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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Sunday, August 31, 2014

Who is more selfish? The Monogamist or the Cheater?

"Any long-term relationship that’s successful is really a myth that two people create together … and myths are built of lies, and there’s usually some kernel of truth…"


The biggest issue women in Jamaica have with men is the polygynous Nature of our men who endorse promiscuity among their brethren but consider women who sleep around as whores. 

It is not a fair demand. What if the man catches a disease?  When a man has an external affair and a child comes into play it signals that he is having unprotected sex. What if he got a disease instead of a baby? What is more selfish? Monogamy or Cheating. 

Cheating angers the offended partner because sex is such a personal, intimate activity involving two persons. When someone brings another person into play with the same level of openness then you are no longer in a relationship with two persons but three. 

I thought about women stating how selfish cheaters were since they want to have their cake and eat it too but if you look at it from another perspective those who wish to keep someone to themselves maybe perceived as being selfish too. 

Why would someone want to own another person? People who cheat will say that it is their bodies and they are free to do with it as they please.  Who are you to tell them what to do with their penis or vagina.? Sex is not a commodity you can walk around with, it's not tangible so you can pick it up and show others. It is an experience. You share yourself with someone else. How can one person determine whom you should share yourself with? 

People cheat because of dissatisfaction but most cheaters are those who are always looking for an upgrade. They think that they deserve better. They settle but are scanning for the next attractive person to share themselves with. It is selfishness, the cheater gets to keep both women committed to him. They have to suffer heartaches, insecurities and anxieties when he is away while he enjoys the company of both without consequence. 

People like to swear for their partners. Some cheaters are clever to the point where you do not find our about their other families until perhaps he is deceased. Cheating will forever be a challenge for men.  The way women dress today and the  throng of young, supple women leaving school on a yearly basis mocks the monogamous inclination of men. 

Some men do not consider sexual encounters cheating since they did not lead to relationships. Men will say " mi want a piece of her", if he is not emotionally committed to her, if they are not having sex on a regular basis then it is not a relationship.  Cheating is defined distinctly by different people. 

"To be a good writer, you not only have to write a great deal but you have to care. You do not have to have a complicated moral philosophy. But a writer always tries, I think, to be a part of the solution, to understand a little about life and to pass this on."



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