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“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie



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Wednesday, May 27, 2015

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I heard his bitches were laughing at me. I don't grudge his new
girl. I don't envy her position and I don't feel less of a person that he loves her and not me. She's worst off for his love offers not security, but a prison. If you didn't love her, she could always escape.
He sent me a voice note this morning and i knew he was worried about what his ex had told me.
It was disconcerting to believe he wanted me to extend the same level of courtesy to him in keeping his secrets and gossips while he was seldom reluctant to smear my name in my own community, my place, 'where me bawn and grow' among people whom he readily discredited to my face.
They laugh with him but with what i knew, I would gladly have the last laugh for when i see him with them, i grin at a congregation of hypocrites.
Me:You gyal tell me a bag a things weh you say bout me and me caan imagine a so you tell other people to.
Dre: Anything she tell you a same so it go.
I hesitated then i texted him.
Me:That's why you say me boring inna bed through me no want inna your nastiness. Me hear say you uppa Cerasee road a call up me name among your posse, you coming like some big p#ssy gyal. And how "dem gyal deh" a laugh offa me.If them did ever hear wah you say bout them and wah me know about you, you woulda see who the joke deh pon."
He didn't respond. I giggled. I knew i was playing with fire but i didn't care. Revenge was a dish best served cold.
My phone chimed and i read the push notification.
Dre: Weh you know bout mi Gyal? Anyhow me hear nothing inna the streets weh me no fe hear you watch and see wah ago happen to you.
Me: You know and me know but don't worry badman dawg, I will keep your secrets, i won't tell a soul bredda!!!!!
Dre: You think you ago make me put miself inna trouble.
I laughed. Who the hell was he trying to convince? Me or himself.
Dre: You know say a you a chat them things deh? You see you bloodclaat gyal you better avoid me fe the rest a your life.
Dre: You just make me get fe hate you rass
Me: You lucky! A don't biznez weh you want say, a fe you business that. When you a walk up and down with people gyal pickney name you never know say you fe be tact. Kmt. Dwl.
Dre: Just avoid me girl, see me pon the right and take the left.
Dre: The worst unoo can do a chat. Two a unoo go hide unoo self. A wah unoo have over me? You! All you dash weh belly fe me gyal. Two a unoo a the same f@%king thing.
Dre:You dash weh belly so move you rass and go weh gyal
I burst into loud guffaws, the more time i spent with Dre, i concluded that he was a girl and not a man. This was one tracing match i couldn't win.
Me: Alright Eunice big gyal no bother trace me off.
Me: Who dash weh belly fe you? Bwoy me never breed fe you yet. You get trick! Afta me no outta me rass mind.
Dre: You get trick gyal. Nothing at all me no inna wid you.
Dre: A come chat bay things, weh you no chat bout the dirty things you do to me.
Dre: You bloodclaat bright!
Dre: Bloodclaat if you know how a feel fe f@$k you up.
All i could do was read and laugh but knowing how him love carry news i decided to defend myself this one instance.
Me: Massa stop cuss me cause anno me chat out your business. So stop threaten me and me ago tell me friends them say you a threaten me. You coming like when them ketch two batty man and before unoo kill unoo one anedda, a who see unoo, unoo want kill. So a that's why you want kill me cause a me never did fe know. No worry yourself. Me nah tell nobody. Dwbcl.
Dre: Me tired a you and you f-ry.
Dre: Worst thing unoo can do a tell lie pon me and make me a pree unoo.
Me: You love tell lie pon people though and carry news like some big p-hole gyal. See how you a galang now? Yet you love chat people and diss them!
Me: Me tired a you to cause what you did to me and that girl a big F-ry and no make me haffi show nobody and ask them opinion on it or else a you, your gyal friend them wudda deh laugh offa and not me. So gwaan chat!
Me: God don't like UGLY. So me left you to time
Dre: A you God dont f#%k like
Me: No worry yourself me glad you anno god or else me wudda dead already. Good thing God never have your mind.
Dre: Hmmm, You gwaan chat, you fe bloodclaat dead!
Dre: Unoo. You and Shelly a two bloodclaat germs.
Me: Yes and fe get rid a the germs you boil the water. You never know that when you deh with me? You worst than we. Trust me!!!
Dre: Go weh go hide yourself gyal.
Dre: A thru you no know wah you do gyal. You offa me list fe good.
Me: As far as me hear, i was never on it to begin with. Me no feel no way bredda. A don't want deh pon your shit list.
Dre: As long as you live if we ever exchange word again. God come.
Dre: Me glad she tell you everything
Dre: Guilty as charge
Me: You a one dutty man that's all me know. Me glad me nah breed fe you cause a this you woulda really want tell a woman who a carry you pickney fe avoid you and low you. You a one dutty boy! A don't care wah you want say. A shame you damn shame. You better take weh Shelly do you and wake up. Them say mouth deh weh you a labba with, with mi damn name, soon turn pon you like how she turn pon you. Take sleep mark dead.
I laughed until i cried. I sobbed for four hours uncontrollably, grabbing my abdomen coming to grips with the reality of this situation. You can never really know people. I wasn't crying because i lost anything, i cried because all along i was right. I was right and i listened to him instead of my own rational.
The Bunna Man
Copyright © 2015
Crystal A. Evans
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