“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Ten signs you need to dump the guy you are dating!
Are you dating a man who exudes behavioral characteristics that have you questioning whether or not you should continue the relationship? Chances are your rationale for disconnection far outweighs the reasons to maintain the relations. I have compiled a list of reasons that you should not promote this individual to the next level in your life.
1. He is possessive. You do not need a man who treats you like a property. A man who relates to you like he would an object. It should telegraph to a woman that the man will never regard her as a human being or understand your feelings. To be short, your man will never afford freedom. You will be a prisoner, one of your own making if you decided to pursue this relationship. Most traits that are exhibited during the dating stages do not mitigate once the relationship has been established. In many cases, unfavorable dispositions are magnified because the man has won his prize and does not feel that he needs to pretend anymore.
2. He is rude. Obnoxious behavior is a sign of insecurity where an individual masks his weakness by being boorish and abusive. Men suffering from narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders are very uncouth. It is first recognized as a minor slip up until it mutates in a hurls of obscenities. This is one man; you do not want to pursue a relationship with.
If he makes snide remarks about your appearance beneath the guise of humor, do not be naïve, he means every word. You do not need a man of this rude nature in your life. Verbal and ambient abuse can be far more traumatizing than physical abuse as the victims is emotionally and psychologically battered. Such injuries are the hardest to heal and forget as the scars remain forever.
3. He asks you for money. Be aware of the man who makes pecuniary demands on you. Rest assure that this is the beginning of a scheme to milk your finances. If you are dating a man that is requiring that you always pay for dinner, movie and you are bearing the finances of the companionship. It may be that you are paying a man to spend time with you. You have an inherent value that deems you worthy of a relationship without having to bail your bank account. It should be noted that a gold digger cannot be bought. They are opportunistic and the minute they find someone who is in a better financial position than you, they will leave you. In the end you will have double lost, you will lose a partner and your funds. He will move on with a new loaded partner and they both drive off into the sunset leaving you with your broken life pieces to pick up.
4. You make all the calls. If you are having a relationship with a man where you make all the calls then you need to step back and make an analysis. I am not saying that if he calls once in a while, I mean he never calls. It communicates to me that you are the one who is investing in the relationship. It also conveys that he is not that into you. He is not as interested in the relationship as you are. You are forcing water up a hill that will eventually turn over on you and drown you.
5. He does not keep his promises. If you are dating a man who tells you that he is going to do something but does not follow up, it is a major red flag for a potential relationship. A man who tells you that you will meet up at seven but does not show and does not call to apologize is a sure sign that you need to end relations. If he is not consistent with his claims then you are bound to have problems with your relationship (if it moves into the relationship phase). This person does not like you and does not care about your feelings. If you associate this person regardless of their dido then you need to do this from a position of control. If you are having fun, then go ahead but if you are seeking something serious, then Mr. Inconsistency is a big No. Men will continue to commit an offence if they think that they can get away with it. They will do this as long as they can, until you put a stopping to it. Do you want a man who will make promises, he will not keep and refuse to acknowledge his infractions and apologize?
6. You do not trust him because he is a liar. If you suspect that the man you are dating is not being absolutely honest with you then it’s a major call for a halt on your relationship. It is not advisable to have a relationship with a man you suspect of dishonesty. If you are questioning his values then it means that you need to reevaluate your position and what you need from this union. My advice will be to end that relationship. A dishonest person cannot be trusted and a fraud has something treacherous to hide. If he cannot be honest about his identity and his intentions then he will never be sincere with you.
7. He is self centered. If you are dating a man who you perceives is a narcissist or an egoist, then you will have a problem with this individual. A man, who thinks the world is centered on him, will not have any time to pander your needs because he is very busy with himself. A person whose ideals revolved around their own existence will rarely if ever have time to concentrate on anyone outside of the self. You will be fighting for his attention with himself.
8. He has a bad track record. A notorious womanizer and abuser are not the most admirable history when dating a man. If you are dating a man and you are privy of his past where he beats his ex partner then you need to put your feet in your hands and run. Abusers are very predictable and if a man abuses his ex spouse, chances he are he will abuse you when the relationship matures. You do not need a relationship with an abuser who will tear down yourself concept and self esteem. He will leave you feeling drained traumatized and depleted. Do a research on victims of abuse (if you have never been subjected to it) and you will discover that once the honey moon stage is passed then the abuser unveils his true nefarious nature. You may not see him as an abuser but he will reveal his true nature when the time is right and fright.
9. He has made it clear that he is only interested in a casual relationship. If you are looking for a husband and yet the man that you are dating has made it clear that he is only interested in sex, then you need to change your values or you need end the relationship. Do not continue the relationship on the premise that he will wise up and pursue a profound relationship with you. I am not saying that people do not change their intentions. I am asking if you are willing to wait for a man to want a serious relationship. Are you willing to suffer the consequences? This guy may decide to settle down eventually and chose not to do so with you. How will you cope? You might think that he used you and feel indignant for wasting your time, energy and interest on a man. Are you willing to put yourself to the test?
10. He is always busy. A man who is a workaholic or claims that he is busy with his career for u may not be the mate that you need in your life. This is the first stage of the relationship where a person is suppose to be giving their best and you are dating a man who does not have time for you. Can you imagine the relationship that you will have when you get serious and he feels as if he does not need to try hard to woo you anymore?
It should be noted that some men used the overly occupied claim as a shroud because they do not want to tell you that they do not want to spend time with you and that they are not interested in you. Some men pray that you will get the message and realized that they are not superbly busy but too busy for you.
There are many hard and fast in relationships. An individual has to ultimately know what he or she wants. Be prepared to deal with the results of the relationship you are pursuing if it goes sour. Remember you have been warned.