And they said write stories...People will relate more...Lessons will get across.

I was encourage a few a years ago to start writing from a story perspective instead of commentary for people could relate more.

When i wrote the article "How we can save Jamaica's Young Men", i wanted to expose a situation from a personal point of view. I do know an absentee father is not the suffice reason to justify criminality. My father does not know his father, i do not know my grandfather or any of my father's paternal relatives for that matter. My father is not a bad man or a thief and he said it is not that he could not have gone that route but he chose not to for he loved my grandmother and he saw her struggle to make ends meet for him to ever break her heart by following bad company.

I met this young man once. It was rainy evening after school and i love to talk. I love to share what i know for i believe others can benefit from enlightenment. I was talking to a schoolmate. I was in forth form and he in the sixth form. We are from the same community and he is not a bad boy, he knows of no father and today he is a successful banker in America. The boys i went to school with, the smartest boy in my class were homes without a father. I know dysfunctional people from completely stable family backgrounds.

These are the stories that should be shared so that boys know that people from their background do make it. I once said to a young man that i was not given any more or less opportunities than any of us. We are where we are because of choice.

I was not trying to justify anything. I clearly said no one owes them anything that they should try to do the best with their lives. Stop saying mommy never have it or the politician do not care. Your life is your responsibility. Start thinking for yourself and do not allow others to "programme" you. Read and find the truth for yourself instead of subscribing to the secondary information by people who hardly know more than you. You do not need to be bad to earn respect. That is what i tell them not that people should feel sorry for gunmen who do not show anyone mercy. I judge too. I look at boys on the street and clutch my purse tighter. I thought really hard before writing this article. I knew some people will see it like i was asking them to feel sorry for any bad man. That was not my intent...But to each his own. I am not what happened to me. I am what i have become. I am who i choose to be. That's what the mirror keeps saying to me.

Jamaica : How do we save our boys?

It is tragic that most bad boys i have heard of, have similar stories. Grew up in a single parent house, father runs off after he is unable or in many cases unwilling to meet the financial demands of the family. In some instances the father was not there because the mommy got pregnant by some man she was in love with who only wanted to have recreational sex and left at the first sign of responsibilities.

By time the boy reaches thirteen and start watch television whether at home or at the corner shop, he realizes that this life, his "livety" is something to be embarrassed about. He is ashamed of the zinc fence and the one room house that mama lives in. He wants a life like the one he sees on T.V. Now he does not even need television, he only needs social media like Facebook where people make posts about their perfect lives and force ordinary people to question the legitimacy of their own banal existence.

Mama begs him to keep out of trouble but mama knows little about grooming a good man for she probably has never met one and as Tupac said it is hard for a woman to raise a man. The boy stop take "talk" from mommy and albeit mommy will want him to become a better man. She is unable to effectively teach the difference between ambition and desires.

I had this discussion last night at a memorial for a cousin of mine who was killed last year. I said to a group of boys, hoping that my words would not fall on deaf ears. They appeared disinterested, who was i to talk to them when i could not even get my own to listen.

"You cannot get something simply by wanting it. Not because you feel entitled to something or you want it, it does not mean you should get it or people should facilitate it for you. We must learn that our lives is our responsibility, yes we can blame our parents for never having it or politicians for never giving a damn, but at the end of the day people will question your virtues and not theirs. You will be held accountable for your life."

My cousin's death haunts me because i somehow feel responsible. I know it was not my fault but everyone knows reading about something and finding it on your own doorstep is an entirely different experience. I did not just lose the little boy i grew up with, i lost friends and the respect of people for being related by blood to someone killed by the police. They assumed he must have done something wrong.

They lambaste, soo soo behind my back and question my integrity for having "people like that in my family", something i believe i have no control over. Other people got to chose their families but unfortunately i was born into one. So i was left with the burden of being blamed for the disaffected young men in my"breed"and if they are wrongdoers and apart of my kindred then it meant i was a criminal sympathizer, that i somehow must have known and upheld with what they are doing.

Now i knew how some parents who believe they raised good children felt when one child falls by the wayside. I am human and it pricked at my conscience. I was vouching for the boy i knew, not the man it was rumored he had become. All i remembered was the kind boy who "wramp" too much, he was too trusting, not judgmental enough and never really took life seriously. He embraced everybody and it was this " keep all kinda friends" attitude, to life that got him killed.

I cannot adequately emphasize how difficult it is to speak to one of these young men and have them listen to a female. I often think how difficult their mothers must have it. They apparently only listen to other males, men who they want to emulate, men with power, money and guns. His story is epic, single mother, father ran off, mommy sell clothes pon roadside fe buy the chicken back and rice to send him and his several siblings to school. He and his brothers went to church every Sunday for his mother is a christian and by the time they were teenagers, no longer listen mommy for she was not a man, they thought themselves men now. Men do not listen to women. These men stop going to church and did what they wanted to.


They know of the gender bias with regards to advice that exists in this patriarchal society. "Men don't take talk from women not even their own mothers", So i took it upon myself to encourage young men whenever i get a chance even though half the time they probably won't listen. I have come to a conclusion that our young men have serious identity and self esteem issues. Our young men want money, they believe having a lot of money will make them a man. "They want to be like the Don or the Politician, who drive big vehicle and have a lots of girls".

They have not heard ordinary men with success stories only ordinary men who work all them life and never get further than the two room board house. Ordinary men getting killed everyday.Ordinary men whose women left them for men with supposedly more money. Ordinary men who are called dead beat fathers. Ordinary men who the people i went to school with call " Old Neygahs!"

They do not read and i doubt they watch Profile on Sundays with Ian Boyne. They do not think that ordinary people like them of unborn opportunities can offer anything to this world. They cannot be like the "big boys" because they did not finish school and cannot get a "neck tie job".I feel guilty about my little cousin's death and so encourage, educate and reason with young men every chance i get to see if i can save even one and save some other family from this tragedy.

And so i tell them. :" Badness don't pay and all gangsters must die. Most bad men we heard of in our lifetime died in their youths and that supposedly should be a lesson enough for you. So if you love your life, you steer clear of badness and guns"

I invite the men in my extended family, enticing them with the occasional cook out and rum. Sometimes i sit and listen for i get great material from their conversations for my stories. Other times i engage them in some "conscious reasoning" and they listen, nod with pensive stares, gazing out in space. Gone to another place, i wonder at times what they are thinking about and when they smile, i see the boys i have known all my life.

A friend of mine once said. "Crystal stop post up pictures with them bwoy bwoy deh a yuh yard. Them look like a some thief."
I asked her "if is mi family them she a call thief?". I could not blame her for her observation for i have had the same problems walking on the streets and seeing young men with kerchiefs tied across them face, wearing Hoodie in broad sunlight and stepping like Super Cat. The Boys i grew up with are not an exception, they too think dressing like that is quite fashionable and since Lil Wayne and Tommy Lee are doing it then why not.

She told me one day in a heated conversation about how i sympathized too much with Ghetto people when they put up with too much slackness and how she seriously question my moral leanings. She went on to say that " a one a them same youth deh weh me counsel might take my life." I believed i told her. " It is the same kind of risk the Pastor, the social worker and even our teachers take everyday in this society. Somebody have to do it. We cannot all just sit aside and watch". She laughed and shook her head calling in the support of her other intellectual friends to show me how much of a fool i was to think i could ever change "people like them". She said. " When i go back to my area, i talk to them, i say hi to the boys on the corner but i never make them feel as if they are my equal. I do not know if is fear you fear them or you a try fit it but sometimes you sound like act like two different person to me. You have crystal the blogger, intellectual extraordinaire and then you have Diama from down Westmoreland bush bush."

I cannot blame her for thinking that way. I have found myself staring at little boys even babies whose mothers find funds to buy horse hair and Chinese tights to wear go dance and yet cannot send their sons to schools and wonder if i am staring into the eyes of my own killer. It is unfair for me to judge a child based on the circumstances he was born into. My friends will say. " Make them take up badness and see if them nuh dead". I always respond. " Well every badman have a bad end. My only issue is how much a we them ago kill before someone gets rid of them."

I will continue to counsel for any one with dreams or fantasies of change knows that the work must first start with themselves and their small circles. I-nation implored me to start a reading club in my parish. I will find out how i can go about doing that. Nelson Mandela said education is the most powerful weapon that can change the world. I grew up in the same circumstances like these boys, i believe the only difference was that i would rather read a book than play ball on the Play field. I am hoping that by encouraging literacy, that i might find an antidote. A commentator wrote on a previous article a quote from John F. Kennedy. " ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country"and it made sense.

Mother Belly Deceitful and Other Stories

I was around sixteen year old when Brawdy climbed the mango tree next. He scaled the fence faster than a monkey and blast up the Mango tree like a Squirrel. We readily awaited the Mangoes, our eyes fixated on the juicy, oblong fruits on the tree that we forgot to be a look-out for Mr.Buckner, the mango tree owner. We heard the sudden halt of the Bicycle brakes and dashed down the street leaving Brawdy alone in the Mango Tree to face Mr. Buckner's wrath.

Five minutes later and Brawdy's mother huffed and puffed her way up the street and from the smoke chimneying from her ears and nostrils we knew that there would be bangarang in the community that evening. Mr. Buckner was furious that Brawdy climbed the tree without his permission and worse he had the audacity to come over the fence and not through the gate. Mr. Buckner spoke in harsh tones and said. " A that's why them grow come tun thief and murderer. A train them a train from now fe come over people yard come take them things when them not home and see the mumma a run a come cuss me"

He did get a good tongue lashing from Brawdy's mother who chided Mr. Buckner for calling down "disgrace on her son" over few measly mangoes on a tree. She emphasized that she was not "deading" for hungry. Mr. Buckner retorted. " A that's why police end up shoot them cause when them do wrongs unoo shield them and cuss people instead of showing them the err in their ways"

I was somewhat embarrassed by what happened and my father warned us about taking things from people's yard without asking for it. I understood what he meant now, i was there and i agreed for Brawdy to risk going over the fence for the mangoes therefore i was just as culpable as him. Brawdy called names and told his mother "who and who" were with him and would benefit from the loot. His mother hissed. "And the whole a dem gone left you. You seet say company anno good something though? That is why you must low friend". Brawdy got several quick slaps leveled at the back of his head and shoves in the direction of his home as his mom shot daggers our way. We huddled behind the Hibiscuses and prayed our parents did not find out that we somehow contributed to the uproar.

I learnt a few things from that experience and in retrospect Mr. Buckner response was hurting but may hold certain truths to it. Today Brawdy is laying in a tomb in the Cemetery, gunned down a few years ago by unknown assailants. I am not saying Brawdy is dead because he stole mangoes as a kid. Raiding fruit trees was all the rave for children growing up in the early nineties.I think his mother did a poor job of parenting by cussing off Mr Buckner instead of asking Brawdy to apologize to man and punish him for his wrong doings. She behaved like many parents did; who instead of doing what is right are more concerned about saving face and winning an argument.

Brawdy spent his short life "brucking shop, terrorizing people's building materials and being an all around petty criminal". Every time you go to his mother about what he did, she would "cuss and galang" bad, run people from her gate and "nyam bible leaf" say " a lie dem a tell pon her pickney. Sometimes she would say a free things and how nobody do not want it so the boy should "use up free things". Other times when things look serious and the boy was guilty for police found the goods in his possessions, she walk up and down with her hands on her head and beg for mercy from the victims. She would say. " A the whole a we live yah so make we just put it good." The victims knowing Brawdy from he was a little boy would drop the charges and Brawdy would boast that they did it for they were afraid of him and what and what him could do if anyone ever testified against him. Before the week was out, Brawdy would take something again.

In Hindsight, i thought about what his mother said on that day with the "Mango business". She had exposed a way of thinking when she established that if we lived in the same area then it was okay to take something without permission. It is this licky licky mentality and sense of entitlement that lends credence to the idea that if people look like them have it and refuse to share it, then we should take it. Brawdy's mom thought it was okay to take the mangoes because Mr. Buckner had "people a fahrin", his fence made of concrete and his house was big.

. She opined that the mangoes did not worth anything and that Mr. Buckner 'neva haffi a gwaan so' but she like many parents missed the principle aspect of the argument. It was not so much about the mangoes, it was because he took it, breach the privacy of someone else's home and had the nerve to give Mr. Buckner a couple profanity on top of it.

Brawdy's luck ran out. His mother missed the memo. While people in the district would forgive or overlook his thievery for he was Mass Cecile's grandson and they know him "before him bawn". People who did not know about Brawdy's family and how much of a good people his grandparents were wanted justice when he stole anything. Police stopped listening to the pleas of his mother who bawled that he was an innocent bwoy for everybody knew that when he took anything or he was paid for a hit, he gave her the money. She was building mansion and sending her other children to school on blood money. People murmured that if she had nipped that boy in the bud from he was a 'likkle fingasmith' then he might be alive today. His mother they claimed,' bruck him bad'.

Now every tub have to stand up on their own bottom. And just as how Brawdy was left alone that day with the mangoes, he was found alone on a dirt trail with several gunshot wounds. No one cried but Brawdy's mother and the community albeit sympathetic towards her for everyone knew that 'mother belly deceitful' sighed with relief that the terrorist finally was put to rest. Mr. Buckner rested his arms along the fence and uttered in earshot of the wailing mother who kept him malice since the day her son was caught on his mango tree. "Any mother weh fail to give people justice when them pickney do wrongs shall bury them. You think a everybody like you or know your family and ago come seek recompense and put good when your boy do things? You have some people out there who do not know your family and don't care and i believe a them take him life."

The mother shook her head, slapdashed up the street, bumper wheeling and dashing, and using a rag to wipe the mucous from her that drained from her nostrils onto her upper lip. Mr. Buckner shouted. " Sorry for your lost but you mothers put up with too much slackness." I felt sorry for Brawdy's mother but she was not innocent of the fate that met her son. I mumbled a " Good Morning" to Mr. Buckner. He looked at me as i trudged pass him in my community college uniform and threw me a crooked smile. " The world is a better place without that bwoy. If a did up to me alone. All lacka them would not even born."

From Crystal Evans Book
The People Next Door and Other Stories
Copyright 2014

For the Men trolling Articles and leaving Nasty Comments and sending me disrespectful emails.

bwoy got about seventeen comments and a bay cuss them a cuss and diss westmoreland people. Nigga don't assume anything about me? You don't know me. I guess that is why people are afraid to write. All them self appointed psychologist start make conclusions. How you can analyse the book base on the epilogue. Aww a tell unoo bout uno brainwash education.

I notice that men tend to be very personal when they are responding to my articles. One i do not promote sexism (2) Mi no have a man problem and 3) You do not know me so stop assuming crap about me based on what i write. Am in this to make money not to make friends.

You can disagree without having to resort to insults.

Ten Jamaican men can get away with that women can't!

Ten Things Jamaican Men can but Jamaican women cannot do!

1. A Jamaican man can have as many outside children as he likes and his wife is expected to forgive him and continue the relationship. This is a big issue since if a woman within a relationship gets pregnant for an outside man, the relationship is over. Very few Jamaican men will stay with a woman "who annodda" man impregnated. Men who do so are considered fools and lose respect from their male peers. People might say women who stay in these relationship have a choice to leave but in reality some do not. Before you condemn these women, be mindful of the facts, never react without knowledge of their situations.

2. A man can sleep with as many women as he likes and still be considered a very eligible partner while if a woman has been around the "blocks" a couple time then men cross her off as being unmarriageable. This might only be a perception for women with less virtuous reputations and history of promiscuity do end up with a good partners for what is trash to one man is gold to another. It is unfair that women are not allowed by social sanctioning to play the field as much as men without any form of reproach. A woman cannot do what a man does and still be a lady.

3. A Jamaican man is not expected to wash underwear, as a matter a fact a lot of men within lower economical class stress the notion of not having their rags in the same basin as a woman's panties. While women will wash a man's undergarments. Some men will not put panties on line or take them off. To wash a female underwear is considered emasculating while female's watching a man's brief is seen as traditional.

4. A man can stay out all night, all day if he likes but if a woman decides to live this " pon the road" lifestyle then men complain. It was only recently a female acquaintance explained that her man will go to work, come home and leave again to chill with his friends. She said that she decided to give him a piece of his own medicine by stepping in and out as she liked and spending less time at home. She said he claimed that she was not living a "good gyal lifestyle" and was becoming a "road terrorist". He found it unpleasant the idea that a woman could love road as much as him and he might not be alone in this perception.

5. Men are not chastised as much when they abandon children but women are considered lower than the bottom when they leave their children. It is widely assumed that women have more intense bond with children due to pregnancy and only a heartless woman could leave her child. Men can pass their children on the streets without as much as a glance but a mother is suppose to be committed to her children. Men can spend less time with offspring's, refuse to attend school meetings and have zero contact and it is acceptable.

6. When a man remarries he can bring his new wife to the house he shared with his previous partner. Women especially if the house was built by their first partner is not expected to bring another man into the home. She can live there with the children as long as she does not bring any man there. A woman will help a man build a house and he will throw her out and bring in a next woman while if a man builds a house with a woman and the relationship goes sour, he will insist that "no man nah live a him yard"

7. When a man likes a woman, she is expected to like him back but if a woman crushes on a man and he is not interested she is expected to leave him alone. A man will psst at a female and if she refuses to give him any attention, he will pursue, insult and even manhandle her. If a woman likes a man and he is not interested and he makes his disinterest known, the woman is suppose to give up and leave him alone. Why can't men leave a woman alone when she shows him that she is not interested.

8. Men who insist that they do not eat and yet expect women to eat (from) them. Oral sex has always been an issue that highlights the hypocrisy of some Jamaican men. Not all men are uncomfortable and som will admit that they will do it but a vast majority will "nyam bible leaf" that they do not believe in men doing oral sex yet seem to enjoy it with a female. How can you enjoy something you do not see yourself doing. That is just plain hypocrisy. Like Kartel bashing Lisa Hype and then come endorse the same concept in his later music.

9. This ties in with number one. Many Jamaican .love to give bun and expect their women to forgive and move on. They will insist that the woman gets over it and stop nagging him about his indiscretion. Now make him a get a bun and is a whole different scenario. He will cuss, bawl and wail over the alledge cheating and find it very difficult to forgive his woman. His friends who have no qualms about encouraging him to cheat saying " Don't be no Bottle torch or One Burner" will boost him to leave him woman cause "the gyal diss him". So hypocritical.

10. Jamaican man can carry himself any way in a relationship but not so for females. Men think they deserve the bestest and sexiest girls and want to carry themselves as them feel like. Men say it is their spending power that a woman is attracted to and not their bodies so they can come with "big belly, face full a hair and two days don't bathe or brush teeth" and females are suppose to accept it once they are spending their money. Women now have to be perfect in every way and less attractive men will call girls ugly and fat when they have big belly, no teeth and dirty clothes swag.