“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Thursday, January 28, 2010
How to handle meeting or stumbling your ex lover?
Yeah the relationship is over and you pray to god that you never ever see his hideous face again. Or you pray that you run into him later at the party and he realizes that you are still the hottest girl on the planet and you get back together. Or you hope that you walk out the street just in time to see him hit by a moving trailer! That one would definitely ease you pain! Here are three easy tips on how to handle the situation if you ever stumble into your ex …unexpectedly!
1. If he dumped you…
It’s very difficult to see the man that you spent many a steamy days with ( sometimes one steamy night) out and about partying and having a good time and behaving as if you don’t even exist or as if he has just been acquitted from prison! You may be tempted to break down in tears, yell at him or grab a bat and bludgeon the heartless fiend to death. But before you pounce on him, pull yourself together regain your composure and put on your stellar smile. Do not bombard him, acting enraged and violent towards him will only confirm that he was right to get away from you when he did and as fast as he did. Do not for a second believe that when you cry, wail or call him all manner of evil that he will have some amount of guilt trip and take you back. In most cases you inadvertently push him a million miles further.
If you make eye contact its best to smile and look away… In case he says something… be cordial and concise then excuse yourself to do something far less heart aching. Tell him that you are feeling superb and then leave him standing there. Be sure not to entertain him, do not stroke that oversized ego of his as humoring his conversations denotes that you are not over him. Save the tirade for when you are with your girlfriends they will understand and sympathize with your lost. Your ex might just think you are crazy.
Additionally do not allow you girlfriends to get involved by making snide comments or overtures at your ex…it is immature and irrelevant. I understand that your friends may feel the need to defend your honor but they will defend it far better by being nonchalant and stoic. Please do not give him all that attention…we do not want him to feel as if he is important or that he has done something worthy of our attention.
Imagine how you would feel if a guy that you dumped saw you at a party, charged over to you like a raging bull and started crying and yelling at you. I surmised that your night would be ruined and you would be wishing that you had never met or even slept with that deranged bastard! Exactly! Do not get mad at your ex in public! He broke your heart yes it hurts but it is not fatal! My mom says that what does not cost my life really has not cost me anything!
2. If you did the dumping…
The same concept applies…just be brief when conversing… in fact it is best if you do not speak at all. If he attempts to speak with you be brief, congenial and leave his presences. Avoid being disrespectful or irritable that may just annoy him and exacerbate an already awkward situation. Do not engage in laughter or ridicule him with your friends. Karma is a bitch and she will bite you in the ass!
Additionally do not expect him to be as friendly with you as you would have been if he had dealt the blow. Men will typically be resentful and incensed when they bump into the woman that shredded their hearts, worst if you are with another man.
Treat your dumpee the very same way that you would want your ex to treat you if he did the dumping. This is with respect, tolerance and empathy for his feelings, treat him just as you would want to be treated when your heart is broken.
3. When you still have feelings for him…
If you are still in love with him regardless of who ended the relationship, avoiding contact may be very difficult but may still be in your best interest. Do not encourage conversation as old hurts may come up that may ruin your night. It is best to keep the conversation noncommittal and directed at any issue other than your current situation. You do not want to stir up old wounds when you may both be healing. Instead direct your attention to some other eligible bachelors and singulerettes in the consortium. Try comparing him with other men around you. If he is still outstanding then I guess you are in for some serious heartache worst if he did the dumping.
Trying to get him back may seem like the best thing but do not worry because if it is meant to be he will crawl back to you. Additionally try looking your best and being on your best behavior. He will admire your maturity and may just ask you back for your body in bed! The saying goes that a cow never knows the usage of its tail until he has lost it.
Now you know what you can do to make a gauche situation more comfiture. Do not get upset when you meet your ex. Get respect…get even… get over that!