“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Support for women in abusive relationship with Jamaican men
"I dreamt him last night again!"
"I dreamt it was my birthday and I called him and he promised to buy me a birthday day cake for ten grand"
"I kept a party at a big White House in the woods, he sent the cake, he didn't come to the party and there was a large crowd there, and I left and went to another section of the property, there was a black caldina parked there... It was empty!"
"I was alone"
I relaxed into the reclining chair. When I spoke, my voice broke.
"My granny say it's not a good dream!"
"She say the caldina a hearse!"
"The house a grave and the crowd a me funeral"
"She ask me if me nyam the cake, me say no!"
"She say me overcome him"
Sass burst into loud guffaws.
"You granny too damn superstitious!!!"
She sat on one of the edges of get rectangular desk.
"Well its obvious your mind is on dre. I must say I hold different beliefs in the area of dreams. In my experience they reflect the state of mind of the individual. It shows your expectations of him-buying you a cake symbolizes the responsibilities he should take up and this is making you happy."
" The ten grand symbolizes that he must take special care and interest in you, meet your worth, your self worth. A ten grand cake is indeed a extravagant and wonderful cake. You have a great self worth."
"The other part of your dream shows your disappointment. He is a no show. He doesnt meet your expectations. Also that you are better off in the world without him"
"The shade black usually symbolizes depression. Obviously you are going through a hard time. You are traveling suggesting that you will arrive at the party. The party may symbolize healing. The crowd your friends and family. The cake can represent your joy. You paid dearly for your freedom from him. The least you can do is enjoy it. "
"The dream may also symbolize the shame he brought on you. Everything was his doing in that arena. And him leaving you to face everything alone. The wretch. You alone have to face the disgrace while nobody notices him. In that case the cake represents the disgrace he has brought. And the crowds are the literal crowds that are viewing your grief while you alone bear it in the vehicle of depression"
I grinned. "Sound plausible!"
Sass folder her hands across her chest.
"Has his mother showed any concerns about your well being?"
My eyebrows rose and my eyes widened.
"No, if I don't call her, she doesn't call me not even to ask how me doing!"
Sass shook her head.
"Same reason why the boy has never been concerned about you in your time of distress!"
"Don't you see the connection between mother and son"
"The mother lies, the boy lies and the mother covers for him"
"The mother talks about her past relationships, the son does too"
"The mother concentrated on your weight above all else, the boy did too"
"Them spend hours a talk about you and strip you down like mother and daughter!"
I chuckled. "I always said he wasn't like his dad more like her"
Sass grinned. "Ahhhhh"
"He's a combination of both"
"Eunice is just trying to blame everybody except her and Dre for Dre's dirty behavior!"
I laughed. "You know the bwoy tell people how me theif him fifty million and someone said the mom said a one hundred and fifty"
Sass bowed her head, held her belly and burst into a donkey bray like laughter.
"A so much money?"
"No wonder him want kill you"
I sucked my teeth. "Not a damn thing like that"
Sass angled her head. "You see you have to pity the family members!"
"It's uncanny, they don't realize that if they weren't related to Dre, they would not qualify to associate with him"
"He would see his brothers as fools for being non violent"
"He would not even look at someone who looks like his mother"
"If he snubs you, imagine what he would do to them if they weren't related to him
Aaahhh!" I said clucking my tongue.
"Him always say why me can't make him happy!"
Sass chuckled. "A that ago be him downfall, he is blaming everyone for what went wrong in his life except himself?"
"That means he will never change!"
"He doesn't see himself as being part of the problem!"
She leaned forward.
"I don't care about them anymore, I only care about you and helping you get past this!"
"Mind me, there will be days and then there will be dayzzzzzzz"
She pointed her finger at my chest.
"I want you to change your thinking!"
"Relationship with others? Be honest. Be considerate. Listen. Forgive. Friendships are gifts, treasure them if you are the only one fighting then stop and move on. It doesn't mean you stop being friends it just means that you know the level that relationship is on!"
"I don't want this thing here with this boy and his skewed thinking to become the main event of your life"
"I want you to love you, all of you and I want you to stop dating gangsters!"
"I see that you are attracted to them!"
"They will never be what you want them to be. You are a beautiful woman but you aren't ghetto fabolous, you aren't bleached in horse hair so they won't value you!"
"You are way above their level!"
She pulled me up out of the chair by placing her small hands underneath my arms. She began to pinch my arms, slap my legs and fondle my boobs.
"This is all you, embrace it"
She glanced down on her self.
"I am skinny as raas. And alot of men found fault with that. You would not believe how they termed me. But I grew to love myself. I have an ex who helped me alot to overcome my issues we are great friends now. He is married and his wife knows me. Thats the type of exes to aim for. The type that even if you break up you can still have a great relationship based on the same factors that brought you together. Breakups mean moving on to better and greater. Not becoming worse. Aim for relationships that build you up even after they are done. People that are forward thinking. Open minded and true to themselves and you."
"Last but not least..."
"Don't go back to who hurt you so that they can heal you!"
"It's like putting a bandaid on gangrenous arm"
"The arm will still rot underneath the bandage"
"Love yourself, see everyone else is looking out for themselves with scant regard for you, love yourself and put yourself first!"
The Bunna Man
Copyright © 2015
Crystal A. Evans