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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie



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Monday, January 4, 2010

The Jamaican Men We Love to Hate: Narcissist/Egoist

The Men we love to Hate!

The Egoist (Part One)

Complex, obstinate and incomprehensible creatures locked into a world of testosterone driven pride, ego and sensibilities. It’s intriguing how men can charged at an enemy with herculean ferocity and yet hold a woman as tenderly as a baby. These beings are capable of triggering magnitudes of overwhelming emotions in females deeming their reflexes temporarily incapacitated. We love the sound of their baritones, whether it’s a growl or a snarl!

We are enamored with the way that they walk, comport themselves. Our defenses crumble when they stare at us with cocky posterity and ensnare our hearts with irresistible charm and finesses! We find them engaging, we fight for them and in extreme cases we may even kill for them!

We invest time, energy and resources, trying to please them.
Oh how we love them…
Until the trifling, lying, deceptive, conniving, no good bastards break our hearts!

If only I knew the scoundrel was not what he had appeared to be. If only we had a criterion board to identify the dissolution beneath the beguiling armor that we fall haplessly and stupidly in love with.

How many women have beaten themselves over relationship blunders? Wondering how we missed that snicker that we thought was a genuine smile and deluded ourselves into believing that he wanted the house, picket white fence and two kids.

The men that we love to hate come in many varieties. We fall in love easily with them because they epitomizes (externally that is) the very essences of what we are seeking in a man. But beware not all that a glitter is gold and men are excellent actors who will play a role with brilliant histrionics until he gets into your drawers.

Too often we see the warning posts and the red flags and ignore them on the premise that we can change him or maybe he will change because, I am different and he will see the distinctions and fall in love with me. only to have him call ( if he calls at all, men hate confrontations that brings their integrity into question and where they may be judged) and let you know that he is not thinking of marriage, the house in the country and Sunday afternoons on the verandah…if you know what I mean!

Unfortunately, these are men that we women can’t help falling in love with!

First and foremost you have the Egoist!

He is cocky, overbearing and exudes a self confidence that outshines a million cities. He is self assured, ambitious and drives a Mercedes. You admire his aggressive attitude, condescension and arrogance.

he walks into a room he commands authority. His dress code is that of a man who has exquisite taste in fashion and invest time in his wardrobe. He is the type of man you could brag to your friends about, the kind of man that you could move up the social and communal ladder through association. The variant of masculine specimen that will make your friends turn green with envy and your grandmother wishing she was young again. The type that causes you to cower in his presence as you rush like a spooked mouse to please the big feline when he meows!

This man is termed full of himself and rest assure he is highly self centered and care little for others. Realizing that he is at the hierarchy of feminine desires, women are of minimal importance to him because he knows that he can ‘pick, choose and refuse’. A man like this is liable to make you fall in love with him through his graceful charm, orientation and swagger. And then he will dump you with alacrity and ruthlessness!

Most Egoists are Narcissist and are normally verbally abusive and scathing of their partners. Men of this nature are single and their relationship status serving both as a trap for potential partners and a staunch indicator that there has to be a deficiency. There has to be an underlining problem or hidden agenda when a man is aesthetically endowed, ambitious and affluent without a woman by his side. (Don’t be deceived because either he is gay or he is a player, a eunuch or a frigid or he has some other hidden deficits)

These hidden deficiencies range from sexual impotence, sexual insecurity, promiscuity, tyranny, verbal abuse to low self esteem and confidence. A person may exude superiority and confidence on the outside but is very insecure and has a low opinion of their own worth!

Materialism, wealth accumulation and success are measures utilized to mask feelings of substandardness that the Egoist may be experiencing. The Egoist thrives on denigrating and demeaning other so as to highlight the insufficiency in others therefore accentuating his often times enviable and desirable traits.

The Egoist sees women as sub beings to his lordship and mere objects to supply his every sexual and in some cases procreative needs. The Egoist will not pursue a relationship with a woman of his disposition but prefers a female of extreme docility. The submissive, acquiesce female that thrives on giving and who nourishes the Egoist’s ego. Inflating it with her meek and catering character, feeding him until he is obese with egoism

In rare some cases the Egoist does pursue a woman of substance but with the intent of vanquishing her, overhauling her self concept and leaving her male poisoned and miserable. The woman of substance is seen as a challenge to an Egoist, a mountain that needs to be eroded and place flat beneath his footstool. The Egoist will pursue the woman of substance, break her and then discard her!
The Egoist is often a shell with no display of human emotions. He lacks remorse, commiseration and empathy.

The Egoist is unforgivable and unforgettable. He inscribes his face in the annexes of feminine memories with his dual personality. Women find him intrigued and yet trepidated by the Egoist because he can facilitate love and inflict pain. He leaves pain, heart ache and desire in his wake. Women are left befuddled by his behavior.

It is not advisable to continue a relationship with an Egoist. Rest assures that he will destroy you. He will annihilate your sensitivity, plunge you into a chasm of low self worth and pick one’s self continuity away with his noxious character forceps. The Egoist is an emotional opportunist and hurting others is done intentionally without rue.

It does not matter how superlative you are, you will never be sufficed for the Egoist. He cares nothing of others, only catering to himself and his egocentricities.

The Egoist does not give into pleasantries hence the abusive personality and you will never receive an apology from an Egoist. Women find the Egoist attractive because he exudes behavioral characteristics that are refined and enchanting only to discover later that such conducts are fallacies utilized to snatch a desperate and naïve heart

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