What to do with that response text that comes a few days, weeks, or months later...

What to do with that response text that comes a few days, weeks, or months later...

I know many women have been in that situation where you sent someone a text message. You were feeling desperate because you have not heard from him in five days, or your last message was ignored or in a bout of frustration you blurted out your most passionate feelings only to have it mercilessly disregarded. You painstakingly pull through, often through days of depressed and turbulent emotions managed to get over the embarrassment and hurt only to have that person reply a few weeks later. He does not reply, He texting you to catch up for he has ran out of platinum Pu$$y and is feeling a little bored and so he draws for the girls he knows are still very much desperately in love with him. You should not be happy. You should be upset if not mortified. You are a fall back girl.

You Know what to do.

A part of you is glad that this person finally responded or you are still sore from the bruised ego you suffered by the time they took to acknowledge your feelings that you opt to give them a taste of their own medicine. The Vindictive stance might sound appealing but i never go the way of personal vendetta. Maturity is always the best avenue by expressing my feelings about being ignored and letting my ignorer know that i am not even remotely interested in someone who treats me like an afterthought. I am not trying to hurt his feelings, I am just being honest about where i am in my life. I have a simple rule. If you can go that much days without speaking to me and i did not die then i can survive without associating with you for the rest of my life. I am a big girl, i will live.

I cannot be nice and women who go the route of being nice and accommodating will regret it. The very thought of how i felt during the period of "Oblivion" is enough to deter me from being even remotely interested in this person. I do not ever want to feel like that again and so i avoid him like a plague.

I know if you are not the most civil person that you might be tempted to blow up and hurl insults aimed at hurting them the way they did you but that route only confirms your feelings. The way of passive recognition even an affable conversation will irk them the right way. You can say Hi and be courteous and concern at the end of the conversation. It is unfair but at times you cannot always treat people as they truly deserve. It is sometimes better to choose the high ground.

I once told a young man that i am a webmaster so i know your type. You are like my webservers, unsecure and full of holes but these young girls are too desperate to land a man like you thinking you are some gateway to financial security that they can never effectively exploit you. He was shocked and I explained to him, "that is where your so-call irresistibility comes from, you are seen as an opportunity for economic improvement. Take all your money away, the social gratification of your financial position coupled with that cocky attitude and warped sense of entitlement and see how many of these women would even be remotely interested in you.
But people do have a change of heart and the period after reintroduction often determines whether or not this person is worth a second chance.

Ladies Please Be More Realistic when it comes to Dating- Jamaican Men and Women

I never chase, i just replace, I only chase the dollars i make...Those who like me, raise your hand and for those who don't, raise your standards. Deuces!!!!

When i first saw this picture of the guy who actually exchanged a package worth 160k for a $20 draw of weed. I had a wtf moment and then i thought he is as amusing as the story of the little boys in Africa who exchanged their diamonds for some candies. That is just the way it is people will quickly pass you up if (1) they have no knowledge of your worth and (2) You are not what they are looking for. It might sound shallow but human beings react to every thing at face value and this has been our primary reasons for having all those regrets when we discover the truth later on.

There are some men regardless of how great a woman you are who will quickly swap whatever you are offering them because your package "aint right" or he is ignorant of what you have inside for the temporary high of the partner or females he is accustom to. It is not just men who are prone to react like this but women do it too.

We pass up great people because our scope of value is narrow or concentrated on what we already know and we are accustom to that we end up with regrets. Women get their panties wet over thinking about the man they like while men cannot get a boner for a woman that does not match his ideal. Women pass up good men because they do not like how they look and men complain about meeting superficial women because they keep chasing women who look like barbies,. Everyone chasing a fantasy. Women want men who are chasing Dudes who are only interested in platinum pu$$y and women fall in love with men who should wear a tag on their forehead stating. " Mr. Love Em and Leave Em"

Am not saying a girl cannot dream but know the difference between what is going on in your head and your reality. Keep a friend who is a voice of rationality. Read and educate yourself. Arm yourself with the armour of knowledge of self honesty so that you can shield yourself from utopic expectations that lead to heartache.

Getting over Your Man Crushes and the Fairy Tale Complex

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.People are consistent with who they want to be consistent with. It’s as simple as that...

People sometimes complain that my books are a little bit too melodramatic, that females cry too much and i often create basic male characters with little development. I told a lady recently that i wrote books for the woman who some man caused emotional distress by telling her she was not good enough. I wanted to build real life heroines who've been through it all and still came out stronger that before who refused to be broken by love's sting. I want women to go back to a place of empowerment instead of enduring long term emotional burn from the men who turn their heads away from their advances.

I once had a crush on a younger man, i believe i liked the idea of him and not necessarily who he was because i did not know him. It was more of a fantasy. He represented something more deeper and sinister than i was ever inclined to admit. Sometimes i look at him and i would think he is ugly or his wardrobe is unattractive, i loathed the way he carried himself like a thug but he was a doppelgänger for my dead cousin. I had always admired him from a distance until i got a friend suggestion from Facebook and recognized him. I added him in pique curiosity as to associating with this human being who reminded me so much of a loss loved one.

He was courteous at first and when i told him the reason why i added him, he was polite and said he heard that several times. He like most young men within a working class setting with a little money harboured these warped sense of entitlement and a distorted notion of irresistibility. The more i entertained him, the more he surfaced aspects of his personality that i noted were serious deterrents. He was very much still a child and we were polar opposites.

I was not looking for a relationship, i saw no future in our association. He was not the kind of person that i could take places with me and yet my interest in him somehow translated along the lines of something bigger than himself. I made a pact with myself several years ago not to date men from my "Ghetto" community not because i think i am superior to them but because i have been frustrated too many times by trying to educate, impress and validate them. These men complain that intellectual women are arrogant and dismissive and yet they often chase them away with their indecorous behavior.

But did he chase me away or was i all along mispercieving his courtesy as interest. How can you say someone is interested in you when he never calls, he has never offered his number, he has visited your backyard ten times per week and has never once requested a date with you and if you do not text him then he doesn't text you. He might think i am probably stupid but i am not, these teenage battles that women grapple with in their understanding of male behaviour does not go away with age and they become even more intense when you really like or you are infatuated with someone. I am a date doctor, i do not miss hints. These are the same pointers i pontificate on my sites daily. Why would a disinterest by a fairly attractive, average intelligent and well adjusted teenage boy miss me. I wanted to wring the situation for what it worth and see how long it would take before his unsavory side emerged and it did not take long.

I tell a woman that when she is not getting the attention she seeks from a man it is never primarily because he wants to hurt her feelings but he is basically doing what he knows best. His response is intuitive, involuntary without intent, he is not interested and men do not have time to play and pretend. Their range of interest is very limited so if he is not interested he cannot afford to invest even a one second text to say hi to you. That is the kinda of currency you judge a man by. What he is willing to do to get to you. If he is not doing anything then he is not worth your stock.


I made this story apart of my new book on Relationships dubbed " The Fairy Tale Complex" to emphasize the meaning of having your feelings grounded in reality than on some fantasy. In hindsight there was nothing in this young man's behavior that signalled an interest in me. I was mainly frustrated, angry and resentful of him for treating me with blatant disregard. I realized that he didn't do anything to me. I did it to myself by seeing a tree and thinking it is a forest.

Grown women do mess up for love and emotions are turbulent feelings that we sometimes have fragile influence over. We will in our impassioned state forget that we have limited control over other people's feelings, we can only direct our own.Do not feel bad about it. It is a testament to our humanity and not something to be ashamed of. Even your love interest at some point in their lives, have loved people who did not return their affection. Your feelings my be unique to you but it happens everyday. Do not sweat it.

"I don't want you if you only want me for yourself. Sometimes you think you like someone but what you really like is the idea of them, what they represent , a figment of a fantasy. To find out if your affections are grounded in reality. Take a step back and allow destiny to take its course."

I went through a Fairly Tale Complex moment, one i have not done for a long time in my life. A male friend responded when i asked for his input that " Young men like to chase, not being chased". I could not understand these games.If you like someone and you cannot be honest and vulnerable with that person then who are you suppose to show your softer side to. I concluded that if you someone rebuffs your affections then that person was not meant for you. You cannot want someone who does not want you. You cannot force someone to like you.

I won't deny that a snide rejection, blatant or underhand by a man even the ones we think are beneath us will not rattle our confidence. You are human and it is perfectly okay to grieve for what could have been. A recipe for being bitter and anti-interactive around other men is to hold on to the resentful feelings you endured by the your admirer's recant. Weeep, lock your self inside your house for a few days and lick your wounds. When you feeling better, get out there and get back into the game. Boss Chicks do not react, they simply replace.

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Ten Things Your Mother Should Have Told You About Dating (Jamaica Date Doctor Series Book 2)

Ten Rules of Engagement with Your Jamaican Man!!!!

So we have heard this notion hundreds of times, we have read the books and watched the movies of some tell tale sign that translates whether or not your current love interest is even remotely interested in you.

1. I think a man or a woman knows when someone wants to be with them, they often avidly pursue their object of affection. If someone is not calling you, speaking to you or display any interest in your life then that person's interest is already invested elsewhere. Use yourself as a measure of your prospective partner. As a matter a fact, use the guy who likes you too much who you want nothing to do with as a yardstick for the one you are chasing and is running away from you.

2. The one whom you have to be begging to return a message or a text is definitely not that into you. When we love people we want to be around them so that we can catch pieces of their lives, share their most intimate moments of joys and offer comfort in times of despair. If the guy you like doesn't call when your mother dies or offer condolences, then he definitely does not care about you.

3. The one who only texts or calls to ask when he will be able to have sex with you. It is okay if you do not have a problem in being only an orifice for some boy's penis but if you are hoping for a relationship with a man who is clearly only interested in the physical part of your correspondence and finds your best personality boring, has never invited you on a date or outing, does not talk about taking it to the next level and often refers to your relationship followed by hashtag #Just for sex or We have a ting? This nigga is clearly not that into you.

4. After having a wonderful introduction he excuses himself to eat his dinner or whatever. Women know that we use the phone even in the shower and our list of boy toys text us even when they are driving. A dude who is really into you will not leave your next meeting up to chance. He will make an effort to see you. So if your current crush idea of your next meet goes something like " we will link up next time or me will see you a next time" with no solicitation for a number he is clearly not that into you or maybe his plate is really full now and he will find someway to get in contact with you when he runs out of options.

5. If you are afraid to text or call your love interest then your feet is already halfway through the door. Your inhibition might be faulty but it is always a manifestation of things within your sub-concious that tells you that this guy is not that into you. Something you notice in his behaviour like a knit of the brow, that odd feeling you get from being around him which is him often subtle giving you a negative vibe. If approaching your crush makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe you should relax and let him do some of the work in getting this union off the jump start.

6. If you are having sex with someone and you feel used or exploited then that is your cue to stop. Sex is a beautiful natural activity and one should feel fulfilled and relaxed after sex. If you are feeling pressured, unloved and sexual intercourse is like doing an exam you did not study for then you are having sex with someone who is not that into you. Face it, you know when you do something with a guy who loves you, how he treats you and how he responds to your needs. If he is demanding, insistent on his own pleasure, quick to leave after the act and discards you like a used football jersey then you are clearly screwing a guy who is not that into you.

7. The Guy who just broke up with his ex that he is still brooding over is the last man you want to have a relationship with. He will not only be emotionally unavailable but he will carry over his resentment for his ex into this relationship. Not that men do not rebound very fast from a break up but if your new beau is someone recently old dude then you might be sharing your life with a transient lover who is using you to dull the ache in his heart, to soothe his bruised ego and might not be entirely into you. If he leads the relationship with a " am not ready for another relationship or we can do a thing on the down low or is afraid to let the world know that you two are an item". He is clearly not that into you.

8. If you are in a relationship already and you are interested in a new person then it is best to leave the one you are with first. You will not get one hundred percent from a man who knows you already has another man. He will take whatever you offer but he will never truly respect you because he knows you are cheating on your beau. If you decide to cheat then ensure that if your partner leaves you then he/she will be willing to dedicate themselves to you. If not you would have wasted their time and yours. You exchanged your bronze for a wash over gold.

9. Classism affects relationships in that a woman has to be careful how willing she is to settle or sleep with someone who might be of a lower social, intellectual or financial status. It is not being prejudicial but the social image fall out from sleeping with someone who is not your equal can leave an indelible mark on not only your life but your reputation. It is like doctor sleeping with a scammer. You should not be having a relationship with someone with whom you are ashamed of and can never be public with. Pursuing relationships that if they are made public could spell disgrace are one of the reasons middle class women end up with fatherless children.

10. Don't give away your love for free. It doesn't mean a man should have to buy your affection it only states that if you value yourself then make him at least work for it. Do not hand it to him on a platter. If someone values your company then they will not see spending time with you as work or some kind of inconvenience. If your gut is telling you that you are in a messed up situation then maybe you need to get out.

Why Jamaican's diss the police but respect the Gun Man: Under the Mango Tree Philosophies

THERE ARE SO MANY LESSONS THAT I HAVE LEARNT SINCE I WAS A CHILD FROM THE VERANDAH DISCUSSIONS TO THE UNDER MANGO TREE EXPLOSIVE ARGUMENTS.

These trees have stories to tell...here is one more...


We were sitting underneath the mango tree discussing the recent upheavals within our community when a very intellectual member of our community made a stalwart remark. He said " Ghetto people nuh easy eenuh because danna dead, and people are afraid to talk yet if a did police murder danna, then we woulda have big demonstrations, vandalism of public property and riot" Yet when people within our own communities murder our neighbours we are afraid to publicly denounced what is happening with illegal firearm".


He posed his question to me...

It is something that had troubled me since I was a child and moreso recently and it is a question of why most Jamaicans will publicly crucify the police when innocent people are murdered but turn a blind eye when citizens kill civilians.

I remarked that it has a lot to do with accountability and the culture of hatred that has been recycled over generations for the police force. This abhorrence of the police force stems from slavery when the militia was often called upon to repress the slaves, suppress uprisings and revolts. We have a socio-anthropological detestation of the police force that is inherently cultural and socially programmed.
It is reinforced during the years of colonialism when we fought for our independence and many died by the hands of the police in civil unrest. Our garrison communities are often plagued by extra judicial killings and police brutality therefore children are socialised to respect the Gun man as a protector and justice executor and to loathe the police man as a corrupt, distrustful and abusive representation of the system of oppression.

The police enforces the ideologies and policies of the state which is often spearheaded by members of the ruling or upper class in society. Police officers are regarded as traitors, they have betrayed their community to work for the oppressive system.


There are many rumoured instances within society where "informers are killed because they gave information to the police. This has compounded the distrust that citizens often feel for the police who for many lower socio-economical individuals have failed to protect the majority of its people. Gun men often fire shots to ward off intruders from other areas signalling that the district is protected, offering the citizens a sense of security that the police officers have failed to engender over the years. Popular notion is that if you are friend with police officers, you are labelled an informer and informers within the Jamaican society are assured a swift demise.

Why are Bad Men reverred?

Every body wants to be a badman but no man wants to be a police officer. Bad man culture is revered and the bad man respected by members of the community mostly out of fear than anything else. It is only natural that we will develop a fixation and admiration for the man who deals in what we fear most..death. Not that we do not respect police men, we very much tremble in the presence of the "bad man"police officers that acts more like a rogue cop. The bad men fear the rogue cop because they know the rogue police man will if necessary break the law in his carrying out of justice.

He exudes a level of fearlessness akin to the that of the Bad man. It is this level of unaccountability that makes the bad man feared and the police man disregarded. Ordinary citizens do not fear the bad man police because they know that he serves the purpose of being as ruthless as the neighbourhood gun man. And the average civilians understands that the Gun Man only fears the "bad man' police.


When last has someone been convicted of murder in Jamaica? Most Bad Men roam free until they "rake up the wrong ants nest" and are killed by their own people or the police. All bad men have a bad end. The police is accountable to the states, the government, the judiciary and legislative institutions and most of all to the people that they swore to defend, serve and protect. The gun man has no loyalty to anyone. He fears no one and is not answerable to any governing body. He is loyal to his gun as his bread maker, security and emblem of power. A community knows this albeit not in so many words but this is the central reason why people within an area will know of a crime and are afraid to talk about it because unlike the police the Bad man rarely takes prisoners.

Cable TV has without a doubt contributed to the fascination that we have with men who perpetuate and flirt with death. We are enthralled by how someone could bring about what most of us cannot even envision ourselves thinking. Some people say that young men become assassins because of needs and wants. Killing someone is just a job to them. It gives them an increase level of confidence,control and leverage to know that people fear their ability to take a fellow man's life. The more savagery that they exhibit with their murderers, the higher the respect that they get up the bar.

What turns an innocent baby boy into Murder?

Some experts claim that Childhood Abuse, Mental Incapacity and a criminal culture are the central factors that turn little boys into murderers, rapist and psychopaths.

Many experts attest that most killers are mad in the sense of the word and gain thrill from seeing the life expend from another. Some murderers simply do what they are good at, and if killing gives them a sense of social importance in society. People might not like them but no one will ever disrespect them, people will fear them.

The cost does not outweigh the benefits of the being a contract killer because in a country like Jamaica, a contract killer will never get caught. He will most likely be murdered by members of his organised crime culture, or a young aspirant seeking to stamped his name in the crime culture.

"A big attraction of violence is that the criminal likes to feel that he is acting like God; the thrill of possessing God's power to kill someone is a big attraction"

THE CULT OF THE MAN WHO KNOWS DEATH

We feel contempt, anger, and disgust for the maniacal madman who hysterically kills humans out of sadism, perversion, or just lunacy, and we feel equal contempt for the person who kills in anger or by accident. Yet, perversely, our society stands in awe of those who have the ability to kill while coolly in control of themselves.

" why we romanticize bad men and hit men: they are men who control death. No one is the equal of the man who knows death, uses it, and does not flinch. Look at Patton, James Bond, Bugsy Siegel, Vito Corleone…

I often wonder if Gun men do not think about the fragility of their own humanity when they are taking another life. I beg to envision that with each death there comes a certainty that his/hers individual demise is imminent. Everything goes up in Jamaica except the price of life.

The ugly side of One night stands with Jamaican Men: Part One

One night stands and Dating



One night stands are central and familiar in the realm of dating and relationships. Men will love em and leave em. Men like to have sex with no strings attached. One night stand generates some sense of sexual confidence for men and to blow off sexual steam without the attachment and emotional demands of a relationship.



Not every man a woman meets will be her soul mate or every man that she copulates with will want to stay with her. It is a road that ninety percent of women have travelled and about sixty percent voyage down that road over and over again: these are the women who never have a boyfriend only succession of one night stand. Men engage in causal encounters for respite and adventurous reasons while women do it with the hopes of snatching a partner. This is supported by the fact that women are more likely to have a cursory intercourse with an attractive loaded stranger than with an unattractive poor one by comparison.


Men lower their standards when they are seeking a one night stand. They will pick up just about any girl in the night and then does not want to see her in the morning. Men love sex without emotional strings attached. It’s primal and a harsh reality for women but it is the truth. Men want sex, at the lowest cost to themself possible and if a man thinks you are giving it, he will take it. No strings attached and no remorse.



For some women getting over a one night stand is easy, especially if she is conversant with that kind of dating and relationship ritual. For others like myself, a one night stand seems like the worst dating scenario and the ramifications may handicapped or exacerbate our dating experiences for the rest of our short existence.
One night stands are popular in western cultures and initiating relationships. Women love the spontaneity of the sexual experience and men relish the idea of their inflated egos ballooning on copping the pussy crown so early.

Men relayed positive feelings of confidence, release of tension and satisfaction in the morning while women felt pejorative, depreciated and deplored especially if the brief encounter does not result in a return call or any other form of relation. It is not that women expect a man to marry her after sex but the female feels that she may have given the male the wrong impression, and men inherently have low regard for women who they have one night stands with…


For men one night stands represent the very devaluation of the feminine imperatives. Women cherish and validate sexual experiences than men. Ninety percent of men will have sex with a woman that he has no feelings for while thirty percent of women will have sex with a man she has feelings for and have no remorse if the relationship ends after the first night of intercourse.



I understand that people are free spirited and not everyone esteems coitus but we should consider the emotional and psychological impact of one night stand. People who engage in one night stands successively are ill developed at relationships. Men who perpetuate one night stand may be just exhibiting primitive responses to the modern ideals of sexuality which denounces promiscuity and embraces copular relationships and exclusivity.

women often complain that the resquestor of one night stands are deceptive since they give the illusion that something profound may be spun from the relationship only to have her hopes dash when he does not resurface after the drop off. But who are they fooling?

Men pretend that they want a relationship and give an ounce of commitment to get sex, women on the other hand give sex in hope of getting a relationship and commitment. Dating is a confusing process since men do not want to wait very long for sex and yet are less likely to take a woman who has sex with them hastily for a wife. Additionally, if the woman should show any sense of value and direction by withholding sex, she is sidelined for the next Whore.

Personally, i would rather be sidelined...lol...


But on the other hand, there are people who do not want the barriers and restrictions that comes along with commitment.

One night stand is a way of getting your sexual needs fulfilled without the added baggage of having a long standing committed relationship with all its throes and woes!
No one needs the drama that comes along with relationship.

This stance on relationship maybe great for those with maverick precepts about love, life and dating but for traditional individuals who validate kindred relationships, intimacy and closeness:

Women(like myself) with archaic notions of relationships, who have not evolved into todays customary casual sex ideology,

Be careful one night stands may not be the best way to go about relationships.

Do not engage in a perceived one nightstand with the hope that the tides will turn and he will want a relationship. The repercussions will tear you apart. Many women have sex with men with hopes that he will have a relationship, only to discover that he was only interested in momentary estactsy. Take your time and get to know your partner.

It should be noted that, making a man wait for intercourse does not guarantee a permanent relationship. But it does add an element of dignity, self value and esteem to your perceived character. If a man decides that you are not the woman for him, if you give in to him tonight or the next ten years, he will use you and leave you. You cannot force a man to love you nor should you wait around for an emotionally unavailable man to change...


Additionally if you are not the free, wild, untamed ‘meet em and leave em’ take it slow and concentrate on you. Be careful and do not make mistakes. People who engage in one night stands often think about themselves than the person that they are with. For them it’s like visiting a restaurant. They will forget your face and your name. So it makes no sense to subject yourself to such casual relations, if you cannot deal with the aftermath feelings that may engulf you which will range from guilt to self flagellation.


If it’s already happened, do not worry…it makes no sense to beat yourself up over it. You made a mistake. Believe me we all do. The only reasons you should be feeling stressed out over a one night stand is if you got pregnant or you caught a sexually transmitted disease. Other than that there is absolutely no reason to be hanged up on it, since the person you did it with has probably forgotten about you already. For a serial one nighter each conquest is remembered with no originality. He only sees himself in the action; he rarely remembers who he did it with.

So don’t waste time maudlin over your conqueror. Just ensure that it does not happen again.

No one can Validate you...You are responsible for setting your own values...
and yes he might find someone esle to do it...

Let him...hahahaha

NEXT!!!!!

Break Ups 101: Dating

Break Ups 101: Dating


Every courting situation should be taken seriously as the outcomes of human association especially where sex is involved is highly complex and varied.
The naïve dater is new on the dating scene. She is normally in her late teens and early twenties (however she may be older).


Inexperienced daters make decisions about relationships from a unilateral and ingénue viewpoint not taking into consideration the intentions and feelings of the men we are dating. A young woman on the dating scene is narrow sighted to the gact that she only possess an internal locus of control over the outcome of any liason.

Therefore she posit that men feel the way she does, respond to the same relational and sexual stimulus only to have our faulty assumptions demolished with the unrealization of a relationship with the man that we date. We beat ourselves up and often stagger on the brink of insanity wondering why a date that appeared to have gone well does not materialize into a relationship. We become freaked out and let our incomprehension of the situations overthrow our rationality and we behave in unhealthy ways.


For the less naïve dater, a feeling of déjà vu and a compelling intuitive knowledge that this relationship will be like the previous liaisons, she foresees a harrowing disaster waiting to happen. Our dating reservations are further cemented by years or even months of bad experiences with men and harrowing dating encounters. This perception is often founded on the basis of the same ecstatic feelings that were evident in relationships before it precipitated in to heart break.

It the feeling that is generated by the fear that all women feel when they date or meet a man for the first time. A fear that this relationships might not work out. It is the fear of lost! Fear of rejection, abandonment, humiliation and unrequited love! Break ups are the most devastating phenomena and one of the harsh realities of dating and relationships. It is the epiphany that you had made the colossal mistake of entangling your self whether momentarily or long term with the wrong person!

Why Women stay with Abusive men

Why women stay with abusive men

It’s a phenomenon that we are both intrigued yet repelled by and it is the idea of a successful, intelligent, good natured and ‘should know better woman’ that remains committed to a man that disrespects, abuses and ill treat her mercilessly and unrepentantly. We wonder what could compel a woman to want to remain with a man that only cost her pain and discomfort, yes I mean cost her and not cause her! A man that only seems to sap her energy, undermine her self worth and under rate her dexterities and competencies. A man that limits her physical and psychological freedom publicly humiliates her and beats her occasioning grievous injuries. We are appalled when a successful woman admits that she has been abused by her husband. We are outraged when a woman is murdered by the hands of her lover. We are incensed when a woman attempts to leave an abusive relationship but finds her self right back with the abusive lover because she feels that she can’t live without him or that he will hurt her if she leaves. We wonder why a man could do something to a woman that he claims that he loves.



The truth be told, an abusive man does not love anyone but himself. Abusers are frequently narcissistic. They are self absorbed, ego centric and egotistic. He is weak and lacks human compassion, feelings or even emotions. The only time he feels any iota of emotions is when he feels as if his being is somehow threatened. These emotions ranged from anger, guilt, self pity and ferocity. It is at the ferocious point that most women will get their asses slapped or neck slashed by an abusive man. I know it sounds grisly heinous but it is the truth. We have seen many headlines, many Dr Phil’s and Oprah Winfrey and even CNN headline. Abusive husband, jealous boyfriend, estranged lover murders his woman.



Women have a nurturing nature that is a characteristic of our evolutionary psychological development. Just as how a mother loves a delinquent son, it is the same analogy for a woman with a tyrant, inconsiderate irreverent husband. A woman feels love for her man even though pummels her every night. In spite of his abusive nature, he often has other great characteristics that overshadow his sadomasochist behavior. The wife believes that if she loved him more, harder over and over again, he will become a better man. She posits that she has sufficient love within her being to serve for both of them. Enough love to fill the void that his lack of expressive love has made. She loves for both of them, suffers for both of them and lives for them both. It’s a level of sacrifice that is unfounded and leaves the woman exhausted, an overwhelming emotional fatigue. It’s the same altruistic and self less, incessant, irrevocably love that a mother has for her disaffected child. She loves him no matter how bad he is.

But does she always love him. Sometimes we women believe that we love a man but what we are really enamored with is often what the man represents, the power that he has or his money. We are in love with a shell. You realize that you love the way he looks, the way he commands attention at a seminar, the fact that you feel proud to have a husband who is a corporative executive, drives a Pontiac and lives in Beverly Hills. The same husband that broke two of your ribs disrespects your mother and almost shot your daddy in the ass when he came for thanksgiving.


You love how he looks and what he represents and not necessarily the substance of the man. It’s like loving a bottle of crystal champagne. You like how it looks, you like showing it to everyone (yes I can buy an expensive drink and yes I have taste!) but you hate the damn contents, you never drank a sip from that bottle that you boast of every day.


She feels that she probably will never meet another man like him. He becomes indispensably to her. She needs to keep this man because she feels nullified without him. Her identity has become intersperse with his and she feels as if she will become no body or nothing without this man. Her sense of self has been eroded by his constant abuse and denigration. She has no autonomy, no singular personality or definition of self outside of her husband and his life. This woman is normally the one who is married to the governor or a very powerful man. This woman is afraid of losing her status in society and divorcing from her abusive man may well be the ramification.

Then there are the women who are trapped in their relationship with abusive men for personal reasons. The females remain with abusive men because they want to protect their children because she fears that the man might abuse the child or children. Most men that abuse women tend ill treat children because abusive men like to pound on people that are weak or perceived debilitating.


An abusive man suffers from malignant narcissism. He feels that he is above moral authority. He rarely feels any form of reproach. He sees no wrong in his violent actions and is incorrigible. He accepts violence and sees it as his only form of expression, be it verbal or demonstrative. He sees foul behavior as norm and expects everyone to accept it. It is quite normative that he was taught violence as a means of communication as a child. He has suffered abuse and therefore is only acting out what he was taught.


But this gives no man the right to bludgeon a woman to death or to loath her in any form. No woman deserves to be abused. No woman deserves to be disrespected. No woman deserves to be marginalized and isolated from her friends and family by an abusive husband. No woman deserves to be abused. No woman should remain in an abusive relationship. There is no reason to hang around saying that it will get better. The man can be encouraged to seek counseling but how many narcissistic men will be willing to admit that he needs counseling? How many sadistic men will see the vile and anomie in their actions. The best advice is to get out while you still can! Get out now!

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Men

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Men

Lisa Hype became the most popular and controversial Jamaican dance hall female artiste after a picture of her was released on the internet featuring Lisa Hype performing oral sex on a male. The island and the Jamaican Diaspora held their breaths to see how the Portmore Empire and its collegiate would respond to the photograph and rumors claiming that the recipient was Portmore Empire leader, producer and mentor, Vybz Kartel.


I anticipated that Lisa Hype would lose her contract with the Portmore Empire and that was precisely what happened. According to the Portmore Empire, Lisa Hype’s overall behavior was not reflective of the dogmas decorum and dictum of the Portmore Empire and its members. Lisa Hype was released from her contract by Vybz Kartel and a unanimous agreement from the other members.

According to the dogma of the Portmore Empire and its litany of artiste, oral sex and anal sex are considered deviant and unacceptable. Lisa Hype and Vybz Kartel did a song that clearly denounced and deplored oral sex (even though I have always contended those artistes are hypocrites who do not practice what they preach) and this latest development with Lisa Hype would have confirmed what many had suspected all along. Which is that most Jamaican artiste deprecate oral sex yet they personally engaged in the activity and often time insist that their partners do it.

When I heard Lisa Hype was fired fro the Empire over the evening news it conceded the hypocrisy and double standard of Vybz Kartel and many Jamaican men regarding their sexuality and women. I sat and listened to several Vybz Kartel songs that propounded and implied oral sex. There are songs where the entertainer claims that he loves a freak in his bed. Vybz Kartel in one of his latest hits talks about whip cream and crushed ice and blatantly claims that he enjoys oral sex.

A clear example of hypocrisy and sexual chauvinism. Women should coffer oral sex while men should not. It is acceptable for a woman to do it but not a man. Men should receive but should not return the affection. This is the reason why men who engage in oral sex vehemently deny that they do it because of fear of social backlash and communal sanctioning.
My big question is what exactly do Jamaican men want in bed? Why are Jamaican men hypocrites when it comes to genuine desires and sexual dictums?
What do Jamaican men want in bed?

A woman will tell you that nine out of ten Jamaican men like the idea of oral sex but when a woman performs oral sex, fifty percent of Jamaican men mainly from the lower socio economical class lose respect for her. Some men use it to manipulate and control women by hinting that he will tell the John Public of her sexual deviance. Some men go as far as taking pictures of the female and circulating it in order to socially demean, humiliate and bash the female.
Little significance is granted to the sexual activity of oral sex if it is promulgated that a woman does it. Every man she meets expects her to do it to him. Men will chase her for the sheer pleasure of receiving sexual gratification and notoriety from being one more guy on her who knows what she did last night list.


If she refuses to engage for various reasons, she is bashed, disgrace and insulted by her prospective partner who thinks that he is entitled to the performance because it is already public knowledge that she is a “bowers” with little thought that she reserves such sensual provisions for a special individual and not just any random man.
The emotional and sensual connotation of the activity is lessened by other men who now see the woman as being less than ideal and a sexual object, an instrument for masculine gratification.

It has been suspected, speculated and corroborated by some women that artiste that deprecate revile oral sex, engage in the act. Many Jamaican men engage in oral sex but will not public claim that they are into the activity. It may appear that greater import is added to receiving the act without giving back the action. People are far more likely to admit that they have been a recipient than a grantor. Jamaican men are more than likely to admit that they have been a recipient of oral sex than being a giver of the foreplay.

Are Jamaican Men Insecure

Are Jamaican men insecure?

I was browsing online for some inspirations to this topic before I wrote it. I came across many yahoo and wiki questions on the self assurance, confidence and esteem of Jamaican men. I decided that I will look at the factors behind the insecure and jealous nature of some Jamaican men.
Jamaican men were socialized to believe that when his spouse is dedicated and faithful to him that it is a sign of genuine masculine maturity (in my native tongue “him a de man a yard”). But this is simply one side to the equation as many boys are inculcated to believe largely by social inference that a man’s personality and character principles are not sufficient to get a woman furthermore maintain a relationship. The boys are taught that they need money in order to get a woman. They are indoctrinated to believe that without pecuniary influences a woman will not be interested in them. Most men who are financially well off continue to cement this ideology based on the numerous females that they copulate with and have relations with as oppose to their less financially viable lower class counterparts. Men who have money have a lot of girls while the poor man has a one woman or when he gets a girl. Some less wealthy men have to empty their pockets for sometimes a single night of sexual intercourse with a woman. Young men are encouraged to pursue wealth, materialism and superiority so that women will flock them. Women are encouraged investing in their images to get a man while boys are thought to invest in their abilities and hustle to get a woman.
Women also contribute to this notion. Young girls are taught that a man’s value is determined by the depth of his pocket and his material possession. Women often insult men by insinuating or blatantly telling them that they have fallen short on satisfying the financial needs of the family or union. Young women who chose partners that are less than ideal often face opposition from family members and outright disapproval from society for giving her body to a broke “worthless boy”. Women are very intolerant of unfavorable behavior from less than ideal partners but will stand for abuse and misconducts from wealthy men.
Majority of Jamaican males are semi-literate and hold skilled jobs. A great number of Jamaican men are not very intelligent. The lack of education and access to jobs that will greatly improve their financial status stymie social and economical advancement for most young men and buttress insecure feelings about their worth and place in society. The presence of more wealthy men who are capable of snatching their women away is a great fear for many Jamaican men since many of them lack the social and financial resources that society deems makes them an ideal partner.
These conflicting and competitive factors are the reasons behind the perceived jealous and insecure nature of Jamaican men. This insecurity of Jamaican black men also stems from socio historical factors. During the days of slavery, black women were used and sexually exploited by free mulattos and white men because they had power and money. Many black slaves were wary of involvement with fellow female slaves for fear of losing her to white man. The story of lover’s leap in Jamaica is a prime example of this phenomenon. If a white man discovers that a girl he likes is involved with a fellow male slave, the relationship will be terminated by killing the slave, separating the union by selling the male slave or threats of heinous punishment.
In many cases when a young woman leaves a young man in Jamaica it is often due to finding a man that can offer a better financial support. Jamaican men have very fragile egos especially males from the lower socio-economical class. Many well off men also have self esteem problems as they use arrogance and narcissism to mask their sexual and personal self perceived inadequacies. This is the main factor behind their insecurity and jealousy. Sexual underperformance is a major fear for most Jamaican men.
Jamaican men are jealous because they are afraid of losing their women who they see as extensions of themselves. Once a woman has a relationship with a man they are viewed as one within the society, the wife becomes an extension of the husband. Jamaican men fear infidelity because it would be an indication that they are having relational problems. His image and masculinity will be questioned by the society. His friends might think he has sexual or financial inadequacies and therefore that is why his woman cheated on him.
Jamaican men exudes bout of rage and jealousy as a means of manipulating and controlling their spouse. The female is cowered into submission. Some Jamaican men used threats and violence to manipulate the woman into believing she cannot leave him or cheat on him. When a woman cheats on her man, she is telling the world that he does not have any control over her. She has destroyed the ideals that the Jamaican man may have bragged to his friends. She is indicating to the world that their relationship is not solid. The world will think that her man is either sexually inadequate or financially embarrassed.

hhhhm Jamaican love story: Wolverine

Wolverine

I have always heard my girlfriends talking about Wolverine; dark, handsome and infectious are his epithets. Well to me he is not drop dead gorgeous but he had this attractiveness about him that made him irresistible or is it the Lexus Alteeza that he drove that had women drooling over him. He is 5feet 8inches tall and has Saudi Arabian phenotype. He is an accountant at Bank of Nova Scotia Limited and his mother is from a prominent family in the Grange District.
I often wonder what it would be like to have wolverine stare at me in a propositioning way but apparently that was never going to happen since every time I see him or look at him he looked right through me. It is as if where he is concerned I am invisible or non-existent. Eventually, I accept the notion that I would never get near a guy like wolverine since I was obviously not his type. I am 5feet 4inches tall, voluptuous and averagely attractive. I am no femme fatale and I mostly see him with skinny girls and I was nowhere near a silhouette physique.
I remember seeing him one Sunday morning in his mechanical chariot and as I stare at the car expecting him to see the desperado in my eyes and wave at me, take my number and later on ask me to marry him. He rolled passed me without even a horn blow. Last week I went to a party and while I was enjoying the reverie, I saw the Alteeza strolling up the avenue. He alighted from the vehicle like a Greek god staring me dead in the eye and then he averted his gaze. I was transfixed and vowed to cherish that moment that he had looked at me. Moments after his entrance, an African semblance chick alight from the car and proceeded in the direction that he went. Looking at girl, I realized that I was not so bad after all and that if I lost a few pounds he may see me as a desirable woman.


Three years later…
I hate taking the taxi in the afternoon after a long day at work, filing accounts and auditing transactions. This driver was not bad since he played music and I love a taxi that plays contemporary music. As I shift over more in the car to allow another passenger inside, my prince sped pass in his chariot. I felt love welling up into my heart. Right there and then I decided that I was going to find a way to call him and express my eternal, undying love for him.
The next morning I decided to call wolverine’s workplace and use a pretext to get his number and then call him as a mystery woman. I got the number and I called him expressing the desire for a contract agreement with his company. When I rang his phone I hang up due to nervosa complexity and told my assistant to answer the phone, if he called back and he did. This guy was going to put me in what Rhianna called a Rehab.
My assistant spoke with him while I giggled like a lovesick teenager. She ended the conversation and she said “he sounds sober”. I laughed and decided that I was going to send him a web text. I send the text and he replied by texting my phone. We text each other until he called and we spoke on the phone. I deduced from our verbal exchange that he was hilarious, sweet and companiable. He talked to me as if we were old friends catching up on old times. He told me that he was living in Grange which I found perplexing since I had assumed that he left the area. Since he was not being forward with his data I decided not to be probity either. We decided to meet later in the afternoon and I was ecstatic for the rest of the evening.





Chapter Two


I stood at my door waiting for wolverine to pick me up in his Alteeza. I was very nervous and anxious about meeting him. As I stood I saw the Alteeza pulled up at my feet and I walked in front of the car. I sat in the car and he turns the lights on to get a good look at my face. I felt sheepish and feverish under his probing eyes and that’s when I realized that he is not that good looking from close range. He had beamy eyes and his hair lining was receding. I discovered that he was older that I had assumed and that he had a beer belly that his clothes hid. Most disturbing was that he had a fetish that I could not comply with and he was a pervert. He did not like women of my size even though he never said it directly but he implied that conviction in his reactions to my preference of food and his catalogue reputation. Wolverine was a braggart and lack propositioning skills
On the other hand he had a delectable sense of humour. He is charming and has this innocent look on his face that broke my heart every time I stare at him. He exudes this cool confidence, air of humility and appears to have a sense of purpose in his life. He was not perfect.
He brought me home with him and there I encountered another disappointment. His house was basically a bachelor’s pub. There was minimal furniture in the apartment even though the basic conveniences were available. Wolverine’s clothing was strewn over the floor, in boxes and barrels in one corner. He had a dusty dresser set that did not have any figures, crochet accoutrement only hygienic assortments. The TV was placed on a box in his room marked HCG cassettes (I asked him what he was doing with a box of pregnancy tests and he laughed and said that he had recently moved in the apartment and the boxes had clothing in them) and the bedspread was rumpled and dirty.
I proceeded to change the bedspread and linen since he had left to go to the town and will be back in five minutes. He told me that I could take anything from the fridge and that I should make myself at home. After I emended the bed I walked over to the fridge which was stacked with Red Bull, Milo Energy Drink, Hypnotic and a half bottle of tequila and other non-perishable edibles. There were fruits and vegetables in the tray and lobsters, shrimp and chicken back in the freezer. The stove in the kitchen was spotless probably due to lack of usage. The counters were clean and the kitchen floor was spotless a stark contrast to the living and bed room. The bathroom was also clean and sparkly.
He returned with a dazzling smile on his face and said “oh my I see you have made yourself at home”
I laughed beaming with pride “oh it’s nothing” I replied staring into his beautiful hazel eyes. I could lose myself into those cocoa butter pools.
He smiled while removing his pants and asked “are you nervous?”
I was feeling edgy but it is the last thing I wanted to admit “No! Just a little disoriented. I have not dated in a while”
He laughed and came to stand over me at the same time removing his shirt. I felt cowered and just stared at the TV, a safe digression from what was unfolding before my eyes. He took his shirt off and was now only in underwear. I jumped when he placed his hand on my chest and coaxed “are you nervous? Why is your heart beating so fast?” I rolled my eyes and pretended to be coy while removing his hand that was placed flat against my breast “what?” I said smiling “take your hands off my breast!”
He placed his hand firmer on my chest and crowed “why? I love to feel them” staring at me with heated intensity he continued his articulation “am going to take a bath, do you want to wash my back?”
My mouth dropped open in shock at his endearment “no! Sorry I don’t want my hands to get wet”. He walked away and countered “you sure it’s your hands that you are afraid of wetting up”. I laughed and told him to go hell. He laughed and sauntered into the bathroom butt naked. I tried to act furtive towards his nakedness but the truth be told I had gotten an eyeful.
I watched TV while he took his bath. I was tempted to go inside and peek at him for fun sake but my grandmother had always warned me not to pour gasoline on a fire when I am trying to oust it. I restrained my wild side and opt to watch the TV instead. His tummy did not look that big in the nude. He had a mat of hair on his chest and sexy bow-legs. His butt was pert and he had tone arms. He was not endowed in his area of proficiency but he argued that such malady could be compensated by other means…
A spectacle walked across the room and interrupted my chain of thoughts. Wolverine was standing in front of the mirror drying himself with a towel stark naked completely oblivious to or rather nonchalant of my gape. He turned towards me and places his leg up on the bed trapping me between his crotches while his unabashed appendage danced from leg to leg before my very eyes. I felt afraid as there was that sardonic yet victors look on his face as I tried sheepishly and timidly to convince him to remove his masculinity from before me.
He protests, grinning “Why you turning you head away...you shy…, look at me, please?”
“I do not want to look at you” I replied sternly while wrestling my face from his hand that was trying to pry my head from the direction of the television. I protest “please leave me alone”
He laughed and said “I am going to rape you” in a comical tone and walked away towards the living room. I watch him sashayed away whereas my jaw dropped open and I burst into loud guffaws. This man was insane. I kept on chuckling until he modeled back into the room, eyed me seriously and professed “are you going to let me rape you… you’re not afraid that I would do it…or would you prefer if I went on my knees and beg”
I chortled “whenever… if ever we reach that level it will be entirely consensual”
He cocked one brow and said “pretty please…please do me a beg you…pretty pleaaase….”
I rolled with laughter and chided “you are such a charmer”
He laughed and kept on with his charade by getting down on the floor on his precious knees. I walked over to him and to my astonishment; he pulled me down on the floor and began to kiss me savagely. The kiss was bittersweet as my bum hurt from the hard hit it got on the concrete. He started to caress my back and eventual my entire body in long compelling and riveting finger strokes. He took my hand and guided it to his pubis which was hard with desire. I felt as if my hands touch a torch and I tussled from his embrace and sat on the bed while he was looking at me with a ridiculous grin on his face. I felt angry, cheap and insignificant; what the hell was I doing. I had dreamt of this moment but not like this and definitely not on the first night.
He was to take me to a restaurant for us to have dinner and now he is trying to seduce me. I queried “aren’t you going to take me to dinner”. He became all austere and said “I have an errand that I have to run immediately that’s not going to happen tonight” I was pissed and replied coolly “I haven’t eaten all evening”.
He shrugged and supplied “I can take you to KFC”…



I felt demoted but I acquiesced. It’s better than not getting anything to eat. He has definitely lost points with me. I wonder why he no longer wanted to take me out. And it suddenly struck me as I looked at my reflection in the mirror in the KFC line and saw him outside speaking to an attractive female.
I had disappointed him and he decided that I was not good enough to take out.
At that moment I was glad that I did not give into his sexual overtures and after crushing on him for so long I have to agree that he does not deserve me. I am too good for the likes of him.