Ten THINGS Jamaican Men wish women knew

I sat on the veranda during the recent torrential downpour listening to my spouse and his friends discussing women and why they thought that Jamaican women do not understand "themselves". I ask them what were some of the issues they wished women understood that would make their relationships more cohesive and fulfilling.Here are their perspectives....

1. They love their male friends and their companionship. It is important to them to spend time with their male friends. They bond more with their brethren since they understand them more and can empathize with their situations and experiences than their spouse can. They also feel more comfortable sharing certain information with their male friends.

2. If you are the wife, you should not be concerned with the assorted women he sleeps with on the side since, you are the one that he comes home to every night. Women should turn a blind eye to their liaisons and infidelities. You should not question his loyalty to you if you are living with him and your needs are being met.

3. Do not answer his phone or search his phone. Men hate when women invade their private space and they do not want to answer for their indiscretion. They do not want to put the woman in a position for her to witness messages in his phone that may hurt her. You lose your right to question him about anything dis satisfactory you found in his phone since you are by law not suppose to search phone. "anything you get, you must take, you went looking for something and you got what you were searching for"

4.Men want to have fun!Do not think that when your Jamaican man starts having sex with you, its a license for you to go ahead and get pregnant and tie him down. Your Jamaican man wants to enjoy you and he wants to have fun with youbefore you decide to get big and bloated. The onus is on you to protect yourself and maintain the "Fun" in the relationship. Why would you want to complicate a situation with a man you met a month ago by getting pregnant and then by your second trimester, you realise you weren't getting what you wanted from the relationship.

5. Babies cant hold man. Do not think that you can trap a Jamaican man into a long term relationship by getting pregnant. You will end up with the wrong end of the stick. Most men (in reality) will withdraw their affection than indulge a woman when he discovers that she is pregnant after he has hinted that he doesn't want a child or the relationship is still in its embrionic stage. Additionally men do not think that having babies is a synonymous with ambition and progress. An ambitious, progressive woman is less inclined to get pregnant in Jamaica's brittle adverse financial climate.

6. Good Sex will keep any man around but it a wholesome woman that will get a man to marry her. Men are no longer "looking inna face" when it comes to relationships. They want a partner that can bring some money to the table. One hand cannot clap! They don't need a parasitic partner but a symbiosis in their relationship. They want a partner who is leading her separate independent financial life and is not entirely dependent on him for subsistence.

7. Men don't want women who act like men. According to these young men, they want a woman who is female in the traditional sense of the word. She doesn't question his whereabouts when he doesn't come home! She does not call his phone and demand to know where he is! She does not see him with other women and make a scene instead she turns a blind eye! He doesn't want a drama queen or a woman that is assertive and opinionated. He prefers docility and invisibility! A Woman who "keeps in" and takes care of his home while he traipsing across the island, having the time of his life.

8. Do not insult him in front of his friends or in public. You can even pretend to support his stance in front of his friends but do not damage his social image or reduce his peers respect for him by constantly asserting your opinions and emasculating him. This is the reason why he may be forced to insult and humiliate you so that he can retrieve his masculinity and peer validation. It is best to acquiesce and make him look good in front of friends.

9. Do not treat your man like a child even if he is being juvenile. Do not see him with his friends and beckon him to come to your in a maternal voice like his mother. Men do not like to be made to feel like boys in public. They like to appear as if they are in control of their relationship, even if they are not. Stroke his ego and tell him how much of a big man he is and you will have a relationship devoid of conflict and quarrels.

10. He prefers to go to the club with his friends than with you. It is not as fun when you are there because they have to be censoring their arguments and frolicking since they do not want to compromise your relationship. Clubbing is their time to unwind and have fun. It does not mean (according to them) it is an opportunity to cheat or find a prospective cheating partner. They are not hunting in packs but simply unwinding with friends while gawking ogling and wining women who are not their partners. They claim that they are just partying and that it doesn't mean anything and women should not be tight strung about men going clubbing with their male friends.

What do you think? Is There anything you would like to add or subs-tract?

How women allow emotionally unavailable men(narcissist) to destroy them

How women sometimes allow a narcissist to destroy them?




I can just imagine that you probably started reading this issue with your tongue sharpened to objurgate me for making such a statement. But let me share a personal experience with you before I delved into the central focus of my article.
There was a time when I was in a verbally abusive relationship with a narcissistic man who found great pleasure in ranting obscenities and profane invectives at me effusively. He would launch a tirade at me completely unprovoked. His bout of anger made me very apprehensive about calling his phone or even talking to him because of his labile rampages and tantrums. It was as if he had problems and he was using me as a valve to vent his frustrations. A psychologist friend of mine was very amused when he learned that we were only seeing each other for a week and he was behaving or rather our relationship sounded like we were together for years. It did not stop there. The more I got close to him and demonstrated my feelings for him. The more obnoxious he became.




I remembered his first attack. It was our second time conversing on the phone. I found his petulant response to my opinion of his professed single status as unbelievable and he had excoriated and shut me down for insinuating that I was a liar. Everything about the man was incredible. He was almost too good to be true and I fell in love with him, with most men I could decipher what their intentions were towards me but my ex narcissist was unreadable.



The signs were very clear I just kept overlooking and falling for his kind words, saccharine tone and the romantic text messages he sent. I saw his obnoxious behavior as a desperate attempt by him to act humble. I posit the first subtle obnoxious statement he made was just an overreaction to my questions or he had a bad day. I did not think that it was the real side of the man, slowly but surely emerging. I imagined his possessive attitude and portrayed insecurities as profession of his softer side. It felt good that a man of his caliber could be jealous of a woman he barely knew. I presupposed his jealous responses to my outings and dates with friends were proof that he was smitten, oh how naïve and paltry my masculine assessment skills were.


I thought he had feelings for me. I believe that he was truly lovesick when he was hasting to consummate our relationship even though I wanted to wait based on the fact that I thought our relationship was moving too fast and I wanted to get to know him more. But I gave in under the misconception that he wanted intimacy to reassure his place in my life and to cement his right to ask me questions about my life, whereabouts and companions. I found the idea intriguing, amused and sometimes frightening. A small voice in my head kept telling me there was something wrong with this handsome, successful man with a bad temper.



His paroxysms got worst and I could not placate him. I tried talking to him in a less confrontational attitude and attempted a docile approach to his advances. It was not sufficient. It was as if he had a wanton desire to insult and depreciate me. He excoriated me gushingly and it seemed the more abusive he was, the more I endeavored to emend my behavior to be the best possible spouse.



I validated his opinions to the point where I began to believe that I was annoying him. I began to embrace his confounded yet fragmented notions of my self worth. I began to think he was unhappy with my appearance or was it my financial status or level of education. I decided to cease from using technical jargons and erudite terms in his presence. I perceived that he saw my intelligence as a threat to his ego as I was considerably more trenchant than he was. I kept modifying my behavior and expressions but it was futile.



My narcissist ended the relationship and I was devastated because I had invested immensely in the relationship. I cried for months and I flung myself into a chasm of depression. I was slowly becoming a Limerant. I spent hours recollecting our moments together and analyzing every detail of our private moments to see if there were areas that could have been improved. I felt as if I had did him wrong in spite of the verbal abuse and insults that I was subjected to by this handsome, successful yet grandiose man.



It was six months later when i got my epiphany when the narcissist began to seek out my companionship again. I quickly realized that I liked him for what he represented and not for who he was. I realized that I was in love with a shell and how good it felt parading him in front of my friends and siblings as my partner. I realized that I liked the idea of the man and not the man himself. I saw in him the characters that I needed to develop and I assume that he saw in me what he is not and will never be. He was arrogant whilst I was unassuming. His self confidence was luminous and he had a commanding air about him that made me want to cower in his presence and do his every bidding. He was my match, the only man that intimidated me. I conceded that if he was perceivably poor and unattractive I would have dumped him at the first sign of trouble.


My point basically is that I am not a self righteous female who is here to accuse you of digging your own grave. I am not here to retraumatised you or lambaste you for remaining in an abusive relationship when all signs say that you should leave. I did not stay with him because he was not hurting; it is not that I did not care about myself. You will discover that ironically women stay in hurting relationships because they do care about themselves. They sometimes become an extension of their partner especially if he is a narcissist with the attendant wealth, power and clout. They do not leave because their image and social experience would be damaged. They do not leave because we live in a society that merits people based on aesthetics and financial standing. People who are considered wealthy and attractive are subjected to far more lenient social judgment and highly enhanced social experiences.

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Men

The Hypocrisy of Jamaican Men

Lisa Hype became the most popular and controversial Jamaican dance hall female artiste after a picture of her was released on the internet featuring Lisa Hype performing oral sex on a male. The island and the Jamaican Diaspora held their breaths to see how the Portmore Empire and its collegiate would respond to the photograph and rumors claiming that the recipient was Portmore Empire leader, producer and mentor, Vybz Kartel.


I anticipated that Lisa Hype would lose her contract with the Portmore Empire and that was precisely what happened. According to the Portmore Empire, Lisa Hype’s overall behavior was not reflective of the dogmas decorum and dictum of the Portmore Empire and its members. Lisa Hype was released from her contract by Vybz Kartel and a unanimous agreement from the other members.

According to the dogma of the Portmore Empire and its litany of artiste, oral sex and anal sex are considered deviant and unacceptable. Lisa Hype and Vybz Kartel did a song that clearly denounced and deplored oral sex (even though I have always contended those artistes are hypocrites who do not practice what they preach) and this latest development with Lisa Hype would have confirmed what many had suspected all along. Which is that most Jamaican artiste deprecate oral sex yet they personally engaged in the activity and often time insist that their partners do it.

When I heard Lisa Hype was fired fro the Empire over the evening news it conceded the hypocrisy and double standard of Vybz Kartel and many Jamaican men regarding their sexuality and women. I sat and listened to several Vybz Kartel songs that propounded and implied oral sex. There are songs where the entertainer claims that he loves a freak in his bed. Vybz Kartel in one of his latest hits talks about whip cream and crushed ice and blatantly claims that he enjoys oral sex.

A clear example of hypocrisy and sexual chauvinism. Women should coffer oral sex while men should not. It is acceptable for a woman to do it but not a man. Men should receive but should not return the affection. This is the reason why men who engage in oral sex vehemently deny that they do it because of fear of social backlash and communal sanctioning.
My big question is what exactly do Jamaican men want in bed? Why are Jamaican men hypocrites when it comes to genuine desires and sexual dictums?
What do Jamaican men want in bed?

A woman will tell you that nine out of ten Jamaican men like the idea of oral sex but when a woman performs oral sex, fifty percent of Jamaican men mainly from the lower socio economical class lose respect for her. Some men use it to manipulate and control women by hinting that he will tell the John Public of her sexual deviance. Some men go as far as taking pictures of the female and circulating it in order to socially demean, humiliate and bash the female.
Little significance is granted to the sexual activity of oral sex if it is promulgated that a woman does it. Every man she meets expects her to do it to him. Men will chase her for the sheer pleasure of receiving sexual gratification and notoriety from being one more guy on her who knows what she did last night list.


If she refuses to engage for various reasons, she is bashed, disgrace and insulted by her prospective partner who thinks that he is entitled to the performance because it is already public knowledge that she is a “bowers” with little thought that she reserves such sensual provisions for a special individual and not just any random man.
The emotional and sensual connotation of the activity is lessened by other men who now see the woman as being less than ideal and a sexual object, an instrument for masculine gratification.

It has been suspected, speculated and corroborated by some women that artiste that deprecate revile oral sex, engage in the act. Many Jamaican men engage in oral sex but will not public claim that they are into the activity. It may appear that greater import is added to receiving the act without giving back the action. People are far more likely to admit that they have been a recipient than a grantor. Jamaican men are more than likely to admit that they have been a recipient of oral sex than being a giver of the foreplay.

The Jamaican Men We Love to Hate: Narcissist/Egoist

The Men we love to Hate!

The Egoist (Part One)

Complex, obstinate and incomprehensible creatures locked into a world of testosterone driven pride, ego and sensibilities. It’s intriguing how men can charged at an enemy with herculean ferocity and yet hold a woman as tenderly as a baby. These beings are capable of triggering magnitudes of overwhelming emotions in females deeming their reflexes temporarily incapacitated. We love the sound of their baritones, whether it’s a growl or a snarl!

We are enamored with the way that they walk, comport themselves. Our defenses crumble when they stare at us with cocky posterity and ensnare our hearts with irresistible charm and finesses! We find them engaging, we fight for them and in extreme cases we may even kill for them!

We invest time, energy and resources, trying to please them.
Oh how we love them…
Until the trifling, lying, deceptive, conniving, no good bastards break our hearts!

If only I knew the scoundrel was not what he had appeared to be. If only we had a criterion board to identify the dissolution beneath the beguiling armor that we fall haplessly and stupidly in love with.

How many women have beaten themselves over relationship blunders? Wondering how we missed that snicker that we thought was a genuine smile and deluded ourselves into believing that he wanted the house, picket white fence and two kids.

The men that we love to hate come in many varieties. We fall in love easily with them because they epitomizes (externally that is) the very essences of what we are seeking in a man. But beware not all that a glitter is gold and men are excellent actors who will play a role with brilliant histrionics until he gets into your drawers.

Too often we see the warning posts and the red flags and ignore them on the premise that we can change him or maybe he will change because, I am different and he will see the distinctions and fall in love with me. only to have him call ( if he calls at all, men hate confrontations that brings their integrity into question and where they may be judged) and let you know that he is not thinking of marriage, the house in the country and Sunday afternoons on the verandah…if you know what I mean!



Unfortunately, these are men that we women can’t help falling in love with!



First and foremost you have the Egoist!

He is cocky, overbearing and exudes a self confidence that outshines a million cities. He is self assured, ambitious and drives a Mercedes. You admire his aggressive attitude, condescension and arrogance.

he walks into a room he commands authority. His dress code is that of a man who has exquisite taste in fashion and invest time in his wardrobe. He is the type of man you could brag to your friends about, the kind of man that you could move up the social and communal ladder through association. The variant of masculine specimen that will make your friends turn green with envy and your grandmother wishing she was young again. The type that causes you to cower in his presence as you rush like a spooked mouse to please the big feline when he meows!


This man is termed full of himself and rest assure he is highly self centered and care little for others. Realizing that he is at the hierarchy of feminine desires, women are of minimal importance to him because he knows that he can ‘pick, choose and refuse’. A man like this is liable to make you fall in love with him through his graceful charm, orientation and swagger. And then he will dump you with alacrity and ruthlessness!


Most Egoists are Narcissist and are normally verbally abusive and scathing of their partners. Men of this nature are single and their relationship status serving both as a trap for potential partners and a staunch indicator that there has to be a deficiency. There has to be an underlining problem or hidden agenda when a man is aesthetically endowed, ambitious and affluent without a woman by his side. (Don’t be deceived because either he is gay or he is a player, a eunuch or a frigid or he has some other hidden deficits)

These hidden deficiencies range from sexual impotence, sexual insecurity, promiscuity, tyranny, verbal abuse to low self esteem and confidence. A person may exude superiority and confidence on the outside but is very insecure and has a low opinion of their own worth!

Materialism, wealth accumulation and success are measures utilized to mask feelings of substandardness that the Egoist may be experiencing. The Egoist thrives on denigrating and demeaning other so as to highlight the insufficiency in others therefore accentuating his often times enviable and desirable traits.

The Egoist sees women as sub beings to his lordship and mere objects to supply his every sexual and in some cases procreative needs. The Egoist will not pursue a relationship with a woman of his disposition but prefers a female of extreme docility. The submissive, acquiesce female that thrives on giving and who nourishes the Egoist’s ego. Inflating it with her meek and catering character, feeding him until he is obese with egoism

In rare some cases the Egoist does pursue a woman of substance but with the intent of vanquishing her, overhauling her self concept and leaving her male poisoned and miserable. The woman of substance is seen as a challenge to an Egoist, a mountain that needs to be eroded and place flat beneath his footstool. The Egoist will pursue the woman of substance, break her and then discard her!
The Egoist is often a shell with no display of human emotions. He lacks remorse, commiseration and empathy.


The Egoist is unforgivable and unforgettable. He inscribes his face in the annexes of feminine memories with his dual personality. Women find him intrigued and yet trepidated by the Egoist because he can facilitate love and inflict pain. He leaves pain, heart ache and desire in his wake. Women are left befuddled by his behavior.


It is not advisable to continue a relationship with an Egoist. Rest assures that he will destroy you. He will annihilate your sensitivity, plunge you into a chasm of low self worth and pick one’s self continuity away with his noxious character forceps. The Egoist is an emotional opportunist and hurting others is done intentionally without rue.

It does not matter how superlative you are, you will never be sufficed for the Egoist. He cares nothing of others, only catering to himself and his egocentricities.

The Egoist does not give into pleasantries hence the abusive personality and you will never receive an apology from an Egoist. Women find the Egoist attractive because he exudes behavioral characteristics that are refined and enchanting only to discover later that such conducts are fallacies utilized to snatch a desperate and naïve heart

What Jamaican Men need in Relationship

What does a Jamaican man look for in a woman?

Have you ever been with a Jamaican man? Do you often wonder what a Jamaican man is looking for in a potential significant other? Have you ever wondered what turns a Jamaican man off on a date? I did a case study recently using men of all demographics and social status of the Jamaican populace. The research was centered on unearthing what exactly a Jamaican man wants in a woman. Here’s what I discovered!
A Jamaican man falls in love first with his eyes. His interest is piqued if the woman is soft on the eyes in other words she is attractive. He looks her from the legs upwards. A woman will be able to still attract a Jamaican man if she has a curvaceous body and a less than aesthetic face. “In other words Jamaican men no watch no face!” This is more prevalent among men of the lower socio economical status but if you are interested in engaging a guy from the salubrious upper St Andrew Communities then you definitely need to step your game up.
A plain face or curvaceous physique will not be sufficed to filch an executive or some old money hunk. If you want an elite man then you have to bring some education with it in the form of degree and over, prominent position in eminent company or have a household last name. Men from the upper side prefer if a woman brings some form of endorsement with her. Relationships are formed based on social status and the economical contribution that a partner can bring to the liaison. Women see men as development banks, financial institutions that enhance their economical standing and men regard women as great merchandise like his car or his house that he can promenade in front of his friends. Women are seen as trophy and commodities where the highest bidder can purchase. The likelihood of a woman snatching a man from uptown is thin and wide if you are born outside of that class. But do not worry education, five figure income and popularity on the social scene may get you there!
Other that appearances sex is of utmost importance to a Jamaican man. If you are boring in bed as in if you are not a gymnast then you will have a problem with keeping your man. Jamaican men love a woman who has a virgin like vagina. The tighter the passage, the sweeter the ride! No pun intended! But recently there are some men who claim that they would exchange a virgin for a freak any day so I guess the tight vagina is losing its credence. Men prefer if intercourse is interactive. He likes when you tell him what you find desirable in bed and whether or not he is pleasing you. A percentage of men hate it when you give him what he refers to as dead sex. Do not just lie beneath him and squirm, hold him, squeeze him and undulate on him like a snake. Yeah! Laugh out loud! LOL

Age is of some importance depending on the socioeconomical status. Middle class and upper class men prefer their mates to be younger than them and for some by even a decade. Men of the lower class and some lower middle class men had no problem with age as some young men copulate with older women under the premise of maturity and money. A thirty three year old man’s ideal age mate would be between the ages of eighteen and twenty five. This not always the case as not every man looks at age. For some men, age is as the neo relationship therapist would say “just a number! “

Intelligence is tantamount for men who have degrees and certain level of social importance. The ability to have a sound, coherent conversation and extrude cognition is important to people of cerebral importance. No executive wants a mate that he cannot bring to a conference meeting because she will probably want to discuss Vybz Kartel news album than the financial gleaner and Edward Seaga’s theory on the IMF, economies of scale and diminishing returns.
Men essentially need to feel important while women desire connection. At the end of the day most Jamaican men need a wholesome fulfilling relationship where all his needs are being satisfied and met by his spouse. That is the reason why your Jamaican man may cheat on you with a woman who is aesthetically sub standard, she may not be as good looking as you are but she fulfills his need and his desires.