Smart Women dating Ghetto Youths

My friends chide me over and over again... " why you like those types is beyond me?" 

I am a smart girl who makes foolish relationship choices. You might not know how much bravado it took me to write this article but my emotions are awok from being in an unhealthy relationship for the last three months. 

Being a child of the Ghetto, having a little education, men from my area often regard me with contempt simply because they say " we big brain girls think we better than them"  that was never the case, I for one simply did not want to end up in the situations of so many of my peers. Young women with several fatherless children bouncing around from man to man was nothing worth aspiring to. I very much connote ghetto youth with recklessness and irresponsiblility.  I steer clear of them as much as I possibly can. I could not risk having a child that a man did not want. I wanted stability, reliance and accountability and young men from my district offered me none. 

But from time to time, a ghetto youth  often attractive, " a little cleaner than the rest" and smarter will come the way of us educated sisters and possibly sweep us off our feet with his rarity. 

We in turn will try and make it work. Investing time and resources in the relationship hoping that our goodness will rub off on him and that he can become someone higher than his status. We nurture, encourage, nag and cajole him about and against the harsh conditions of life among the lower class citizenry. We smart women know that being a young man in the ghetto is no small feat trying to keep him out of trouble and motivate him unto the path of righteousness. 

But dating a ghetto youth comes with headache and frustrations. Ghetto youths don't take talk from women. Smart women want to educate and nurture transcendence in their men for the betterment of the future family structure. But ghetto youths are accustom to dating certain women who never question their integrity, whose notions of relationships are largely superficial and who accept any crap they dish out. A smart woman and a ghetto youth is a disaster waiting to happen. 

Fat Girl Problems : Dating

I met a young man yesterday and we had an interesting conversation. He surprised me in more ways than one. It is not the first time I am seeing him. Our paths crossed a few times and I was equally surprised that he noted I walked pass him in the supermarket a couple Fridays ago. 

When I trudged pass he did not seem particularly interested. He gave me a fleeting look and stared away. And yet he remembers every detail of what I did that day down to what I said to the cashier. I learnt something important, if a man is not staring, it does not mean he is not looking. 

We bumped into each other last night. He apologized profusely. And we started talking, he has known me all my life, remembers when I was going to high school. I could not pick him up, didn't recognized him until he showed me pictures of his family. He looked nothing like the boy I knew. 

When it comes to dating and relationship ships, I often emphasize contrast and comparison when dealing with different suitors. This young man reminded me of what a genuine attraction looks and feels like. 

I didn't have to ask for his number.  There was no need to employ subterfuge, drop hints or encourage interest. It flowed naturally. I was given his number, invited to his Facebook page and asked which day I was free so he could take me to lunch in his brand new Honda SUV. 

I asked him if he was sure I was his type. He asked me." What was wrong with me?" He then said. " I like trying new things" I was sold. 

I did not ask him out of insecurity. I pride myself on being logical in my approach with men. I am a big bodied girl and have to question the interest of a man I often see with slender, petite women. I admit that physically I am not his type or at least I think I am not. I did not know why I reminded him. It was not a prudent move but his response wiped the doubts from my mind. 

And I decided that my next book will be about Fat Girls Problems. It is a reality that bigger frame women deal with everyday and it is the notion that our bodies are not considered ideal. 

Fat girls have to work twice as hard to get respect from men, who see them as third class citizens and last resort. A fat girl is only considered an ideal partner if she has money. While slender women can come as they please! Broke or joke! 

Any ambitious, successful fat girl will tell you the shit men put them through. Men automatically assume that because your body is big, it means you are insecure. A guy once told me that fat women are easy. He was seriously deluded. Women are easy regardless of size, it all boils down to self value. 

But my fat sisters get played a lot. Guys who ask you to pay their phone bills so they can call other women. Men who offer a little sex, miminal interactions and want to collect huge benefits. 

Men who will never he caught dead with you in public and yet have the most demands on you in private. Fat Girls problems goes on and on.... 

I love my child's father for he was the man who loved me for who I am, without glamour or success. He values me. He is the template for sincere affection. Therefore I watch other men and I think about him. This little boy I met last night came pretty close. 

Jamaican men do not want any good woman!

Remember when you were going to high school and you thought if you had your degree and good job, nice house and great financial prospect that you would be beating eligible men off you with a stick. You would have so many men, good bad and the indifferent vying for your hand in marriage. 

Ratchets would not even be much of a competition with your good education, big bank account and good looks. They could take whatever you did not want and even then your man was in an eternal swing of insecurity for someone as good as you could find someone better at any given time. 

Fast Forward ten years later and you realize that half the men you thought would be swimming the Atlantic Ocean alongside sharks and climbing Mount Everest barefeet to get this worthy woman hand will quickly pass you over for a chick who thinks parliamentarians speak a different language. 

You will quickly find out that wearing your natural hair and sporting a make up free face only attracts less desirable men and not the kind of men you suppose would be remotely interested in someone who was being real and progressive. It might seem to the educated, savvy and " keeping it real women" that men are more into the women who want to party, have sex and get high. 

While this might be the case, the main issue here is that the men who are considered ideal partners are no where near ready to settle down. That is the quandary that most women find themselves in, the guy who is your best is looking for better. As a matter of fact since he is not ready to settle down and he knows that you are looking for a serious relationship and he will stare clear of all women who want ring and babies. 

He will opt for women who can settle for his type of relationships and he is not willing to raise his standards because he is not looking to commit. It is very easy to treat women who are ratchets badly. You do not have to be nice to them for it is public Knowlege what they are about. Men do not have to call back ratchets or pay them any attention for it is an unspoken guy code that women whose reputations are compromise get the shitty end of the stick and I mean literally. 

It is not that these Jamaican do not want a good woman, they are just not ready to committ or settle. The ideal Jamaican man is like a child in a toy store. He sees too many women he wants, older women, younger women and teenagers. Why will he settle for you when he can have fifty others? Some men do not even know how to treat, regard and deal with a good woman. In that case please forgive them. 

What should the woman who want a good man do after she has worked hard to achieve and considers herself deserving of an ideal man. Should she just throw the towel in and settle for a compromised ideal or should she wait until ideal men grow up, have erectile dysfunction or some terminal illness? Some men are lifetime bachelors and they will never settle, they might even marry but they always have another girl. 

The strong independent woman might have to reevaluate her relationship needs. Maybe she needs to go over that checklist. She knows that half the wistful romantic notions she embraced are only in a bubble. Maybe it is time to pop that bubble open. 

The Dating Factor

What makes dating complicated is that different people have different values. While you might think an education makes you valuable, a man who is seeking a trophy wife, as in his partner has to be as gratifying as his house or his car then having an education would not factor as important to him. A man looking for a trophy wife would be more interested in appearances than personality. 

Just as how a lot of women would never date a man whom she despises regardless of how much money he has because him money is not really an important variable especially if she is getting her own. When people like you, hooking up is very easy, comes naturally but if you have to be jumping through hoops to get someone's attention then the feelings may not be mutual. 

You can over analyse sometimes but when a dating situation frustrates you, causing you sleepless nights you are definitively chasing someone who is running away from you. A relationship this stressful in its formative stage is bound to be toxic when it matures. They say good things don't come easy but some things are better off leaving alone. 

Online Dating is another factor. Someone who is not cognizant of your physical appearance will be reluctant to text or communicate since he hopes not to build up hopes on someone he might not like. Another consideration goes out to love interest who are already in a committed relationship. Cheating is a serious business and this person probably does not cheat unless they find someone worthy and maybe just maybe you are not worthy enough. 

Http://jamaicadatedoctor.com/

Ten Things Jamaican women Wish Jamaican Men Knew

Ten Things Jamaican Women wish Jamaican Men Knew 

 When i collated the article "Ten Things Jamaican Men wish Jamaican women knew about Relationships", It was meant to be a satire piece.Most people missed the sarcasm because they were so upset with the suggestions made by these Jamaican men who i will say represent the average Jamaican male. They missed the disclaimer about not all Jamaican men share these views. Let us put this one in bold. 

These are the opinions of some Jamaican women and does not reflect the ideologies of all Jamaican women. They are not facts, the article is not meant to conquer or convert but to inspire discussion so we can come at truth. In doing so we will get the facts out. 

 1. Jamaican women know that when a man says he wants an independent woman, he does not really mean he wants a woman who can complement his financial position. Some women are of the opinion that these men really want a woman to supplement their lives economically. "Them want smady fe mind them". Additionally a Jamaican man will take the "independent woman" money and "mine" some woman who cannot help him. He will take your car and go out with women who cannot buy gas put in it. Jamaican women say that they are wising up to this "con" and are only independent for their own subsistence. They have no intention of "minding" any big man. 

 2. Women like Oral sex, Women know you like it too. You just do not want your friends to know you like it or do it but the women say that is okay, they will keep the secret for you. 

3. When a Jamaican woman says she wants to go on a date. She means she would like to at least go to a social setting where you can have a few drinks and talk, get to know each other. A date is not in your bedroom demanding sex. These men nowadays do not want to date anymore, when they call and ask for you to meet with them, they would like to know straight off the bat if "you ago run some". Some will find some way to postpone the date if they do not hear what they want to.Some women flat out lie and tell them yes. Women say they would like to go on date therefore when a man is 'looking' a woman, please prepare for at least one date. 

4. In the dating phase when a woman text, call or Whatsapp you, it is because she likes you. A woman will pursue a man she likes and if he is interested then he is expected to mirror her interest to establish some form of consistency. It does not means she is desperate or she is being clingy. 'She just like you'. 

5. When a woman is willing to spend her hard earn money on you, it is not because she is a fool. It is because she loves you and wants you to be happy. If she can afford to she will buy her man anything to make his life convenient so that he can be at his best. There is no greater joy that when the one you love is happy and stress free. When a person is happy, they have more fulfilling relationships. Women in Jamaica and within the diaspora complain that if you "assist" some Jamaican men "they take you for a fool". It is ironic that men do not see themselves as "fools" when they spending thousands of dollar on some chick who sleeps with them every other month. 

6. Most women have never had an orgasm. Most men do not have a clue about fulfilling sex. A lot of women stick around because they love you or the idea of you not because of how good you are in the bedroom. Most men do not even cuddle, "Slam, Bam, Thank You Madam" The caveman tactics in bed does not always work and men insist that women find creative ways to maximize pleasure and yet they come as they are, thinking that great sex only requires an erect penis. The gist is that a woman can still feel sexually satisfied without an orgasm.  Too many men coming into the bedroom with sexual expectations and not bringing any prowess to the bed. Dance hall music convinced our men that their pleasure was more important than female satisfaction. These men will gladly say a 'vagina" was not good when in truth they just lay down on them back expecting great sex. 

7. "Old Fire stick easy fe Ketch" Hmmmmm. In some instances that might be not be entirely accurate. Some men feel that because you had sex with them one time then they can always get it from you whenever they like. Women are saying that when they throw water on the fire stick, no amount a gasoline can make it light back. Some men think that because a woman has a child with him he is still entitled to sex, women are standing their ground. If she broke up with you, she breaks all ties with you.

8. Do not see a woman on the road and harass her. If she is interested she will let you know. A grown man knows when a woman likes him from when she does not. Do not think you can convince her to like you by harassing her with "Pssssst", insulting her or manhandling her in public. She will hate you with a passion and you ruin any chances you might ever have with her.

9. Men will insist that a woman keeps up her physical appearance and yet he will gain weight, grow his hair and facial hair without any complains from his partner.  Women are saying men should try to keep in shape and maintain physique. Women do not like the beer belly but a woman loves differently from man. She will stay with him if he has eighty percent of what she needs and in (a Jamaican man case, if he has fifty percent of what she needs in a relationship), some women settle for far less. Men on the other hand want perfection well women are saying they want men with an impeccable body including a good size penis, good job, money and the whole works. 

10.We are in a relationship with you and not your friends or your family members. It is full time men learn how to tell their mothers, sisters and female cousins to respect their partners even if they do not like them. Friends who are still bachelors must learn to respect their males friends who are in a relationship. Please tell your friends do not show up at late hours of the night asking you to go clubbing when they know that you are now a family man. A man has to compromise in a relationship just as he expects a female to make sacrifices. A lot of men will insist that an in-law that they do not like does not come around his house and yet his family visit when they feel like and disrespect their women to their faces. A man will demand that his wife does not maintain friendship with women of questionable character and yet he keeps his promiscuous male friends and goes out with them on a regular basis. Women are saying cut the double standard. 

 Name some other points you think Jamaican men should know about women and relationships!

Quote :“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”

— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie"

 

Quit bashing Jamaican Men!

" To Find Fault is Easy, To do better is difficult"

 When i collated the article "Ten Things Jamaican Men wish Jamaican women knew about Relationships", It was meant to be a satire piece.Most people missed the sarcasm because they were so upset with the suggestions made by these Jamaican men who i will say represent the average Jamaican male. They missed the disclaimer about not all Jamaican men share these views. Let us put this one in bold. 

Link to the article Click Here http://jablogz.com/2014/08/ten-things-jamaican-men-wish-women-knew/

What I wrote was someone else's opinions, They are not facts, the article is not meant to conquer or convert but to inspire discussion so we can come at truth. In doing so we will get the facts out. 

" This is what we Jamaican men have to deal with quote. "  One commentator wrote! 

He missed the point entirely. He should have said why would a Jamaican woman write something like this and if this is not really true, it explains the expectation most women have of men.

He thinks I said bad things about Jamaican men then he should ask the average woman on the streets and he will no doubt get more colourful responses. 

" man a dog"

"Man a crasses"

" a bay worthless man deh a Jamaica"

" me done with man me jus take weh me can get and leave" 

" them man nowadays no want nobody"

 I understand he might be very upset about what these men said but he should take into consideration that these men were socialized in a different context from his, this is sadly how the average man on the street thinks. The man on the street socialized within a working class setting, influence by Dancehall culture, unexposed to esteemed values, his convictions unfiltered by lack of education thinks like this, not all men but a staggering majority. 

This may account for the numerous single parent homes with mothers at the helm and unwanted pregnancies among young women. He should not be angry at me. He should be upset with his brothers who embrace these ideologies but as always people will attack the messenger and not the message. It is so much easier to make it personal. The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off! 

But it explains a lot with regards to how even our politicians reason in parliament, they attack each other, dismiss suggestions that disagrees with their ideologies and we end up back at the same place where we started. People are more concerned about being "right" than admitting the truth.

Women are pissed that men would think like that, well some of these women should explain why they still single and why they raising their kids alone? Your man is not the rule, he is the exception to the rule. 

Sociologist and commentators have not adequately stressed how the social issues we face such as crime and poverty are connected to the family structures that we have. Our women get into relationships with these same type of men who gets them pregnant and leave them. These are the type of men a woman is force to leave with her children because he refuses to put down his philandering ways and she ends up alone with children she might not be able to support. These are the kind of men who impregnate girls and want sex without responsibility. I hope you get the picture that i am painting here. It does not mean all men are like this...But you get the point.

I am upset to. I am upset that there are women out there who tolerate this behavior and give men the impression that it is normative and when I meet them and insist on higher standards, I am crossed off as bitter, crazy or uptight. I am upset that women have lowered our standards so much that men think anything goes or anything counts. I don't entirely blame men because I see girls falling into the same trap their mothers did. Women are apart of this process of change. Women are the agents of social change. If we would insist on higher standards then we might get somewhere.  

There is an unswerving, constant philosophy among our women that our men are of no good. Some might say this notion is farfetch but not because it does not reflect your reality it does not mean it is not truth.  Not because someone has a differing opinion from yours, does it mean theirs is erroneous or inaccurate. 

The majority  of the social maladies that we are experiencing as a people stems from a breakdown in family life and families are created from relationships. Maybe! Just maybe if we fixed our relationships, we could fix Jamaica. Let the chips fall where they may. 

Link to the Article here: http://jablogz.com/2014/08/ten-things-jamaican-men-wish-women-knew/

why do Jamaican People enjoy being graders of others!

I was recently called rather haphazardly to do a rendition in speech at an event in my community. Before I exited the stage, several individuals in the audience began to criticise, dissect and evaluate what I said on the podium.


People who for the most part seemed more interested in belittling me than concentrating on the real issues at hand at the forum all because they knew that I was a little girl from their community who use to run up and down in thighs carrying water on the ball field.

Thats the thing about black people, if you do not put them in their place, they will at every opportunity remind you of the lowly status you once had. It is better and easier for them to remember where you are coming from because that is what they are comfortable with. Believe me that if you do not leave their domain and branch out, you can easily be choked by the detestation,inferiority complexes and issues they have within themselves that they constantly reflect upon you.

Ghetto people have very lofty ideals for others but none for themselves. They have no ambition and are always interested in stimulating the aspirations of others or trying to undermine your endeavours. You can count on your hands how many people from "where am from" ever genuinely wished you success.

Some do initially wish you the best because they think that you will never achieve suffice to surpass them and become back-stabbers when you supersede their expectations. They are appalled that someone who they deemed inferior to them have reached a level that in by extension of their abilities is somewhat formidable if not unattainable.

They are even more aggravated by the mysterious nature of your occupation which only serves to aggrandize their loathing of you. Jamaican people are quick to form opinions of you without knowing anything about you. I have been the blunt of these labels by people who are not my friends; People who I have never had any form of conversations with, think that they are an authority on my character. Their evaluation is solely based on whatever bias scenario: real or imagined they have going on in their head.


IN life I have learnt to work with what I have. I try my best to win with the cards that my genes dealt to me or those that the hand of fate passes my way. I have become a happier person since I have learned to accept me for who I am warts and all...I have never felt more peace, serenity and enjoyed success.


Some people have a misconception about intellectuality...

"A lot of our intellects have not been educated on a spiritual level. A person who is enlighten spiritually behaves differently, reacts to others in a way that is reminiscent of someone of a higher consciousness. The ability to pass an examination does not mean you are intelligent nor is the capacity to identify (SYMBOLS)words on a page. It simply means you are scholastic, you are academically ahead but until you are educe on spiritual level then everything you achieve will be as corporeal as the body your soul dwells in"

Should you take back a ex who disrespected you badly during separation

I have dissed men in the past who when I see them a couple years later u wished I was more accommodating because of the status they hold now and not because I find them attractive or their personalities intriguing.

Others that I treated  with indifference; have matured so much both in their personalities and socially that they force me to acknowledge that in life you should never entirely write people off because the same people you turn your nose at going up might pass you going down.

People realize their mistakes and people grow and change but relationships are investments and you have to weigh the pros and cons of dating someone who in your perspective is below your class. You simply have to look at personality traits and hope that he/she grows into someone you can build a life with.

I also know that when someone shows you who they really are and how much they invalidate you then you must believe them. If a person treated you like they do not value you as a person, the core intrinsics of your personality then believe them because they genuinely don't.

How someone treats a person whom they claim cannot do anything for them says a lot about that persons core beliefs and character. Humans will flock the mango tree because it is already grown and producing fruit and they will take a machete to the small tree since its young and may never produce.

Love is a treacherous emotion. Your heart will tug away at someone who you know from experience will hurt you again. There is a clear indication that humans believe that they should be with someone despite how they feel that person feel about them.

That is the reason why we have so many people murdering their partners because people keep getting together for the wrong reasons. Why would anyone want to be with someone who does not value your life? Who dates you for dependency or money?

You will always be angry at the ex who hurt you because getting back together does not give you closure. If anything you are giving someone another opportunity to hurt you. That person can safely conclude that you love them than you do yourself because anyone with any shred of self respect would not wanna go back to someone who treated them the way that ex did.

Emotions are never about rationality , you cannot help how you feel and many times getting back together gives you an opportunity ton see if this relationship could really work. Its a risk you sometimes have to take to experience whether or not, it was worth the heartache in the first place.

Apology is never enough. A man will say whatever he needs to says to get tail.  In order to take back someone they must first demonstrate that

Jamaicans stop thinking individually and more nationally.

I have spoken several times about how much due to my past endorsement during my adolescent years of the Jamaica Labour Party. I was subjected to calumnious rhetoric and slews of profanity whenever I went to the corner shop to buy anything. Worst if I complained about the high prices of the groceries.

This staunch PNP supporter in his early seventies would start on the (dutty Laborites) as soon as I grace his shop front. I know that this diatribe was geared at me. Why was I subjected to this verbal abuse was completely beyond me?  I blogged about it several times on the Triond.com platform.

Fast forward, PNP ,a party that I help put in Government because I was dissatisfied with the performance of the labourites and in particular, the Tivoli Incursion , now disappointing most young people yet these older folks not quarreling about the state of affairs when I go to their shops.

Instead I hear Ms Enid claim that "it don't matter who Inna government things nah get better, Jamaica done mash up long time";$haking her head vehemently ' she hands me a pound of flour now $70 a pound.
In my big dunce head this lady's statement translates that she would rather have a hard time living under a PNP regime than the dutty labourites.

Despite the logic that I administered trying to explain to them that JLP did not take flower from "six pence and trupance" to fifty dollars a pound. I tried to elucidate that our inflation rate was steadily rising over the last 18 years of PNP administration. They would not listen or see my illustrations of facts, they were too concern in Insulting my generation who are more interested in progress than party loyalty to Manley's dead legacy.

I am not gonna trash older Jamaicans because God Knows I have not seen or experience some of things they have. I cannot truly say I understand where they are coming from because they remember Jamaica from a time that I know nothing about. I also know that life can change who you are. I see it everyday. In my twenty five years, every year brings new insights and old ideologies are shaken off. I often imagine what my perspectives will be if I
Iive to see seventy and the rate Jamaica is going. I doubt I will.

What I do not like is older people thinking that they can dictate the future of a society that for the majority has moved beyond the grasp of their comprehension. My generation do not think moving from pit latrine to inside bathroom is an upgrade. We have cable TV and know that we want nice bathroom, with water coming out of the wash bowl, jacuzzi and the whole works.

We live in a different world so we have different needs brought on by this media socialization. We don't want our kids to sleep together in a one room, we want them to have their own rooms. We have visions of living our lives to the best of our potentials and the internet has taught us that opportunities are abound in the world.

We need a government that will make that happen. A government that is thinking twenty first century. We respect the foundations that our elders and ancestors have cemented but we believe that it is now time to move on to greater heights.

Living with Henry the Narcissist

Living with Henry: the narcissist

When I was enamored (fixated) with a narcissistic man, I did not look at the situation from futuristic and permanent standpoint. I did not visualize what life would be like cohabitating with a man that suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. I was given a glimpse of that life when I met a friend online who appears to be suffering from narcissistic personality disorder or simply exude high levels of narcissistic traits interlaced with antisocial disorder.


This malevolent net mate was controlling, inflated and possessive. He had contrived a biography where he is a successful computer engineer with numerous clients. He was a chameleon, jack of all trades. There were days when he was a lecturer at a prestigious university. Some days he was a marine engineer and other days he was a savvy business man with numerous clients coming to his doorsteps at rude hours of the night. He had the most inflated ego I have ever had the misfortune to acquaint. His inflated self image was staggering and appalling. The narcissist misogynistic overture and sexual innuendos were distasteful.


He was a pathological liar and the most sanctimonious person I have ever dealt with. His self righteous personage was highlighted by his twisted sense of justice and morality. He would lambaste an individual for lying to him and yet he lied profusely. He was rather defensive when he thought he was being offended and yet expected others to tolerate his obnoxious behavior. He did not see anything wrong with his repugnant behavior. In fact he claimed that he does not care if people liked him because he liked him self and that’s all that mattered to him. Narcissism indeed!


I made the mistake of relating his narcissistic traits to that of a phantasm from my past and the malignant figure launched into tirade, defending my phantasm and laying the blame at my feet of course. I was amused then incensed at the narcissist inability to empathize. He perceived my anger at the experience I had with another narcissist as mere indication that I was still in love with him. The man was unable to dissect emotions further cementing his narrow sightedness and incapacity to distinct human reactionary feelings. When I vented my disgust and outrage at the behavior of narcissists, he challenged that I was being petulant because I could not manipulate the narcissist. I could not compel the narcissist to satisfy my needs and therefore I become angry and frustrated. Talk about projection! What the narcissist was saying to me was a deep mirroring of his attempt to control and manipulate me into complying with his demands and embracing his line of thought.


A narcissist lack emotional intelligence and is only responsive to two types of behavioral emotions and those are attacking and raging. The narcissist will bombard you with insults as a form of attack and then when you retaliate or threatened them in any essence they will launched into rampages aimed at cowering and reestablishing control. This narcissist did not hesitate to furnish my ideals and self concepts with his scathing perspectives and supercilious ideologies. He spoke as if he was the most trenchant individual alive. His opinions were spouted with erudite terms, mainly verbiage speeches with little or no sapient content aimed at subverting my self concept and undermining my intelligence.



If I did not know any better. I would have said my ex had sent a friend to finish the job off. The man’s conduct was similar to my ex boyfriend but ten times amplified. The thing about pathology is that it is predictable and the minute one who suffers personality syndrome arrives, he will be quickly pin point and categorize. In spite of my better judgment I decided to continue this charade with the narcissist online so as to get a real life glimpse into the pathology. I wanted to see narcissism from the outside. I wanted to look at it for the first time through the eyes of a social science researcher or a psychologist and not a lovelorn partner.


I got to witness narcissism from a detached and unemotional standpoint. I converse with the narcissist daily, observed and internalized his responses like an avid social scientist watching an interesting experimental phenomenon unfold. I realized based on our daily association that this was what I had to deal with, if I had pursued a relationship with a narcissist. This was the hell that I yearned for months ago. I felt a wave of pity and despondence for the women that lived with this malignance and have endured the constant battering that composed life with the narcissist.



The narcissist constantly devaluated and avidly conflicted my opinions to shut down my concepts and doctrines. The repressive natures of the interaction, the obscenities were geared at reducing my self concept by making my existence comparable to glucose ridden edibles and at other times, Human effluent erasers. He would idealize in one paragraph and devaluate in the very next. His excuse for being abusive and for the abuse of a narcissist from my past was simple to make me stronger. He contended that I was very weak to fall in love and that deities like himself were not amenable to such feeble expressions and feelings. He made a violation and I petitioned him to apologize. He hurled obscenities and at me and questioned why he needed to apologize to me. I broke into loud guffaws. This man was something else.


The most enthralling segments of our online interaction were the mirror effecting and projection. The man perceived simple and natural reactions to my intellectualization and psychologising of his behavior as an indication that I was mad. He kept diagnosing me. He said that I was a narcissist, another time I suffered from obsession and lately I had a split personality. This man was hilarious and had me laughing to the shock and amusement of my sister who was watching our conversations sometimes.



I mused for a while when the narcissist did the most conceivable disturbing thing. He pretended to be my ex boyfriend without any inference from me. He played the role of my ex boyfriend trying to reconnect with me for two weeks. He did not blatantly state that I am your ex boyfriend pretending to be someone else because I am afraid that you may reject me. He gradually unveiled himself. Dispersing modicums of my past relationships and patterns of the untamed rage. His conversations sounded similar to the person that he was or he was trying to imitate. I was for a single moment completely confused on where my analysis was with this character.


It was intriguing yet ominous. I considered for fleeting moments that this person could be my ex playing one of his mind game. I cogitate that I was being abused by proxy and that my ex had engineer this situation and had enlisted the aid of one of his avatars to do the heinous injury. I was becoming paranoid. I kept thinking what the avatar had to gain from this situation. Why is it tantamount that these men decompose my self concept and esteem? Am I a lunatic magnet? Do I attract mad men?


The most arcane yet fundamental aspect of my observation was that this Henry personality appeared more genuine when he was assumingly playing the role of my former narcissistic friend than when he was the PhD scholar in decision making and management science. I mused that the cast of the former friend may appear more genuine because the persona that he presented is indeed falsified or I may just be conversing with someone closer to home than I thought.



This narcissist gave me a glimpse at the constant verbal abuse and excoriation I would have been subjected to. He implied that I should be grateful that the narcissist had abandoned me and cease chasing a shadow. He did not understand (as I will explain in my issue on whom to go to for support when you are a victim of narcissism) or rather he refused to see my side of the story. He wanted to me to see an image that was tarnished by his lies and constant games.
He decided to revert back to his first personage and to shed the boyfriend character. It appeared that the game had lost its passion or he wanted to befuddle me some more. The damage had already been done. When he played that role, he had destroyed any ounce of credibility. His integrity was smear eternally in my eyes. I saw him as a compulsive, pathological liar. I regard him as an untrustworthy individual. A reckless disposition that should be kept at arm’s length.


Moreover he had made it clear to me that he was a master manipulator. The hoax confirmed that this individual did not have any regard for my feelings and that this person was capable of anything. This unalleviated spiteful attack on my emotions was rudely awakening as it was menacing. But I was thankful that he showed me this side of his personality. It has reaffirmed my relationship with him and what mettle of man he really is.


The narcissist claimed that I was weak because I felt love and emotions. He asserted that I was not strong and individuals who seek to find love in the world are weak people. He did not see affection as a virtue but rather a curse and a handicap. He regarded my repulsion of narcissism as hint that I was still hang up on my ex. He was unable to construe the difference between consumed love and intense revulsion.



The most frightening aspect of the relation with the online narcissist was the exhaustion. I felt depleted after our conversations. My sister and significant other could not understand why I sat around my computer at nights conversing with an apparent dangerous and deranged man. My sister spoke with him couple of times and conceded that he was the most depraved individual alive.


It seem the more I associated with him; pieces of my vivacity and vim were eaten away. It was evident that the conversations with this toxic individual were affecting me. I quickly conceded that this was exactly how I would feel if I was involved with a narcissist, emotionally drain and psychologically teetering on sanity. Thank god!

What Jamaican Men need in Relationship

What does a Jamaican man look for in a woman?

Have you ever been with a Jamaican man? Do you often wonder what a Jamaican man is looking for in a potential significant other? Have you ever wondered what turns a Jamaican man off on a date? I did a case study recently using men of all demographics and social status of the Jamaican populace. The research was centered on unearthing what exactly a Jamaican man wants in a woman. Here’s what I discovered!
A Jamaican man falls in love first with his eyes. His interest is piqued if the woman is soft on the eyes in other words she is attractive. He looks her from the legs upwards. A woman will be able to still attract a Jamaican man if she has a curvaceous body and a less than aesthetic face. “In other words Jamaican men no watch no face!” This is more prevalent among men of the lower socio economical status but if you are interested in engaging a guy from the salubrious upper St Andrew Communities then you definitely need to step your game up.
A plain face or curvaceous physique will not be sufficed to filch an executive or some old money hunk. If you want an elite man then you have to bring some education with it in the form of degree and over, prominent position in eminent company or have a household last name. Men from the upper side prefer if a woman brings some form of endorsement with her. Relationships are formed based on social status and the economical contribution that a partner can bring to the liaison. Women see men as development banks, financial institutions that enhance their economical standing and men regard women as great merchandise like his car or his house that he can promenade in front of his friends. Women are seen as trophy and commodities where the highest bidder can purchase. The likelihood of a woman snatching a man from uptown is thin and wide if you are born outside of that class. But do not worry education, five figure income and popularity on the social scene may get you there!
Other that appearances sex is of utmost importance to a Jamaican man. If you are boring in bed as in if you are not a gymnast then you will have a problem with keeping your man. Jamaican men love a woman who has a virgin like vagina. The tighter the passage, the sweeter the ride! No pun intended! But recently there are some men who claim that they would exchange a virgin for a freak any day so I guess the tight vagina is losing its credence. Men prefer if intercourse is interactive. He likes when you tell him what you find desirable in bed and whether or not he is pleasing you. A percentage of men hate it when you give him what he refers to as dead sex. Do not just lie beneath him and squirm, hold him, squeeze him and undulate on him like a snake. Yeah! Laugh out loud! LOL

Age is of some importance depending on the socioeconomical status. Middle class and upper class men prefer their mates to be younger than them and for some by even a decade. Men of the lower class and some lower middle class men had no problem with age as some young men copulate with older women under the premise of maturity and money. A thirty three year old man’s ideal age mate would be between the ages of eighteen and twenty five. This not always the case as not every man looks at age. For some men, age is as the neo relationship therapist would say “just a number! “

Intelligence is tantamount for men who have degrees and certain level of social importance. The ability to have a sound, coherent conversation and extrude cognition is important to people of cerebral importance. No executive wants a mate that he cannot bring to a conference meeting because she will probably want to discuss Vybz Kartel news album than the financial gleaner and Edward Seaga’s theory on the IMF, economies of scale and diminishing returns.
Men essentially need to feel important while women desire connection. At the end of the day most Jamaican men need a wholesome fulfilling relationship where all his needs are being satisfied and met by his spouse. That is the reason why your Jamaican man may cheat on you with a woman who is aesthetically sub standard, she may not be as good looking as you are but she fulfills his need and his desires.

Jamaican Men Money and Relationships

Jamaican women and Jamaican men in Relationship

Yesterday I sat with my girlfriends at lunch and listen as they mooned over the latest drama that developed in their relationships. I stood up and asked my girlfriends if they thought true love existed anymore. I knew that this topic would generate a plethora of idea. My conjectures were right as my girlfriends became frenzy with opinions. Their face etched with disdain and disgust as they spouted the notable irritable qualities and numerous character flaws that Jamaican men evince. Every commented ended with the fact that Jamaican men were irresponsible fathers, lousy companions and gaudy creatures. My girlfriends conceded that Jamaican men were not interested in family and relationship. My friends said that love was lost and that men only wanted to have sex. My friends said that “is why we no fraid fi nyam dem out”
Jamaican men have come a far way with regards to familial precepts and values. My grandmother told me that men during her time, men were more involved in the upbringing of children than today. My grandmother stated that irreverence for Jamaican men aroused when males lost their powers in the home by refusing to seek knowledge and choosing the prison over the university.
Ignorance is partially responsible for the frustrations and heartaches that are plaguing relationships with Jamaican men. Seventy percent of Jamaican men are semiliterate or illiterate. Females far outnumber their male counterparts in the universities and in corporate Jamaica. Successful Women are finding it increasingly frustrating to find a partner, who is on her financial and intellectual level. The few perceivably accomplished men are very unavailable when it comes to any form of meaningful relationships. Financially stable men are not quick to form a relationship with one woman since there are many women in the streets with similar good qualities and characteristics. Therefore there are many women around for the picking, why settle for one when you can have five.
Additionally women are discovering that men of every stratum in Jamaica exude the same values and embrace corresponding relational philosophies. Women realized that men were not interested in the formation of solid relational unions but more of a serial monogamy and polyandric relationships. Men visit women and have sexual relations with her in exchange for money. The woman and man are allowed to maintain their single status.
Many women have found this form of relationship satisfying as her economical needs are being satisfied and the relational strings are not attached, offering her freedom to copulate with as many men as possible. This is what I refer to as sanitized prostitution. This lifestyle has lead to a rise in promiscuity among Jamaican young women as they attempt to have sex with as many men as possible to cover the bills.
Men embraced this notion and have begun to regard every woman in the same light. Jamaican men believe that every woman that pursues a relationship with him wants some form of financial return for it. Jamaican women asserted that if you exude love for the man, he will not support you financially but if you pretend to be indifferent you will coerce financial support from him. The idea is that men do not respond to expressions of genuine love because most women do not want affection, they only want money. Women who sincerely want a meaningful relationship find it difficult to convince a man of sincerity. The man will naturally assume that she is pretending, and when she gets into his system, she will unveil her mercenary character. Many women have maintained the stance that most Jamaican men are only interested in sex. Women contended that men do not want affection and resort to using men as financial institution whose only purpose is to improve their economical standings.
I sat down and presented the same questions to an accomplished, financially stabled Mr. Callen. Mr Callen claimed that men have become protective of their hearts because women have been corrupted by other women and a good woman is hard to find. Mr. Callen states that “Women are some of the most, manipulative, selfish, and dangerous people I know”. Mr. Callen attributes women’s power over men due to the fact that women weaken men “it’s not just Jamaica...all over the world....men are stupid when it comes to women”. Mr Callen went on to state that the idea of being married or feeling wholesome with another person is losing its credence. “The danger is when people believe that they need someone to complete them...make them whole”. Another male asserted that Jamaican men need to be cognizant of their needs and wants instead of sexual intemperance. Mr Callen claimed that” very few are enlightened as I am”.
Some social scientists claim that the harsh economical condition of the Jamaican society has caused a shift in relational values. Women are seeking men who will be able to support their children; men are taking advantage of the plenitude of available accomplished women by being promiscuous and unattached. Anthropologically, when resources are scarce, in this case women, the most desirable traits that are portrayed by a woman will win her a partner with equivalent characteristics. There are many women in Jamaica with desirable characteristics, men can choose, play, mislead and refused because there are many more fishes in the sea. Women have to be fighting other women for men. The competitions between females have become intense because so-called good men are few in numbers.
Others have asserted that Jamaican men are anthropogically promiscuous and polygamic based on the ethos that was taught to them via their ancestral African lineage. Jamaican men are culturally inclined to have more than one woman in their life. The capacity to have a myriad of women and to be able to take care of them connotes that a man is financial stable, communally revered by his peers and emulated by younger males. Jamaican men are simply acting out an ancestral trait that is found among Africans and men of African descent.
Jamaican men claim women are only interested in procuring money and not in any form of meaningful, committed profound relationships. Men will force a relationship with a man who is not fervently interested in him by offering her money in return for relations. It is also a shared opinion that a Jamaican man will not spend his money on one woman while he has another woman draining his pocket. At the end of the day, it is not just Jamaican women that gave rise to the validation of money before copulation but equally Jamaican men. Men have contributed to the relational canon by offering women money for relationship. There are young men who are pursuing a car or any apparent artifact that communicates wealth in order to ensnare women into their bedrooms.
Conclusively, what role money plays in a relationship between a Jamaican man and woman? Recently there has been a rise in Jamaican men insisting that in order for them to establish any concrete relationship with any woman she has bring some form of money to the table. There are some men who refuse to have a relationship with a woman, who does not have a job. In other words, women are not the only ones who are saying “no dough, no looove”. There has been a rise in the demand for a woman to bring economical independence to the relationship. To be honest, I think that is an excellent idea for both partners to satisfy the financial needs of the relationship. But should this be the premier criterion for having a relationship? Should money determine what level of relational or sexual interaction, one has with a prospective partner? I would like you to answer that for me!

Are there any Good Men left in Jamaica

Are there any Good men left in Jamaica?


This is a question that many young Jamaican women who are on the dating scene are asking among themselves. The question is simple “are there any good men left in this world?” the question for some should fundamentally be what designates a good man. For most young women, the response would definitely be a tall, handsome, wealthy charming gentle man who is perceivably emotionally and psychologically stable. For many young women, aesthetics and affluence are premier criteria with other pivotal attributes such as values and ethics relegated to the backburner. This may well be the reason why good men are hard to find. The problem is not that good men are scarce but it is safe to assume that it is what young women perceived as good men. Good men designate the harlequin character with the attendant charm, wealth and power. The reality of the situation is that good men are available but women do not want good men, most young women want great men.
It may well be that women have their priorities mixed up. A psychological report claims that only ten percent of affluent, handsome and successful men are emotionally and psychologically healthy. Many alpha males are narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, anti social and suffer varying degrees of histrionic personality disorder and conterdependent disorder. The barrages of overlapping psychological disorder among alpha males make them the most frustrating men to have a relationship with. Few if any alpha males want to settle down with a female.
Young women are maturing in a time where a person’s worth is determined by their financial status. We live in an era where the pursuit of temporality and wealth is chief ambition even at the cost of our ecosystem, life, morals and value. We live in a society where survival is central and every activity including our choice of career, friends and ultimately our partner is geared at survival and material attainment. With that said we are choosing our partners based on how much they can enhance our chance of surviving a harsh economical situation and not on shared virtues and valued attributes.
On the other hand, most well off Jamaican men assert that due to their financial and economical superiority they are entitled to have intercourse and relationships with as many women as possible. Therefore many alpha males are calculating, deceitful, mendacious and promiscuous. They roam the social scenes for young women, copulating with as many as possible, leaving a trail of broken hearts, disenchanted women and post traumatic disorders behind them. Even if the man is married he is liable to have numerous paramour relations outside of his marriage. This makes fidelity another issue for women. If they are able to snatch the “so-called good man” there are no guarantees that he will remain with her solely since most affluent Jamaican men have several extramarital affairs.
It may be the case that women need to reevaluate what they want from a relationship and in a potential partner. I do understand that having a partner who can contribute, maintain and satisfy the economical and financial needs of the family is imperative as capitalism demands that our choices should be made on the basis of wealth attainment thus survival. A man, who does not work, cannot eat and should not have a wife and children because he will not be able to feed them. Based on this stance women are choosing partners based on his ability to provide for her needs and her offspring.
But it seems that Jamaican women are not choosing men based on his ability to provide for her needs. For many women the idea of a financially stable man is a male with several cars, a house in aspen, a cabin in Hawaii and several Swiss bank accounts. Women have redefined the term of a financially stable man. Financial stable meant catering for the necessities; wealth designates ability to provide excesses and the extras. Many Jamaican women want a wealthy man and not a financially stable male who is diligent ambitious and conscientious. Many women want a partner that is at the pinnacle of success with the consequent lifestyle and perquisites.
I am not saying that women should not desire to be with the most superlative partner but sometimes all that glitters may not be gold. Many Africans will say that if they knew what the gold on their continent would have done to their people and country they would have found a way to destroy it. Sometimes in life it is better to settle for a mere pearl that search for a diamond that may cost one, their life and sanity.
It is best to find someone who is driven by something far more profound than superficiality and materialism. My philosophy is that if I am dating a particular nucleus of men and it is not working out I change my objectives or ideal. Sometimes I need try other categories and maybe you will learn something new about your self and what you definitely need from a relationship. Other times we may need to evaluate our selves.
What kind of vibe are you giving off when you are around your alpha male? Are you scaring men off with your needy, desperate, disposition. Men state that what turns them off alpha females I s that they tend to have confrontational attitudes. Some males claim that they find the narcissism and bigot behavior of successful women nauseous. Others state that alpha females behave as relationship is an accomplishment like the plaques on her office wall. Remember women want connection, men do want connection but prefer relational importance. They like to feel as if they are males in the societal, relational traditional sense.

Ten things my father should have told me about Jamaican Men

Ten things a woman’s father should have told her about men.

The role that a father plays in the life of his young daughter is very important.

It is not confined to satisfying the financial needs of his offspring but instilling values and morals into the psyche of his daughter.

This involves encouraging the development of a sense of self and awareness when it comes to relationships.

But how many fathers have sat with their daughters and educate her on the psychology of men, women and relationships. If fathers taught their daughters how to respond to men, pros, cons of men and relationships we would have been better in our relations with men.

We would have known how to decipher the wolves from the sheep.


Here are some things I wished my dad had told me about men

1. Men lie to get what they want. I would have been spared quite a few masculine deceptions if my father had told me that men do not always mean what they say. Men will omit information or lie outrageously to convince a woman to be with them and sleep with them.

2. Men will tell a woman what he knows she wants to hear in order to get her into his bed. Men pretend and fake commitment to get sex. A man will feign emotions and act as your ideal mate to have intercourse with you. When he has gotten his prize then the real man unveils himself.

3. A man will have sex with a woman he has no feelings for and without emotional attachment. There goes my preconceived notion that he must be feeling something for me because we are copulating. Wrong! He is simple going through motions and not emotions.

4. When a man meets a woman he is rarely thinking long term, he is merely thinking about having a good time with her. This good time entails sexual intercourse. That means when a man meets you, he is not thinking marriage and children. He is having the most primal desire which is companionship and coitus.

5. Majority of men do not care about a woman’s social status when he is seeking her out. This is confirmed by numerous wealthy men of high socio-financial caliber who marry and have relations with women who are societally deemed below their status. Therefore my PhD does not guarantee that I will get a husband or that men will fall down at my feet and worship me.

6. Men who are concentrating on your financial status and career want a trophy and not an individual. You may think he married you because you are a wonderful person but only to discover that you are his wife because you have a sixe figure income and a career. Most times women do not find out about these unscrupulous men until they have lost their jobs and status and the man abandons her because she is useless to him. Once the sociopath thinks you are no longer meaningful to him, he will leave you.

7. Number seven ties in with number six. I wish my dad had informed me about the prince charming and the frog.
I prayed my father had told me that not all men that glitter are gold.
My dad should have told me that prince charming can mutate into prince harming.
My dad should have edified me of the narcissist, antisocial, sociopaths and the elaborate neurotics.
My father should have told me about crazy, deranged men posing as ideal partners. Many women wished their dads had told them about men who will not only make their lives miserable but take ways their life.

8. Men do not see relationships the way we do. Men do not have the reactions that we have to gestures such as singing a song, writing poetry etc. if a man goes up on a stage and sings for his woman in front of her friends, her eyes are filled with love, appreciation and adulation. If a woman should sing to a man in front of his friends (unexpectedly), he may react with embarrassment, disbelief and downright disapproval. Instead of running to the stage to kiss you, majority of men will slink away to find a hole to bury himself because of the discomfiture he is feeling from your public declaration.

9. You cannot buy a man’s love. It’s the same as a man professing that he will spend money on us to engender a relationship. Love cannot be bought. Do not think that you can buy love. You can buy faux companionship and an artifice of a relationship. Genuine love and deep bonds cannot be fostered by pecuniary influences. True and real relationships based on love will last even during poverty. A relationship based on money will disintegrate if indigence sets in.

10. You cannot force a man to love you. My father and male relatives may love me unconditionally without coercion or question. When it comes to strangers, it is entirely different scenario. Love is fostered by continual moments of interaction between two individuals who realize that they value each other’s company, to want to live together forever (or for a period of time). You cannot force someone to want to be with you. In most cases if you force love, you push that person further away from you.

AND THEN...

hmmmm...
Remember there are exceptions...

Why Jamaican Men Lie

Why Jamaican men lie
Have you ever wondered why men lie? Why males feel the need to constantly misrepresent reality? Men lie outrageously (often to our amusement and annoyance) about simple things that we women would not care about if they told the truth. There are sometimes when we want them to lie about their feeling such as when they are breaking up with us. But in many situations we would rather hear the truth from them than from someone else. No one enjoys being mislead or taken for a fool. There is not one woman alive who loves a man who constantly torts the reality of situations.

Ten reasons why men lie:
1. They cannot afford to tell the truth because they are ashamed of the reality of their situation. But if a man lies about his situation, it does not change the reality of the situation. The woman will eventually find out he is a tall taler.

2. They are indifferent to your feelings and could not care less if you discover they were lying. These are the connoisseur of mendacity. Such atrocious characters should be avoided at all cost.

3. They have done it numerous times and gotten away with it. They know you will take them back because you are very forgiving. Every male knows what his irritating quality is and he is going to find a woman that he knows will tolerate his lies if he is a liar.

4. Some men can’t help but lie. It is as if it is within their genetic makeup. They tell a lie as easily as you and I breathe without hesitation or compunctions. When it is discovered that they have been lying. Most will shrug off the situation and carry on as if nothing happened. Those are what my mother calls spawn of Satan.


5. Some claim that they lie because they do not want to hurt the females feeling. The man may lie because he is afraid the truth will hurt you and damage the relationship. That is what they call a white lie because it does more good than harm. Until you find out of course!

6. Some men lie to avoid responsibilities. This is the man who lies about being the father of your child or the one who lies about why he did not call you last night. He does not want to be accountable for his actions.


7. Jamaican men underestimate women’s abilities and assume that you will never find out that he was lying. Most men think women are dumb when it comes to deciphering a knave from a gentleman. What most men do not know is that we know they are lying most times but are afraid to admit the truth to ourselves because of how much it hurts. We do not want to drive a wedge between our lout and us; therefore we do not question your flimsy excuses and statements because we do not want an argument. We do not want a rift in the relationship. We want you to feel comfortable and most Jamaican women do not want to be accused of nagging him. So we pretend it’s all nice in paradise.

8. He is insecure. A man who lies about his social or financial status is a clear indication that he has self esteem problems. He has not accepted himself and will have a hard time accepting you.

9. He has something to hide. A man, who lies about his real name or his past, has something to hide. Be wary of him. You may be having a relationship with a wanted murderer and do not know it. Once you suspect he is lying, you need to get out of that relationship now.

10. He is afraid of consequences. Most men like to do their dirty deeds and get away with it. This is the primary reason why men lie because they are afraid of the repercussions. Men hate confrontations with their mates and will try to avoid it at all cost. Lying is the easiest way out. Others will avoid you until they think you have gotten over their misdemeanor then they resurface again.

hhhhm Jamaican love story: Wolverine

Wolverine

I have always heard my girlfriends talking about Wolverine; dark, handsome and infectious are his epithets. Well to me he is not drop dead gorgeous but he had this attractiveness about him that made him irresistible or is it the Lexus Alteeza that he drove that had women drooling over him. He is 5feet 8inches tall and has Saudi Arabian phenotype. He is an accountant at Bank of Nova Scotia Limited and his mother is from a prominent family in the Grange District.
I often wonder what it would be like to have wolverine stare at me in a propositioning way but apparently that was never going to happen since every time I see him or look at him he looked right through me. It is as if where he is concerned I am invisible or non-existent. Eventually, I accept the notion that I would never get near a guy like wolverine since I was obviously not his type. I am 5feet 4inches tall, voluptuous and averagely attractive. I am no femme fatale and I mostly see him with skinny girls and I was nowhere near a silhouette physique.
I remember seeing him one Sunday morning in his mechanical chariot and as I stare at the car expecting him to see the desperado in my eyes and wave at me, take my number and later on ask me to marry him. He rolled passed me without even a horn blow. Last week I went to a party and while I was enjoying the reverie, I saw the Alteeza strolling up the avenue. He alighted from the vehicle like a Greek god staring me dead in the eye and then he averted his gaze. I was transfixed and vowed to cherish that moment that he had looked at me. Moments after his entrance, an African semblance chick alight from the car and proceeded in the direction that he went. Looking at girl, I realized that I was not so bad after all and that if I lost a few pounds he may see me as a desirable woman.


Three years later…
I hate taking the taxi in the afternoon after a long day at work, filing accounts and auditing transactions. This driver was not bad since he played music and I love a taxi that plays contemporary music. As I shift over more in the car to allow another passenger inside, my prince sped pass in his chariot. I felt love welling up into my heart. Right there and then I decided that I was going to find a way to call him and express my eternal, undying love for him.
The next morning I decided to call wolverine’s workplace and use a pretext to get his number and then call him as a mystery woman. I got the number and I called him expressing the desire for a contract agreement with his company. When I rang his phone I hang up due to nervosa complexity and told my assistant to answer the phone, if he called back and he did. This guy was going to put me in what Rhianna called a Rehab.
My assistant spoke with him while I giggled like a lovesick teenager. She ended the conversation and she said “he sounds sober”. I laughed and decided that I was going to send him a web text. I send the text and he replied by texting my phone. We text each other until he called and we spoke on the phone. I deduced from our verbal exchange that he was hilarious, sweet and companiable. He talked to me as if we were old friends catching up on old times. He told me that he was living in Grange which I found perplexing since I had assumed that he left the area. Since he was not being forward with his data I decided not to be probity either. We decided to meet later in the afternoon and I was ecstatic for the rest of the evening.





Chapter Two


I stood at my door waiting for wolverine to pick me up in his Alteeza. I was very nervous and anxious about meeting him. As I stood I saw the Alteeza pulled up at my feet and I walked in front of the car. I sat in the car and he turns the lights on to get a good look at my face. I felt sheepish and feverish under his probing eyes and that’s when I realized that he is not that good looking from close range. He had beamy eyes and his hair lining was receding. I discovered that he was older that I had assumed and that he had a beer belly that his clothes hid. Most disturbing was that he had a fetish that I could not comply with and he was a pervert. He did not like women of my size even though he never said it directly but he implied that conviction in his reactions to my preference of food and his catalogue reputation. Wolverine was a braggart and lack propositioning skills
On the other hand he had a delectable sense of humour. He is charming and has this innocent look on his face that broke my heart every time I stare at him. He exudes this cool confidence, air of humility and appears to have a sense of purpose in his life. He was not perfect.
He brought me home with him and there I encountered another disappointment. His house was basically a bachelor’s pub. There was minimal furniture in the apartment even though the basic conveniences were available. Wolverine’s clothing was strewn over the floor, in boxes and barrels in one corner. He had a dusty dresser set that did not have any figures, crochet accoutrement only hygienic assortments. The TV was placed on a box in his room marked HCG cassettes (I asked him what he was doing with a box of pregnancy tests and he laughed and said that he had recently moved in the apartment and the boxes had clothing in them) and the bedspread was rumpled and dirty.
I proceeded to change the bedspread and linen since he had left to go to the town and will be back in five minutes. He told me that I could take anything from the fridge and that I should make myself at home. After I emended the bed I walked over to the fridge which was stacked with Red Bull, Milo Energy Drink, Hypnotic and a half bottle of tequila and other non-perishable edibles. There were fruits and vegetables in the tray and lobsters, shrimp and chicken back in the freezer. The stove in the kitchen was spotless probably due to lack of usage. The counters were clean and the kitchen floor was spotless a stark contrast to the living and bed room. The bathroom was also clean and sparkly.
He returned with a dazzling smile on his face and said “oh my I see you have made yourself at home”
I laughed beaming with pride “oh it’s nothing” I replied staring into his beautiful hazel eyes. I could lose myself into those cocoa butter pools.
He smiled while removing his pants and asked “are you nervous?”
I was feeling edgy but it is the last thing I wanted to admit “No! Just a little disoriented. I have not dated in a while”
He laughed and came to stand over me at the same time removing his shirt. I felt cowered and just stared at the TV, a safe digression from what was unfolding before my eyes. He took his shirt off and was now only in underwear. I jumped when he placed his hand on my chest and coaxed “are you nervous? Why is your heart beating so fast?” I rolled my eyes and pretended to be coy while removing his hand that was placed flat against my breast “what?” I said smiling “take your hands off my breast!”
He placed his hand firmer on my chest and crowed “why? I love to feel them” staring at me with heated intensity he continued his articulation “am going to take a bath, do you want to wash my back?”
My mouth dropped open in shock at his endearment “no! Sorry I don’t want my hands to get wet”. He walked away and countered “you sure it’s your hands that you are afraid of wetting up”. I laughed and told him to go hell. He laughed and sauntered into the bathroom butt naked. I tried to act furtive towards his nakedness but the truth be told I had gotten an eyeful.
I watched TV while he took his bath. I was tempted to go inside and peek at him for fun sake but my grandmother had always warned me not to pour gasoline on a fire when I am trying to oust it. I restrained my wild side and opt to watch the TV instead. His tummy did not look that big in the nude. He had a mat of hair on his chest and sexy bow-legs. His butt was pert and he had tone arms. He was not endowed in his area of proficiency but he argued that such malady could be compensated by other means…
A spectacle walked across the room and interrupted my chain of thoughts. Wolverine was standing in front of the mirror drying himself with a towel stark naked completely oblivious to or rather nonchalant of my gape. He turned towards me and places his leg up on the bed trapping me between his crotches while his unabashed appendage danced from leg to leg before my very eyes. I felt afraid as there was that sardonic yet victors look on his face as I tried sheepishly and timidly to convince him to remove his masculinity from before me.
He protests, grinning “Why you turning you head away...you shy…, look at me, please?”
“I do not want to look at you” I replied sternly while wrestling my face from his hand that was trying to pry my head from the direction of the television. I protest “please leave me alone”
He laughed and said “I am going to rape you” in a comical tone and walked away towards the living room. I watch him sashayed away whereas my jaw dropped open and I burst into loud guffaws. This man was insane. I kept on chuckling until he modeled back into the room, eyed me seriously and professed “are you going to let me rape you… you’re not afraid that I would do it…or would you prefer if I went on my knees and beg”
I chortled “whenever… if ever we reach that level it will be entirely consensual”
He cocked one brow and said “pretty please…please do me a beg you…pretty pleaaase….”
I rolled with laughter and chided “you are such a charmer”
He laughed and kept on with his charade by getting down on the floor on his precious knees. I walked over to him and to my astonishment; he pulled me down on the floor and began to kiss me savagely. The kiss was bittersweet as my bum hurt from the hard hit it got on the concrete. He started to caress my back and eventual my entire body in long compelling and riveting finger strokes. He took my hand and guided it to his pubis which was hard with desire. I felt as if my hands touch a torch and I tussled from his embrace and sat on the bed while he was looking at me with a ridiculous grin on his face. I felt angry, cheap and insignificant; what the hell was I doing. I had dreamt of this moment but not like this and definitely not on the first night.
He was to take me to a restaurant for us to have dinner and now he is trying to seduce me. I queried “aren’t you going to take me to dinner”. He became all austere and said “I have an errand that I have to run immediately that’s not going to happen tonight” I was pissed and replied coolly “I haven’t eaten all evening”.
He shrugged and supplied “I can take you to KFC”…



I felt demoted but I acquiesced. It’s better than not getting anything to eat. He has definitely lost points with me. I wonder why he no longer wanted to take me out. And it suddenly struck me as I looked at my reflection in the mirror in the KFC line and saw him outside speaking to an attractive female.
I had disappointed him and he decided that I was not good enough to take out.
At that moment I was glad that I did not give into his sexual overtures and after crushing on him for so long I have to agree that he does not deserve me. I am too good for the likes of him.

Ten attitudes that will turn a Jamaican Off

How to turn a Jamaican Man off!

We know that there are various conducts, deeds, gestures and even utterances that are surefire ways to end a relationship and prevent the establishment of one. Jamaican men like most men also have their version of gestures, actions and verbalism that are completely off limits if you want to have a relationship with them.
Here are ten ways to turn a Jamaican Man off!
1. Call his phone incessantly
Men are not like women in that they do not have the centripetal level of emotions that we require. Whenever we meet a man we want to always talk to him because we interpret communication as a means of measuring the level of interaction and friendship that a man wants. However men may interpret frequent calling as a sign of insecurity and neediness. Eligible bachelors do not find women that are unsure of themselves attractive. Numerous calls may also indicate that you have a lot of time to waste and there are certain men that will not find that fact intriguing. Additionally, men like to chase women. Allow him to make the calls and chase you. You do not want to give him the idea that you are easy, ‘fryten fee him” or insane. Calling a guy often especially when intimacy has not been established may imply psychological disorders such as chronic obsession. A man will not feel comfortable knowing that you need to know his whereabouts every minute of the day.
2. Disrespect him while in public
Jamaican men and men overall are very keen on social perception by their male counterparts. A man will not take it lightly if you raise your voice at him in public as you would a child or pick a fight with him in front of his friends especially due to frivolity. A man may be forced to slap you to salvage his masculine ego and we do not want it to reach that far. Men are anthropologically, theologically and sociological the authority in the household. This means that he should be respected by his spouse. A woman dictating, quarrelling and reprimanding him in public sternly discord with those societal notions. That is a surefire way to insult a man, crush his ego and damage or reduce his love and appreciation of you.

3. Ask him to buy a phone card the first time you meet him
I do not know what it is with Jamaican men and phone calling cards but recently if you ask a Jamaican man to buy you a phone card, it will be equivalent to saying that you are a gold digger. Men associate phone card with phone calls. If a man buys you a phone card and do not get a call from you, then he assumes that you are just after the calling card and have no real interest in him.
4. Kiss and Tell
Jamaican men despise a woman that has sex with him and then tells her friends. This is further exacerbated if the man is sexually unsatisfactory or he has insecurities regarding his size. No doubt other men will engage you to hear about his ineptitude but they will also be wary of you for being a chatter box!

5. Disrespect his Mother
It is repulsive to disrespect his mother and family in any essence. The backlash and the damage to your relationship could be irreversible. His mother will always resent you for your obscene tongue and you will always been seen in the family as the girl who disrespected the matriarch. If he is a serious man then the minute that you make such foul utterances, you will be out the door.

6. When a woman is ‘too stush or too masculine’
A Jamaican man does not like a woman who behaves like a man. If he is an effeminate man then he will not be affected by a ‘mannish woman’. But most Jamaican men do not want a woman that behaves like a man. That is a surefire way to turn off a Jamaican man. Tom boys are absolutely off limit and on the other end of the spectrum so is the uppity, pompous and conceited. A woman who is arrogance will be perceived as desired conquest than as a potential partner.

7. A woman without ambition
A Jamaican man will be turned off by a woman does not possess any form of desire for success or purpose for the future. Jamaican men are not fond of a lady without a purpose. Additionally most men are seeking a partner to share the financial burdens of today’s modern family. Due to the devaluation of the Jamaican dollar and high cost of living due to inflation most males are seeking a woman that can bring ‘something to the table. Therefore both partners can share the cost and there will be more money in the household.

8. Cheating
If you want a Jamaican man to dump you in a second, tell him that you cheated on him or that you have cheated on your last boyfriends. He will gladly assume that you are a cheater and that it is your relational trademark. Lack of trust in any relationship decreases its durability by fifty percent. A man will not trust a woman who is communally known as a serial cheater.
9. Give him a Jacket
Jacket is the Jamaican vernacular for a child who has a father that is not his biological father in the most cases, neither the child nor the father knows that they are not biologically related. The mother is the person who knows of this phenomenon. When a Jamaican man discovers that the woman that he lives with has given him another man’s child to father, it can greatly destroy the relationship. The man may decide to no longer support the child and may leave the relationship if the community is privy to the ‘Jacket Scenario’. A Jamaican man will think that you are taking him for an idiot by giving him a child that does not belong to him.
10. Search his phone
A Jamaican man’s phone is like his diary. If you want to have a huge argument with your spouse, take his phone and gloss through his messages. Call back every female number that you see in his phone and ‘trace them off’. You will certainly turn him off by doing that. He will be very angry with you and if you try that stupid stunt several times, you may well kiss your mate good bye!

Jamaican men do not tolerate invasions of their privacy. Men do not like women who search their gadgets or even private quarters. It communicates to him that you are insecure and possible emotionally unstable. A man will not want a relationship with a woman who does not understand or respects his personal space. He will not want a relationship with a woman who will be upset with his friends or mistrust his judgment.

For more insight on Jamaican Men click the following links
http://socyberty.com/men/Jamaican-men-money-and-relationships/
http://socyberty.com/relationships/why-jamaican-men-hate-cerebral-women/