A dog is a dog regardless of the owner

Women are other women’s worst enemies.
Even I am guilty of that.
Five years ago a guy I was with had two girlfriends, the other girl throw word on Facebook, said all sort of shit, till this day she still hates me.
One day she call me and tell me all sort of things.
The guy knew she was going to call me for he came to see me.
I remember I said to him, the girl so confident that you will remain with her after she tells me these things, wah yuh tell her so?
He went back to her house and him mussi beat her up then he came back to mine.
He slept there.
The next day, my mother said to me, you shudda neva mek him stay her, crystal you shud a send him home after him go beat up that girl.
When I told my female friends, Shanda, Charm and Sass, Shar told me the same thing, a slackness me keep up.
It bother me cause something told me sooner or later, this guy gone shame me for supporting his slackness.
It happened, as karma would have it, four years later, another woman calls me.
He didn’t chose me this time, he chose her and every little thing that little girl told me he texted her and tell her, him text me and tell me same things.
I knew it was coming cause one day him tell me that him left that girl for me, I knew he was rethinking, he was having regrets.
Karma took another turn, for I live to see or rather hear how him do the one after me.
A dog is a dog regardless of the owner.

People have relationships for different reasons

I get stories from women I meet everyday through mutual friends, online from my page. I use their experiences as muse for my stories.
A young lady from my BPO told me that her guy was cheating on her, she said she discovered that while she was at work, he had some teenager at home.
She told me last night that it’s not the cheating that bothers her so much than how she thought she was being a whole woman to him, why would he spend his days with this little gal.
I related a story from my own experience to her.
You see I fell completely out of love with a man when he chose another woman over me. (That for me is like a kryptonite, once you openly own someone else, it’s a wrap”)
I told her one day we (this ex and I) were talking and the guy told me, he knew what he was getting into, he knew how bar girls stay but him did control that one.
I told her I remembered that part of the conversation where he said “he controlled her”.
I told her just as how you are wondering what could he see in this adolescent over you, I wondered the same thing until he told me, “him did control so and so”
The next thing I thought.
“Him neva want control me”
“Me in all my glory and smarts and resourcefulness”
“Instead he sought to tear me down”
“He could not appreciate me”
“Or maybe I didn’t give him something to control”
“He had a good woman, opted to control bad gal”

I explained to her that maybe her guy sees something in the little girl he doesn’t see in you, people have relationship for different reason, some for sex, convenience, money, myriad of factors.

I also told her, one day I saw the man’s new woman in stocking and uniform.
I realized he didn’t accept her work life, he wanted something better and she opted to fit into that mold.

I think relationships are psychological warfares and a lot of people are suffering from post traumatic stress disorders.
We tie so much of our worth to the outcomes of our relationship.
It’s not just an internal battle. It’s external too, people judge you, attach labels to you based on how your personal life pans out.
So we see a failed relationship, even after you gave it your best as a sign of overall failure and make a transitioning situation, a life tragedy.

Women helping other women by listening

There is nothing more powerful than women guiding other women to access their power, purpose and joy.
Becoming accountable for my life choices, setting standards and ideals, getting much needed feedback from a standpoint of neutrality, surrounding myself with people who are not comfortable with seeing me self sabotage or playing small is my overall aspiration for this year and beyond.
I want to live the best version of my life, not disconnected from my purpose or shoehorned into the narrow ideals of waste people narrative.
I am a listener for my friends, I am the one they come to with their messy lives, I point them to the light for they know I’ve had some pretty dark days myself.
I tell them that in the end, you come out stronger, ride the waves, you can fight it and suffer through it or you can accept your situation and grow through it. If talking to me helps you cope, I am an ear away.
I’ve lost people who were nothing short of a disappointment, truth is they weren’t meant to go into this new phase with me.
Now I have friends that offer me a clear mirror, people who hold space for me to process my feelings, people who complement not disconnect me from my intuitive wisdom. People who have helped me to find me, in recent times I was a shadow of myself. They reined me in, helped me return to myself.

I found clarity.
I am the key to my own bliss.

Safe house for Women in Jamaica

Maybe we should start a GoFundMe to create a safe house in Jamaica for abused women and girls.
Safe houses are so important and women have to look out for each other. Why are we so divisive?
We are all susceptible and vulnerable to anything that happens to another woman.
Even women who choose to live celibate lives-without men are not safe because if a woman is financially secured and attractive some man might feel entitled to her time and body.
How can women protect themselves? Abuse and mistreatment of women is a global problem that is so deep and cut across all class lines.
We are neither safe as girls, nor are we safe as women.
I have nothing against males, I only speak as a female.

Support groups are good to to get women together to support each other confidentially in a safe place where they will not be judged or spread gossip like single mom support groups and parenting support groups and also women need financial support in the way of job training to get better wages (fair wages) and better jobs to support their families independently.
It is also really hard to build something like that and also to run it safely!! So as not to add additional trauma!! Traumatized people living together can be more of a challenge!! And also Good Staff to run it!! But I think it is a really good idea!! To build safe affordable housing for Women and Girls or Single Moms and Youth at Risk!!

Food Banks and Community Gardens and Community Kitchens also help take the pressure off Financially
Also Free Medical Care and Dentist. A lot of food is wasted at the hotels, maybe there could some arrangements with school or churches to have that food given to the poor.
It’s worth a try albeit Jamaicans have a way of exploiting and misusing systems.

Also educating kids early on in school about how to have healthy relationships and stuff is helpful cause the Men need to take repsonsiblility but also we need to change the culture in which they are learning these things in society and stuff

Safe Houses are good temporarily to get women and kids in a safe place but then they need a long term solution so they don’t remain vulnerable!

He is not taking care of his son

Crystal,
A few months ago I was attending the Montego Bay chapter of the University of the West Indies.
Now i am at home with my six-month-old son, trying to grow him up, the best way i can.
His father comes and sees him but hardly and even if he does come around, he has to do so without his mother knowing.
His mother says my son is a jacket.
When i got pregnant, he stopped talking to me.
He said he did not want anything to do with me and the baby.
It was the hardest 9 months of my life.
I was in love with him.
I left school. I did not have much up to the time of my baby's birth.
But my mother helped out.
I am raising my son on my own.
It is hard.
I just think that maybe if his mother was more supportive, he would have been a better father.
She does not like me.
I do not know why.
I love my son.
All when they put me through hell i love my baby.
How can someone be evil to a child.
My son has never done anything to this woman.
My mother thinks i should forget about them and move on with my life.
I am trying but it is hard.


In the midst of chaos, pain and global terror, the miracle of life persists.
This Kim is my Saint...
Tears flooded my eyes as i watch him move his hands on the sonogram screen.
The doctor said that he looked great, a little precocious (that is inherited) and big for his 14 weeks+
My extension, i don't know where my heart begins or where his ends.

I knew i cared about him when one morning, i slipped and fell on my butt, i immeadiately went into panic mode.
I wanted him to be okay.
My Zahir. It scares me.
I understand your situation Kim.
I am afraid.
I am bringing him into a less than favourable situation.
I have not heard from his father in three months.
He has gone unresponsive to my sporadic text messages about the baby.
It hurts.
Maybe i deserve his abandoment for whatever just reason his small mind comes up with.
But to hurt a child.
He not the first child, Dre hurts.
It is a pity i had found no comfort or victory when Ivy complained of his less than adequate paternal involvement in his son's life nor his exes complains of recurrent abortions.
I felt slightly advantageous (stupid based on what i already knew) when he aggresively pursued this baby issue with his constant appearances with pregnancy test and demanded i give him a baby.
I scoffed.
I stupidly fell for that again.
Dre wanted a baby with me because he hoped i might be more generous with his latest endeavours.
He wanted a child, because he thinks i will pay him to be it's father.
It is warped idea, something i suspected but cemented when he abandoned the prospect of fatherhood as soon as i decided i was not going to give him the millions he demanded.
Dre should know that no amount of kindness will make him a better man and no amount of babies would let make me subsist his lifestyle.
Dre represents everything that is wrong with this society.
Women like me empitomizes the true essence of stupidity that fuels "everything that is wrong with this society"

My mother said "The same stick weh lick black snake ago rass the yellow one to"
Dre has not spoken to his other son in almost a year, he did not even bother to call his child and wish him happy birthday.
My mother said if he did not care for the one is here, why would he be even remotely concerned about the one that is not born.
My mother equally could not understand how Eunice the purveyor of morality and values did not see it fit to encourage her "Unsullied" son to take up his paternal repsonsibilities.
But who am i kidding.
Eunice had blatantly told me that Dre told her he had no intention whatsoever of taking care of the previous child that died prematurely.
She had said it with such coldness and sneer in her voice.
I could hear now.
I had shuddered everytime i thought about it.
She said it in such a way as if she fully supported what her son remarked.
I could not fathom how any woman, or a woman who raised several children on her own could champion such a notion.
But such is life.

Whether we like to believe it or not. Women are the cornerstone of society.
I have not studied one social malady of our society without inference to a females contribution to the regression and progression, vice versa of this society.
Nine out of ten men i know do not take care of their children because his mother thinks it is not his...
Nine out of ten gun men have mothers who live in denial and smother their sons, mothers who are first to run to their rescues, girlfriend's homes that they use as refuge and sisters for errands.
seven out of ten children are born to single mothers because of irresponsible sexual choices and paternal abandoment.
Most women hate their mother in laws, It is pathetic that women raise their sons to be just like the no good bastards that left them.

I will tell you as i have often told my ex.
I will not compete with any woman for her son but i will remind her that she wil not always be here for him, it is these said children that she declares he does not support, whom will take care of him when he becomes a child again.
Once a man, twice a child. His Children shall be the mother of his old age.


Herein you and i have a challenge, raising boys with feelings of resentment and bitterness towards thier fathers trying to love a child in the midst of pain and shame is a difficult feat. It is not easy and many before us have failed miserably. I know you are angry, it is kind of anger i hear in the voices of women at the women's center or health clinic trying to put on a brave face when asked about thier child's father.
I see it on the face of women selling on the roadsides, hustling in the markets, working, studying, trying to make their lives better so that they can provide for their fatherless children. While daddy moves on to "fresh meat" only to repeat this cycle in less than a year.

It is painful.
It will take months, even years to get over those feelings.
You and I have only felt it once, others have gone through it several times over.
I encourage you to be strong for tommorrow's future is in our hands.
Your son needs you more than that man.
You cannot sit down, complain and wait for him to change, some men do, some do not ever grow up.
He is still your child, therefore your responsibility.

Who is to tell?
You might be nursing the next Courtney walsh, Usain Bolt or Bruce Golding.
Irrespective of his father's desertion, give him the best start in life, as your circumstances allow.
Keep
Your head up
Crystal.