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Crystal Evans Books

“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie



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Monday, November 28, 2011

Jamaican Men homophobic yet spend a lot of time bonding with men

This is a conversation that i have had aplenty with my spouse and male friends about the unlimited amount of time they feel inclined to spend with male friends instead of with their partners. I am not saying that they should commit themselves exclusively to their wives but many men will spend the entire day at work with friends then spend another four hours after work with male brethren at the bar and their entire weekend with other men. My spouse replied that sometimes they are not at bars with men but with other women( often promiscuous, loose, tartly women) that is they are basically hunting in packs.

When my spouse comes home sometimes after 12 midnight or one am, he claims he walked out the road to be with his boys and when i would tag along oftentimes, i am the sole female among a bag of men often gossiping about people's business, potential and achieved sexual conquest. I am no longer invited to these extended male bonding sessions since i consistently rain on their parade and trounced their frivolous, prurient, superficial conversations.

I have had countless discussion with men and women about the fact that even though Jamaican men are homophobic, they spend an awful amount of time bonding with men. It appears that the only thing they don't do with men is have sex with them but they would rather spend their entire day with male friends and come home when they want to have sex, eat thier dinner, sleep or take a shower. If his male friends cook food then rest assure that you are not going to see your man anytime soon.

If they have a friend who spends a lot of time with his woman than with them (male friends) they begin to "bun" out the woman and bring strife to disintegrate the relationship. Some men begin to call their male friends who spend time with their women defamatory terms such as implying that they are with their women all the time because he is watching her. He will be ashamed of such a pronouncement and other this particular male to spend more time with them. They will often taunt a man who is on lockdown. Women are basically only good for sex, show and procreation. While male opinion and company is valued and dogmas are only considered correct if it is seen from a man and his male friend├Ęs perspectives.

They are content spending time with other men, interacting, sharing thoughts and experiences yet they think it is unmanly and taboo to do the same with their female spouses. Very few men have genuine female friends who they are not intimately involved with. It appears that a relationship with any woman that is acoitus is seen as foolish and unreasonable. How can you be just a friend with a woman without "looking" her under the cover or pretending to get in her pantie. women are made for intercourse and nothing more, how can you befriend a woman simply for her personality and reasoning ability. How Chauvinistic!

Men do need their "Guy" time but once you are in a relationship, you can no longer live like a bachelor. Most Jamaican men don't mind living like they are college boys in their twenties living the sweet bachelor life while their wives pine away at home for their love and companionship. In many cases the woman grows to resent the man and end up cheating on him. I know of situations where women are pregnant and near labour due dates and their partners are out clubbing with his friends. I know men who their women have to fight them to get them to ge them to spend an evening with her and it is often boring or the atmosphere tinged with simmering anger since he would rather be at the bar or out chatting with his bachelor wanna-be-friends. The female often resents letting him stay since nothing changes.

Even though some men may claim that they are too busy to spend time with their wives. They always seem to find time to bond with male friends and sleep around with other women. Some women seldom see their partners in daylight and others can count on their hands, the last time they sat and "reasoned"with their man. Most men will come home, eat his dinner, take a bath and go back on the road only to return when he is sleepy which is often around 1 or 2 am the next morning. And that is what most men call spending time together. When a man says he is going to chill with you, watch and see how quickly he falls asleep or make an excuse to go back on the road.

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