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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Woman Scorned... Women cheating on their men...

I have been holding in a lot of things wanting to say them but refuse to because it's irrelevant. I don't want to jeopardize what we have but I am sensing we have nothing and hence I am trying to save something that does not even exist. Loving you is like trying to catch water using a basket...

You see my life is complicated and because it is complicated I realize that I am nothing but a placeholder to you. I can't make any demands on you because I have my man... Yes you wield this knowledge above my head, it is the central notion that keeps me from demanding a commitment from you. I cannot ask you to be my man because i already have One. I must be a special kind of stupid, putting everything on the line, inconveniencing my life and risking stability, knowing you might never ever really trust me. I am after all a woman who cheats on her man.

And as such you have little respect or sense of loyalty to me. The Indecorous way in which you have treated me these recent days is nothing short of an outright disregard for my feelings. I am tired of it. I don't need this shit. You say your world does not revolve around me but everything in this non-relationship revolves around you. I am constantly at the mercy,beck and call of your mood, desires and inclination. I obviously don't have a say here. You have used my loveless relationship against me and i have used you as an escape from the doldrums of my personal life.

I have been hanging on by a thread. I am letting it go now. May the chips fall where they may. But maybe am silly, I mean i am ready to leave the man i am certain about for the uncertainty and novelty of our non-relationship.

I keep getting pushed back two places for other women, real, old, new or imagined. All because i already have a man. Its not that i do not want to leave him but i need to be sure that you at least want me. I have a penchant for fooling myself into thinking I can ever have something with someone like you and every time I end up disappointed. I need to grow up. I cannot have my cake and eat it too. But i cannot leave my man for a nigga , who am not sure even wants me. Deuces!!!

Chapter : The Cheating woman and her other man
Woman Scorned
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Crystal A.Evans

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