One metter shared...

I had to post this from the Jamaicangroupiemet.com Before you SLEEP with him, READ THIS (A lot of our young black women in and out of the DH need to understand their worth) Addicted What’s between your legs he can get anywhere; what’s in your heart is rare, it can only come from you. Value increases when something is considered rare. A real man finds glory in the hunt, the chase, the wait. Every time a man “enters” a woman he gives her his strength, every time a woman “receives a man” she gives him her beauty, her vulnerability. Why give up the greatest and most precious part of yourself to a man who has not proven he is worthy or capable of caring for your heart? Giving our bodies, forsaking our hearts Let me make this very clear, I was FAR from a virgin when I got married. For many years I used sex to numb the rejection of my father and men in my past. I gave my body to men to validate me, to help me prove my worth, to numb the pain and fear of the life I was half-living. And sure the conquest was fun, but the relief was momentary, never lasting. The confidence in my soul was broken, so my body screamed for instant gratification. Then as a “party girl” high on drugs and alcohol, sex just accompanied that lifestyle, but getting drunk and high to open my legs, only proved that my heart’s deepest longings were simply being masked, numbed, hidden. The greatest gift a woman can give a man A few years before I met my husband, I made a decision to be celibate, to find out beyond sex, what did I truly desire? Fortunately when I met my husband he carried this same conviction. This current culture has diminished women into believing we have nothing to offer besides our bodies. How many times have you laid besides a lover after he has released inside of you and felt dulled, disappointed, numb? Don’t you want more? Women scream this false bravado independence “I can do whatever I want!” But whose truth are you living? Are you living out your sexuality like I was; reacting to your wounds, attempting to meet your own needs the only way you know how? Or are you living from the truth of how amazing, cherished and priceless your heart is? Real women know their value Women who know their value, know they are worth more. They have learned what their heart truly needs, and they are not afraid to ask for it. God wired us to be loved, cherished, protected, fought for. Our hearts deepest longing is often times not for sex, but to truly know who we are…we don’t find the answers to the deepest questions in our souls in a man’s bed; we discover them by seeking God’s heart. Many of us never had an earthly father to affirm our beauty our value, but we have a merciful God waiting to lavish upon us a passionate love beyond our wildest dreams. Dare to be honest. Learn how to ask for what you need with your heart and not your body. When you truly see your value as a woman, you will know you are worth the wait, and so will the man who has decided to wait for you…

Why when women young, dem so fool fool!

Now is is these kind of conversation with women that frustrates the hell out of me but i am not too mad still cuz i remember say a so me did young and fool fool too. I DO NOT NORMALLY SHARE MY COUNSELLING SESSIONS WITH THE WORLD BUT THIS ONE WAS AN EXCEPTION. Sarah: hello how are you? [3:09:18 PM] crystal evans : HI [3:09:34 PM] crystal evans : how you doing? [3:09:41 PM] crystal evans : I am great [3:09:41 PM] Sarah: im fine thanks. how are you? [3:09:46 PM] crystal evans : How may i help you [3:09:57 PM] Sarah: i was wondering if i could talk to you about my ex boyfriend. im kind of confused [3:09:57 PM] crystal evans : indeed [3:10:06 PM] crystal evans : ok o ahead [3:10:12 PM] crystal evans : go* [3:10:41 PM] Sarah: we've been broken up since june. but that longest we stopped talking was a month and a half. in november he told me he doesnt want to lose [3:10:59 PM] Sarah: me and in january he said he misses me and would be lying if he said he didnt look at pictures [3:11:03 PM] Sarah: we started talking again in mid march [3:11:08 PM] crystal evans : k [3:11:42 PM] Sarah: he has said he loves me but i didnt at that point say it back cause it took me off guard. i did say it a couple weeks later. he told me that [3:12:03 PM] : Sarah: he does love me but doesnt think its the same way and wants us to be friends who still care for each other and he doesnt want a relationship [3:12:05 PM] : Sarah: but [3:12:28 PM] Sarah: when we are together it seems like he wants us to be together and he has sent me texts calling me sweetheart and love and with kissy faces [3:12:39 PM] Sarah: and he still has my stuff around his room that he never took down from the breakup [3:13:04 PM] Sarah: basically his actions dont match his he doesnt want a relationship words but they match some of his other words [3:13:25 PM] Sarah: i can see he loves me and cares for me thats why im so confused. and he cant explain why he doesnt or what happened [3:13:26 PM] crystal evans : well why would u want to be away from someone you claim that you love dearly. The way that you feel about him, he does not love you with that intensity. He is leaving you to find his ideal partner then when he is disappointed he comes back to you because he knows that you love him. He cares for yoyu? yes/ maybe ...he is not confused... [3:14:32 PM] Sarah: how did he know i still loved him when we were not talking...and my stuff around his room mean absolutely nothing? [3:14:43 PM] : Sarah: and his actions are just fake? [3:14:48 PM] crystal evans : you see men love sex and they try to make breaking up with a woman as easy and less heartbreaking as possible if they would like to keep you around for future reference. I dont mean to be harsh but you love him more than he does [3:14:52 PM] crystal evans : not fake [3:15:15 PM] crystal evans : he cares about you [3:15:29 PM] crystal evans : but not enought to settle down with you [3:15:45 PM] Sarah: just not enough to be with me?? then what could have happened. 2 weeks before we broke up he told me i meant the world to him and the break [3:15:58 PM] : Sarah: up was out of the blue. not just to me and he was hesitant to even end it [3:16:08 PM] crystal evans : He cannot give you what you want out of a relationship [3:16:19 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: how did he know i still loved him unless i voiced it when hes the one trying to keep contact [3:16:41 PM] crystal evans : Sarah someone can care about but not want a relationship with you right now [3:17:11 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: if he wanted to be just friends why does he act the way he does or call me love and stuff like that? [3:17:20 PM] crystal evans : Sarah ...look at how much you care for him, he shoud be trying to figure what went wrong as much as you do [3:17:30 PM] crystal evans : Honey men will lie to us [3:17:43 PM] crystal evans : and he might not want to hurt your feelings [3:18:09 PM] Sarah: how would actually just being friends hurt my feelings tho. [3:18:13 PM] : Sarah: its everything else thats confusing me [3:18:21 PM] : Sarah: he says one things and acts another [3:18:36 PM] Sarah: it was like that when we broke up too and thats why i cut contact [3:18:40 PM] crystal evans : Men will send you mix messages without even knowing it and you are confused because you read a lot into his behaviour because you love him [3:19:02 PM] Sarah: what am i suppose to believe tho [3:19:20 PM] : Sarah: yeah to me the breakup seems like a mistake and always has [3:19:23 PM] crystal evans : Sarah the truth is as far as your eyes is from your ear [3:19:44 PM] Sarah: i dont know what that means [3:19:49 PM] crystal evans : it does not matter what a man tells you with his mouth (hear with your ear). [3:20:03 PM] crystal evans : your eyes always sees the truth [3:20:18 PM] crystal evans : so if he tells you he loves you and is not acting like it [3:20:24 PM] Sarah: okay i can understand that but my eyes are what is telling me he still loves me and all that [3:20:26 PM] crystal evans : he probably doesnt love you [3:20:50 PM] crystal evans : sometimes we see what we want to see...let me ask you this [3:21:30 PM] crystal evans : Why would any woman want to be in a relationship with someone who is not sure of where he wants to be [3:21:39 PM] crystal evans : he keeps playing with your emotionns [3:21:41 PM] crystal evans : yoyo [3:21:50 PM] crystal evans : up and down with your adrenaline [3:21:57 PM] crystal evans : isnt it tiring? [3:22:02 PM] crystal evans : it would be to me] [3:22:11 PM]Sarah: im not making what i see up i promise you. i dont have any expectations right now but i also know what i want [3:22:16 PM] : Sarah: but thats not what is affecting what i see [3:22:29 PM] crystal evans : i couldnt manage another round of this yo-yo relationship [3:22:33 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: i cant explain it [3:22:38 PM] crystal evans : love sarah [3:22:43 PM] crystal evans : you love him [3:22:52 PM] crystal evans : hence why they say love is blind [3:23:18 PM] Wizpert: Sarah: yeah i know but seeing how he acts isnt me making it up. [3:23:46 PM] crystal evans : i have an ex who would view my profile evryday, call me, bbm me and then he would just disappear [3:24:04 PM] crystal evans : and resurface again telling me sweet innuendos in my ear [3:24:12 PM] crystal evans : it took me three years to get over him [3:24:19 PM] Sarah: thats not what im dealing with now tho [3:24:32 PM] Sarah: hes not disappearing [3:24:33 PM] crystal evans : i kept asking myself that if he did not love me he wouldnt keep coming back [3:25:20 PM] crystal evans : but it is similar, theres a reason why people break up. The ugly truth is that people do not want to be away from someone they love [3:26:02 PM] : Sarah: then how do you explain him never really going away. yeah we broke up i got that. but couldnt there be an actual reason. people get back [3:26:05 PM] Sarah: together all the time [3:26:22 PM] crystal evans : So if someone wants to take a time out on a relationship then.. it leaves a lot to think about...have you spoke to him about this sarah [3:26:26 PM] Sarah: we stopped talking because i stopped tlaking [3:26:27 PM]Sarah: talking* [3:26:46 PM] crystal evans : These are just my opinions because i am not there, i have to go off what you tell ,e [3:27:00 PM] Sarah: yeah and he cant explain it to me. its like he doesnt have a reason [3:27:16 PM] crystal evans : theres your answer [3:27:22 PM] Sarah: i have that question everyday, how could you love someone but not be with them. but yet he shows me that we should be together but says he [3:27:26 PM] : Sarah: doesnt want a relationship [3:27:36 PM] Sarah: that doesnt make sense to me tho [3:27:54 PM] Sarah: whats the answer [3:28:15 PM] crystal evans : yes sarah as i said its quite confusing and thats because relationship are complex [3:28:18 PM] crystal evans : intricate [3:28:31 PM] crystal evans : someone will love you and not want to be with you [3:28:38 PM] Sarah: why [3:28:56 PM] Sarah: how could everything seem so perfect yet it fell apart out of nowhere [3:29:05 PM] crystal evans : You might have great chemistry with someone and they dont want a relationship. people have different goals [3:29:15 PM] : Sarah: im not the only one who thought our breakup was dumb [3:29:20 PM] crystal evans : and soemtimes i dont fit into that perons future [3:29:46 PM] crystal evans : well if he does not see anything wrong with you being apart then he wont come back [3:30:59 PM] Sarah: his actions dont match his words. he does keep coming back just we dont commit. he keeps in contact. he acts the way he does i dont force [3:31:04 PM]: Sarah: anything i dont alter anything [3:31:23 PM] Sarah: he's the one that cozys up to me and grabs for my hand not the other way around [3:31:29 PM] Sarah: its always been like that [3:31:34 PM] crystal evans : yes [3:31:55 PM] Sarah: hes the one who was hesitant to end it and then not let me leave until i calmed down and hes the one who contacted me the next day [3:32:04 PM] crystal evans : if i knew more about him i could disgnose but he sunds like an emotionally unavailable man [3:32:10 PM] crystal evans : diagnose* [3:32:19 PM]Sarah: what makes a man like that [3:32:33 PM] crystal evans : socialisation [3:32:55 PM] crystal evans : past break ups [3:33:03 PM] crystal evans : if he is still not over his ex [3:33:09 PM] crystal evans : not ready to settile down] [3:33:30 PM] Sarah: he hasnt talked to the ex before me way before we met. [3:33:41 PM]: Sarah: whats the reasoning behind my stuff? anything or no [3:33:53 PM] Sarah: he gave back everything to his last ex but wouldnt exchange with me [3:34:00 PM] : Sarah: i tried leaving his necklace he wouldnt let me leave without it [3:34:19 PM] Sarah: i also found out he gets notified on facebook when i post things [3:34:27 PM] crystal evans : maybe trophy.. he loves you [3:34:36 PM] Sarah: what do you mean by trophy? [3:34:41 PM] crystal evans : likes intimacy hates commitment [3:34:46 PM] crystal evans : so he can remember you [3:34:56 PM] crystal evans : some people like loving someone from a distance [3:35:19 PM]: Sarah: thats so stupid tho....it makes no sense to me [3:36:06 PM] crystal evans : well love rarely does [3:36:08 PM] Sarah: it sucks because ive tried moving on...nothing felt right. i want him [3:36:23 PM] crystal evans : i understand [3:36:43 PM] Sarah: i care about him more than ive ever cared about anyone and i dont know why [3:37:28 PM] crystal evans : it ok to feel that way sarah [3:37:48 PM] crystal evans : but it means nothing if he doesnt want to create a setting where you can share your feelings [3:38:16 PM] Sarah: but i can tell him that, i just dont anymore [3:38:43 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:39:16 PM] Sarah: its like it seems like hes afraid but idk what hes afraid of [3:39:31 PM] crystal evans : commitment [3:40:09 PM] Sarah: it sucks... [3:40:22 PM] Sarah: esp since i cant really change that if thats what it is [3:40:26 PM] : Sarah: i cant help with that [3:40:27 PM] crystal evans : i am sorry [3:40:35 PM] crystal evans : exaclty [3:40:39 PM] crystal evans : exactly [3:41:02 PM] Sarah: so im just stuck... [3:41:12 PM] Sarah: what am i suppose to do [3:41:20 PM] crystal evans : no you can try to move on with your life [3:41:28 PM] crystal evans : if he loves youhe will find you [3:41:36 PM] crystal evans : dont pause your life until he grows up [3:41:58 PM] Sarah: im not pausing my life but i dont want anyone else....thats where im stuck. [3:42:12 PM] Sarah: i cant even not have him in my life. i was miserable not talking to him. i hated it. [3:42:21 PM] Sarah: it was the hardest thing i had to do [3:42:35 PM] Sarah: hes like my best friend [3:42:39 PM] crystal evans : i understand [3:42:45 PM] crystal evans : hwo old are you sarah? [3:42:55 PM]: Sarah: im 22 [3:43:04 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:43:06 PM] crystal evans : he? [3:43:39 PM]: Sarah: he's 24 [3:44:04 PM] Sarah: the only real difference between us is that im in school but he never finished but hes talked about always going back [3:44:28 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:44:43 PM] crystal evans : Sarah Concentrate on school [3:44:50 PM] crystal evans : he is still young [3:45:01 PM] crystal evans : be the woman he cannot afford to loose] [3:45:01 PM] Sarah: one time last year he told me that im the only girl who really knows him....i dont know if its because he's broken down in front of me or if [3:45:04 PM] crystal evans : lose [3:45:06 PM] Sarah: that was just words [3:45:15 PM] crystal evans : and he will come back to you [3:45:19 PM] Sarah: what do you mean by cannot afford to lose [3:46:13 PM] crystal evans : u see men [3:46:35 PM] crystal evans : rate women who are on top of their game [3:46:50 PM] crystal evans : be on top of your game [3:47:10 PM]Sarah: okk [3:47:11 PM] crystal evans : get your degree, get a good job and buy a house and a car and he will never wanna give you up [3:47:21 PM] crystal evans : because you are the pinnacle [3:47:32 PM]Sarah: isnt there like a men pride/ego tho [3:47:35 PM] crystal evans : best girl any man is gonna wanna [3:47:37 PM] crystal evans : yes [3:47:50 PM] crystal evans : men cant resist a woman who is sexy attractive [3:47:53 PM] crystal evans : educated [3:47:57 PM] crystal evans : holds her own [3:48:05 PM] crystal evans : dont matter how big his ego be [3:48:13 PM] crystal evans : he is gonna wanna own you [3:48:16 PM] Sarah: cause at the end of our relationship i was paying if we went out because he was in between jobs. and i know he didnt like that.....now he [3:48:23 PM] Sarah: pays and wont let me even when i offer and stuff [3:49:16 PM] crystal evans : ok [3:49:21 PM] crystal evans : that is great [3:49:27 PM] Sarah: why [3:50:11 PM] crystal evans : well at least he shows signs that if he is in a position to help he will take care of you [3:50:58 PM] Sarah: could that be a part of what happened before? he didn't feel like he could take care of me? [3:51:24 PM] crystal evans : maybe [3:51:37 PM] crystal evans : men can feel bruised by financial embarrassing [3:51:38 PM] Sarah: alright... [3:51:55 PM]Sarah: well thanks for talking to me. [3:53:04 PM] crystal evans : you are welcome i JUST HAD TO PUBLISHED AN ARTICLE AFTER THIS MESSED UP CONVO THAT LEFT ME SO ANGRY! i AM NOT BEING INSENSITIVE TO HER FEELINGS BUT SOME WOMEN ARE IN DEEPER THAN I OR ANY PSYCHOLOGIST CAN HELP THEM. you can get over him, it will not be easy and it may not happen right away but you will feel better as time passes by. It will not happen in a day and you wont move pass your obsession if you continue to re expose yourself to the same venom, over and over again. He is not going to come back to your melodrama, be the woman he cannot afford to lose. Let him fall in love with your strength of character, not a whiny, crying, grovelling nutcase. Educate yourself, work out, get a job and be on top of your game, then and only then will your man not be able to look elsewhere. I get frustrated when women ask me to break down every word he said or what he did. If you know that you love the man, don’t ask me to validate that love because i will tell you the truth and nothing but the truth. Don’t ask for my advice and then tell me you do not think he does not love you. If you think he is coming back to you, do not waste my time asking what i think. You already have that figured out. Women do not understand that men for the most part do not see relationships the way we do. He does not wonder if you are his soul mate and the million other wistful romantic notions that women entertain. For most men it is how he feels when he is around you and it does not matter how much he cares for you, if he doesn’t not feel right. He is going to dump you in a jippy. Read more: http://socyberty.com/relationships/his-behavior-says-he-loves-me-why-are-we-breaking-up/#ixzz2Rz2svOW2

My In laws encouraging the decay that is destroying our societies

There was a confrontation recently between my child's father and some relatives he has. The next morning, my 20 month old daughter sees one of her kin that her dad had the altercation with passing by and proceeded to say hi with such enthusiasm in her own childish gibbers. The cousin looked at my child and looked ahead of her with a smirk on her face. I was enraged at them for teaching my young innocent child hatred. My contempt worsen when i realized that these are the people that are responsible for most of the problems we have in this world. Next scenario, i Saw my daughter playing with an estranged family members child, the older child barked at the younger one to stop playing with my baby . I quickly extrapolated that this eight year old was acting on the advice and commentary that she heard at her parent's house, Because of what precipitated between her father and them, they were teaching my child to hate from an early age. They are teaching my baby about discrimination and prejudice. She's automatically their enemy , my baby who is not even two year old. She turns around and cries, running back to me because she does not understand why these children treat her with hostility or mocked indifference. I like to read Belmoun Ibolele Ayibobo FACEbOOK Page because it is a good source of knowledge of my black culture. There was a post there that i loved "A child comes into this world without hatred and envy, thus we should be careful not to pass our own disgusting anti-humanity views to them. Instead we should educate them to differentiate between reality and fallacy, not mindless indoctrination" To teach a child the right knowledge is to build family and community. I understand that my Job is to make my baby become the best woman she can be but i also understand that this world is far from ideal. I will have to educate my child and how to deal with people like these, family or not... > Education is essential to how we deal with others. I will have to encourage my child to seek knowledge and comforts in her book because i already know that if she is anything like me then her intellect will be both a curse and a blessing. She will see the world in all its infinities for what it is, the planes of life, the superficial nexus, "As a parent you have a duty to stir your child(ren) toward the right path, regardless of your past experience. At all cost, please avoid passing toxic mental deficiency belief to your child(ren). Encourage them to love nature and understand their nature as well". I do not need to be a perfect mother, I just simply need to be there for my daughter. I am concerned at times about my immortality. How long will i live to impress upon my child all that i have learnt in my 25 years alive. I ask god to let me live everyday to see my child past the worst...

Jamaican Men Homophobic Yet Spend a Lot of Time Socialising with Men

As i was listening to Vybz Kartel's "Your business song" I remembered an article that i had written a commentary on sometime ago online. The article points to a notion that i have questioned for years since i developed an acumen for signalling male behavior. Vybz Kartel pars with a lot of men for a guy who is highly homophobic and makes it known in his music. It is not just him but many Jamaican artistes par wid a slew of men but are quick to condemn men who sleep with other men. Oh yes i understand you do not sleep with men so you can do everything else with a man but sleep with him. What was even funnier was the gay men at Carnival 2013 broking out to Vybz Kartel's song? I wonder how does Kartel feel about that? This is a conversation that i have had aplenty with my spouse and male friends about the unlimited amount of time they feel inclined to spend with male friends instead of with their partners. I am not saying that they should commit themselves exclusively to their wives but many men will spend the entire day at work with friends then spend another four hours after work with male brethren at the bar. My spouse replied that sometimes they are not at bars with men but with other women( often promiscuous, loose, tartly women) that is they are basically hunting in packs. When my spouse comes home sometimes after 12 midnight or one am, he claims he walked out the road to be with his boys and when i would tag along sometimes, i am the sole female among a bag of men often gossiping about people's business, pontential and achieved sexual conquest. I am no longer invited to these extended male bonding sessions since i consistently rain on their parade and frivolous, prurient, superficial conversations. Here is what a writer from the Jamaican star had to say that backed up a phenomena that i have had countless discussion with men and women about which is even though Jamaican men are homophobic, they spent a lot of time bonding with men. It appears that the only thing they don't do with men is have sex with them but they would rather spend their entire day with male friends and come home when they want to have sex. If they have a friend who spends a lot of time with his woman than with them (male friends) they begin to "bun" out the woman and bring strife to disintegrate the relationship. Some men begin to call their male friends who spend time with their women defamatory terms such as implying that they are with their women in an effort to get this particular male to spend more time with them. here is an extract from the article "Some Jamaican brethren love to run off mouth about how dem love woman and brag 'bout dem nuh pet man. Yes, big man, start counting the number of activities that you participate in, exclusively with other 'man friends'. Calculate the amount of time you spend with members of your own sex. Now, compare that with your quality engagement and time spent with the opposite sex. I'll bet all the money I lost in Cash Plus that when the situations are objectively compared, many men will find that they spend more time and energy dedicated to activities with other men than with women. Isn't that funny? But, as I'm never tired of saying, we are a case study in contradiction. Is true, man! Many Jamaican men seem to be violently homophobic, yet passionately 'homosocial' at the same time. Check it, dem burn fire on men who sleep with men but di only company dat dem keep is men. Some roughneck, macho men seem totally happy to spend 20 hours of one day socialising with a bag a man and then share the remaining four hours with a woman. And, those four hours are likely to involve maybe 15 minutes of talk, 45 minutes of sex and three hours of sleep. In fact, one man made it clear to me that, as far as he's concerned, the main thing to do with the opposite sex was sex. Strip poker When asked if he talks or plays with his lady, he said he hardly talks, he mainly sends text messages. Quoting an old joke, he said the only game he plays with his girlfriend is strip poker, with the aim being for her to strip and for him to 'poke her'. He went on to seriously assert that men, who spend a lot of time with women, are sissies. What do you think? I think it's kind of sad. Plenty men just don't treat social, emotional or intellectual engagement with women as a central part of their life. It's like they marginalise their dealings with women to the extent that any relationship with a woman that doesn't involve sex, gets minimal time, limited space and zero value. And, the women, with whom we share conjugal relations, sometimes only get personal attention when it's time for them to ease our sexual tension. Potential conquest You know, there are men, who have no genuine women friends? You realise that there are men out there, who can only see women as objects of potential conquest? And, some of those same men love and idolise other men, who they describe as their 'God, dads and general'! Some men work all day with men, spend evening chilling and talking with other men, then spend the weekend playing with men again. They eat and drink with men, 'par and link' with men, then smoke and joke with men again. That's how I see it yah and I don't care who vex. Some men do every single thing with other men - except sex - and the one deggeh-deggeh thing dem do with women is sex. But, guess what happen in the process? We miss out on opportunities to learn, grow and build mutual respect with our sisters. Look nuh, I love sex, I adore women and I value the many things I can share with them. Yeah, man, that's one of the reasons why I'm a big fan of co-education. If it does nothing else, mixed-sex schooling helps boys to learn, from early, that there are many fulfilling experiences to share with girls, including, but not limited to sex!" what do you think? when i showed them the article they became angry and conflicting suggesting that whoever wrote this article must be gay or a sissy since no real man would ever make such a literary dictum. What do you think

Every Woman has the exact relationship she wants!

Andrea is angry because her boyfriend refuses to look a job or at least permanent employment. She claims she loves him but recently she no longer relish shouldering the bills and watching him gorge down her hard earn money like an obese gluttonous child. Her resentment is brimming over and she now finds herself snapping at him when he sleeps late in the mornings or if he drinks the entire jug of fruit juice in a day then calls to remind her that she needs to pick up one at the supermarket when she is coming home from work. She does not want to tell him to be economical with the consumption of their resources since her meager earnings can barely cover their expenses and bills. She does not want to hurt his feelings but lately she feels like she is going to explode any minute now. She contends that he is a good man but she cannot baby him anymore and is considering moving out of their shared apartment. She is worrying about how he is going to fare when she is gone and this consternation has prevented her from taking the necessary action to leave a relationship that is crippling her financially. She muses that she probably will spend the same amount when she is alone but she will have no one to blame but herself. What should Deandra do? She needs to have a talk with her partner: the fact that she has not said anything about his unemployment givers him the impression that she is ok with him not satisfying some of the financial needs of their relationship. Men easily get complacent if they think you are okay with whatever they are dishing out. Your man cannot read your mind. You need to make him know what you want out of a relationship and where he stops short. Asking your partner to find a job is not towing the line. You are not asking him to do the impossible. You are simply insisting that he becomes a responsible, contributing partner. If you leave one relationship without resolving the issues, you may end up with a new partner and settle for the same faux paus you did in your previous union. Some women with low self esteem insist on becoming the bread winner because they are afraid if their man goes out in the world that he will find someone else. They “baby the man” and when harsh economical times arrive or they realize that feeding an adult male is far more difficult than they may have anticipated. You might lose your partner if you insist that you need more from your relationship but it’s often for the best. It’s like cutting off a gangrenous arm before it spreads so that you can live forever.