No one can effectively understand the aftermath of an abusive relationship especially a violent one. It has been speculated that relationships involved with narcissist are far more difficult to recover from as oppose to violent antisocial unions. But whatever your situation is, even if your relationship ended on amicable terms but you are still grieving the lost of your dreams and expectations, support is the most efficient way to cope. You may think you can do this on your own but you cannot.
Support involves reaching out to others and seeking assistance in returning your emotions and life to a balance albeit no one who has endured narcissism and other forms of abuse will ever be the same. Support can be in the form of help groups, online forums and therapy. Family and friends can be support groups by reestablishing a pattern of familiarity within your life. Reconnecting with what brought you peace and happiness before the narcissist can be rejuvenating and ecstatic.
Seek out the companionship of individuals who will understand your plights. You will discover in your quest for recovery and support that some individuals might become judgmental, impatient and quite often re-traumatize and victimize you instead of championing your efforts towards recovery. These individuals opinion may cause you to relapse instead of buoying you forward. Please avoid such individuals and if you must communicate with them, ensure that your communication is not based on your personal life and problems.
Some people are not equipped to deal with the problems of others and may have other problems of their own. Think about the situations of your receiver before you unload your problems to that person. If this person is having some kind of crisis, it is best to muster the courage to lend support. Choose your support group wisely and you will get the best results. Psychologizing and understanding the disintegration of the relationship may offer a level of closure but you need support for emotional repair.
Consistent and unswerving support improves your capacity to achieve durable and positive change tenfold. Have a friend that you can count on for positive reinforcement and reassurance. Your friend should be able to help you get back up when you fall midstride your progress. Your friend will be able to nudge you along when you feel bout of resignation. Someone who is willing to see you through, by applauding your advances and being the crotch for your strides when you feel broken or weak on your way to recovery from abuse.
I take solace in the fact that the course of history was never changed by the many but by the few who risked exposing facts by written word reminds me always that the Pen Is Mightier than the Sword. When the self righteous is poked into undying rage the real personality explodes like dynamite and the self proclaimed veneer vanishes into thin air like the mist from dawn. Let the chips fall where they may.
“The idea that sex is something a woman gives a man, and she loses something when she does that, which again for me is nonsense. I want us to raise girls differently where boys and girls start to see sexuality as something that they own, rather than something that a boy takes from a girl.”
— Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
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Sunday, February 7, 2010
Getting Support after break ups, narcissistic abuse and hurtful relationship
Labels:
after narcissist,
break ups,
crying,
gone,
leave,
love,
love relationships,
man,
pain,
strategies men use to get women,
support,
tears
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