Living with Henry the Narcissist

Living with Henry: the narcissist

When I was enamored (fixated) with a narcissistic man, I did not look at the situation from futuristic and permanent standpoint. I did not visualize what life would be like cohabitating with a man that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. I was given a glimpse of that life when I met a friend online who appears to be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder or simply exude high levels of narcissistic traits interlaced with antisocial disorder.


This malevolent net mate was controlling, inflated and possessive. He had contrived a biography where he is a successful computer engineer with numerous clients. He was a chameleon, jack of all trades. There were days when he was a lecturer at a prestigious university. Some days he was a marine engineer and other days he was a savvy business man with numerous clients coming to his doorsteps at rude hours of the night. He had the most inflated ego I have ever had the misfortune to acquaint. His inflated self image was staggering and appalling. The narcissist misogynistic overture and sexual innuendos were distasteful.


He was a pathological liar and the most sanctimonious person I have ever dealt with. His self righteous personage was highlighted by his twisted sense of justice and morality. He would lambaste an individual for lying to him and yet he lied profusely. He was rather defensive when he thought he was being offended and yet expected others to tolerate his obnoxious behavior. He did not see anything wrong with his repugnant behavior. In fact he claimed that he does not care if people liked him because he liked him self and that’s all that mattered to him. Narcissism indeed!


I made the mistake of relating his narcissistic traits to that of a phantasm from my past and the malignant figure launched into tirade, defending my phantasm and laying the blame at my feet of course. I was amused then incensed at the narcissist inability to empathize. He perceived my anger at the experience I had with another narcissist as mere indication that I was still in love with him. The man was unable to dissect emotions further cementing his narrow sightedness and incapacity to distinct human reactionary feelings. When I vented my disgust and outrage at the behavior of narcissists, he challenged that I was being petulant because I could not manipulate the narcissist. I could not compel the narcissist to satisfy my needs and therefore I become angry and frustrated. Talk about projection! What the narcissist was saying to me was a deep mirroring of his attempt to control and manipulate me into complying with his demands and embracing his line of thought.


A narcissist lack emotional intelligence and is only responsive to two types of behavioral emotions and those are attacking and raging. The narcissist will bombard you with insults as a form of attack and then when you retaliate or threatened them in any essence they will launched into rampages aimed at cowering and reestablishing control. This narcissist did not hesitate to furnish my ideals and self concepts with his scathing perspectives and supercilious ideologies. He spoke as if he was the most trenchant individual alive. His opinions were spouted with erudite terms, mainly verbiage speeches with little or no sapient content aimed at subverting my self concept and undermining my intelligence.



If I did not know any better. I would have said my ex had sent a friend to finish the job off. The man’s conduct was similar to my ex boyfriend but ten times amplified. The thing about pathology is that it is predictable and the minute one who suffers personality syndrome arrives, he will be quickly pin point and categorize. In spite of my better judgment I decided to continue this charade with the narcissist online so as to get a real life glimpse into the pathology. I wanted to see narcissism from the outside. I wanted to look at it for the first time through the eyes of a social science researcher or a psychologist and not a lovelorn partner.


I got to witness narcissism from a detached and unemotional standpoint. I converse with the narcissist daily, observed and internalized his responses like an avid social scientist watching an interesting experimental phenomenon unfold. I realized based on our daily association that this was what I had to deal with, if I had pursued a relationship with a narcissist. This was the hell that I yearned for months ago. I felt a wave of pity and despondence for the women that lived with this malignance and have endured the constant battering that composed life with the narcissist.



The narcissist constantly devaluated and avidly conflicted my opinions to shut down my concepts and doctrines. The repressive natures of the interaction, the obscenities were geared at reducing my self concept by making my existence comparable to glucose ridden edibles and at other times, Human effluent erasers. He would idealize in one paragraph and devaluate in the very next. His excuse for being abusive and for the abuse of a narcissist from my past was simple to make me stronger. He contended that I was very weak to fall in love and that deities like himself were not amenable to such feeble expressions and feelings. He made a violation and I petitioned him to apologize. He hurled obscenities and at me and questioned why he needed to apologize to me. I broke into loud guffaws. This man was something else.


The most enthralling segments of our online interaction were the mirror effecting and projection. The man perceived simple and natural reactions to my intellectualization and psychologising of his behavior as an indication that I was mad. He kept diagnosing me. He said that I was a narcissist, another time I suffered from obsession and lately I had a split personality. This man was hilarious and had me laughing to the shock and amusement of my sister who was watching our conversations sometimes.



I mused for a while when the narcissist did the most conceivable disturbing thing. He pretended to be my ex boyfriend without any inference from me. He played the role of my ex boyfriend trying to reconnect with me for two weeks. He did not blatantly state that I am your ex boyfriend pretending to be someone else because I am afraid that you may reject me. He gradually unveiled himself. Dispersing modicums of my past relationships and patterns of the untamed rage. His conversations sounded similar to the person that he was or he was trying to imitate. I was for a single moment completely confused on where my analysis was with this character.


It was intriguing yet ominous. I considered for fleeting moments that this person could be my ex playing one of his mind game. I cogitate that I was being abused by proxy and that my ex had engineer this situation and had enlisted the aid of one of his avatars to do the heinous injury. I was becoming paranoid. I kept thinking what the avatar had to gain from this situation. Why is it tantamount that these men decompose my self concept and esteem? Am I a lunatic magnet? Do I attract mad men?


The most arcane yet fundamental aspect of my observation was that this Henry personality appeared more genuine when he was assumingly playing the role of my former narcissistic friend than when he was the PhD scholar in decision making and management science. I mused that the cast of the former friend may appear more genuine because the persona that he presented is indeed falsified or I may just be conversing with someone closer to home than I thought.



This narcissist gave me a glimpse at the constant verbal abuse and excoriation I would have been subjected to. He implied that I should be grateful that the narcissist had abandoned me and cease chasing a shadow. He did not understand (as I will explain in my issue on whom to go to for support when you are a victim of narcissism) or rather he refused to see my side of the story. He wanted to me to see an image that was tarnished by his lies and constant games.
He decided to revert back to his first personage and to shed the boyfriend character. It appeared that the game had lost its passion or he wanted to befuddle me some more. The damage had already been done. When he played that role, he had destroyed any ounce of credibility. His integrity was smear eternally in my eyes. I saw him as a compulsive, pathological liar. I regard him as an untrustworthy individual. A reckless disposition that should be kept at arm’s length.


Moreover he had made it clear to me that he was a master manipulator. The hoax confirmed that this individual did not have any regard for my feelings and that this person was capable of anything. This unalleviated spiteful attack on my emotions was rudely awakening as it was menacing. But I was thankful that he showed me this side of his personality. It has reaffirmed my relationship with him and what mettle of man he really is.


The narcissist claimed that I was weak because I felt love and emotions. He asserted that I was not strong and individuals who seek to find love in the world are weak people. He did not see affection as a virtue but rather a curse and a handicap. He regarded my repulsion of narcissism as hint that I was still hang up on my ex. He was unable to construe the difference between consumed love and intense revulsion.



The most frightening aspect of the relation with the online narcissist was the exhaustion. I felt depleted after our conversations. My sister and significant other could not understand why I sat around my computer at nights conversing with an apparent dangerous and deranged man. My sister spoke with him couple of times and conceded that he was the most depraved individual alive.


It seem the more I associated with him; pieces of my vivacity and vim were eaten away. It was evident that the conversations with this toxic individual were affecting me. I quickly conceded that this was exactly how I would feel if I was involved with a narcissist, emotionally drain and psychologically teetering on sanity. Thank god!

Are Jamaican Men Hypocrites

Are Jamaican Men Hypocrites in relationships?

I sat down on my verandah watching my baby sister play on the ground and wonder what the dating scene would be like for her in more than a decade from now. I pray that Jamaican men would change their hypocritical and double standard principles regarding relationships. Here are five instances of Jamaican male relational double standard and hypocrisy!

1. Have you ever listened to a hardcore sexual gratifying Jamaican song and noted that male deejays enjoy the idea of a woman granting oral sex but treats male conferring of the same said activity with disdain and repulsion? Jamaican men enjoy oral sex but do not want to give it back for fear that it will emasculate them. Even thought this maybe so, many men would prefer woman engaging in the ac but do not want to reciprocate the female.

2. Some Jamaican fathers enjoy having sexual relations with younger girls even the peers of their daughters but do not want to see other older men with their child. Jamaican men will have relations with a seventeen year old but do not want to see his seventeen year old in a relationship.

3. Jamaican men enjoy the idea of a woman on the street wearing revealing clothing but not the woman in his house. In some cases the man may have met the woman wearing revealing clothes on the street but now that she is his woman, she is not allowed to dress like that anymore. Additionally, when he goes out on the street, he is attracted to women in that attire.


4. Jamaican men contend that they want a woman with natural beauty and find the synthetic extensions and make up, superfluous and unattractive. Yet if a woman decides to be natural, she is less likely to attract the attention of a man on the street. I have walked down town with my natural unprocessed hair, unmade face and wearing Christian like clothing and not one male approached me. The next day I did my hair and dolled my face and went down town and it was an entirely different reaction from the men. Why Jamaican men claim that they want natural girl but a woman with natural looks especially a woman of Negro descent will not get any form of masculine attention on the road or in the dancehall.

5. Jamaican men will meet a girl in the dancehall and refused to allow her to go back to the party scene. Yet that is the very scene that he met her on. Just like the guys who pick women up from bars and marry her and then expect her to remain at home and never visit a bar again.

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Men

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Men

Lisa Hype became the most popular and controversial Jamaican dance hall female artiste after a picture of her was released on the internet featuring Lisa Hype performing oral sex on a male. The island and the Jamaican Diaspora held their breaths to see how the Portmore Empire and its collegiate would respond to the photograph and rumors claiming that the recipient was Portmore Empire leader, producer and mentor, Vybz Kartel.


I anticipated that Lisa Hype would lose her contract with the Portmore Empire and that was precisely what happened. According to the Portmore Empire, Lisa Hype’s overall behavior was not reflective of the dogmas decorum and dictum of the Portmore Empire and its members. Lisa Hype was released from her contract by Vybz Kartel and a unanimous agreement from the other members.

According to the dogma of the Portmore Empire and its litany of artiste, oral sex and anal sex are considered deviant and unacceptable. Lisa Hype and Vybz Kartel did a song that clearly denounced and deplored oral sex (even though I have always contended those artistes are hypocrites who do not practice what they preach) and this latest development with Lisa Hype would have confirmed what many had suspected all along. Which is that most Jamaican artiste deprecate oral sex yet they personally engaged in the activity and often time insist that their partners do it.

When I heard Lisa Hype was fired fro the Empire over the evening news it conceded the hypocrisy and double standard of Vybz Kartel and many Jamaican men regarding their sexuality and women. I sat and listened to several Vybz Kartel songs that propounded and implied oral sex. There are songs where the entertainer claims that he loves a freak in his bed. Vybz Kartel in one of his latest hits talks about whip cream and crushed ice and blatantly claims that he enjoys oral sex.

A clear example of hypocrisy and sexual chauvinism. Women should coffer oral sex while men should not. It is acceptable for a woman to do it but not a man. Men should receive but should not return the affection. This is the reason why men who engage in oral sex vehemently deny that they do it because of fear of social backlash and communal sanctioning.
My big question is what exactly do Jamaican men want in bed? Why are Jamaican men hypocrites when it comes to genuine desires and sexual dictums?
What do Jamaican men want in bed?

A woman will tell you that nine out of ten Jamaican men like the idea of oral sex but when a woman performs oral sex, fifty percent of Jamaican men mainly from the lower socio economical class lose respect for her. Some men use it to manipulate and control women by hinting that he will tell the John Public of her sexual deviance. Some men go as far as taking pictures of the female and circulating it in order to socially demean, humiliate and bash the female.
Little significance is granted to the sexual activity of oral sex if it is promulgated that a woman does it. Every man she meets expects her to do it to him. Men will chase her for the sheer pleasure of receiving sexual gratification and notoriety from being one more guy on her who knows what she did last night list.


If she refuses to engage for various reasons, she is bashed, disgrace and insulted by her prospective partner who thinks that he is entitled to the performance because it is already public knowledge that she is a “bowers” with little thought that she reserves such sensual provisions for a special individual and not just any random man.
The emotional and sensual connotation of the activity is lessened by other men who now see the woman as being less than ideal and a sexual object, an instrument for masculine gratification.

It has been suspected, speculated and corroborated by some women that artiste that deprecate revile oral sex, engage in the act. Many Jamaican men engage in oral sex but will not public claim that they are into the activity. It may appear that greater import is added to receiving the act without giving back the action. People are far more likely to admit that they have been a recipient than a grantor. Jamaican men are more than likely to admit that they have been a recipient of oral sex than being a giver of the foreplay.

The Jamaican Men We Love to Hate: Narcissist/Egoist

The Men we love to Hate!

The Egoist (Part One)

Complex, obstinate and incomprehensible creatures locked into a world of testosterone driven pride, ego and sensibilities. It’s intriguing how men can charged at an enemy with herculean ferocity and yet hold a woman as tenderly as a baby. These beings are capable of triggering magnitudes of overwhelming emotions in females deeming their reflexes temporarily incapacitated. We love the sound of their baritones, whether it’s a growl or a snarl!

We are enamored with the way that they walk, comport themselves. Our defenses crumble when they stare at us with cocky posterity and ensnare our hearts with irresistible charm and finesses! We find them engaging, we fight for them and in extreme cases we may even kill for them!

We invest time, energy and resources, trying to please them.
Oh how we love them…
Until the trifling, lying, deceptive, conniving, no good bastards break our hearts!

If only I knew the scoundrel was not what he had appeared to be. If only we had a criterion board to identify the dissolution beneath the beguiling armor that we fall haplessly and stupidly in love with.

How many women have beaten themselves over relationship blunders? Wondering how we missed that snicker that we thought was a genuine smile and deluded ourselves into believing that he wanted the house, picket white fence and two kids.

The men that we love to hate come in many varieties. We fall in love easily with them because they epitomizes (externally that is) the very essences of what we are seeking in a man. But beware not all that a glitter is gold and men are excellent actors who will play a role with brilliant histrionics until he gets into your drawers.

Too often we see the warning posts and the red flags and ignore them on the premise that we can change him or maybe he will change because, I am different and he will see the distinctions and fall in love with me. only to have him call ( if he calls at all, men hate confrontations that brings their integrity into question and where they may be judged) and let you know that he is not thinking of marriage, the house in the country and Sunday afternoons on the verandah…if you know what I mean!



Unfortunately, these are men that we women can’t help falling in love with!



First and foremost you have the Egoist!

He is cocky, overbearing and exudes a self confidence that outshines a million cities. He is self assured, ambitious and drives a Mercedes. You admire his aggressive attitude, condescension and arrogance.

he walks into a room he commands authority. His dress code is that of a man who has exquisite taste in fashion and invest time in his wardrobe. He is the type of man you could brag to your friends about, the kind of man that you could move up the social and communal ladder through association. The variant of masculine specimen that will make your friends turn green with envy and your grandmother wishing she was young again. The type that causes you to cower in his presence as you rush like a spooked mouse to please the big feline when he meows!


This man is termed full of himself and rest assure he is highly self centered and care little for others. Realizing that he is at the hierarchy of feminine desires, women are of minimal importance to him because he knows that he can ‘pick, choose and refuse’. A man like this is liable to make you fall in love with him through his graceful charm, orientation and swagger. And then he will dump you with alacrity and ruthlessness!


Most Egoists are Narcissist and are normally verbally abusive and scathing of their partners. Men of this nature are single and their relationship status serving both as a trap for potential partners and a staunch indicator that there has to be a deficiency. There has to be an underlining problem or hidden agenda when a man is aesthetically endowed, ambitious and affluent without a woman by his side. (Don’t be deceived because either he is gay or he is a player, a eunuch or a frigid or he has some other hidden deficits)

These hidden deficiencies range from sexual impotence, sexual insecurity, promiscuity, tyranny, verbal abuse to low self esteem and confidence. A person may exude superiority and confidence on the outside but is very insecure and has a low opinion of their own worth!

Materialism, wealth accumulation and success are measures utilized to mask feelings of substandardness that the Egoist may be experiencing. The Egoist thrives on denigrating and demeaning other so as to highlight the insufficiency in others therefore accentuating his often times enviable and desirable traits.

The Egoist sees women as sub beings to his lordship and mere objects to supply his every sexual and in some cases procreative needs. The Egoist will not pursue a relationship with a woman of his disposition but prefers a female of extreme docility. The submissive, acquiesce female that thrives on giving and who nourishes the Egoist’s ego. Inflating it with her meek and catering character, feeding him until he is obese with egoism

In rare some cases the Egoist does pursue a woman of substance but with the intent of vanquishing her, overhauling her self concept and leaving her male poisoned and miserable. The woman of substance is seen as a challenge to an Egoist, a mountain that needs to be eroded and place flat beneath his footstool. The Egoist will pursue the woman of substance, break her and then discard her!
The Egoist is often a shell with no display of human emotions. He lacks remorse, commiseration and empathy.


The Egoist is unforgivable and unforgettable. He inscribes his face in the annexes of feminine memories with his dual personality. Women find him intrigued and yet trepidated by the Egoist because he can facilitate love and inflict pain. He leaves pain, heart ache and desire in his wake. Women are left befuddled by his behavior.


It is not advisable to continue a relationship with an Egoist. Rest assures that he will destroy you. He will annihilate your sensitivity, plunge you into a chasm of low self worth and pick one’s self continuity away with his noxious character forceps. The Egoist is an emotional opportunist and hurting others is done intentionally without rue.

It does not matter how superlative you are, you will never be sufficed for the Egoist. He cares nothing of others, only catering to himself and his egocentricities.

The Egoist does not give into pleasantries hence the abusive personality and you will never receive an apology from an Egoist. Women find the Egoist attractive because he exudes behavioral characteristics that are refined and enchanting only to discover later that such conducts are fallacies utilized to snatch a desperate and naïve heart

What Jamaican Men need in Relationship

What does a Jamaican man look for in a woman?

Have you ever been with a Jamaican man? Do you often wonder what a Jamaican man is looking for in a potential significant other? Have you ever wondered what turns a Jamaican man off on a date? I did a case study recently using men of all demographics and social status of the Jamaican populace. The research was centered on unearthing what exactly a Jamaican man wants in a woman. Here’s what I discovered!
A Jamaican man falls in love first with his eyes. His interest is piqued if the woman is soft on the eyes in other words she is attractive. He looks her from the legs upwards. A woman will be able to still attract a Jamaican man if she has a curvaceous body and a less than aesthetic face. “In other words Jamaican men no watch no face!” This is more prevalent among men of the lower socio economical status but if you are interested in engaging a guy from the salubrious upper St Andrew Communities then you definitely need to step your game up.
A plain face or curvaceous physique will not be sufficed to filch an executive or some old money hunk. If you want an elite man then you have to bring some education with it in the form of degree and over, prominent position in eminent company or have a household last name. Men from the upper side prefer if a woman brings some form of endorsement with her. Relationships are formed based on social status and the economical contribution that a partner can bring to the liaison. Women see men as development banks, financial institutions that enhance their economical standing and men regard women as great merchandise like his car or his house that he can promenade in front of his friends. Women are seen as trophy and commodities where the highest bidder can purchase. The likelihood of a woman snatching a man from uptown is thin and wide if you are born outside of that class. But do not worry education, five figure income and popularity on the social scene may get you there!
Other that appearances sex is of utmost importance to a Jamaican man. If you are boring in bed as in if you are not a gymnast then you will have a problem with keeping your man. Jamaican men love a woman who has a virgin like vagina. The tighter the passage, the sweeter the ride! No pun intended! But recently there are some men who claim that they would exchange a virgin for a freak any day so I guess the tight vagina is losing its credence. Men prefer if intercourse is interactive. He likes when you tell him what you find desirable in bed and whether or not he is pleasing you. A percentage of men hate it when you give him what he refers to as dead sex. Do not just lie beneath him and squirm, hold him, squeeze him and undulate on him like a snake. Yeah! Laugh out loud! LOL

Age is of some importance depending on the socioeconomical status. Middle class and upper class men prefer their mates to be younger than them and for some by even a decade. Men of the lower class and some lower middle class men had no problem with age as some young men copulate with older women under the premise of maturity and money. A thirty three year old man’s ideal age mate would be between the ages of eighteen and twenty five. This not always the case as not every man looks at age. For some men, age is as the neo relationship therapist would say “just a number! “

Intelligence is tantamount for men who have degrees and certain level of social importance. The ability to have a sound, coherent conversation and extrude cognition is important to people of cerebral importance. No executive wants a mate that he cannot bring to a conference meeting because she will probably want to discuss Vybz Kartel news album than the financial gleaner and Edward Seaga’s theory on the IMF, economies of scale and diminishing returns.
Men essentially need to feel important while women desire connection. At the end of the day most Jamaican men need a wholesome fulfilling relationship where all his needs are being satisfied and met by his spouse. That is the reason why your Jamaican man may cheat on you with a woman who is aesthetically sub standard, she may not be as good looking as you are but she fulfills his need and his desires.