I take solace in the fact that the course of history was never changed by the many but by the few who risked exposing facts by written word reminds me always that the Pen Is Mightier than the Sword. When the self righteous is poked into undying rage the real personality explodes like dynamite and the self proclaimed veneer vanishes into thin air like the mist from dawn. Let the chips fall where they may.
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Crystal Evans Books
“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
The morning was cool. the grass wet from last nights dew, the railing on the outside porch of the villa cold and uninviting like the arms of the man who slept in the bed, snoring loudly. Between the trees at the horizon, a cotton like puffy cloud with rose like billows of smoke and shone like silver against the gray blue sky.
Cloud colors changed quickly in two minutes they went from pink to orange ten to silver much like my relationship had soured quickly in the last few hours. It was much like those bruises and lacerations on the man I was in love with feet, this relationship festered and hurt.
Owls twittered in the background and birds hummed from nearby trees.
Cars whooshed past in the early morning, and my thoughts were interrupted by the loud roar of a toilet flushing in the next room. Everything was distant, like a far away noise, nothing could drown my racing thoughts and my heart ramming away in my chest.
I wanted to cry but nothing came. I was all wrung out. I had a good sleep last night but the memory of the penis that died as I hoisted my fat legs atop him was enough to send me on another crying spree but I didn't. He was not worth it. He probably never did. I knew that now. I am liar. I knew that all along.
I thought about all the people that really cared about me and that made me cry. I was not going to bawl over bad, I vowed from today to cry over the good. Here I was hoping that if I showed him love that he could learn something from it and all he learned was that I was weak and stupid. He only understood that I was open for exploitation.
Our interactions cost me money, it only cost him time. Something on many occasions, he could not even give me. I can't get anything from him. Whether it was free or not. I was not good enough for him.
He said he couldn't just leave her. He said she didn't do anything to him for him to end the relationship. I had done everything to him.
I wanted to wish him the best in his new life but I couldn't. Why was it that whenever all the terrible things he did to me, I only wanted
to make it right. It was because I spent my entire life trying to make people see and think that I was good enough.
I spent the last four months trying to convince this man that I was good enough. But you can only tell a man where to look, you cannot tell him what to see.
I had to be careful. Before long... I will begin to see myself the way he did.
My friends chide me over and over again... " why you like those types is beyond me?"
I am a smart girl who makes foolish relationship choices. You might not know how much bravado it took me to write this article but my emotions are awok from being in an unhealthy relationship for the last three months.
Being a child of the Ghetto, having a little education, men from my area often regard me with contempt simply because they say " we big brain girls think we better than them" that was never the case, I for one simply did not want to end up in the situations of so many of my peers. Young women with several fatherless children bouncing around from man to man was nothing worth aspiring to. I very much connote ghetto youth with recklessness and irresponsiblility. I steer clear of them as much as I possibly can. I could not risk having a child that a man did not want. I wanted stability, reliance and accountability and young men from my district offered me none.
But from time to time, a ghetto youth often attractive, " a little cleaner than the rest" and smarter will come the way of us educated sisters and possibly sweep us off our feet with his rarity.
We in turn will try and make it work. Investing time and resources in the relationship hoping that our goodness will rub off on him and that he can become someone higher than his status. We nurture, encourage, nag and cajole him about and against the harsh conditions of life among the lower class citizenry. We smart women know that being a young man in the ghetto is no small feat trying to keep him out of trouble and motivate him unto the path of righteousness.
But dating a ghetto youth comes with headache and frustrations. Ghetto youths don't take talk from women. Smart women want to educate and nurture transcendence in their men for the betterment of the future family structure. But ghetto youths are accustom to dating certain women who never question their integrity, whose notions of relationships are largely superficial and who accept any crap they dish out. A smart woman and a ghetto youth is a disaster waiting to happen.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.People are consistent with who they want to be consistent with. It’s as simple as that...
People sometimes complain that my books are a little bit too melodramatic, that females cry too much and i often create basic male characters with little development. I told a lady recently that i wrote books for the woman who some man caused emotional distress by telling her she was not good enough. I wanted to build real life heroines who've been through it all and still came out stronger that before who refused to be broken by love's sting. I want women to go back to a place of empowerment instead of enduring long term emotional burn from the men who turn their heads away from their advances.
I once had a crush on a younger man, i believe i liked the idea of him and not necessarily who he was because i did not know him. It was more of a fantasy. He represented something more deeper and sinister than i was ever inclined to admit. Sometimes i look at him and i would think he is ugly or his wardrobe is unattractive, i loathed the way he carried himself like a thug but he was a doppelgänger for my dead cousin. I had always admired him from a distance until i got a friend suggestion from Facebook and recognized him. I added him in pique curiosity as to associating with this human being who reminded me so much of a loss loved one.
He was courteous at first and when i told him the reason why i added him, he was polite and said he heard that several times. He like most young men within a working class setting with a little money harboured these warped sense of entitlement and a distorted notion of irresistibility. The more i entertained him, the more he surfaced aspects of his personality that i noted were serious deterrents. He was very much still a child and we were polar opposites.
I was not looking for a relationship, i saw no future in our association. He was not the kind of person that i could take places with me and yet my interest in him somehow translated along the lines of something bigger than himself. I made a pact with myself several years ago not to date men from my "Ghetto" community not because i think i am superior to them but because i have been frustrated too many times by trying to educate, impress and validate them. These men complain that intellectual women are arrogant and dismissive and yet they often chase them away with their indecorous behavior.
But did he chase me away or was i all along mispercieving his courtesy as interest. How can you say someone is interested in you when he never calls, he has never offered his number, he has visited your backyard ten times per week and has never once requested a date with you and if you do not text him then he doesn't text you. He might think i am probably stupid but i am not, these teenage battles that women grapple with in their understanding of male behaviour does not go away with age and they become even more intense when you really like or you are infatuated with someone. I am a date doctor, i do not miss hints. These are the same pointers i pontificate on my sites daily. Why would a disinterest by a fairly attractive, average intelligent and well adjusted teenage boy miss me. I wanted to wring the situation for what it worth and see how long it would take before his unsavory side emerged and it did not take long.
I tell a woman that when she is not getting the attention she seeks from a man it is never primarily because he wants to hurt her feelings but he is basically doing what he knows best. His response is intuitive, involuntary without intent, he is not interested and men do not have time to play and pretend. Their range of interest is very limited so if he is not interested he cannot afford to invest even a one second text to say hi to you. That is the kinda of currency you judge a man by. What he is willing to do to get to you. If he is not doing anything then he is not worth your stock.
I made this story apart of my new book on Relationships dubbed " The Fairy Tale Complex" to emphasize the meaning of having your feelings grounded in reality than on some fantasy. In hindsight there was nothing in this young man's behavior that signalled an interest in me. I was mainly frustrated, angry and resentful of him for treating me with blatant disregard. I realized that he didn't do anything to me. I did it to myself by seeing a tree and thinking it is a forest.
Grown women do mess up for love and emotions are turbulent feelings that we sometimes have fragile influence over. We will in our impassioned state forget that we have limited control over other people's feelings, we can only direct our own.Do not feel bad about it. It is a testament to our humanity and not something to be ashamed of. Even your love interest at some point in their lives, have loved people who did not return their affection. Your feelings my be unique to you but it happens everyday. Do not sweat it.
"I don't want you if you only want me for yourself. Sometimes you think you like someone but what you really like is the idea of them, what they represent , a figment of a fantasy. To find out if your affections are grounded in reality. Take a step back and allow destiny to take its course."
I went through a Fairly Tale Complex moment, one i have not done for a long time in my life. A male friend responded when i asked for his input that " Young men like to chase, not being chased". I could not understand these games.If you like someone and you cannot be honest and vulnerable with that person then who are you suppose to show your softer side to. I concluded that if you someone rebuffs your affections then that person was not meant for you. You cannot want someone who does not want you. You cannot force someone to like you.
I won't deny that a snide rejection, blatant or underhand by a man even the ones we think are beneath us will not rattle our confidence. You are human and it is perfectly okay to grieve for what could have been. A recipe for being bitter and anti-interactive around other men is to hold on to the resentful feelings you endured by the your admirer's recant. Weeep, lock your self inside your house for a few days and lick your wounds. When you feeling better, get out there and get back into the game. Boss Chicks do not react, they simply replace.
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What makes dating complicated is that different people have different values. While you might think an education makes you valuable, a man who is seeking a trophy wife, as in his partner has to be as gratifying as his house or his car then having an education would not factor as important to him. A man looking for a trophy wife would be more interested in appearances than personality.
Just as how a lot of women would never date a man whom she despises regardless of how much money he has because him money is not really an important variable especially if she is getting her own. When people like you, hooking up is very easy, comes naturally but if you have to be jumping through hoops to get someone's attention then the feelings may not be mutual.
You can over analyse sometimes but when a dating situation frustrates you, causing you sleepless nights you are definitively chasing someone who is running away from you. A relationship this stressful in its formative stage is bound to be toxic when it matures. They say good things don't come easy but some things are better off leaving alone.
Online Dating is another factor. Someone who is not cognizant of your physical appearance will be reluctant to text or communicate since he hopes not to build up hopes on someone he might not like. Another consideration goes out to love interest who are already in a committed relationship. Cheating is a serious business and this person probably does not cheat unless they find someone worthy and maybe just maybe you are not worthy enough.
You have to be careful what you allow your Jamaican family members to witness when it comes to how you relate to your partner, how you handle conflicts and your reactions to affronts perpetrated by the one you love becomes the yardstick for how their families will treat you. You may not know this but your family will invariably treat your partner the very way, you treat him or her.
It simple means that if you are in a relationship with someone, you have to be cognizant of how you respond to him or her in certAin situations.
Female partners do not particularly have it easy as women in laws often see them as competition albeit they are involved with a family member. They still attribute the same rivalry ISSUES that is typical among women when it comes to attraction, relationship and competition for male attention. The same rules apply.
If you are very attractive, your family in laws will think that their men might find you attractive so they will so everything in their power to tear down your social image so that they can feel better within themselves and cast a bad light on your character.
You do not have a choice in who you get as an in law. These people came along with your partner. Sometimes you are force to wonder if he/she really spawned from them. Other times you see aspects of their personalities coming out in his/hers disposition and you realize that their behavior is probably hereditary and may well be programmed from the ghost in their genes.
In other situations, many people have abandoned relationships due to inability to cope with mingling in laws and the constant put downs and disrespected meted out to the partner. The partner often suffers and lose their love one because their family is more concerned about their own personal satisfaction than the overall happiness of their kin. Some people ignore their in laws for the greater part of their lives, understanding that they are a necessary nuisance that they will have to entertain every once in a while.
to make it right. It was because I spent my entire life trying to make people see and think that I was good enough. 
