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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Friday, March 22, 2013

Stop Fooling Yourself about your Man: Buy Date Doctor Today

FIG 1. First issue of JAMAICA Date Doctor Series published June 2010 When i wrote volume one of my Jamaica Date Doctor Series and began this blog my heart was in shrapnel. I had met a man and fell deeply in love with him at first sight. He rejected my offerings of a relationship and i was very angry. I had said in my first paperback published locally that i was not mad at men. I lied! I loathe men. I probably still do . I could not bring myself to get close to any man. He was not to be primarily blamed. He was not the first male to end my non relationships early but i was angry at him because i liked him more than i did the rest. He was better looking than the rest, sexier, most women have; maybe once in their lifetime met their Cinderella complex. The guy who looked like he stepped out of a novel or fairy tale. He sure act the part too and i fell in love quickly and fell out just as easily. He had inadvertently ended my tragedy of getting involved with men who were emotionally unavailable to me, players, so call hot boys and men who simply wanted to have sex with me. They were never in love with me. They probably simply saw me as a pathetic easy lay. For all the intellectual quotes in my head and all the books i read, i lacked an "internal locus of control and could not for the most part convince my men to stick around". Well, he dumped me like a hot bread and i grew up like a strong wheat from thereon. Fig 2. Revised Edition 2013 My family is to be partially blamed for my failures in my relationships, they were never the best role models. My dad in an effort (quite meaningfully yes)...to prevent my sisters and i from being a statistic for teenage pregnancies made us believe sex was a despicable venture. An activity that would bring ignominy and public disgrace if we engaged in it. My dad made me believe that only wanton whores like to have sex and dirty little girls who had little or no ambitions. Hence i never made any real effort in bed, always ashamed of my body's response to a man's touch. How treacherous it is for always wanting what my dad had taught me to abhor. It took me three years to accept that i was a sexual being and that being horny was in fact natural and a good thing. I remembered when i dated this doctor and as we were having a drink in Negril at a luxurious Resort, he said quite frankly "out of the blue" 'You need to resolve the issues that you have with your father before you can have a healthy, meaningful relationship'. I looked at him as if he had just called me a nutcase. He was right on point. I love my father but i was averse to his parenting skills and thus became bitter towards him for depriving me of any fun in my teenage years. My father was simply overstrict and paranoid about my sister and i having boyfriends and sex. We were never to be seen with a boy or else Hell 's water would brew when we arrived home. People knowing how my father would react on the idea that any of us had a boyfriend would tell him about boys in order to make him apoplectic AND they would laugh. My dad in turn would give us a lecture on teenage pregnancies and why any guy who "breed" us would have to give him back every cent he spent on our education especially my overpriced ivy league one. He was not joking either. Fig 3. What does my dad have to do with my first true infatuation? He reminded me of my dad hence why i fell in love him. Loud, Angry and Abusive. He was older too and so i was with my dad all over again. I laughed so hard writing this preface for my Revised Edition of The JAMAICADATEDOCTOR SERIES. Why? Because i am five years older now and some of my ideologies have changed. I left the old preface in so that you could see the woman at 20 years old versus the woman at 25. My child's father is nothing like my heart throb or my dad. He is committed and he is a "softie". Sometimes he muses that i am spoilt that i need some men like my dad to box down and kick me". He too has picked upon my attraction to abusive men. My record speaks for itself. As women its never about finding Mr Right but settling sometimes for Mr. GOOD enough. Its not about who you love but who loves you. I always advice women, look at the man who we laugh at for being overly nice to us and the ones who we are chasing and obviously running away from us. The one man who we take for granted is treating us just the way we are to be treated but we are too busy chasing a man that wants only distance between us and him. This especially goes for my AMERICAN SISTERS who are marrying these emotional available men who are using and exploiting them. My advice is that every woman has the exact relationship that she wants. Every time you entertain the loser, he gets more powerful and you will find it more difficult to leave him. You can only drain the venom from your blood by ceasing communications all together, that's the only way you can get him out of your system.It will be a struggle to get a man to respect you who has little regard for you from the get go due to what you allowed him to get away with then. But that's all in the past now. I know why you bought this book or read my webpages. You are not some teenage girl empowering yourself with weapon of knowledge against men and if you are, please do not; i have been there and it doesn't work. What weapon do we need against men? Plain old common sense. How many of us knows the man doesn't really like us and is only in it for the sex or money or opportunities and a million other reasons than genuine affection? We have intuition! The distance between the truth and a lie is between your eyes and your ears, because don't matter what your ears hear, your eyes always see the truth. It doesn't matter what a man tells you (ears), his behavior often signals otherwise (eyes). He tells you he loves you (ears) yet he is never available for you, isn't interested in the fundamentals of your life and treats you like a nuisance in his life (eyes). ASK YOURSELF THIS NOW, WHAT IS IT THAT YOUR EYES SEE!!!!!!!!!! LOOK OUT FOR MY NOVEL!!!! Online and in Print June 02,2013