The Dating Factor

What makes dating complicated is that different people have different values. While you might think an education makes you valuable, a man who is seeking a trophy wife, as in his partner has to be as gratifying as his house or his car then having an education would not factor as important to him. A man looking for a trophy wife would be more interested in appearances than personality. 

Just as how a lot of women would never date a man whom she despises regardless of how much money he has because him money is not really an important variable especially if she is getting her own. When people like you, hooking up is very easy, comes naturally but if you have to be jumping through hoops to get someone's attention then the feelings may not be mutual. 

You can over analyse sometimes but when a dating situation frustrates you, causing you sleepless nights you are definitively chasing someone who is running away from you. A relationship this stressful in its formative stage is bound to be toxic when it matures. They say good things don't come easy but some things are better off leaving alone. 

Online Dating is another factor. Someone who is not cognizant of your physical appearance will be reluctant to text or communicate since he hopes not to build up hopes on someone he might not like. Another consideration goes out to love interest who are already in a committed relationship. Cheating is a serious business and this person probably does not cheat unless they find someone worthy and maybe just maybe you are not worthy enough. 

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Know your Jamaican Man Patterns

When it comes to dating a Jamaican man, he can say anything to you and you might believe, you are even entitled to believe his actions but you must never doubt a man with a glaring pattern. Am not saying that you should pull out your Nancy Drew glasses and start an investigation on your new beaus dating history. People do change but a man with twelve kids, seven baby mothers, a white wife in Pennsylvania and a side chick that owns the bar in the town is not a man you want to invest your time muchless vagina with. 

Another pattern you cannot turn your eyes away from is the man who is obviously in transition. The man who is separated from his wife, living with his baby mother and two year old son yet asking for your number is a guy who is a serial cheater and you are his next statistic. He is not over his wife since that baby is barely two and he lives with a chick that he will no doubt cheat on with you, he's basically feeding you the same bull crap he fed them. 

Patterns never lie. The guy who dates a slew of women who loom a certain way them suddenly decides he wants a change in his type of woman. He is either tired of the monotony of women he's been with or you have something he wants that none of his type can give him. A man with a track record of dating supermodel chicks don't just stir up an appetite for a plus size darling and her thirty inch waist. The plus size chica has something he wants wherein he is willing to overlook his tastes for, it might not be a bad thing but have to be alert. You cannot let your guard down. 

There's a trend among certain men especially those financially well off who dumped their thirty year old wife or baby mother that they have been with since she was eighteen for a college freshman with a round buttocks who is a schoolmate of his eldest son from his first relationship. This trend should tell a smart chick that this guy only dates young women and if you have no intentions of getting old then you can hop onto his lap. Whatsoever he did to them he will do it to you too even if it means he has one foot in his grave. 

Am not saying be specific about a dude because people do change along the way but at a certain age it takes a lot to break relational habits. Some of these behavioral traits are so entrenched that the chances of this man changing in this lifetime would be incredulous. Know your patterns, be an ace before you break a heart. 

Real Jamaican Boss Chicks don't fight ova Man

You love a man. It's okay to fight for him but never over him. If he has someone else attention, let them have him. 

Rule #9 Boss Bitches never quarrel over man. Boss chick knows that to confront a girl about your man is to show weakness, it is a sign of insecurity. Boss Bitches know that when a man's woman calling you phone and cussing you out, it means you need to cut that man loose so he can handle his problems. Boss Bitches don't date men who would think of having relationship with some belligerent, ignorant ghetto mess. So if he's living with a ratchet, chances are he doesn't have good values to begin with and will cheat on your ass with one. Your trademark is a little above his level. 

Boss Bitches don't talk to ratchets in real life therefore we don't want any man who is going to make we and a ratchet mouth meet. Dating men who are in relationships with ratchets brings  their raucous behavior into your face, full circle. 

Boss Bitches know that ignorant ratchets automatically think you are just like them when you start pursuing their brand of men. Show them you might like his swag but you are nothing like them . She's basic bottom bitch and him dating you is a mile long upgrade. 

Don't feel bad when a ratchet cusses you out in public. She's gonna try and belittle you so she can feel better about herself. Miss ratchety wife just wants to intimidate you into not giving her some real competition. She knows your game is tight and that her wandering dick of a man might just hop off her wagon into yours. 

She cannot besmirch your character and if her man is smart she has given him all the reasons he needs to move on by cussing you out. If he sticks closer to her after your squabble it means they deserve each other and he should stay with her. 

Should you take back a ex who disrespected you badly during separation

I have dissed men in the past who when I see them a couple years later u wished I was more accommodating because of the status they hold now and not because I find them attractive or their personalities intriguing.

Others that I treated  with indifference; have matured so much both in their personalities and socially that they force me to acknowledge that in life you should never entirely write people off because the same people you turn your nose at going up might pass you going down.

People realize their mistakes and people grow and change but relationships are investments and you have to weigh the pros and cons of dating someone who in your perspective is below your class. You simply have to look at personality traits and hope that he/she grows into someone you can build a life with.

I also know that when someone shows you who they really are and how much they invalidate you then you must believe them. If a person treated you like they do not value you as a person, the core intrinsics of your personality then believe them because they genuinely don't.

How someone treats a person whom they claim cannot do anything for them says a lot about that persons core beliefs and character. Humans will flock the mango tree because it is already grown and producing fruit and they will take a machete to the small tree since its young and may never produce.

Love is a treacherous emotion. Your heart will tug away at someone who you know from experience will hurt you again. There is a clear indication that humans believe that they should be with someone despite how they feel that person feel about them.

That is the reason why we have so many people murdering their partners because people keep getting together for the wrong reasons. Why would anyone want to be with someone who does not value your life? Who dates you for dependency or money?

You will always be angry at the ex who hurt you because getting back together does not give you closure. If anything you are giving someone another opportunity to hurt you. That person can safely conclude that you love them than you do yourself because anyone with any shred of self respect would not wanna go back to someone who treated them the way that ex did.

Emotions are never about rationality , you cannot help how you feel and many times getting back together gives you an opportunity ton see if this relationship could really work. Its a risk you sometimes have to take to experience whether or not, it was worth the heartache in the first place.

Apology is never enough. A man will say whatever he needs to says to get tail.  In order to take back someone they must first demonstrate that

Ten THINGS Jamaican Men wish women knew

I sat on the veranda during the recent torrential downpour listening to my spouse and his friends discussing women and why they thought that Jamaican women do not understand "themselves". I ask them what were some of the issues they wished women understood that would make their relationships more cohesive and fulfilling.Here are their perspectives....

1. They love their male friends and their companionship. It is important to them to spend time with their male friends. They bond more with their brethren since they understand them more and can empathize with their situations and experiences than their spouse can. They also feel more comfortable sharing certain information with their male friends.

2. If you are the wife, you should not be concerned with the assorted women he sleeps with on the side since, you are the one that he comes home to every night. Women should turn a blind eye to their liaisons and infidelities. You should not question his loyalty to you if you are living with him and your needs are being met.

3. Do not answer his phone or search his phone. Men hate when women invade their private space and they do not want to answer for their indiscretion. They do not want to put the woman in a position for her to witness messages in his phone that may hurt her. You lose your right to question him about anything dis satisfactory you found in his phone since you are by law not suppose to search phone. "anything you get, you must take, you went looking for something and you got what you were searching for"

4.Men want to have fun!Do not think that when your Jamaican man starts having sex with you, its a license for you to go ahead and get pregnant and tie him down. Your Jamaican man wants to enjoy you and he wants to have fun with youbefore you decide to get big and bloated. The onus is on you to protect yourself and maintain the "Fun" in the relationship. Why would you want to complicate a situation with a man you met a month ago by getting pregnant and then by your second trimester, you realise you weren't getting what you wanted from the relationship.

5. Babies cant hold man. Do not think that you can trap a Jamaican man into a long term relationship by getting pregnant. You will end up with the wrong end of the stick. Most men (in reality) will withdraw their affection than indulge a woman when he discovers that she is pregnant after he has hinted that he doesn't want a child or the relationship is still in its embrionic stage. Additionally men do not think that having babies is a synonymous with ambition and progress. An ambitious, progressive woman is less inclined to get pregnant in Jamaica's brittle adverse financial climate.

6. Good Sex will keep any man around but it a wholesome woman that will get a man to marry her. Men are no longer "looking inna face" when it comes to relationships. They want a partner that can bring some money to the table. One hand cannot clap! They don't need a parasitic partner but a symbiosis in their relationship. They want a partner who is leading her separate independent financial life and is not entirely dependent on him for subsistence.

7. Men don't want women who act like men. According to these young men, they want a woman who is female in the traditional sense of the word. She doesn't question his whereabouts when he doesn't come home! She does not call his phone and demand to know where he is! She does not see him with other women and make a scene instead she turns a blind eye! He doesn't want a drama queen or a woman that is assertive and opinionated. He prefers docility and invisibility! A Woman who "keeps in" and takes care of his home while he traipsing across the island, having the time of his life.

8. Do not insult him in front of his friends or in public. You can even pretend to support his stance in front of his friends but do not damage his social image or reduce his peers respect for him by constantly asserting your opinions and emasculating him. This is the reason why he may be forced to insult and humiliate you so that he can retrieve his masculinity and peer validation. It is best to acquiesce and make him look good in front of friends.

9. Do not treat your man like a child even if he is being juvenile. Do not see him with his friends and beckon him to come to your in a maternal voice like his mother. Men do not like to be made to feel like boys in public. They like to appear as if they are in control of their relationship, even if they are not. Stroke his ego and tell him how much of a big man he is and you will have a relationship devoid of conflict and quarrels.

10. He prefers to go to the club with his friends than with you. It is not as fun when you are there because they have to be censoring their arguments and frolicking since they do not want to compromise your relationship. Clubbing is their time to unwind and have fun. It does not mean (according to them) it is an opportunity to cheat or find a prospective cheating partner. They are not hunting in packs but simply unwinding with friends while gawking ogling and wining women who are not their partners. They claim that they are just partying and that it doesn't mean anything and women should not be tight strung about men going clubbing with their male friends.

What do you think? Is There anything you would like to add or subs-tract?

Getting Support after break ups, narcissistic abuse and hurtful relationship

No one can effectively understand the aftermath of an abusive relationship especially a violent one. It has been speculated that relationships involved with narcissist are far more difficult to recover from as oppose to violent antisocial unions. But whatever your situation is, even if your relationship ended on amicable terms but you are still grieving the lost of your dreams and expectations, support is the most efficient way to cope. You may think you can do this on your own but you cannot.


Support involves reaching out to others and seeking assistance in returning your emotions and life to a balance albeit no one who has endured narcissism and other forms of abuse will ever be the same. Support can be in the form of help groups, online forums and therapy. Family and friends can be support groups by reestablishing a pattern of familiarity within your life. Reconnecting with what brought you peace and happiness before the narcissist can be rejuvenating and ecstatic.

Seek out the companionship of individuals who will understand your plights. You will discover in your quest for recovery and support that some individuals might become judgmental, impatient and quite often re-traumatize and victimize you instead of championing your efforts towards recovery. These individuals opinion may cause you to relapse instead of buoying you forward. Please avoid such individuals and if you must communicate with them, ensure that your communication is not based on your personal life and problems.


Some people are not equipped to deal with the problems of others and may have other problems of their own. Think about the situations of your receiver before you unload your problems to that person. If this person is having some kind of crisis, it is best to muster the courage to lend support. Choose your support group wisely and you will get the best results. Psychologizing and understanding the disintegration of the relationship may offer a level of closure but you need support for emotional repair.

Consistent and unswerving support improves your capacity to achieve durable and positive change tenfold. Have a friend that you can count on for positive reinforcement and reassurance. Your friend should be able to help you get back up when you fall midstride your progress. Your friend will be able to nudge you along when you feel bout of resignation. Someone who is willing to see you through, by applauding your advances and being the crotch for your strides when you feel broken or weak on your way to recovery from abuse.