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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Monday, September 23, 2013

Knowing when to back out from a bad relationship option

People think I am no longer the Date Doctor but the Social Messiah. I am still committed to improving our man to woman relationships. Good relationships breeds good children with great values and all in all we end up with a better society so the work here complements each other. 
As women we need empowerment in every aspect of our lives from spiritual to psychological. 

I have been vacillating about whether or not I should Pursue a relationship with a man that I am greatly attracted to physically because in he is pretty awesome where looks are concerned. His attitude is unnerving. Something about him is just completely off. And that is why I am wary of crossing the physical threshold. 

What keeps turning me off is his attitude and the way he relates to me. The truth is I think this man is juggling many women at a time. 

A guy who quickly elevates my " boo nickname" from baby to wifey after he discovers what I do for a living seems like an opportunistic, money grubbing don of a gun to me. 

I don't have a problem with a man who wants a woman who can bring something to the table. In truth we all need to have some ambition when we are choosing our partners. Ideally I prefer if my man is financially independent but if he's not but luxuriant therefore he shows growth potential in certain areas then you can help to mould him into a more superior self. 



When a guy can never give you a definitive response or disappears in the middle of a bbm conversation only showing up days later normally over the weekend asking for some nookie. Completely oblivious to the fact that he disregarded your last questions for three days and did not even apologize or lied that his service was disconnected. That is a major red flag. 

In my sessions with young women I try to  demonstrate to them how they should value themselves. Some guy you really like might not be the guy for you because liking someone is not a one way street. You can really be in love with someone who only barely likes you. Men are sexual beings, they don't need to be in love to have sex.  

As I got older, my relationship notions changes. I can easily detect a guy who is not going to invest in a serious relationship and those are out there a lot. 

Jamaican men have a Colloquial term called " do we thing". They do not want to attached any label to your relationship. " do we thing" means that it is not concrete or long lasting. It means that he has not made any decisions about where you stand and he will indulge in whatever you have to offer for the moment with no regards for the repercussions. 

Guys don't think they won't hurt you, they just think that you will get over it. You will meet somebody else who will heal your broken heart. That's the reason why most Jamaican men do not like Virgins because no one wants to know that they are responsible for breaking a girls heart. They prefer if you have been seasoned in the sexing and dumping that you now understand that it is a distinct pattern among our men so you won't feel bad when it happens. 

I mean if I don't have sex with this guy, it probably won't affect him. He has women lined up to sleep with him. But that is exactly what I am running from, being a statistic in his life. I might feel bad now walking away, it's sad but I know from experience that you will feel terrible and worst if you invest yourself, misplace your love on a man that does not return it. 

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