Ten Rules of Engagement with Your Jamaican Man!!!!

So we have heard this notion hundreds of times, we have read the books and watched the movies of some tell tale sign that translates whether or not your current love interest is even remotely interested in you.

1. I think a man or a woman knows when someone wants to be with them, they often avidly pursue their object of affection. If someone is not calling you, speaking to you or display any interest in your life then that person's interest is already invested elsewhere. Use yourself as a measure of your prospective partner. As a matter a fact, use the guy who likes you too much who you want nothing to do with as a yardstick for the one you are chasing and is running away from you.

2. The one whom you have to be begging to return a message or a text is definitely not that into you. When we love people we want to be around them so that we can catch pieces of their lives, share their most intimate moments of joys and offer comfort in times of despair. If the guy you like doesn't call when your mother dies or offer condolences, then he definitely does not care about you.

3. The one who only texts or calls to ask when he will be able to have sex with you. It is okay if you do not have a problem in being only an orifice for some boy's penis but if you are hoping for a relationship with a man who is clearly only interested in the physical part of your correspondence and finds your best personality boring, has never invited you on a date or outing, does not talk about taking it to the next level and often refers to your relationship followed by hashtag #Just for sex or We have a ting? This nigga is clearly not that into you.

4. After having a wonderful introduction he excuses himself to eat his dinner or whatever. Women know that we use the phone even in the shower and our list of boy toys text us even when they are driving. A dude who is really into you will not leave your next meeting up to chance. He will make an effort to see you. So if your current crush idea of your next meet goes something like " we will link up next time or me will see you a next time" with no solicitation for a number he is clearly not that into you or maybe his plate is really full now and he will find someway to get in contact with you when he runs out of options.

5. If you are afraid to text or call your love interest then your feet is already halfway through the door. Your inhibition might be faulty but it is always a manifestation of things within your sub-concious that tells you that this guy is not that into you. Something you notice in his behaviour like a knit of the brow, that odd feeling you get from being around him which is him often subtle giving you a negative vibe. If approaching your crush makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe you should relax and let him do some of the work in getting this union off the jump start.

6. If you are having sex with someone and you feel used or exploited then that is your cue to stop. Sex is a beautiful natural activity and one should feel fulfilled and relaxed after sex. If you are feeling pressured, unloved and sexual intercourse is like doing an exam you did not study for then you are having sex with someone who is not that into you. Face it, you know when you do something with a guy who loves you, how he treats you and how he responds to your needs. If he is demanding, insistent on his own pleasure, quick to leave after the act and discards you like a used football jersey then you are clearly screwing a guy who is not that into you.

7. The Guy who just broke up with his ex that he is still brooding over is the last man you want to have a relationship with. He will not only be emotionally unavailable but he will carry over his resentment for his ex into this relationship. Not that men do not rebound very fast from a break up but if your new beau is someone recently old dude then you might be sharing your life with a transient lover who is using you to dull the ache in his heart, to soothe his bruised ego and might not be entirely into you. If he leads the relationship with a " am not ready for another relationship or we can do a thing on the down low or is afraid to let the world know that you two are an item". He is clearly not that into you.

8. If you are in a relationship already and you are interested in a new person then it is best to leave the one you are with first. You will not get one hundred percent from a man who knows you already has another man. He will take whatever you offer but he will never truly respect you because he knows you are cheating on your beau. If you decide to cheat then ensure that if your partner leaves you then he/she will be willing to dedicate themselves to you. If not you would have wasted their time and yours. You exchanged your bronze for a wash over gold.

9. Classism affects relationships in that a woman has to be careful how willing she is to settle or sleep with someone who might be of a lower social, intellectual or financial status. It is not being prejudicial but the social image fall out from sleeping with someone who is not your equal can leave an indelible mark on not only your life but your reputation. It is like doctor sleeping with a scammer. You should not be having a relationship with someone with whom you are ashamed of and can never be public with. Pursuing relationships that if they are made public could spell disgrace are one of the reasons middle class women end up with fatherless children.

10. Don't give away your love for free. It doesn't mean a man should have to buy your affection it only states that if you value yourself then make him at least work for it. Do not hand it to him on a platter. If someone values your company then they will not see spending time with you as work or some kind of inconvenience. If your gut is telling you that you are in a messed up situation then maybe you need to get out.

BREAK UPS 101: First Date Break Ups Part 1

Trina was feeling bubbly as she closed the door to her apartment. The date with ken had gone as she had expected. It was a wonderful evening. She had discovered that she and ken had more in common than she had originally assumed. He was kind, charming, and compassionate and had a sound value of the finer things in life. She was sure that this time he was the one.


At the dinner, he listened attentively and held her hands from across the table. He whispered endearments in her ear. He had a saccharine sense of humor. When He had kissed her hands lightly, her heart fluttered and she knew that this time, there would be no mistakes. They even held hands on the way to her apartment. He was the perfect gentle man. Trina jumped into bed and romanticized about her new found love.
Three weeks later …

Trina sat at her desk glancing at the phone. Every fiber in her body yearned to call Ken but she could not allow herself to. He said he would call and it was almost a month since their date and she had not heard from him.

Trina is fighting to grasp what went wrong. She was sure that they had a connection. She replayed over the indices and nuances of the day they met until the night that they went out on the date and tried to fathom what went wrong! She was confused and calling Ken was the only clarity to her addled mine.
She dialed Ken’s number and it rang without an answer. She hanged up and tried three times with her number ID hidden. Ken picked up on the fourth ring!

Trina says “ hello Ken, what happened…I was waiting to hear from you…I thought something had happened to you…I miss you so much!”
There is a deafening silence on the other end and Trina had to look at the phone screen to reassure herself that he was still there listening.

Ken replies in a stern, annoyed voice “who is this?”
Trina felt a huge lump in her windpipe as she swallowed hard and her eyes brimmed with tears. She answered with a cheerful voice that belied the hurt that was slowly enveloping her body “it’s me Trina”
Ken sighed in annoyance “from where?”

Trina croaked “from Hendon…we went out on a date three weeks ago”
Ken laughs “hey Trina…what’s up long time don’t hear from you…what happen! Why you could not call me? I lost your number because I changed my phone!”
Ken said in a crisped voice “it was nice hearing from you and I hope that all is well with you. I have a meeting so I have to run. We will talk sometime. Have a nice day!”

And he hanged up. Leaving Trina hanging there in midsentence as she replied to his statements.

Trina felt like marching down to the bastard’s house and demand that he make amends for the pain that he was causing her.


She cried. Thinking how much she wasted her time on him. For days she had fantasized that he would call and that they would have a relationship. She was angry. It was a good date. They had fun and it felt good to be with him and he felt it too. She thought that he was genuine.
But he was just like those other scoundrels. He had misled her and hurt her. Oh how she hated men!
What had she done wrong?


How could a seemingly nice man, treat her so cold?
How could a date that had gone well turn out to be this sour?

There is no novelty to this story. I have seen it happened perennially and to be frank I have had firsthand experience. Most women can attest to being in this situation at least once in their lifetime. The man seems handsome and eligible. You have great social time together. He promised to call but never does. In cases like these the Dumper normally allows the Dumpee to figure out that there won’t be a relationship. While the Dumpee waits days on end for a call that she eventually will have to make. The male has decided that there won’t be a relationships and has not relayed that information to the female. He assumes that by ignoring her and not calling her that she will get the message. Often times the message is not decoded and the female calls only to have her worst fears come to pass. He doesn’t want a relationship.

First Date Break Up is the most perplexing form of break up because in most cases the Dumpee(Trina) is unaware of what lead to the disintegration of a association that showed signs of growth and substance. She is left with a feeling of emptiness as she is constantly analyses every aspect of the date so as to pinpoint what went wrong.

This type of Break Up is a huge blow to the Dumpee’s Ego as sexual intercourse did not take place. The Dumped feels as if she has suffered a great lost as she has not had a fulfilling experience with her object of affection. She feels cheated. She feels indignant, angry that she was denied the right to get closer to her date. She missed an intimacy that she never had. She missed the life with him that she had conjured in her head. His statement and indifference echoing the truth that nothing would happen between them and that she was just a mere acquaintance. One that is soon forgotten. Break Ups of this nature normally generates resentment of the male because the female feels as if she was victimized unnecessarily. The aversion is intensified by the male’s apparent stoic response to her situation, his lack of forwardness and disregard for her feelings.

What makes First Date Break Ups so intriguing is that by the end of the night or the next date both parties have made up their minds about the status of the association. The female has made up her mind that he is the one and the male has made up his mind that he wants absolutely nothing to do with her. This is evident because he does not call after the date. If he calls and then his calls begin to decline during the next few weeks that’s and entirely different situation. When he doesn’t. It means what it appears to mean. It means that he is not interested in you. He may like you, he probably wants to have sex with you but at this moment he wants absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s a harsh reality that women have to face every day and it’s the reality of a man’s rejecting you especially when you know that you haven’t violated him in anyway. You haven’t done him any wrong and he has decided to call it quits!
There are always warning signs and it should be noted that even before some women make the call, they already sense that something is wrong. The female knows the man doesn’t want a relationships and there is no use holding because it’s not going to happen. This should be evident if he has not tried to contact you at most a week after your date.
However, it’s difficult to let go because she does not know what lead him to change his mind. In order for the female to let go she needs closure, hence the final attempt to contact him and hear what he has to say. Females like Trina feels a wave of anguished. It is very difficult to forget Break Ups of this nature as the association ends without any apparent reasons other than one party deciding not to continue acquaintance by aborting communication.

It takes a strong, experienced and willed minded woman to resist the urge to call her date after he has not called for day. A woman who is knowledgeable of the dynamics surrounding male thought process and mating selection patterns will not be aggrieved by a man who takes you out and then doesn’t call to follow up on plans to initiate a relationship.

In parts II and III, I am going to give you the reasons why he hasn’t called and what to do when he doesn’t. Additionally I am going to suggest ways of improving your dating experiences so as to mitigate the possibility of the First Date Break Ups. Parts II and III are displayed on the page below as related articles.