immune system. A suppressed immune system will not be able to fight against a viral infection in the effect that modern medicine is unavailable

8. Spices that boost your immune system include Tumeric ( use to make CURRY), Cinnamon and Garlic. Garlic is known for its antibiotic properties.

9. Coconut is good for your health as it is rich in lactic acid that converts which converts to Monolaurin, the milk compound found in a mother's breast that strengthens a baby's immunity.

10. Protein is good for your overall health and a good source of protein with immune fighting agents is Egg. Egg can be consumed raw, boiled or fried. Egg is a great recommendation for regeneration of cells. It is recommended that it is eaten as close to its natural state as possible to get the full benefit of the Egg meal. Three Eggs per day is good enough according to the experts.

This might not sound like much but your best combat against diseases has always been your diet. If your body has a good immune system then it can fight infections. Make your body strong by eating right and boosting your immune system

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Dealing with men who casually date everyone!




No girl wants to be with a man who cannot let other women know that he is taken. The rules are simple. A man cannot expect to get all the benefits of being a husband when you are together yet acts like a bachelor in your absence. He is either in a relationship or he is not, he cannot be both.
Too many men parading around because they have wives at home who are too weak to demand more from their relationships and putting single women's life in jeopardy by pretending to not be in a relationship. Any man who has an arrangement where you are only together when you are together is not worth your time. When it comes to dating, exclusivity is the name of the game.

Getting yourself sexually entangled with a man who does not have a girl despite being seen with twenty different women or rumored to be involved with other women is just setting up yourself to become another of his statistics. If he does not own them, what makes you think that he will ever admit to being with you?

If a man wants to sleep with a woman without emotional attachments or obligation then he should find a lady of the night and pay for her services. Women should draw the line at men treating ordinary women like whores by paying them to not demand more from a relationship. Some might say our young women act like whores and therefore deserved to be treated as such.
He will sleep with you and box you in with his other casuals while he chases another "fresh meat". You will join those women on the sidelines who watched, eyes green with envy as you trot around town with the man who slept with them last weekend wondering if you are the real thing. They know that your hype is only transient, that you will soon be joining them on the bench waiting for another chance to be number one draft pick.
It is better a man admits that he is not ready for a relationship and gives a woman the choice to be in that situation than deceive her into thinking he wants something permanent just to get into her panties.

It is up to the woman to find out by asking direct questions as to what the man she is dating is expecting. Do not assume that he wants a permanent relationship or that he will commit to you. You should get into his head before you give him any head!

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Why Jamaican Youths do not care about Politics?

I do not remember how old i was when Former Prime Minister P.J Patterson won the election, a foreshadow for the end of Edward Seaga's political career. I am sure i was in high school for i recounted a truck of PNP supporters driving pass me one afternoon screaming "Power" with music blaring from cars, i shouted back "Shower" and my schoolmate took one of the Orange flags and give me a "good lick inna me head" I was around fourteen i think and surprised if not fearful at how people in the truck began hurling insults at me, one lady congratulated my friend for licking me in the head with the orange flag. It was the first time i witnessed how people got angry over politics I shake my head at the memory. "The way how them did a gwaan was like them did want stop the truck and come lick some sense into my head."


This memory came to me this morning as i read the Observer issue on the Candidacy for the Central Westmoreland Member of Parliament Post. My family and i mean on both sides, my maternal and paternal relatives are staunch PNP supporters. I recall having heated debates with my father over the notion that i was a stupid little girl to want a white man to rule my country (Edward Seaga) when Jamaica was a predominantly black country and Mr. Patterson was the most fitting candidate for the Prime Minister since he was black. I once ask my father what complexion was Micheal Manley and Norman Manley? My father glared at me and i was banned from that day from even saying the (LLLL) 'the L sound' in his house. I was fourteen years old and the only rationale my dad gave me for supporting his MP was that he was black and came from Micheal Manley's Legacy. I was not interested in that, I only wanted to see another party in power. I wanted to give the other party a chance to rule. I was fourteen but challenged adults at the Pipe Stand when i carried water in the morning and they warned my father about my Labourite leanings and how he could not afford for labourites to capture my young mind for i was very intelligent. My father further emphasized the ban on the the word "Labourite" within his earshot.

The same thing happen when i was in sixth form and Bruce Golding went up against Portia Simpson Miller. I remembered my peers and i being elated that Portia Simpson-Miller won. I recalled being in heated arguments with the men on the corner after school when they made assertions such as "No one seeing their period" should run the country. They claimed that men could not rule under a woman's frock tail. This is the place that i am from. This is how people think where i was born and socialized. I wanted to see a female at the helm, it was important to me as a young woman, it was a testament that regardless of my sex with hard work and perseverance, i could one day rule the world. I wanted Portia to win for i was from similar circumstances like her. She triumped against Peter Philips and my classmates and i were happy for we young Jamaicans wanted to see progressive. I cried when i saw her on Television after the bitter presidential battle for the PNP leadership and the Shaggy's " Strength of a Woman" playing in the background. I was genuinely happy for her.


When the next General Election came around my peers and i were still interested in seeing a another Party in power. One afternoon i entered my father's business place and was in a Lime Green blouse with sequins on the front. My father's political activist friend was there and i will never forget how he pointed at my shirt and asked how my father allowed me to wear such a disgraceful colour in the house. He said that his house was painted in Orange and that he did not even drink Heineken. He said he hated the colour Green. I did not argue with him for my father shot daggers at me with eyes that told me to shut up. I felt sorry for my father, watching him struggle everyday selling food to send me to school, a child as brilliant as i am and after placing third in the CXC National Awards and Second for CAPE Literature in English, i asked him one evening if he could not get some assistance from his "Political Party" to send me to university. He smiled at me, his face etched with understanding, crows feet at the corner of his eyes and for once i believe my father understood why i gave him hell about politics. I was not promoting tribalism, i was a child questioning the political process and why this business of politics did not seem to brook any developments for my peers and I. I will not question my family's loyalty to the PNP, i did some reading and i have heard stories of some awful things that took place in the eighties and that might be the grounds for their resentment. I was born in the late eighties and my father said " Young Bud no know storm" He was not particularly pleased about buying female paraphernalia with food items i believed he said one day in a very colorful language and he did not want to experience that again.

Albeit Bruce Golding was intellectual and represented the change my Sixth Form Liberal Arts Classmates and I wanted. We were disappointed. We had high expectations and Bruce ruined it. We might have expected too much of him to erase the ills of a system established by another for years. We suffered in the west, we were suffering before and we suffered more for as my granny put it " Socialist was not in power". I remember one day on the cusp of adulthood at twenty years old and entering the corner shop and hearing the owner, an Activist croak in contempt. " Them nuh say a change them did want. See them get change deh for them did feel say Bruce coulda help Jamaica and now me live fe come see Labourite a trust down me shop" I wondered if he was making reference to me since i owed him three hundred dollars for a pack of tough crackers, a Tin of Sardine and a Pepsi. I thought about the fact that i supported him with little regards for party lines and he had the nerve to bring politics into business. He did not seem to have a problem collecting my "Labourite" money when i bought from him during the four year tenure of Bruce Golding. He judged me based on the arguments i had for a change of Government and i did not even vote in the election that put Bruce into power. I did not have a vote. I was not on the electorate list.

Due to my dissatisfaction with the Jamaica Labour Party and the cruelty that was meted out to the people in the Tivoli Garden's Incursion, I wanted the Labourite Government out of Power. I was twenty two years old and I gave my first vote to the People's National Party for i wanted to see what the Portia Simpson Miller, the woman who rose against all odds to become the leader of the People's National Party could do. I believed in equal opportunity and I prided myself on making a sound choice as an adult. I was not voting for my MP, i saw him once on a campaign, i was like my father voting for a party and not my constituency candidate. He can never seem to fulfill his promises. We asked for better roads and each morning after trucks of Marl were deposited on the street, i had to throw water on it to keep the dust down. The entire community was afflicted by the common cold and the flowers that fenced our yards were white from the deposit of dust. It was a white Christmas in my district.

The "socialist" laughed and said " Seet it deh, dem ago fix the roads" and yet joined hands with us each morning watering the road to keep down the dust. I laughed for therein i found an epiphany, it mattered not who was in power, whatever decisions they made affected us all. Labourite and Socialist babies caught colds and even the PNP acitvists hung his head in shame but still murmured. " Anno really the Mp we vote for is the party". I was angry that these elders would gamble my future and that of my peers on favoritism each time they went to the polls. I weep sometimes because they have destroyed my Jamaica. I had high hopes for a future here. Now i like many of my classmates have or considering migration. Jamaica no have nothing fe offer we. These old people mash up mi country. I just broke down in tears writing this because that was exactly how i felt. I once considered entering politics but was discouraged when i approach young people to talk to them about politics. They did not want to hear anything from me about any "P's". They did not turn out at the last election for they do not know who to vote for. They rather not choose the lesser of both evils.

I have nothing against the shopkeeper or my father. They grew up in a different time and i cannot adequately understand what shapes their beliefs. I however know that they are going and i am coming and i am tired of these feelings of depression and disillusion. I admire my father and the shopkeeper for they are hard working people, struggling and it s a shame that their loyalty has never benefited them much above the ordinary. I am upset that they may have been taken for a fool. Maybe when i get older i will understand. They are victims like so many other Jamaicans.

A lot of young youths that i grow up with are laying in tombs including my own family because they do not see a way out of this paucity and turn to a life of crime. On top of that i have to go on Facebook each day and read post from my peers who claim they will never return to Jamaica and encourage me to leave as soon as possible and leave the old neygahs dem down there with them stupidity and corrupt politicians. I am looked upon as a fool for having any confidence that one day a Jamaican leader will rise up and take us out of this decrepit context. A leader like Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Marcus Garvey,a leader so visionary that he/she will move the gun men to put down their guns and if they ever take up arms it would be to become rebels for a cause behind a revolutionary leader.

Now the prices on the items in the shopkeeper's shop has tripled in the last four years. The tin of Sardine that was fifty dollars is now a hundred and thirty dollars almost as expensive as the chicken back that i use to buy for twenty dollars a pound. When i ask him "how the things them just a go up so", he said it did not matter who was in power, it would be the same thing. I knew what he meant, he would rather suffer under his party government than experiment with another. He shouts that " Labourite" will never rule this country again. My community is overrun with young men with nothing to do but "pree" illegal. I foresee that this coming election might be a bloody one. These youths are frustrated, tired of old people forming governments with no regards for this youth generation. I admire Lisa Hanna but standing from where i am and maybe i am wrong, maybe i do not read as much nor experience as much of this world at twenty six years but i am yet to see something being done about our youths.

For Now i will continue to vent in my stories, write on my blogs and make disenchanted post on Facebook to irked my former classmates until they unfriend me for all this negativity. Maybe a better Jamaica is just a dream but i won't stop dreaming. I do not think asking for a better Jamaica for my three year old is too much to ask for?Or maybe it is? People say that i should shut up and do something about it. I do not care about any parties, i just want a good leader and this is all i can do.

I am frustrated, tears streaming down my face. This was not what my forefathers fought for, they would be ashamed of what we have become. Tired of Journalist writing recondite prose in their political reviews instead of addressing the real issues! Tired of my brothers complaining that the only work available is Cane Cutter, Hotel worker or Scammer! Tired of politicians quarreling over foolishness while this country is on its way to becoming another Haiti! I am tired so i write for the course of History was never changed my the many but the few who risked exposing facts reminds me always that the pen is mightier than the sword. Let the Chips fall where they may!

Saturday, October 11, 2014

If a Man is not calling you. He is not interested in you...

Any man who isn’t with you is not your concern.



Men who don't mean you any good always give you a million signs to walk away from him. We complain that men are liars. Men do not lie, actions speak louder than words. It does not matter what a man tells you with his mouth, what matters is what you see with your eyes. That is how far the lie is from the truth-from your ears to your eyes.

Watch out for the red flags and ask questions in order to get clarity. Do not just assume that you are on the right track. You might misread his intentions, but everything you notice about him is real. He is not pretending to not like you; he probably is honestly not that into you. He's not staging his disinterest, he's not interested and if you insist on giving him coochie despite his indifference, no straight male is going to say no to sex.

Here are some signs to look for:

• Always online yet takes forever to respond to your messages: News flash he has someone else who piques his interest far more than you do. Responds to text a day or three later only to apologize and make a date often indefinite to catch up. An indefinite date means that you might be waiting for ever to meet up with this man who may just want to have sex. Nine out of ten time he meets up for sex because he knows you desperately likes him, you are his fall back chick when the women he likes won't give him any time of the day. He basically has you on reserved. His spare tire. Who is going to give him some pussy so that she can snag some more personal favors? He didn't like you before sex, what makes you think he will be more attentive now? Am not saying men don't change their minds after sleeping with women but those women are the exception not the rule, experience shows most men fall off the earth altogether.
• If he is always busy then you know he is not interested. Men are never too busy for women they really like even if it means to take her on the job with him.
• Never calls only text. Chances are he lives with a woman or is too busy using his phone minutes to call other women he is interested in and not you.
• Always waiting until last minute to cancel dates. He is never going to see you. This is one guy you should cancel off your dating options completely. He has no regards for your time and he makes a mockery of your sense of timing by consistently misrepresenting his intentions. Time is precious. Put an x on men who waste your time! Period!
• The guy who lies misrepresents reality and cannot even trust to say one virtuous word. You will never be able trust him and you will always question his intentions. Anybody who is quick to lie about himself will hold no reserves when it comes to lying about you.
• These are some simple, subtle ways a man hints that he is not really interested in you. If you want to be sure about where a man head is give him some space and see how long he takes to realize your absence and reconnect.
If he drops off the face of the earth then know that he is so indifferent to you existent that he did not even realize that your absence. You did the right thing. You just dodge one big ugly bullet.
Men who are not worth the effort and should be crossed off. Don't invest anything in this man.



• Be wary of the men who offer batty wash... They do it to everybody...

• The dude who never takes you out.

• Men who look good but are perennial single.

• The one who makes promises he cannot keep

• The one who only calls you for sex, ask for naked pictures

• The one who ask you for money, phone cards and favors yet can never do anything for you.

• The one who says all the right things in bed but does the wrong thing out of bed. He will tell you he love you while screwing you but never treat you that way.

• The one who never calls or text first and texting or calling him feels like a strain on you.

• The dude who blames everything on you and never takes accountability for anything.

• The one who is married, live with his baby mother and or have woman a foreign is a headache. He is only using you as a substitute a spare tire.

• We are not interested in bashing men, I love men, and some of us will admit that some of our happiest moments were because of a man or due to the presence of a man.

• I have a chapter in my new series especially for dudes like you who always making promises that they are incapable of carrying through for whatever immediate or life threatening reason.

• You have not even an ounce of credibility. I forces to wonder if any iota of truth emanates from your lips

• Don't play hard to get play hard to forget...

• If you going to give your pussy away, as a hefty price tag.

Friday, October 10, 2014

The Jamaican Blogger Kiesha Brissett" Check her out!




It simply means, I won't stop until I write as effortlessly as Tessane sings ... as quickly as Bolt runs ... as competently as grandma Edith use to bake ... as ....as ... I won't stop until I master it!

Writing for me was just a late night fling. A one night stand that lasted too long. Now, we're in a relationship. A relationship where disillusionment is often replaced with delusion.

Delusion that makes me believe people will actually read. Delusion that makes me believe I have something to say and it can only be said my way. Delusion that makes me believe I'll write in a way that lifts the spirit, caresses the heart, connects with the soul and ... dear God, I'm really delusional.
Picture
That's way too deep.

Trust me, if I get a smile or even a smirk, am good. Because deep down, I think that's the goal of anyone who dares to write.

They want people to share in their stories, relate to it, have some sort of emotional reaction. They want their words to connect.

I'm not able to do that (yet), but someday I will. Until then, I practice. I practice because last week delusion shifted to reality when I realized some of my sistrens and a few brethrens were taking a peek

. http://eelasor.weebly.com/-random-thoughts--musings/i-am-still-a-virgin/

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Make sure the man you with now, You gonna want him five years from now!




I do not know how many women have looked back on their teenage crushes and wondered if they had a small bout of craziness going on. What the hell they saw on some of these men they claimed they loved was completely far-fetched looking at the situation in retrospect? An older female friend of mine told me something that i did not heed at the time but i have never forgotten what she said to me. " Crystal, make sure this boy you chasing will be the same person you want when you turn twenty five or else you would have wasted your life and your time"

Men do not get this. Some men cannot believe that the teenage girl who used to be crazily in love with him could pack up and leave or give him bun because men do not want to concede that the woman he met at nineteen might be a completely different female at twenty five. I was recently counselling a seventeen year old who was distraught that the young man she was spending time with decided to end the relationship and chose an older woman because she refused to have sex with him. She was emotionally disturbed over the idea and wondered if she had slept with him if he would have dealt with the situation differently. I told her maybe/may be not. but in truth she was at an advantage and i advised her that things could have been worst, he could have had with her and abandoned her with child. I told her that she might wake up a few years from now and laugh at the notion that she was in love with this boy.

I advised her not to make the mistake of allowing him to think that he made a good decision when he decided to pass you up for another woman. You must be continually improving yourself and your life. He should regret that he ever left you not be joyous and telling his friends that you were bullet he missed. It is a known fact that once a woman begins to do things towards improving her life experiences, her values change and she gains a new perspective on life. My young girlfriend will soon discover that the boy did her a favour by leaving her alone. I told her that she should never feel bad when a man dismisses her especially if she knows she never did anything wrong, it is sometimes god's way of saying NO, take another route.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

You are a Good Woman, You deserve a Good man: Never be afraid to cut Wack men off




Two years ago i met this guy at a party. He walked up to me, very confident and self assured and Whitney Houston, " Like I never left" was playing in the background " and what he did next was unthinkable. He slobbered all over my ear like a dog. His raw sexuality was compelling and under normal circumstances if he was not that good looking i would have reprimaned him for such a public display of interest.
We spoke and exchanged numbers. I waited an entire day for his call and no call. I figured he had forgotten and i remembered it was just the advent of Whatsapp and BBM. Naturally since he was on my contact list he was on my Whatsapp. So i text him and it took him five minutes to remember who i was. I assumed he probably ran his beach towel over a lot of earlobes that afternoon or i did not make that much of an impact as he acted like i did.

I text and we spoke and made arrangements to meet up, nothing concrete since he posit that his schedule was packed with party promotions etc. I notice that this dude does not even know what my voice sounds. He did not once call my phone. So i decided to call him out on it not to make him feel guilty for not calling me to reassert my standards, if he is truly interested then he would flip his switch and start behaving himself.

He said that he preferred to text than talk. Redflag Number One. What man likes a girl and does not want to hear her voice? Two if he cannot call me, does that mean his phone is broke or does that mean he is in a relationship? Next day i call him and he does not pick up nor does he return my calls. i cut him off. Delete and forgot. It was not easy for i liked him but in about two weeks of immersing myself into blogging and social media marketing. I was able to get over my infatuation.

Earlier this year, I got a text on whatsapp from someone. I know the number but does not recognize it instantly, The same guy who i deleted over a year ago texting me to ask me whats up and why he has not been hearing from me. I scoffed. it took him over a year to realize that i was not communicating with him. This dude probably text me as an afterthought. He is bored or he has ran out of platinum pu$$y and he remembers the unassuming, average looking girl that use to text him every morning.


Fig.2. This is what i rank in Google #2, Out of 40 Million so i do not have time for wack ass men.

He wants to meet up but am not having it. I still find him attractive, i am just unable to get over the callous way with which he blatantly ignored me for the last year. I agree to a date to see if he still created that spark. He is an hour late for the date and I am royally pissed off but i should not be for i had known that he was "bullshit" from the get go and i still entertained him for i thought this "one that got away" probably grew up and was interested in a grown woman. I knew he probably wanted sex and after calling him to query his whereabouts and not getting any answer, i went back home. He starts ringing my phone. Ten missed calls later and he is texting me on whatsapp to let me know how much he wasted his time coming to my area which was half an hour away and he could not understand how a woman of my intelligence was so unreasonable.

I chuckled and ignored his message that was the last straw, i was very reasonable for agreeing to go on a date with a man who has not spoken to me in over 365 days. This happens to women a lot, when you liked a guy and he was not showing any interest and then he acts interested now and you are tempted to pick up where you left off. I advise women to leave it alone.

Why would you want to be someone spare time, downtime or half time? He text the next day, the day after and i responded but i was done and over with him. I never felt so empowered. I still found him attractive but i was not infatuated with him. I was acting like a lady and thinking like a man. I finally learnt that you could find a man attractive without every be with him or be in love with him.

I also understood that men never really lie to us. Today's pretty boys, wealthy men and alpha males never mislead us, we are the ones who help contribute to emotional rape by getting our hopes up for a relationship when a desireable man looks at us twice. This handsome dude still keeps the link but he knows i am not interested. I got the hint and so did he...

For Women who suffer from Get The Hint Syndrome







"If I like you, I will want to see you often. The ultimate sign of interest is passion. Standing outside to get sneakers, that’s passion. Sitting in a rainy stadium to watch your team, that’s passion. Rearranging your schedule, canceling plans, or traveling as far as you have to in order to see the woman you’re crazy about, that’s passion. No man makes excuses not to see a woman he likes, but he will create a laundry list to avoid the women he doesn’t like. Open your fucking eyes, if he was down for you, he would be around you. Where’s that man you’re refusing to talk to other guys for? Where’s that man you’ve been bragging about online? Where’s the man that you’re thinking about right now? He’s where he wants to be, and clearly that isn’t with you. Talk is cheap and these men are making you girls cum with Wal-Mart whispers. He didn’t say he didn’t like you, so that means he likes you… huh? Those braids under that weave must be tight as hell for you to act that dense. You’re too smart to be assuming, waiting, and hoping. I know what victims are going to scream, “NC, tell these men to grow some balls”. 21st century men are too lazy to change their own tires, you think they’re going to change their mindset, especially when they’re winning? Men aren’t going to read this and suddenly start keeping it real, the Get The Hint switch either ends in females giving up the ass in order to get his attention back or with her actually getting the hint. That’s a win either way. Even if he thinks the chick is wack, he won’t burn that bridge because six months from now he may need attention, sex, or a payday loan from that same wack chick. Even if you’ve deleted his number, he knows that you’ll still pick up, because you still like him. Would you still like him and pick up the phone if he told you the truth that you were annoying? …Exactly. Get The Hint, is fake, but it works. Men won’t change, so that means you have to evolve in order to see past this theatrical bullshit. Conversation, Recognition, and Pursuit, if he’s not giving you that, then he’s just not that into you."

Read More Here. This Blogger is so on Point.

http://blackgirlsareeasy.com/2013/01/unavailableoruninterested.html

Saturday, October 4, 2014

Textationship and The FairyTale Complex


Have you ever been texting someone and you just feel as if you are somehow out of touch. The conversation is strain. If you want to find out if your textationship is real then stop texting. Do not text, message or IM and note how quickly your textationship falls apart.

People say texting does not reveal much about dating and relationship until you associate in a physical setting. They lied. The contents of a man's messages tells you whether or not he is truly interested or just scoring brownie points for Mr. Nice Guy Trophy. If you want to know if a man is truly interested in you, then say something that points your non relationship on a serious path or question his vested interest in you and see how fast he puts his feet in his hands and run. He is not running very far, He has not even moved for that dude's emotions was the same place it was all along. The only thing running was your feelings for him and the wistful romantic notions, you built up in your head. Guys who are really interested want to move from the text realm to the physical setting as soon as possible. If he has not proposed to move your interactions offline then he won't ever. Well when he gets bored maybe...

Why You should have dated Nerds in High School?




You know most younger men i meet are always looking for some money to borrow from me. I was like a what them take me fah and then i go out and see them all hugged up tight with some Ishawna look alike. Am like Nigga your priorities are sooo mixed up.


You see black men's biggest problem is that they don't know the game plan. You get an education or perfect your hustle, get money, cars and house and every woman, good ugly and the indifferent will fall in place. They will trip over themselves to be your number one draft pick.


Instead black men are always hunting pussy and that is why they keep getting babies they cannot take care and hating on men who made it because when they were suppose to be working, they thinking about fucking...


You see when i was in lower six, i learnt a valuable lesson after realizing i kept passing dudes who were the hottest boys in my school when say i was in first form through to fourth form on the road hanging out, all decked out in Jersey Suits with Ganja Scliffs in their mouth. And guess where the nerds are today, hotttest dudes in BMWs, sexy as ever and advancing their careers living the good life, screwing all the hot girls who never want them in high school and then marrying some uptown, high brown or exotic girl.


These successful nerds know half the women coming to see them would never talk to them if it was not for their occupational status and money. They learnt the hard way in high school. Cute Boys thought they would be on top of the world forever until reality hit them and they learn that only adolescent girls with impressionable minds thought good looks was the only criteria a male needed to become a boyfriend.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Equal opportunity Dater and the Fairy Tale Complex

I have always considered myself an equal opportunity dater in that i allow most men i find fairly attractive an opportunity to talk to me with scant regard for his
status in life and financial position. But i have noticed a trend in my observation of relationships and recent discussions with women have unearthed a possible stigmatization attached to women who date men outside of their social class.

Some men ( not all) assume that because you are in a relationship with a poor man that it means you are (1) Insecure (2) unable to find a better man (3) Vulnerable (4) has low self esteem and self confidence (5) have low relationship standards.

My first boyfriend when i was around eighteen was a construction worker and most if not everyone near and far, related and unrelated in my life thought this young man was not good enough to associate it. They claim that someone of my status and smarts should not settle for somebody who was poor and from the Ghetto.
Men who were financially well off tried to bribe me into a relationship with them by offering me gifts which they knew that my partner would be unable to afford. One gentleman went as far as calling me "Poor and Boasy" for choosing to remain in a relationship with a man who still lived with his mother instead of being lured into arms of a drugs man. It is funny that he thought himself in a position to discredit my partner when if it was not for his illegal business he would have been a struggling young man like him. It is funny how people think possessing money regardless of how one came by it automatically made them superior.
That was basically the icing on the cake. The men i met automatically assumed that if i remained with a man who could afford me nothing, then it meant that i was giving him all my money and therefore they could get some too. One flagrantly demanded that i give him half of the money that i was working and give the other half to my man. I was not seen as a woman of virtue but a fool to remain in a relationship with a man that was grossly financially embarrassed.

Then i heard these same men complaining that women only wanted money and yet when a a girl remains with a man who does not have money to pimp, pamper and spoil her then she is an idiot. A woman to choosing to stay with a man who wants her instead of chasing men who were not sincerely interested in her was branded a fool. A fool for not competing with other women for scarce resources. Why was i even surprised that these men assumed something was wrong with women who slept with men without compensation in the morning, It was evident that more than half of the women they dated were only with them for money. They could not understand the concept of mutual attraction and i had placed more confidence in their reasoning capability than i aught to. I have a penchant for giving others benefit of the doubt, often judging their action based on my convictions. I am having a hard time deprogramming my mind from doing that.

What did this little boy do that made him more qualified than all the money this drug dealer had? He had no reservations about hanging out my panties on the line. I could send him to the supermarket to purchase my sanitary pads and he would not be offended. He had no hang ups about cooking my dinner and he allowed me to go wherever i wanted to. He never tried to control me or abuse me. He only lacked one thing a decent job and financial stability. He valued my opinions and he was always making decisions, taking into consideration my reactions and feelings. He was not the perfect man but he was good enough.

Now I know a lot of women who leave their eighty percent man to have this man who looks like a hundred because he treats her nice in the beginning and he has money. Only to find out that he was only pretending to get her into bed and that the only thing really nice about him was that he could afford to spend lavishly on her. It is a known fact that the narcissistic tendencies of wealthy men makes them abusive partners and give rise to toxic relationships. I am not saying that all men with money are bad partners. In truth the way a man makes his money says a lot about his character.
I am not encouraging women to date men who cannot satisfy the financial needs of their families. You can have a relationship with a man who is not rich if he shows sign of luxuriance. If he appears to be someone who is a working progress, who evinces signs of growth and has expressed attainable futuristic goals, then a woman can give that person a chance. You must also know `if you will can suffer the fall out if this man never comes to fruition. If he is unable to achieve his goals, will you be wiling to stay with him regardless. It said that not all that glitters is gold. Some women date financially ruined men because they offer an alternative kind of security than men with money.

N.B Ladies do you realize that when a man complains about your choice of mate. If you look at it closely if you should raise your standards as they insist you do then that would also eliminate them from even being eligible to be your partner. Just think about people saying whom a successful blogger should be dating as oppose to who she should not and half the men complaining do not even qualify...


Crystal Evans The Writer- My Writings, Unhappy Childhood and My Life




People sometimes ask me why did i become a writer or why did you write this story? Why is your stories laced with social commentary and elements of life among the Jamaican working class? Don't you grow tire of such themes? Are you writing about your life?

Response :

I once said i wrote books for every Woman with a the girl trapped inside that some man once told that she was not good enough. My aim is to create rather powerful heroines. Women who irrespective of their everyday struggles manage to be successful. Success does not necessarily mean glamour,their success could be transitory, a working progress, a dream on its way to coming true. My heroines are the women i have been, the women i am now and the women i would love to become. They are not me, they are a part of me. They are my realities.


Did i have an unhappy childhood? Yes, I have spent most of my life feeling completely out of sync with the world and growing up in a semi-literate community did not help. People saw my smart as meaning i was crazy, my anomie behavior as madness and to give legitimacy to their beliefs, they spent their time painting my intellect as weird and occult. I have since dumbed down around them so as not to make them uncomfortable. My success is unknown to many in my natal district, this kind of accomplish would scare the hell out of them.


I think the scariest part of writing is when you know that publishing exposes you. People will readily assume things about you and what you are about based on what you wrote. They will attack you if your writing does not reflect their viewpoint because it is so much easier to make it personal than to rationalize what you wrote.

My deviation from the standard caribbean or Jamaican literature has not really brook any respect from my peers. I am not a good writer. I am a novelist. I write what i feel. I do not know anything about technique than what i learnt at Sixth Form doing my A-levels. I write stories. I write about life. I have no other glamorous accomplishment to speak of so in my interviews do not ask me about what i have done with my life or if my writings are justified by a piece of paper a professional handed me stating i am licensed to do this.

My stories are not entirely fictional, they are for the most part influenced by real life events. My overactive imagination compensates for the banality of my existence and i suppose some other soul within my culture, children of my own socialization would benefit from a respite from this reproached reality.