“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Twelve Things Jamaican Women wish Men Knew
When i collated the article "Ten Things Jamaican Men wish Jamaican women knew about Relationships", It was meant to be a satire piece.Most people missed the sarcasm because they were so upset with the suggestions made by these Jamaican men who i will say represent the average Jamaican male. They missed the disclaimer about not all Jamaican men share these views. Let us put this one in bold.
These are the opinions of some Jamaican women and does not reflect the ideologies of all Jamaican women. They are not facts, the article is not meant to conquer or convert but to inspire discussion so we can come at truth. In doing so we will get the facts out.
1. Jamaican women know that when a man says he wants an independent woman, he does not really mean he wants a woman who can complement his financial position. Some women are of the opinion that these men really want a woman to supplement their lives economically. "Them want smady fe mind them". Additionally a Jamaican man will take the "independent woman" money and "mine" some woman who cannot help him. He will take your car and go out with women who cannot buy gas put in it. Jamaican women say that they are wising up to this "con" and are only independent for their own subsistence. They have no intention of "minding" any big man.
2. Women like Oral sex, Women know you like it too. You just do not want your friends to know you like it or do it but the women say that is okay, they will keep the secret for you. Women are open to experimenting with you they are just socialized to see it as indignifying. Women are changing and moving into the twenty first century.
3. When a Jamaican woman says she wants to go on a date. She means she would like to at least go to a social setting where you can have a few drinks and talk, get to know each other. A date is not in your bedroom demanding sex. These men nowadays do not want to date anymore, when they call and ask for you to meet with them, they would like to know straight off the bat if "you ago run some". Some will find some way to postpone the date if they do not hear what they want to.Some women flat out lie and tell them yes. Women say they would like to go on date therefore when a man is 'looking' a woman, please prepare for at least one date. In the dating phase when a woman text, call or Whatsapp you, it is because she likes you. A woman will pursue a man she likes and if he is interested then he is expected to mirror her interest to establish some form of consistency. It does not means she is desperate or she is being clingy. 'She just like you'.
4. If you do not want a baby. Use a condom. Do not ask a woman "how that happen?" when you went horseback riding bareback. If you do not want a child with a woman, use protection and insist that she uses hers so that she is clear on where you stand. A woman can only call your name on the " Jacket" if you went there.
5. When a woman is willing to spend her hard earn money on you, it is not because she is a fool. It is because she loves you and wants you to be happy. If she can afford to she will buy her man anything to make his life convenient so that he can be at his best. There is no greater joy that when the one you love is happy and stress free. When a person is happy, they have more fulfilling relationships. Women in Jamaica and within the diaspora complain that if you "assist" some Jamaican men "they take you for a fool". It is ironic that men do not see themselves as "fools" when they spending thousands of dollar on some chick who sleeps with them every other month.
6. Most women have never had an orgasm. Most men do not have a clue about fulfilling sex. A lot of women stick around because they love you or the idea of you not because of how good you are in the bedroom. Most Jamaican men do not even cuddle, "Slam, Bam, Thank You Madam" The caveman tactics in bed does not always work and men insist that women find creative ways to maximize pleasure and yet they come as they are, thinking that great sex only requires an erect penis. The gist is that a woman can still feel sexually satisfied without an orgasm. Too many men coming into the bedroom with sexual expectations and not bringing any prowess to the bed. Dance hall music convinced our men that their pleasure was more important than female satisfaction. These men will gladly say a 'vagina" was not good when in truth they just lay down on them back expecting great sex.
7. "Old Fire stick easy fe Ketch" Hmmmmm. In some instances that might be not be entirely accurate. Some men feel that because you had sex with them one time then they can always get it from you whenever they like. Women are saying that when they throw water on the fire stick, no amount a gasoline "can make it light back". Some men think that because a woman has a child with him he is still entitled to sex, women are standing their ground. If she broke up with you, she breaks all ties with you.
8. Do not see a woman on the road and harass her. If she is interested she will let you know. A grown man knows when a woman likes him from when she does not. Do not think you can convince her to like you by harassing her with "Pssssst", insulting her or manhandling her in public. She will hate you with a passion and you ruin any chances you might ever have with her.
9. Men will insist that a woman keeps up her physical appearance and yet he will gain weight, grow his hair and facial hair without any complains from his partner. Women are saying men should try to keep in shape and maintain physique. Women do not like the beer belly but a woman loves differently from man. She will stay with him if he has eighty percent of what she needs and in (a Jamaican man case, if he has fifty percent of what she needs in a relationship), some women settle for far less. Men on the other hand want perfection well women are saying they want men with an impeccable body including a good size penis, good job, money and the whole works. Women might settle but they want an ideal man too. They want the mills and Boon's husband with his Fortune Five Hundred Job, Rolls Royce parked in front of his Mansion somewhere beside a Lake.
10. Women want help in the home. It does not emasculate you to assist with the chores. Doing chores together creates an opportunity for bonding and some good reasoning. You are not less of man if you assist with washing the clothes, ironing and cooking. Do not believe what your friends say about you being " Boy a yard". Women adore men who help out in the home, spending time with children, assisting with homework and watching television together.
11. What men call "nagging" is a woman's way of showing she cares about you or that she is concerned . She is not trying to upset you, she merely needs reassurance. If she stops "nagging" you: do not think that she got the message, she might have found your replacement. If you do not want her, just put her out onto the streets and you will be surprised at the number of men who would be interested in her. Do not think that because a woman might look "pop down" that another man won't want her and you can treat her badly. What you are not willing to do, some other man will.
12.We are in a relationship with you and not with your friends or your family members. It is full time men learn how to tell their mothers, sisters and female cousins to respect their partners even if they do not like them. Friends who are still bachelors must learn to respect their male friends who are in a relationship. Please tell your friends do not show up at late hours of the night asking you to go clubbing when they know that you are now a family man. A man has to compromise in a relationship just as he expects a female to make sacrifices. A lot of men will insist that an in-law that they do not like does not come around his house and yet his family visit whenever are sometimes disrespectful to their partners. A man will demand that his wife does not maintain friendship with women of questionable character and yet he keeps his promiscuous male friends and goes out with them on a regular basis. Women are saying cut the double standard.
Name some other points you think Jamaican men should know about women and relationships!
Quote :“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie"