“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Make sure the man you with now, You gonna want him five years from now!
I do not know how many women have looked back on their teenage crushes and wondered if they had a small bout of craziness going on. What the hell they saw on some of these men they claimed they loved was completely far-fetched looking at the situation in retrospect? An older female friend of mine told me something that i did not heed at the time but i have never forgotten what she said to me. " Crystal, make sure this boy you chasing will be the same person you want when you turn twenty five or else you would have wasted your life and your time"
Men do not get this. Some men cannot believe that the teenage girl who used to be crazily in love with him could pack up and leave or give him bun because men do not want to concede that the woman he met at nineteen might be a completely different female at twenty five. I was recently counselling a seventeen year old who was distraught that the young man she was spending time with decided to end the relationship and chose an older woman because she refused to have sex with him. She was emotionally disturbed over the idea and wondered if she had slept with him if he would have dealt with the situation differently. I told her maybe/may be not. but in truth she was at an advantage and i advised her that things could have been worst, he could have had with her and abandoned her with child. I told her that she might wake up a few years from now and laugh at the notion that she was in love with this boy.
I advised her not to make the mistake of allowing him to think that he made a good decision when he decided to pass you up for another woman. You must be continually improving yourself and your life. He should regret that he ever left you not be joyous and telling his friends that you were bullet he missed. It is a known fact that once a woman begins to do things towards improving her life experiences, her values change and she gains a new perspective on life. My young girlfriend will soon discover that the boy did her a favour by leaving her alone. I told her that she should never feel bad when a man dismisses her especially if she knows she never did anything wrong, it is sometimes god's way of saying NO, take another route.