“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
Thursday, October 22, 2015
More support for women in relationships with abusive men who only want money
Sass tongue made a clucking sound in her mouth.
"Oh so that's what attracted you to him?"
I grinned. I knew sarcasm when I heard it.
Sass cackled. "My dear, silent river runs deeps"
"The quieter the person the bigger the freak. The greater the anger issues. There is such a thing as too quiet"
"The quiet facade is the outer layer. It lulls us on the outside into a false sense of security. Entraps us. For some the quiet front isn't directly intentional though!"
"Think of Dre as an onion the more layers you peel away the more tears you will shed"
"Every time you take him back, he reveals another layer of himself and things get worse!"
"You keep peeling...Until there is nothing left and all you did was waste your time"
"Don't even look for any closure from him, he won't give you none!"
"You think he's terrible?"
"Wait until he gets that money!!"
I let out a strong exhale and gasped. "I know!!!"
"You don't need to be a psychologist to know something was wrong with this boy!"
"Most people if you don't like them, the kinder they are to you, you warm up to them and even in conflicts, you resolve situations easily because you remember their kindness"
"Is Dre like that to you?"
I shook my head.
"You could have given Dre the world and it would never have been enough for him!"
"His behavior is that of a child"
"Think about your four year old, you gave her a lollipop and the one time you don't give her, she throws a tantrum and acts as if you are the worst mother in the world"
"That's Dre right there"
I sucked my teeth. I was still hollow but I felt wiser. The talk session with Sass opened my mind, didn't heal my heart.
I asked. "Why does Dre hate my child's father or any man that is nice to me? Or any man him think have sex me? Or has had sex with me??"
Sass snaps her finger. "Jealousy is real"
"He feels like you are his. Any man that has been with or is with you is trespassing on what he believes is his"
"Also he is afraid that the man may prevent you from going back to him"
"Men in your life are a threat to him and the control he believes he has over you."
"He is jealous of these other men. He knows the treatment he got so he is jealous!
"He doesnt want anyone to have the same treatment. To feel the way you make him feel"
"His jealousy is real and the men in your life need to be careful"
"Dre is very unstable!"
"He's a liar" I said as if in a trance.
She paced the floor and opened her hands.
"Lies, fake world and fantasy!"
"He's convince himself that some of these things are true!"
"It's one of the reasons why he cannot stay around you long enough, you are not apart of his fantasy!"
"You don't encourage it?"
"He needs to be around women who worship him, friends who lord him and not around you whom he knows deep down he doesn't deserve"
"His mother who tells him, he's good even though he's bad!"
"You show him up too much"
I folded my lips before I spoke.
"You know when me and him deh, he had about three incidents of erectile dysfunction!"
"I always wondered about it and it wasn't until Shelly told me that Dre told her his dick couldn't stand up for me that I realized that Dre purposely did it to validate what he told her!"
"I confronted him about it and he laughed and say me gwaan like me know everything!"
Sass opened her mouth. "Jesus Christ!"
"Hes a psychologist dream"
"He's one twisted fuck!"
" Can you imagine the things and the lies he's perpetrating on you now to make himself look better, to justify hurting you!"
"I know his mom told me sometimes she wonders about me!" I spat.
She waggled her fingers like a mother rebuking a child.
"The difference between you and him is that the Saf he will paint to people is the only Saf he knows"
"The Dre you know is the one every woman knows!"
"His mother wonders about you and your state of mind, she should be wondering what kind of person attacks pregnant women and old people, or is ungrateful to the point of repulsion!"
"She's in denial"
"But Dre will unleash his monster on her too, very soon!"
Sass paced the floor in her office.
I chuckled and shuffled in my seat.
"I worry a lot about whether he's making some woman happy!"
"If he's being nice to them and not nice to me!"
Sass waved her hand dismissively.
"Dre doesn't want a relationship with you!"
"You are like one of his clients it's just that he has sex with you"
"He entered this relationship with one aim!"
"To get money to realize his dreams and everyone was in on this game including his other women!"
"Dre is unreasonable to the point where he thinks he has every right to hurt you and get away with it because the egomaniacal part of him sees you as beneath him!"
Sass flash me a wicked grin.
"Here's how the new women come In now!"
"You are now a yardstick for them!"
"He will judge them based on you, worse if you become greater than where you are now!"
"You will be the ghost in his life and every woman will know about you!"
"He will tell them about you to under value and manipulate them!"
"He sees you as adding to his overall value and getting a woman like you means he's indeed a "top man!"
"These women might laugh at you now, they might think, they have won, but they will come to respect you and many will hate you for Dre will throw you in their faces whenever they fall short!"
"You've damaged him for these other women, let's just hope he hasn't done the same thing to you too"
"Dre wants to forget you but he won't, he's coming back!"
"When I say he's coming back that's no consolation to you, it's to your detriment!"
"Please don't take him back"
The Bunna Man
Crystal A. Evans
Copyright © 2015