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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie



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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Why Jamaican Young Women love the men who beat them?

It is like a quotidian occurrence for young men to be seen hitting their girlfriends on the street or at parties. It is as trendy as chromes Van and Bleaching skin. If one should listen to the women on the street recounting nocturnal fights with their partners among throngs of friends you would think the beatings were some novel mating dance.

In some cases it appears beating is some type of foreplay, a precursor to sex. After the fighting and “tumble down” , a passionate night of lovemaking ensues, tommorrow morning they tight as biscuit. You woulda never know a fight took place a few hours ago.

Most women cannot get these men to pay them any adequate amount of attention and therefore they provoke them into giving them a beating. After the fight, the male may rue the altercation and becomes loving and attentive until he gets bored of her.

That is just one theory i offered in my book. Here is another presented by a blogger. “ Jamaican women won’t give you the ” wuk “without a reference, lol, they want other women to want you but they don’t actually want to see you with one. The key to getting any woman to fall in love with you is cool indifference with a tups a tenderness… lol a lie..!!”. It may have some truth to it since most of these beatings are often over some infidelity she assumed he committed for which he would rather beat her to accept his version of events than fest up to.

The beating often involves some levels of threats and promise of more assaults if she decides to leave the relationship. The female is then reassured that he loves her and will calm down. Next time she might go at the mistress instead of the man who has convinced her that he loves her and is only unable to resist the sexual lure of a disloyal female who keeps waving her goodies at him.

Most women do not necessarily endorse the “murderation”. But the male uses it to cower the female into submission. He affectionately calls it a “touch up”. He will brag to his friends about how he has to give his girlfriend her weekly “touch up” so she will learn to behave herself and love him more.

It is unclear how they bond during this beating phase but the male becomes empowered by the wailing sounds of the woman while onlookers murmur among themselves, some men might intervene when the situation becomes disgraceful. Most elders declined intervention citing that if you intercieve, tommorrow morning she is back with him therefore it is futile. Let them fight out their frustrations and work on their relationships until they get tire of each other.

It is clear the young women have a distorted notion of what a healthy relationship is. This may be due to lessons they inherited from their mother who tolerated abusive relationships, unknowing giving rise to a flawed perception that it is okay to be in a relationship with a man who verbally abuses her.

Lack of denouncement among other members of society might encourage this behaviour among young men since most men within the cultural nucleus especially those of lower socio-economical class, have no hiccups against “touching up their women”.

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1 comment:

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