“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Friday, September 19, 2014
Ten Dating Concepts for jamaican WOmen
I am a female so i write from a female viewpoint. To write from a male perspective will be purely assumptive. I don't want to assume i know how MEN think. Remember am judging a man from his behavior not his intentions. therefore my points maybe faulty but consistency is the key. Once someone is continuously displaying a certain behavior then it will be interpreted as his honest intentions, no rationalizing around that.
Be realistic about your dating situation females. It means that you can find someone attractive, you might be dating someone but it does not mean it will lead to a relationship. The minute you begin to romanticize the situation, you create emotions that do not exist in reality and if things do not come out the way you want it, you are crushed. If you build up your expectations, it makes you vulnerable.
1. Consistency is essential. So when he says he is gonna call, He should call and not ten days later. If he is not calling then he has 'two' much on his plate or he is just not that into you.
2. A woman can pursue a man. Engage him, even spend money on a date but should expect some form mirroring. You cannot be putting in everything and he is not making any effort. You investing eighty in the relationship while he grudgingly ( after some argument) gives you twenty is a recipe for resentment and disappointments.
3. If you just started dating someone and it
feels like work. You are frustrated, angry, unsure and uncomfortable then it means you need some time off from that situation. Work with your instincts, you know more than you think you do. If your relationship or date is stressing you out then you need to call it quits.
4. Ladies say this aloud. I don't want you if you only want me for yourself. Sometimes you think you like someone but what you really like is the idea of them, what they represent , a figment of a fantasy. To find out if your affections are grounded in reality. Take a step back and allow destiny to take its course.
5. Don't sleep with men to make them fall in love with you. Sex is your bargaining power, once you give that away you no have nothing fe bargain with. Stop falling in love with the idea of a relationship. Whatever issues you having with him, sex won't fix it, if it is good he will come around when he wants it an still not give himself to you. A man can be very intimate with you and still never give into you. He is not in love, he is just a good lover.
6. Never feel bad for walking away from a bad relationship. A woman normally walk away when she try too many times to make it work. If you stayed you woulda feel worst, trapped and bitter with someone who under appreciate you. Best to try with someone new.
7. Love without expectation. When you meet someone it is not a good idea to cut off other men become exclusive to the idea of a relationship. Still keep seeing other people, keeps your grounded in the reality of your feelings and filters some of the wistful romantic fantasies in your head. Too many times women develop feelings for a fantasy and not for the man but do not necessarily know the difference.
8. Going clubbing and Partying might be a good way to meet someone new but in reality most men who go out to these events are "hunting". They are looking someone to take home. Try looking for a partner at some other events that do not include liquor, rowdy crowd and raunchy music. Try some other social scenes where you can run into people who might share you passions.
9. If you do not want a man. Do not take his money. Do not encourage him in any way. Be polite but firm and say that you are not interested. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. If you do not want him. Do not lead him on. It could lead to your own demise.
10. It is equally your responsibility to make your dating experience fun.
If you develop a mindset where you want to sit and wait for someone else to do something to make you feel blissful on your date then you are in for disappointments. Do your part and the rest will fall in place and if it doesn’t, then it was not meant to be. Your attitude should be “regardless of what happens, i will try to enjoy myself”, a positive attitude will encourage positive results.