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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Saturday, August 30, 2014

Quit bashing Jamaican Men!


" To Find Fault is Easy, To do better is difficult"

 When i collated the article "Ten Things Jamaican Men wish Jamaican women knew about Relationships", It was meant to be a satire piece.Most people missed the sarcasm because they were so upset with the suggestions made by these Jamaican men who i will say represent the average Jamaican male. They missed the disclaimer about not all Jamaican men share these views. Let us put this one in bold. 



What I wrote was someone else's opinions, They are not facts, the article is not meant to conquer or convert but to inspire discussion so we can come at truth. In doing so we will get the facts out. 

" This is what we Jamaican men have to deal with quote. "  One commentator wrote! 

He missed the point entirely. He should have said why would a Jamaican woman write something like this and if this is not really true, it explains the expectation most women have of men.
He thinks I said bad things about Jamaican men then he should ask the average woman on the streets and he will no doubt get more colourful responses. 

" man a dog"
"Man a crasses"
" a bay worthless man deh a Jamaica"
" me done with man me jus take weh me can get and leave" 
" them man nowadays no want nobody"

 I understand he might be very upset about what these men said but he should take into consideration that these men were socialized in a different context from his, this is sadly how the average man on the street thinks. The man on the street socialized within a working class setting, influence by Dancehall culture, unexposed to esteemed values, his convictions unfiltered by lack of education thinks like this, not all men but a staggering majority. 

This may account for the numerous single parent homes with mothers at the helm and unwanted pregnancies among young women. He should not be angry at me. He should be upset with his brothers who embrace these ideologies but as always people will attack the messenger and not the message. It is so much easier to make it personal. The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off! 
But it explains a lot with regards to how even our politicians reason in parliament, they attack each other, dismiss suggestions that disagrees with their ideologies and we end up back at the same place where we started. People are more concerned about being "right" than admitting the truth.
Women are pissed that men would think like that, well some of these women should explain why they still single and why they raising their kids alone? Your man is not the rule, he is the exception to the rule. 
Sociologist and commentators have not adequately stressed how the social issues we face such as crime and poverty are connected to the family structures that we have. Our women get into relationships with these same type of men who gets them pregnant and leave them. These are the type of men a woman is force to leave with her children because he refuses to put down his philandering ways and she ends up alone with children she might not be able to support. These are the kind of men who impregnate girls and want sex without responsibility. I hope you get the picture that i am painting here. It does not mean all men are like this...But you get the point.

I am upset to. I am upset that there are women out there who tolerate this behavior and give men the impression that it is normative and when I meet them and insist on higher standards, I am crossed off as bitter, crazy or uptight. I am upset that women have lowered our standards so much that men think anything goes or anything counts. I don't entirely blame men because I see girls falling into the same trap their mothers did. Women are apart of this process of change. Women are the agents of social change. If we would insist on higher standards then we might get somewhere.  

There is an unswerving, constant philosophy among our women that our men are of no good. Some might say this notion is farfetch but not because it does not reflect your reality it does not mean it is not truth.  Not because someone has a differing opinion from yours, does it mean theirs is erroneous or inaccurate. 
The majority  of the social maladies that we are experiencing as a people stems from a breakdown in family life and families are created from relationships. Maybe! Just maybe if we fixed our relationships, we could fix Jamaica. Let the chips fall where they may. 


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