“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Saturday, January 23, 2010
The economics of Relationships
He outlines five principles that one should apply when seeking a partner:
1. Legally Allowable
It is best to have a relationship that supports the legal and ethical frameworks of your society. This means that you should not strive to have relations with underage individuals that will result in statutory rape and societal sanctioning. Do not have a relationship that may cause you to have a fall out with your family, creed or tribe. It also means that if your choice of relationship is not supported by the laws of your geographical location then one should find a place where that type of relationship is sanctioned and protected by the laws; these include Bigamy and Homosexual marriages.
2. Physically Possible
Physical possibility involves proximity regarding age and location. It is noted that individuals who live in propinquity are more likely to have fulfilling relationships than those that reside distances away from each other. Close proximity is necessary for a relationship to grow and for couples to get to know each other and from a bond. Physical Proximity also refers to age. You want a relationship with a person who will not live out your lifespan or who will be able to live out your lifespan. This is what my friend refers to as the shell life of the relationship. He asserted that some individuals might find this statement harsh but he does not think that couples should have relationships that will compromise their time together. He claims that it places added stress on the relationship like when an insecure older guy constantly stalks his much junior girlfriend for fear that she will cheat on him with a younger guy or when you are having sleepless nights because your mate is residing in another country and you are wondering if he is cheating .
3. Financially Feasible
Financially Feasible rule is simple. Do not have relations with someone that is outside of your budget. Work within the confines of your financial status. This includes having relationships with individuals that are of the same class. According to my friend, it adds balance to the relationship and there is less likelihood of one partner manipulating and overpowering the other because of financial upper hand. If you are starting a business, like a relationship ensure that your partner does not have more investment in the business. If this is the case then it would not be a business for both of you, it would be his enterprise since he has majority control of shares in the company. He asserted that one should ensure that they are not investing too much in a relationship that is bound to fail. Additionally one should spend wisely whilst in a union. Many individuals go out of their way to ensnare a partner by selling their homes or cars, taking out loans or embezzling from their jobs. It should be noted one should not have to go to this length to secure a relationship. This is another aspect of legally allowable, do not have a relationship that will compromise your societal freedom and may have you incarcerated.
4. Maximally Productive
At all times ensure that the person you are with is making the same amount of effort you are making to ensure the durability and longevity of the relationship. It may not matter to you now that you are investing seventy percent while your partner is investing thirty. However you will become frustrated and resentful when the profits have to be shared fifty fifty. The same goes for a relationship, a partner who is investing more will become resentful of the partner who is investing less and may demand more. The demand may fuel the partner to withdraw from the enterprise. The idea is simply, do not have a partnership with someone who is indolent and unproductive. You will be doing the work for two people and only receiving rewards for one. You cannot continue to give without receiving returns or aids.