You can't make someone love you...

The morning was cool. the grass  wet from last nights dew, the railing on the outside porch of the villa cold and uninviting like the arms of the man who slept in the bed, snoring loudly. Between the trees at the horizon, a cotton like puffy cloud with rose like billows of smoke and shone like silver against the gray blue sky. 

Cloud colors changed quickly in two minutes they went from pink to orange ten to silver much like my relationship had soured quickly in the last few hours. It was much like those bruises and lacerations on the man I was in love with feet, this relationship festered and hurt.  

Owls twittered in the background and birds hummed from nearby trees.

Cars whooshed past in the early morning, and my thoughts were interrupted by the loud roar of a toilet flushing in the next room. Everything was distant, like a far away noise, nothing could drown my racing thoughts and my heart ramming away in my chest. 

I wanted to cry but nothing came. I was all wrung out. I had a good sleep last night but the memory of the penis that died as I hoisted my fat legs atop him was enough to send me on another crying spree but I didn't. He was not worth it. He probably never did. I knew that now. I am liar. I knew that all along. 

I thought about all the people that really cared about me and that made me cry. I was not going to bawl over bad, I vowed from today to cry over the good. Here I was hoping that if I showed him love that he could learn something from it and all he learned was that I was weak and stupid. He only understood that I was open for exploitation. 

Our interactions cost me money, it only cost him time. Something on many occasions, he could not even give me. I can't get anything from him. Whether it was free or not. I was not good enough for him. 

He said he couldn't just leave her. He said she didn't do anything to him for him to end the relationship. I had done everything to him. 

I wanted to wish him the best in his new life but I couldn't. Why was it that whenever all the terrible things he did to me, I only wanted

to make it right. It was because I spent my entire life trying to make people see and think that I was good enough. 

I spent the last four months trying to convince this man that I was good enough. But you can only tell a man where to look, you cannot tell him what to see. 

I had to be careful. Before long... I will begin to see myself the way he did. 

The Bunna Man 

Copyright © 2015 

Finding a Good Relationship Partner in Jamaica

I had a rather interested conversation with a male friend a while ago and him a say him want a good woman. Man a say them want a good woman and woman a say them want a good man. It is not that good people are not out there it is just that everybody feel them deserve better. So every man and woman a scout for an upgrade. 

Everybody a play fool to somebody for we all a chase people who we think a our better and then these people a run down some other people weh them feel say a fe them better. 

Better has a lot to do with value too for a college graduate might think she should be better to a ghetto youth whose better is a light skin girl.  So she end up a chase a man who will never see her value more than skin deep cause he has an entirely different value system and criteria for his relationship. It is not that the girl values less, her attributes are simply not worth anything in this ghetto youth eyes. 

It all boils down to valuing yourself. You cannot force someone to validate you. If someone does not see your worth at face value it is futile to invest time in trying to convince them that you are their better. That is something they have to work out for themselves. 

We are as fake about our relationship as we are about life. We don't want "better"! We don't want Mr/Mrs right and we sure don't want good enough, we simply want somebody who other people want and cannot get. We want to conquer and monopolize. We want a challenge. We want someone to trophize like our house and our cars. We want to win the best person for ourselves. 

Love in the modern world is not about sincerity, it is a competition and the prize companion has every suitor eating out of the palms of his/hers hands. 

It is funny how women say them want a good man and when they say that they don't mean them want a man who can love them, take care of their essential needs and provide a convenient life. 

A good man is a man with money to spend. A good man is a man who can bring her the world. A good man is a man with surplus money to spend. This might explain why the "money man" have ten girls jumping through hoops to become his first draft pick. While on the contrary, the man who calls a girl on a regular, text and offers to buy her lunch is considered an idiot and taken for granted. Why? She would rather earns someone else love, work overtime to convince another to love her than accept the free will love in front of her. Love that comes easy is not valued much. 

Why Jamaican Young Women love the men who beat them?

It is like a quotidian occurrence for young men to be seen hitting their girlfriends on the street or at parties. It is as trendy as chromes Van and Bleaching skin. If one should listen to the women on the street recounting nocturnal fights with their partners among throngs of friends you would think the beatings were some novel mating dance.

In some cases it appears beating is some type of foreplay, a precursor to sex. After the fighting and “tumble down” , a passionate night of lovemaking ensues, tommorrow morning they tight as biscuit. You woulda never know a fight took place a few hours ago.


Most women cannot get these men to pay them any adequate amount of attention and therefore they provoke them into giving them a beating. After the fight, the male may rue the altercation and becomes loving and attentive until he gets bored of her.

That is just one theory i offered in my book. Here is another presented by a blogger. “ Jamaican women won’t give you the ” wuk “without a reference, lol, they want other women to want you but they don’t actually want to see you with one. The key to getting any woman to fall in love with you is cool indifference with a tups a tenderness… lol a lie..!!”. It may have some truth to it since most of these beatings are often over some infidelity she assumed he committed for which he would rather beat her to accept his version of events than fest up to.

The beating often involves some levels of threats and promise of more assaults if she decides to leave the relationship. The female is then reassured that he loves her and will calm down. Next time she might go at the mistress instead of the man who has convinced her that he loves her and is only unable to resist the sexual lure of a disloyal female who keeps waving her goodies at him.

Most women do not necessarily endorse the “murderation”. But the male uses it to cower the female into submission. He affectionately calls it a “touch up”. He will brag to his friends about how he has to give his girlfriend her weekly “touch up” so she will learn to behave herself and love him more.

It is unclear how they bond during this beating phase but the male becomes empowered by the wailing sounds of the woman while onlookers murmur among themselves, some men might intervene when the situation becomes disgraceful. Most elders declined intervention citing that if you intercieve, tommorrow morning she is back with him therefore it is futile. Let them fight out their frustrations and work on their relationships until they get tire of each other.

It is clear the young women have a distorted notion of what a healthy relationship is. This may be due to lessons they inherited from their mother who tolerated abusive relationships, unknowing giving rise to a flawed perception that it is okay to be in a relationship with a man who verbally abuses her.

Lack of denouncement among other members of society might encourage this behaviour among young men since most men within the cultural nucleus especially those of lower socio-economical class, have no hiccups against “touching up their women”.



Read more: http://healthmad.com/women/why-jamaican-young-women-love-men-who-beat-them/

Let Go: Relationships

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go.

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. You all need to have the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to . . . . . . . .

Romeo Graham 

When the poor boy get rich?

when the tear up batty pants bwoy start drive x5...all of a sudden he is treating ppl the way people use to treat him..like the slave who becomes a master and in order to feel less of a slave he too has to enslave, belittle and demean others...the only way you can feel truly values is by devaluing others. I think not. 

In order for people to shake off their feelings of inferiority when they elevate in life... They must treat people like shit, ironically the way people use to treat them when they were nobodies. Superiority is essentially commanded not demanded. If you deserve respect and clout, you will get it, you don't have to diss ppl. They might fear you but they will never respect you or value your life.

Know your Jamaican Man Patterns

When it comes to dating a Jamaican man, he can say anything to you and you might believe, you are even entitled to believe his actions but you must never doubt a man with a glaring pattern. Am not saying that you should pull out your Nancy Drew glasses and start an investigation on your new beaus dating history. People do change but a man with twelve kids, seven baby mothers, a white wife in Pennsylvania and a side chick that owns the bar in the town is not a man you want to invest your time muchless vagina with. 

Another pattern you cannot turn your eyes away from is the man who is obviously in transition. The man who is separated from his wife, living with his baby mother and two year old son yet asking for your number is a guy who is a serial cheater and you are his next statistic. He is not over his wife since that baby is barely two and he lives with a chick that he will no doubt cheat on with you, he's basically feeding you the same bull crap he fed them. 

Patterns never lie. The guy who dates a slew of women who loom a certain way them suddenly decides he wants a change in his type of woman. He is either tired of the monotony of women he's been with or you have something he wants that none of his type can give him. A man with a track record of dating supermodel chicks don't just stir up an appetite for a plus size darling and her thirty inch waist. The plus size chica has something he wants wherein he is willing to overlook his tastes for, it might not be a bad thing but have to be alert. You cannot let your guard down. 

There's a trend among certain men especially those financially well off who dumped their thirty year old wife or baby mother that they have been with since she was eighteen for a college freshman with a round buttocks who is a schoolmate of his eldest son from his first relationship. This trend should tell a smart chick that this guy only dates young women and if you have no intentions of getting old then you can hop onto his lap. Whatsoever he did to them he will do it to you too even if it means he has one foot in his grave. 

Am not saying be specific about a dude because people do change along the way but at a certain age it takes a lot to break relational habits. Some of these behavioral traits are so entrenched that the chances of this man changing in this lifetime would be incredulous. Know your patterns, be an ace before you break a heart. 

Jamaica Date Doctor Volume ii

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I wrote the Jamaica Date Doctor Series Volume One. I dated men for their impressions and not for who they really were. I had my head stuck in a harlequin husband chase. I wanted anyone who looked like my ideal fantasy. 

I dated men for what they represent, I was attracted to the idea of them and irrespective of the way they made me feel, the various red flags they exhibit, I would entertain them until the pretense had run its course. 

When a woman grows up she thinks differently, she realizes that it's more important to date someone that makes you feel loved and worthy, than to waste your time with a person just for social gratification. When we are young we are mostly interested in how we will look in the eyes of others when we choose a partner. 

We choose men the very same way we choose our clothing as teenagers. Best boyfriend for the most enhanced social experience. 

Real relationships are not as easy as they appear in books or in movies. They take work. Ninety percent of men already know if they will take you on as a lifelong partner within the first five minutes of speaking with you. 

Dating is a game and the slickest person wins. Men know we want a perfect partner and some of us wants money. So they will do anything including pretending to be the perfect man or to be rich to get into our panties. 

Men don't care if you hate him after he has fucked you and ducked you because he was never working for you to like him. He does not care about your feelings because he did not care in the first place to begin with. It is no use trying to make a man love you who decided from

The first give minutes that he was going to " take a one slap outta you" and move on. 

The writings are on the wall. Men have not mastered the art of emotional pretense, therefore if it looks like the man is not that into you, he probably isn't. Men who are up to no good always give off hints in their behavior or regards, it's up to smart girls to pick up on them and know when to out their feet to the sand and run. 

They go fooling yourself by having sex with him in hopes that he will like your good coochie and stick around. A man will take whatever you have to give and still diss you on a heartbeat. Once a woman gives up the sex, she has nothing bargain with, she is down several cards, she can't deal no hand, she has to take whatever she is dealt and hope for the best. 

Why Black Men call their Women Bitches?

Some thoughts am having now at a party seeing women dancing and gyrating about how them supp'n good but these women can't even keep a man. I realise that these women are apart of the problem because they keep bringing babies into the world that they can't support financially, teach them wrong values and then let them out on the rest of the world. 

There maybe a reason why Black men call their women "bitch". Most black women have not achieved much than the procreational and sexual role that is inherent in their organismal capabilities. 

In other terms most black women only know how to "Phuq" or "breed". And they make "catching men" a lifetime career. I often conclude that if black women would invest half the energy, money and time the put into gratification so that they can get a man to impregnate them and leave them with one more fatherless child then we might have less single parent families in our nation. 

Our black women are the agents of social change and they don't even know it. They do not comprehend that if they focused on their education and economical upliftment that they could immensely transform the economic tides of our society. 

What if our women would insist that men marry them before they copulate what if our women  sought financial independence so they would not have to rely on sexual prowess and sleeping withe men for money. What if they had mothers who would instill values in them that would preclude them from continuing the cycle of poverty? After all ratchets often beget ratchets. Most women will fall into the traps that ensnared their mothers.

Some might take this as an attack on black women but it is quite obvious that most men who lead a life of deviance and devauchery are often from a home with a single mother who has too many children she can't take care of.  She maybe a high school drop or teenage mother. She has been through a train of men who leave her with babies she can't support financially. 

It does not matter what is going on for a black girl, if she understands her cultural dynamics then she knows that  by time she has her first child that men collectively think that single mothers are spoiled goods. I mean some guy impregnated you and left you so what is wrong if I dump you too? 

Having sexual appeal is a huge factor as a female and it is encouraged. I mean being a sultry female has as much impact as having a degree. No woman has ever been viewed highly by society due to her male luring or sexual skills because in truth such dexterity is not a rarity. 

Maybe they call them "hoes" for hole. Are they just orifices for punters. Why all the women jumping up in the dance say them simthing good but them still can't hold a man. Kmt. 

Jamaican In laws mimic spousal treatments

You have to be careful what you allow your Jamaican family members to witness when it comes to how you relate to your partner, how you handle conflicts and your reactions to affronts perpetrated by the one you love becomes the yardstick for how their families will treat you. You may not know this but your family will invariably treat your  partner the very way, you treat him or her. 

It simple means that if you are in a relationship with someone, you have to be cognizant of how you respond to him or her in certAin situations. 

Female partners do not particularly have it easy as women in laws often see them as competition albeit they are involved with a family member. They still attribute the same rivalry ISSUES that is typical among women when it comes to attraction, relationship and competition for male attention. The same rules apply. 

If you are very attractive, your family in laws will think that their men might find you attractive so they will so everything in their power to tear down your social image so that they can feel better within themselves and cast a bad light on your character. 

You do not have a choice in who you get as an in law. These people came along with your partner. Sometimes you are force to wonder if he/she really spawned from them. Other times you see aspects of their personalities coming out in his/hers disposition and you realize that their behavior is probably hereditary and may well be programmed from the ghost in their genes. 

In other situations, many people have abandoned relationships due to inability to cope with mingling in laws and the constant put downs and disrespected meted out to the partner. The partner often suffers and lose their love one because their family is more concerned about their own personal satisfaction than the overall happiness of their kin. Some people ignore their in laws for the greater part of their lives, understanding that they are a necessary nuisance that they will have to entertain every once in a while.