You can't make someone love you...

The morning was cool. the grass  wet from last nights dew, the railing on the outside porch of the villa cold and uninviting like the arms of the man who slept in the bed, snoring loudly. Between the trees at the horizon, a cotton like puffy cloud with rose like billows of smoke and shone like silver against the gray blue sky. 

Cloud colors changed quickly in two minutes they went from pink to orange ten to silver much like my relationship had soured quickly in the last few hours. It was much like those bruises and lacerations on the man I was in love with feet, this relationship festered and hurt.  

Owls twittered in the background and birds hummed from nearby trees.

Cars whooshed past in the early morning, and my thoughts were interrupted by the loud roar of a toilet flushing in the next room. Everything was distant, like a far away noise, nothing could drown my racing thoughts and my heart ramming away in my chest. 

I wanted to cry but nothing came. I was all wrung out. I had a good sleep last night but the memory of the penis that died as I hoisted my fat legs atop him was enough to send me on another crying spree but I didn't. He was not worth it. He probably never did. I knew that now. I am liar. I knew that all along. 

I thought about all the people that really cared about me and that made me cry. I was not going to bawl over bad, I vowed from today to cry over the good. Here I was hoping that if I showed him love that he could learn something from it and all he learned was that I was weak and stupid. He only understood that I was open for exploitation. 

Our interactions cost me money, it only cost him time. Something on many occasions, he could not even give me. I can't get anything from him. Whether it was free or not. I was not good enough for him. 

He said he couldn't just leave her. He said she didn't do anything to him for him to end the relationship. I had done everything to him. 

I wanted to wish him the best in his new life but I couldn't. Why was it that whenever all the terrible things he did to me, I only wanted

to make it right. It was because I spent my entire life trying to make people see and think that I was good enough. 

I spent the last four months trying to convince this man that I was good enough. But you can only tell a man where to look, you cannot tell him what to see. 

I had to be careful. Before long... I will begin to see myself the way he did. 

The Bunna Man 

Copyright © 2015 

Finding a Good Relationship Partner in Jamaica

I had a rather interested conversation with a male friend a while ago and him a say him want a good woman. Man a say them want a good woman and woman a say them want a good man. It is not that good people are not out there it is just that everybody feel them deserve better. So every man and woman a scout for an upgrade. 

Everybody a play fool to somebody for we all a chase people who we think a our better and then these people a run down some other people weh them feel say a fe them better. 

Better has a lot to do with value too for a college graduate might think she should be better to a ghetto youth whose better is a light skin girl.  So she end up a chase a man who will never see her value more than skin deep cause he has an entirely different value system and criteria for his relationship. It is not that the girl values less, her attributes are simply not worth anything in this ghetto youth eyes. 

It all boils down to valuing yourself. You cannot force someone to validate you. If someone does not see your worth at face value it is futile to invest time in trying to convince them that you are their better. That is something they have to work out for themselves. 

We are as fake about our relationship as we are about life. We don't want "better"! We don't want Mr/Mrs right and we sure don't want good enough, we simply want somebody who other people want and cannot get. We want to conquer and monopolize. We want a challenge. We want someone to trophize like our house and our cars. We want to win the best person for ourselves. 

Love in the modern world is not about sincerity, it is a competition and the prize companion has every suitor eating out of the palms of his/hers hands. 

It is funny how women say them want a good man and when they say that they don't mean them want a man who can love them, take care of their essential needs and provide a convenient life. 

A good man is a man with money to spend. A good man is a man who can bring her the world. A good man is a man with surplus money to spend. This might explain why the "money man" have ten girls jumping through hoops to become his first draft pick. While on the contrary, the man who calls a girl on a regular, text and offers to buy her lunch is considered an idiot and taken for granted. Why? She would rather earns someone else love, work overtime to convince another to love her than accept the free will love in front of her. Love that comes easy is not valued much. 

Ghetto Slam BookExcerpt by Crystal Evans

Draft from New Book
Ghetto Slam Draft
Copywritten so dont copy me
Copyright Crystal Evans 2014

The sweet melody of dance hall music emanated from Strawberry Hill and the slender bodies of females strew the sidewalks, faces dolled up, animated, scanning the promenading vehicles for a companion for the night. In these streets girls treated sex like a handshake and men were only interested in getting ahead in life, literally. Bitches readily exchanged tongue titillation for five thousand dollar platforms. For the right price, girls would be in love. Iggy Azaela best called it Head over Heels.

Popular men stood at the bar and cliques of female a few feet apart orchestrated stealth espionage on the latest money prey. The brave one even in the face of uncertainity will strut over, sticking her ass out for a boss chick knows how to flirt without ever making herself appear desperate or easy. These Niggas might not have degrees in human behaviour but they can spot a thirsty chick from a mile off. Some niggas are slow and you sometimes have to dangle your vagina before them for them to get the hint, then if he is stupid he will lap that shit up like Hennessy.

If a nigga has money, good social clout and great reference on his dick game then even the bossiest of chicks will wait her turn. She will express her interest, give a little and retain some for to make a nigga know you going crazy over his dick even when "it a mad you" is relationship suicide. Some girls get this game of tangle free relationships, others basically go to the Dance Hall to drool, lining up to give some undeserving nigga head. They show up for every pot cover that knocked, pouting lips,rubbing their nipples on outstretch hands and touching men's shoulders to test it's strength, thinking about how these dude's penis must hang between their legs rocking to and fro like a pendulum.

You couldn't keep a man tuned into you if you were not talking about sex. Men were concerned with two things, sex and money. If you were not offering either then you might as well waltz over to where the other wallflowers stood, ogling the assortment of men in matching abercombie slippers.

Ghetto Slam is not primarily about sex, it the ambiance of the sexual scenario, an unleashing of sexual energy. It is carnal and torrid, as provocative as the Wimbledon movement Popcaan discussed in his Fall In Love tune. Wimbledon was that jerking of the ass, rapid shuffling of the buttocks against a man in the doggy style position.

Jamaican In laws mimic spousal treatments

You have to be careful what you allow your Jamaican family members to witness when it comes to how you relate to your partner, how you handle conflicts and your reactions to affronts perpetrated by the one you love becomes the yardstick for how their families will treat you. You may not know this but your family will invariably treat your  partner the very way, you treat him or her. 

It simple means that if you are in a relationship with someone, you have to be cognizant of how you respond to him or her in certAin situations. 

Female partners do not particularly have it easy as women in laws often see them as competition albeit they are involved with a family member. They still attribute the same rivalry ISSUES that is typical among women when it comes to attraction, relationship and competition for male attention. The same rules apply. 

If you are very attractive, your family in laws will think that their men might find you attractive so they will so everything in their power to tear down your social image so that they can feel better within themselves and cast a bad light on your character. 

You do not have a choice in who you get as an in law. These people came along with your partner. Sometimes you are force to wonder if he/she really spawned from them. Other times you see aspects of their personalities coming out in his/hers disposition and you realize that their behavior is probably hereditary and may well be programmed from the ghost in their genes. 

In other situations, many people have abandoned relationships due to inability to cope with mingling in laws and the constant put downs and disrespected meted out to the partner. The partner often suffers and lose their love one because their family is more concerned about their own personal satisfaction than the overall happiness of their kin. Some people ignore their in laws for the greater part of their lives, understanding that they are a necessary nuisance that they will have to entertain every once in a while.  

What really happens when we die?

My latest encounter with death has opened my eyes to question what really happens when we lose consciousness. MY friend is death and I doubt that I will ever see him or encounter him in this lifetime again.

My grandmother is of the opinion that when we die that our souls remain in a state of limbo until the trumpet sounds on judgement day and we are called upon by god to admonish our many sins in this world.

I do not know what happens when I fall asleep. I am unconscious for a few hours and then I wake up fully conscious of who I am because my brain during this deep sleep phase is still oxygenated. I often think to myself that dying must me much like that. Losing consciousness permanent. I had a near death experience when I haemorrhaged after giving birth to my daughter and fainted. I do not even remember fainting. All I remembered was the voices of the doctors and nurses trying to save my life as I lost litres of blood. I kept thinking about the baby that I did not see and my child's father who was waiting patiently outside for me.



I kept slipping in and out of consciousness and I did not feel the stitches the doctor gave me for forth degree tears I had that the nurse miraculously missed. These lacerations during childbirth had cost me to loose too much blood rendering me unconscious, I did not remember much of what happened that afternoon and that night.


I Know that people from time to time question their existence and wonder what it is going to be like when you die. I believe it when scientist say that energy is not lost but merely transpose from one object or system to another. I was thinking about when I boil water and it evaporates. The water does not disappear, it becomes a gas and then it cools, condenses and falls back as rain. Life within itself is a big cycle.

Does this mean that I support reincarnation. If energy is not then what does that say about the energy that makes me who I am. The very elements of my personality and what composites me as a person. Where does that go when I die?
The information that we have on the incorporeal is purely supposition and conjectures formulated on reason and scientific extrapolations. No one who has died has ever come back to tell us what death feels like and the afterlife.
But this perception might be faulty because how can we account for psychic connections with our love ones in the afterlife or messages being send to us from our love ones who died.

Sometimes I look at my daughter and wondered where she got her personality. I see parts of her dad and her me in her personality but she has certain proclivities that I do not see in her father and I that makes me confident that those are inherent aspects of her "soul" personality.

My brain goes on these "meds" and thousands of thoughts and perceptions are conjured up during these meditation sessions that often leave me more befuddled about the missing parts of our existence.


Experts claim that consciousness grows and it shrinks but it never dies. Even so what really is death? Does the spirit leave the corporeal body because it is not longer able to hold it. Take for instance someone gets shot in the head several times yet remains alive but unconscious for over half an hour. Then take large gasps and die. Has the soul given up on the body that cannot contain it any more

Just thought about this on my lunch break...

Jamaicans stop thinking individually and more nationally.

I have spoken several times about how much due to my past endorsement during my adolescent years of the Jamaica Labour Party. I was subjected to calumnious rhetoric and slews of profanity whenever I went to the corner shop to buy anything. Worst if I complained about the high prices of the groceries.

This staunch PNP supporter in his early seventies would start on the (dutty Laborites) as soon as I grace his shop front. I know that this diatribe was geared at me. Why was I subjected to this verbal abuse was completely beyond me?  I blogged about it several times on the Triond.com platform.

Fast forward, PNP ,a party that I help put in Government because I was dissatisfied with the performance of the labourites and in particular, the Tivoli Incursion , now disappointing most young people yet these older folks not quarreling about the state of affairs when I go to their shops.

Instead I hear Ms Enid claim that "it don't matter who Inna government things nah get better, Jamaica done mash up long time";$haking her head vehemently ' she hands me a pound of flour now $70 a pound.
In my big dunce head this lady's statement translates that she would rather have a hard time living under a PNP regime than the dutty labourites.

Despite the logic that I administered trying to explain to them that JLP did not take flower from "six pence and trupance" to fifty dollars a pound. I tried to elucidate that our inflation rate was steadily rising over the last 18 years of PNP administration. They would not listen or see my illustrations of facts, they were too concern in Insulting my generation who are more interested in progress than party loyalty to Manley's dead legacy.

I am not gonna trash older Jamaicans because God Knows I have not seen or experience some of things they have. I cannot truly say I understand where they are coming from because they remember Jamaica from a time that I know nothing about. I also know that life can change who you are. I see it everyday. In my twenty five years, every year brings new insights and old ideologies are shaken off. I often imagine what my perspectives will be if I
Iive to see seventy and the rate Jamaica is going. I doubt I will.

What I do not like is older people thinking that they can dictate the future of a society that for the majority has moved beyond the grasp of their comprehension. My generation do not think moving from pit latrine to inside bathroom is an upgrade. We have cable TV and know that we want nice bathroom, with water coming out of the wash bowl, jacuzzi and the whole works.

We live in a different world so we have different needs brought on by this media socialization. We don't want our kids to sleep together in a one room, we want them to have their own rooms. We have visions of living our lives to the best of our potentials and the internet has taught us that opportunities are abound in the world.

We need a government that will make that happen. A government that is thinking twenty first century. We respect the foundations that our elders and ancestors have cemented but we believe that it is now time to move on to greater heights.

My Summer: What i am writing on her Personality?

"AS LONG MY DAUGHTER IS HAPPY ME NO CARE BOUT NOTHING"

Our children do nor become what we want them to become but who we are.

My daughter is quite precocious for her age. She has a very short fuse and like most two year olds, she is very defiant. I look at her and wonder what kind of person will she be as an adult. I worry if I will live to see her become an adult or if someone will take her away from me after all the time and resources I put into her development.

I am anxious of how I can manipulate her personality into becoming a human being whose life is valued by many. Not everyone will like her but she should not genuinely loathed by a wide range of individuals because her life actions have been to their detriment.

I prefer to be hated for standing up for what is right because when you fail to decry the injustices happening to others, you are continuing injustice for everyone.

I rather be despised because the standard of my life makes others feel inferior. I concurrently illustrate what one could become if only we would choose to seek enlightment whilst abandoning folly and ignorance.

I do not expect my child to be a sane when after all, I have my own issues and core values that are fraught with contradictions, may stakes and misdemeanors.

I have wished death upon people who have offended or harmed the people I love. It is only human for me to seek to want to preserve my life and protect those that I hold dearly to my heart.
But natures complex workings gives me confidence that life will always balance itself out. Gravity ensures that what goes up always comes back down.

My greatest factor would be teaching my daughter about this omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent god who allow diabolical people to prosper and the good, weak and the poor to be trampled by ignorant narcissists.

I will have to explain evil and good to her. Why some children are more inclined to want to hurt her than others. How does she deal with people who are more predispose to violence

Parenting is not an easy job. But i will try my endeavour best not to create a menace to this society.

Getting Support after break ups, narcissistic abuse and hurtful relationship

No one can effectively understand the aftermath of an abusive relationship especially a violent one. It has been speculated that relationships involved with narcissist are far more difficult to recover from as oppose to violent antisocial unions. But whatever your situation is, even if your relationship ended on amicable terms but you are still grieving the lost of your dreams and expectations, support is the most efficient way to cope. You may think you can do this on your own but you cannot.


Support involves reaching out to others and seeking assistance in returning your emotions and life to a balance albeit no one who has endured narcissism and other forms of abuse will ever be the same. Support can be in the form of help groups, online forums and therapy. Family and friends can be support groups by reestablishing a pattern of familiarity within your life. Reconnecting with what brought you peace and happiness before the narcissist can be rejuvenating and ecstatic.

Seek out the companionship of individuals who will understand your plights. You will discover in your quest for recovery and support that some individuals might become judgmental, impatient and quite often re-traumatize and victimize you instead of championing your efforts towards recovery. These individuals opinion may cause you to relapse instead of buoying you forward. Please avoid such individuals and if you must communicate with them, ensure that your communication is not based on your personal life and problems.


Some people are not equipped to deal with the problems of others and may have other problems of their own. Think about the situations of your receiver before you unload your problems to that person. If this person is having some kind of crisis, it is best to muster the courage to lend support. Choose your support group wisely and you will get the best results. Psychologizing and understanding the disintegration of the relationship may offer a level of closure but you need support for emotional repair.

Consistent and unswerving support improves your capacity to achieve durable and positive change tenfold. Have a friend that you can count on for positive reinforcement and reassurance. Your friend should be able to help you get back up when you fall midstride your progress. Your friend will be able to nudge you along when you feel bout of resignation. Someone who is willing to see you through, by applauding your advances and being the crotch for your strides when you feel broken or weak on your way to recovery from abuse.

The ugly side of One night stands with Jamaican Men: Part One

One night stands and Dating



One night stands are central and familiar in the realm of dating and relationships. Men will love em and leave em. Men like to have sex with no strings attached. One night stand generates some sense of sexual confidence for men and to blow off sexual steam without the attachment and emotional demands of a relationship.



Not every man a woman meets will be her soul mate or every man that she copulates with will want to stay with her. It is a road that ninety percent of women have travelled and about sixty percent voyage down that road over and over again: these are the women who never have a boyfriend only succession of one night stand. Men engage in causal encounters for respite and adventurous reasons while women do it with the hopes of snatching a partner. This is supported by the fact that women are more likely to have a cursory intercourse with an attractive loaded stranger than with an unattractive poor one by comparison.


Men lower their standards when they are seeking a one night stand. They will pick up just about any girl in the night and then does not want to see her in the morning. Men love sex without emotional strings attached. It’s primal and a harsh reality for women but it is the truth. Men want sex, at the lowest cost to themself possible and if a man thinks you are giving it, he will take it. No strings attached and no remorse.



For some women getting over a one night stand is easy, especially if she is conversant with that kind of dating and relationship ritual. For others like myself, a one night stand seems like the worst dating scenario and the ramifications may handicapped or exacerbate our dating experiences for the rest of our short existence.
One night stands are popular in western cultures and initiating relationships. Women love the spontaneity of the sexual experience and men relish the idea of their inflated egos ballooning on copping the pussy crown so early.

Men relayed positive feelings of confidence, release of tension and satisfaction in the morning while women felt pejorative, depreciated and deplored especially if the brief encounter does not result in a return call or any other form of relation. It is not that women expect a man to marry her after sex but the female feels that she may have given the male the wrong impression, and men inherently have low regard for women who they have one night stands with…


For men one night stands represent the very devaluation of the feminine imperatives. Women cherish and validate sexual experiences than men. Ninety percent of men will have sex with a woman that he has no feelings for while thirty percent of women will have sex with a man she has feelings for and have no remorse if the relationship ends after the first night of intercourse.



I understand that people are free spirited and not everyone esteems coitus but we should consider the emotional and psychological impact of one night stand. People who engage in one night stands successively are ill developed at relationships. Men who perpetuate one night stand may be just exhibiting primitive responses to the modern ideals of sexuality which denounces promiscuity and embraces copular relationships and exclusivity.

women often complain that the resquestor of one night stands are deceptive since they give the illusion that something profound may be spun from the relationship only to have her hopes dash when he does not resurface after the drop off. But who are they fooling?

Men pretend that they want a relationship and give an ounce of commitment to get sex, women on the other hand give sex in hope of getting a relationship and commitment. Dating is a confusing process since men do not want to wait very long for sex and yet are less likely to take a woman who has sex with them hastily for a wife. Additionally, if the woman should show any sense of value and direction by withholding sex, she is sidelined for the next Whore.

Personally, i would rather be sidelined...lol...


But on the other hand, there are people who do not want the barriers and restrictions that comes along with commitment.

One night stand is a way of getting your sexual needs fulfilled without the added baggage of having a long standing committed relationship with all its throes and woes!
No one needs the drama that comes along with relationship.

This stance on relationship maybe great for those with maverick precepts about love, life and dating but for traditional individuals who validate kindred relationships, intimacy and closeness:

Women(like myself) with archaic notions of relationships, who have not evolved into todays customary casual sex ideology,

Be careful one night stands may not be the best way to go about relationships.

Do not engage in a perceived one nightstand with the hope that the tides will turn and he will want a relationship. The repercussions will tear you apart. Many women have sex with men with hopes that he will have a relationship, only to discover that he was only interested in momentary estactsy. Take your time and get to know your partner.

It should be noted that, making a man wait for intercourse does not guarantee a permanent relationship. But it does add an element of dignity, self value and esteem to your perceived character. If a man decides that you are not the woman for him, if you give in to him tonight or the next ten years, he will use you and leave you. You cannot force a man to love you nor should you wait around for an emotionally unavailable man to change...


Additionally if you are not the free, wild, untamed ‘meet em and leave em’ take it slow and concentrate on you. Be careful and do not make mistakes. People who engage in one night stands often think about themselves than the person that they are with. For them it’s like visiting a restaurant. They will forget your face and your name. So it makes no sense to subject yourself to such casual relations, if you cannot deal with the aftermath feelings that may engulf you which will range from guilt to self flagellation.


If it’s already happened, do not worry…it makes no sense to beat yourself up over it. You made a mistake. Believe me we all do. The only reasons you should be feeling stressed out over a one night stand is if you got pregnant or you caught a sexually transmitted disease. Other than that there is absolutely no reason to be hanged up on it, since the person you did it with has probably forgotten about you already. For a serial one nighter each conquest is remembered with no originality. He only sees himself in the action; he rarely remembers who he did it with.

So don’t waste time maudlin over your conqueror. Just ensure that it does not happen again.

No one can Validate you...You are responsible for setting your own values...
and yes he might find someone esle to do it...

Let him...hahahaha

NEXT!!!!!

Are Jamaican Men Hypocrites

Are Jamaican Men Hypocrites in relationships?

I sat down on my verandah watching my baby sister play on the ground and wonder what the dating scene would be like for her in more than a decade from now. I pray that Jamaican men would change their hypocritical and double standard principles regarding relationships. Here are five instances of Jamaican male relational double standard and hypocrisy!

1. Have you ever listened to a hardcore sexual gratifying Jamaican song and noted that male deejays enjoy the idea of a woman granting oral sex but treats male conferring of the same said activity with disdain and repulsion? Jamaican men enjoy oral sex but do not want to give it back for fear that it will emasculate them. Even thought this maybe so, many men would prefer woman engaging in the ac but do not want to reciprocate the female.

2. Some Jamaican fathers enjoy having sexual relations with younger girls even the peers of their daughters but do not want to see other older men with their child. Jamaican men will have relations with a seventeen year old but do not want to see his seventeen year old in a relationship.

3. Jamaican men enjoy the idea of a woman on the street wearing revealing clothing but not the woman in his house. In some cases the man may have met the woman wearing revealing clothes on the street but now that she is his woman, she is not allowed to dress like that anymore. Additionally, when he goes out on the street, he is attracted to women in that attire.


4. Jamaican men contend that they want a woman with natural beauty and find the synthetic extensions and make up, superfluous and unattractive. Yet if a woman decides to be natural, she is less likely to attract the attention of a man on the street. I have walked down town with my natural unprocessed hair, unmade face and wearing Christian like clothing and not one male approached me. The next day I did my hair and dolled my face and went down town and it was an entirely different reaction from the men. Why Jamaican men claim that they want natural girl but a woman with natural looks especially a woman of Negro descent will not get any form of masculine attention on the road or in the dancehall.

5. Jamaican men will meet a girl in the dancehall and refused to allow her to go back to the party scene. Yet that is the very scene that he met her on. Just like the guys who pick women up from bars and marry her and then expect her to remain at home and never visit a bar again.

Ten things my father should have told me about Jamaican Men

Ten things a woman’s father should have told her about men.

The role that a father plays in the life of his young daughter is very important.

It is not confined to satisfying the financial needs of his offspring but instilling values and morals into the psyche of his daughter.

This involves encouraging the development of a sense of self and awareness when it comes to relationships.

But how many fathers have sat with their daughters and educate her on the psychology of men, women and relationships. If fathers taught their daughters how to respond to men, pros, cons of men and relationships we would have been better in our relations with men.

We would have known how to decipher the wolves from the sheep.


Here are some things I wished my dad had told me about men

1. Men lie to get what they want. I would have been spared quite a few masculine deceptions if my father had told me that men do not always mean what they say. Men will omit information or lie outrageously to convince a woman to be with them and sleep with them.

2. Men will tell a woman what he knows she wants to hear in order to get her into his bed. Men pretend and fake commitment to get sex. A man will feign emotions and act as your ideal mate to have intercourse with you. When he has gotten his prize then the real man unveils himself.

3. A man will have sex with a woman he has no feelings for and without emotional attachment. There goes my preconceived notion that he must be feeling something for me because we are copulating. Wrong! He is simple going through motions and not emotions.

4. When a man meets a woman he is rarely thinking long term, he is merely thinking about having a good time with her. This good time entails sexual intercourse. That means when a man meets you, he is not thinking marriage and children. He is having the most primal desire which is companionship and coitus.

5. Majority of men do not care about a woman’s social status when he is seeking her out. This is confirmed by numerous wealthy men of high socio-financial caliber who marry and have relations with women who are societally deemed below their status. Therefore my PhD does not guarantee that I will get a husband or that men will fall down at my feet and worship me.

6. Men who are concentrating on your financial status and career want a trophy and not an individual. You may think he married you because you are a wonderful person but only to discover that you are his wife because you have a sixe figure income and a career. Most times women do not find out about these unscrupulous men until they have lost their jobs and status and the man abandons her because she is useless to him. Once the sociopath thinks you are no longer meaningful to him, he will leave you.

7. Number seven ties in with number six. I wish my dad had informed me about the prince charming and the frog.
I prayed my father had told me that not all men that glitter are gold.
My dad should have told me that prince charming can mutate into prince harming.
My dad should have edified me of the narcissist, antisocial, sociopaths and the elaborate neurotics.
My father should have told me about crazy, deranged men posing as ideal partners. Many women wished their dads had told them about men who will not only make their lives miserable but take ways their life.

8. Men do not see relationships the way we do. Men do not have the reactions that we have to gestures such as singing a song, writing poetry etc. if a man goes up on a stage and sings for his woman in front of her friends, her eyes are filled with love, appreciation and adulation. If a woman should sing to a man in front of his friends (unexpectedly), he may react with embarrassment, disbelief and downright disapproval. Instead of running to the stage to kiss you, majority of men will slink away to find a hole to bury himself because of the discomfiture he is feeling from your public declaration.

9. You cannot buy a man’s love. It’s the same as a man professing that he will spend money on us to engender a relationship. Love cannot be bought. Do not think that you can buy love. You can buy faux companionship and an artifice of a relationship. Genuine love and deep bonds cannot be fostered by pecuniary influences. True and real relationships based on love will last even during poverty. A relationship based on money will disintegrate if indigence sets in.

10. You cannot force a man to love you. My father and male relatives may love me unconditionally without coercion or question. When it comes to strangers, it is entirely different scenario. Love is fostered by continual moments of interaction between two individuals who realize that they value each other’s company, to want to live together forever (or for a period of time). You cannot force someone to want to be with you. In most cases if you force love, you push that person further away from you.

AND THEN...

hmmmm...
Remember there are exceptions...

Why Jamaican Men Lie

Why Jamaican men lie
Have you ever wondered why men lie? Why males feel the need to constantly misrepresent reality? Men lie outrageously (often to our amusement and annoyance) about simple things that we women would not care about if they told the truth. There are sometimes when we want them to lie about their feeling such as when they are breaking up with us. But in many situations we would rather hear the truth from them than from someone else. No one enjoys being mislead or taken for a fool. There is not one woman alive who loves a man who constantly torts the reality of situations.

Ten reasons why men lie:
1. They cannot afford to tell the truth because they are ashamed of the reality of their situation. But if a man lies about his situation, it does not change the reality of the situation. The woman will eventually find out he is a tall taler.

2. They are indifferent to your feelings and could not care less if you discover they were lying. These are the connoisseur of mendacity. Such atrocious characters should be avoided at all cost.

3. They have done it numerous times and gotten away with it. They know you will take them back because you are very forgiving. Every male knows what his irritating quality is and he is going to find a woman that he knows will tolerate his lies if he is a liar.

4. Some men can’t help but lie. It is as if it is within their genetic makeup. They tell a lie as easily as you and I breathe without hesitation or compunctions. When it is discovered that they have been lying. Most will shrug off the situation and carry on as if nothing happened. Those are what my mother calls spawn of Satan.


5. Some claim that they lie because they do not want to hurt the females feeling. The man may lie because he is afraid the truth will hurt you and damage the relationship. That is what they call a white lie because it does more good than harm. Until you find out of course!

6. Some men lie to avoid responsibilities. This is the man who lies about being the father of your child or the one who lies about why he did not call you last night. He does not want to be accountable for his actions.


7. Jamaican men underestimate women’s abilities and assume that you will never find out that he was lying. Most men think women are dumb when it comes to deciphering a knave from a gentleman. What most men do not know is that we know they are lying most times but are afraid to admit the truth to ourselves because of how much it hurts. We do not want to drive a wedge between our lout and us; therefore we do not question your flimsy excuses and statements because we do not want an argument. We do not want a rift in the relationship. We want you to feel comfortable and most Jamaican women do not want to be accused of nagging him. So we pretend it’s all nice in paradise.

8. He is insecure. A man who lies about his social or financial status is a clear indication that he has self esteem problems. He has not accepted himself and will have a hard time accepting you.

9. He has something to hide. A man, who lies about his real name or his past, has something to hide. Be wary of him. You may be having a relationship with a wanted murderer and do not know it. Once you suspect he is lying, you need to get out of that relationship now.

10. He is afraid of consequences. Most men like to do their dirty deeds and get away with it. This is the primary reason why men lie because they are afraid of the repercussions. Men hate confrontations with their mates and will try to avoid it at all cost. Lying is the easiest way out. Others will avoid you until they think you have gotten over their misdemeanor then they resurface again.

Are Jamaican Men Insecure

Are Jamaican men insecure?

I was browsing online for some inspirations to this topic before I wrote it. I came across many yahoo and wiki questions on the self assurance, confidence and esteem of Jamaican men. I decided that I will look at the factors behind the insecure and jealous nature of some Jamaican men.
Jamaican men were socialized to believe that when his spouse is dedicated and faithful to him that it is a sign of genuine masculine maturity (in my native tongue “him a de man a yard”). But this is simply one side to the equation as many boys are inculcated to believe largely by social inference that a man’s personality and character principles are not sufficient to get a woman furthermore maintain a relationship. The boys are taught that they need money in order to get a woman. They are indoctrinated to believe that without pecuniary influences a woman will not be interested in them. Most men who are financially well off continue to cement this ideology based on the numerous females that they copulate with and have relations with as oppose to their less financially viable lower class counterparts. Men who have money have a lot of girls while the poor man has a one woman or when he gets a girl. Some less wealthy men have to empty their pockets for sometimes a single night of sexual intercourse with a woman. Young men are encouraged to pursue wealth, materialism and superiority so that women will flock them. Women are encouraged investing in their images to get a man while boys are thought to invest in their abilities and hustle to get a woman.
Women also contribute to this notion. Young girls are taught that a man’s value is determined by the depth of his pocket and his material possession. Women often insult men by insinuating or blatantly telling them that they have fallen short on satisfying the financial needs of the family or union. Young women who chose partners that are less than ideal often face opposition from family members and outright disapproval from society for giving her body to a broke “worthless boy”. Women are very intolerant of unfavorable behavior from less than ideal partners but will stand for abuse and misconducts from wealthy men.
Majority of Jamaican males are semi-literate and hold skilled jobs. A great number of Jamaican men are not very intelligent. The lack of education and access to jobs that will greatly improve their financial status stymie social and economical advancement for most young men and buttress insecure feelings about their worth and place in society. The presence of more wealthy men who are capable of snatching their women away is a great fear for many Jamaican men since many of them lack the social and financial resources that society deems makes them an ideal partner.
These conflicting and competitive factors are the reasons behind the perceived jealous and insecure nature of Jamaican men. This insecurity of Jamaican black men also stems from socio historical factors. During the days of slavery, black women were used and sexually exploited by free mulattos and white men because they had power and money. Many black slaves were wary of involvement with fellow female slaves for fear of losing her to white man. The story of lover’s leap in Jamaica is a prime example of this phenomenon. If a white man discovers that a girl he likes is involved with a fellow male slave, the relationship will be terminated by killing the slave, separating the union by selling the male slave or threats of heinous punishment.
In many cases when a young woman leaves a young man in Jamaica it is often due to finding a man that can offer a better financial support. Jamaican men have very fragile egos especially males from the lower socio-economical class. Many well off men also have self esteem problems as they use arrogance and narcissism to mask their sexual and personal self perceived inadequacies. This is the main factor behind their insecurity and jealousy. Sexual underperformance is a major fear for most Jamaican men.
Jamaican men are jealous because they are afraid of losing their women who they see as extensions of themselves. Once a woman has a relationship with a man they are viewed as one within the society, the wife becomes an extension of the husband. Jamaican men fear infidelity because it would be an indication that they are having relational problems. His image and masculinity will be questioned by the society. His friends might think he has sexual or financial inadequacies and therefore that is why his woman cheated on him.
Jamaican men exudes bout of rage and jealousy as a means of manipulating and controlling their spouse. The female is cowered into submission. Some Jamaican men used threats and violence to manipulate the woman into believing she cannot leave him or cheat on him. When a woman cheats on her man, she is telling the world that he does not have any control over her. She has destroyed the ideals that the Jamaican man may have bragged to his friends. She is indicating to the world that their relationship is not solid. The world will think that her man is either sexually inadequate or financially embarrassed.