“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Break Ups 101: Dating
Every courting situation should be taken seriously as the outcomes of human association especially where sex is involved is highly complex and varied.
The naïve dater is new on the dating scene. She is normally in her late teens and early twenties (however she may be older).
Inexperienced daters make decisions about relationships from a unilateral and ingénue viewpoint not taking into consideration the intentions and feelings of the men we are dating. A young woman on the dating scene is narrow sighted to the gact that she only possess an internal locus of control over the outcome of any liason.
Therefore she posit that men feel the way she does, respond to the same relational and sexual stimulus only to have our faulty assumptions demolished with the unrealization of a relationship with the man that we date. We beat ourselves up and often stagger on the brink of insanity wondering why a date that appeared to have gone well does not materialize into a relationship. We become freaked out and let our incomprehension of the situations overthrow our rationality and we behave in unhealthy ways.
For the less naïve dater, a feeling of déjà vu and a compelling intuitive knowledge that this relationship will be like the previous liaisons, she foresees a harrowing disaster waiting to happen. Our dating reservations are further cemented by years or even months of bad experiences with men and harrowing dating encounters. This perception is often founded on the basis of the same ecstatic feelings that were evident in relationships before it precipitated in to heart break.
It the feeling that is generated by the fear that all women feel when they date or meet a man for the first time. A fear that this relationships might not work out. It is the fear of lost! Fear of rejection, abandonment, humiliation and unrequited love! Break ups are the most devastating phenomena and one of the harsh realities of dating and relationships. It is the epiphany that you had made the colossal mistake of entangling your self whether momentarily or long term with the wrong person!