“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Is this love ?...The Narcissist letters to this woman....
I found this letter in my inbox
Sometimes i think about when i first met you and how back then you were just a normal girl to me until you opened your mouth and truth is i fell in love with your brain. I loved the way you look at the world and all the possibilities that i witness through the lens of your eyes. I fell in love for the first time with someone and not so much them sexuality. YOUR BODY OR SHAPE OR WHATEVER.
Sometimes, most time when i fuck a next woman, me picture you inna me mind. Sex with you was never about conquering you or anything, me feel so into the experience that more time when me imagine it, my entire body shivers from thinking about how inside of you feels.
It drives me crazy. I feel alone most of the time because i want one woman...who is in love with some other man. BUt as they say that when you love something you dont try to possess it. you show it appreciation and let it go.
I am getting old. I am 37 years old and sometimes i worry that i am going to die and never have a full relationship with you. I would love before i close my eyes if you and your kid could spend a week with me. Me nah ask for much. I am just asking for some time. I have supported you in everything you have ever done and all i ask for is some time. I sense you pulling away from me, slipping through my fingers and it pains my heart. It is driving me crazy that what we had seems to be lost to you eternally. You are no longer the teenager i met. I cannot wait for you forever. I cannot take this loneliness anymore. I am lonely, scared for my life because i have done so much fuckery in it. Some i wish i could take back and others i am trying to correct. I am not perfect baby. BUT YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT...
Girl you dont know how your innocence and purity changed how i see life and how i see you in love with someone else hurts me. I tell you and you laugh it off. You are lucky i love you more than i do myself or else there would be trouble in your paradise.
sometimes when i lie in my bed, i think about you, lying beneath me, writhing in agony sometimes, ecstacy some other times. I never meant to hurt you in my bed, sometimes i just wanna cuddle you and kiss you softly, other times i wanna fuck you so hard that you feel as much pain as i am feeling now. i just take out my anger on you.
I wanted to marry you, i thought about us having children. One time you told me, you wanted to have four kids. Some where along that line, i thought at least two of them would have been mine. I have been there for you always...dont you think i deserve a baby out of you! I have nothing to show for the love i have for you. You went and have a child with some other dude. He dont love you like i do...Hes a fucking opportunist. And when you discover who he really is...It might be too fucking late for us.
I meet girls all the time. But i always measure you against them...They always fall short. No one makes me feel the way you do. Just thought i'd get it off my chest...Lying in my bed thinking of you