Humility ; Finding the err in my Humanity

Self righteousness is the enemy of compassion and judging another persons life by your own existence with little regards for his private struggles is to bring down the same egocentric critique on your own humanity. 

You cannot understand the human nature without first examining yourself. Consider what motivates you to anger and violence. Imagine how many times people have done evil to us and how we subtlety, in the weak, secret hours of our lives wished them dead. We want their lives end because we believe life is the most precious thing and to take it away is to destroy what an individual values most. We are afraid of others when we should be wary of ourselves. We are as much a danger to others as we are to ourselves. The only danger that exist is man is himself and he is quite unaware of it. When we strive to destroy each other often times, unknown, unbidden we become the catalyst for our own self destruction. 

Regardless of the differences and divisions that we encourage among ourselves we must come to realize that it is the fragile strands of our humanity that bonds each and every one of us to a similar beginning and an inexorably yet identical end. 

Life is centrally a misery because society force these lofty ideals upon us to achieve and pursue material abundance and try to pervert our own nullification. We hate our meaningless existence and hence we try to give our lives purpose, to safeguard ourself from atomization into the free bouncing energy of nothingness that we all are. 

Many of us openly denounce those who pervade wickedness and yet we gloat over the failures of others. We would put our head and hearts together to see another to down because we think it makes us innocent. As long as I don't have any blood on my hands, then I haven't done anything wrong. When you speak your desires atmosphere asking God or Nature to conspire with you and foment the annihilation of others. Those who wish death upon others for malice, retribution or recreation are as guilty as the man behind the trigger. 

Evil is a serious energy. It is far more robust than Good because Good albeit subliminal is gradual but insured. Evil rushes to conclude that which it started. It consumes it's supporters and purveyors because evil leaves very few narrators. Wickedness thrives on pouring gasoline over a fire than hurling a bucket of water upon a fiery temper. Very soon the conflagration incinerated the doser because whatsoever we put out in is what we get back. I wish even the damning the best of health because I believe it is never my place to cast judgement. Me, a flawed human being with my numerous quasi obsessive compulsive behaviors and never ending personal struggles would never marinate another human being in condemnation, laws caters how deserving.

It is sad because there was a time when I imagined mercy as reciprocity. Show mercy onto those who are merciful towards you. I could never ask the higher forces to fight against those who fight against me since in doing so I prove myself no better or different than them. 

Sometimes I am afraid to write about  how I really feel and some of the things my mind's eye see. I believe opening some doors can change your life. I have a hunch of foreboding that this society does not want to hear anything I have to say because I don't look a certain way or come from a particular area. My brothers get judged for wearing kerchiefs on their faces like Mexicans, I get judge for choosing to remain among them. Well how can you expect to look like a criminal, act like a criminal and associate with criminals and not be regarded as one. Judge not less he be the brunt of a fool's judgement. 

I see wisdom hunkering down on the darkness, afraid to traipsing the menacing streets of gratification and material allures. I've asked God whoever he is because I am sometimes agnostic to show me the error in my ways, guide me away from the evil paths. I am only human ad my scope of knowledge is not static, it is ever expanding. The more I learn the less I realize I know. I am still a fool and the foolish are prone to make mistakes. So I am asking for guidance from the supreme intelligence.  

ANother excerpt from book The Barn Raiders

Franco ran down the dark streets of red lane with his shirt in his mouth. He had seen a shadow grabbed his friend around the corner and began ditching blows into his upper torso. Why Raty stopped to unrinate at the junction was beyond him but he ran because he was sure that when he looked back at the shadows, Raty laid motionless on the ground and the creepy silhouette was running towards him with a shimmery object in his hand that illuminated into a spark when it hit the lights.

He careened around the deep corner and jumped into a yard ran up onto the verandah. He crouched immobile on the ground, confident that this was the only way he would be able to escape the dark, quiet silhouette that he knew would soon creep up around the corner looking for him. He only hoped that the occupants at the house did not see him come into the yard and call the police. It would never work in his favor if the police came. They'd either shoot him mistakenly for a burglar or Raty's killer or they would imprison him under similar speculations.

The creepy figure came into the light then masked into the shadows. He took something from his pocket and lit what appeared to be a cigarette in his mouth. He glanced down the road. He took a smoke and stared up the road. Then another figure with the shiny tool in his hands came up to him, looking franticly behind him. He stared over into the yard and Franco could have sworn he looked directly into his eyes. Franco did not move. The figure stared then knocked his friend on the chest with two fingers ad motioned for him to go into what Franco realized for the first time was a waiting car. Franco didn't know if his eyes were playing tricks on him but he knew within himself even if the last glance the stranger telepath towards the verandah did not confirm that he may have seen him.

Note to Self: Crystal Evans

I saw Tyler Perry made a post on Facebook earlier regarding a note to himself when he was younger. I realized that I too have often looked back on my younger years and wished I had known half of what I did now. Truth is I would have spent more time reading instead of playing Jaxs, cricket, bat and run a bound, volleyball and netball. I would change so many things if I could live my life over. 

But then life is all about living and learning. I was born an empty vessel and if I had parents to teach me certain things and create a firm foundation I would not spend so much time trying to find myself. If only my family had sought some of the lofty ideals that they held for me then they would have given me a jump start on life. Truth be told they didn't know much so they could only afford to share with me what was already revealed to them. My dad recognized my passion for my books and he propelled me to seek educational advancement so that I could have a better future than he did. 

I have come to concede that committing to my academically task was not so much of a burden but because I was distracted by so many things happening in my life, I was unable to do my best.i turned out pretty well but people believe that I could have done better. I have come to realize that there might be some merit of truth in their perspective. 

At twenty five, I am committed to making the best of my latter years. I believe for the most part that god has a unique plan for my life and whatever happened in my past was shaping me for the future. God is sculpting me for something great. If Nelson Mandella can go from prison to presidency then there is hope for me. 

Note to myself 

"One Love: Jamaican Blogger Tag"

I was going through the Jamaican community of Bloggers and discovered this on many of the Blog Sites `

THE RULES FOR THIS TAG:

-Title your post “One Love: Jamaican Blogger Tag”
-Link back to the blogger who tagged you ( you may add a brief definition of what a tag is if you for the benefit of your readers)
-Copy and paste the rules at the beginning of your tag.
-Copy and paste the questions as well so readers know what’s going on.
-Answer the questions (No duh!)
-Tag seven other (untagged) Jamaican bloggers to continue the trend. Kinda forces you to make friends, no?

The questions are as follows:

1.Why did you give your blog its name?

Haha actually I got the name from a Guy i used to date . Kudos to Doctor Rohan Mullings for that name (such a smart ass). I wanted to write about how i was feeling at the time, I had fallen rather sickeningly in love with some random guy and writing was a form of therapy for what i was going through and when other women started emailing me about their relationship issues. I decided that I might want to do this not for me but for other women too.


2. Why did you start blogging and why do you blog now?

Because it offered me a platform to say what I wanna without having to censor my writings and also gain audiences for the books I published.Blogging is my life. I started out as an aperture for venting my feelings and it has morphed into a podium where i can pontificate my ideas and perspectives upon my audiences. I think writing has always been apart of me i mean, you do not come second place in Jamaica in CAPE literatures IN ENGLISH FOR NOTHING.

3. Do you think being Jamaican influences your blogging style?

Yes it does. I mean I have lived in Jamaica, all my life and its culture intrigues me at times and some other times, I wanna run away and not come back here at some of the antiquated beliefs that so many Jamaicans have. It is a unique kind of place with a complex set of people bonded by similar historical and social elements.

4. What do you think about the increase in Bloggers in Jamaica?

It is a good look, it means that people are thinking and writing and I am glad that so many of us who do not have a platform like a local newspaper where we can share our ideologies are afforded opportunities to express themselves. I have been reading other blogs by Jamaicans and I am impressed by what I have encountered and some of the stories that are out there.

5. What is your favourite thing about being Jamaican?

I like the creativity of our people and if most of us were afforded the opportunity to express our myriad of talents then that would be a move forward towards the progression of our society. Most Jamaicans are blunt and I think it is good that my Jamaican parents don't grow cowards as I observed in some other cultures. I mean children are taught from your young that this world is a cruel, evil place. Parents do not really sugar coat reality in Jamaica. What you see is what you get.


6. Ackee and saltfish or “ (mackerel) run down”?

Definitely a ackee and salt thing. me love it with the white rice and everything else. I love tin mackerel if a that you a ask and the mackerel with the ackee and some pumpkin rice. yeah a me that.

7.Stew peas or stew chicken?

Haha i love stew but i love stew chicken, with a little pepper and some ketchup with a little sugar in the gravy...old time style yuh know.

8. Tastee Patties, Juici Beef Patties or Mother’s?

JUici beef my thing deh especially the cheese patty. lick lick lick

9. Pantucky or KFC?

DWL. This is a hard one, love my jerk chicken and yes the occasional Kingston fowl coop. but Jerk chicken with roast breadfruit or a piece a bread is definitely more finger lickin than kfc because i hate all that fry food in one sitting but love kfc still.



10. What do you hope to be the future of blogging in Jamaica?

With the advent of the Jamaicablogawards i think that blogging has a great future in Jamaica, moreso as i said before that this coming generation is committed to social media and will be turning to the internet for information on their culture either or recreation or scholastic studies. We the blogosphere are here to fill that gap by providing content that is credulous, witty, educational and engaging for this new computer/reader generation that is coming up.

Tag:
Battymatilda
Corve Dacosta
Perceptual Post
EBFellowship is on twitter @place2belong
Javed Jaghai is on twitter @Chatimout
Jaevion Nelsons
MooreMayhem - Carla Moore
- See more at: http://dmarcuswilliams.blogspot.com/

What are my beliefs? What defines Crystal Evans?

Have perseverance as one who doth forever endure, thy shadows live and vanish, but that which is in thee shall live forever more;that which is in thee know, for it is of knowledge, not fleeting life, it is the man that was, that is, for whom the hour shall never strike!

The Voice of the Silence HP, Blavatsky

What constitutes Crystal Evans? Why am I here? Why am I different from most people I know! Why do I make discord with the societal instruments that existed long before I was conceived in my mother's womb.

Why do I interrogate the core beliefs of the society that I live in? Why do I challenge men to treat women better? Big Society to give the youths a chance or Criminals to realize how ,much their behavior is detrimental to the advancement of this noble race? The human race. 

Why am I purporting that one be intrepid in face of ignorantly driven animosity? How do you reason with someone with the psychology of a nine year old with underlying psycho social tendencies that has nothing to do with you?

How profoundly do I believe that my concepts will be internalized by a society that is more interested in instant gratification, bling culture and being ingrates to people with money? How do I convince them to begin to dig deeper than popular belief to embrace the truth of the universe. People tell me I have changed. Yes I have grown much into myself in five years of blogging. Finding my true purpose, day in and day out.
I read a book that claimed that the true meaning of life is growing into our full potentials as sentient beings.

What happens when I die? The laws of nature suggest that energy never dies, it just moves from one host to another. I read a book written by a Buddhist years ago that claims that death to the organized mind is but yet the next great adventure. Another book suggests that every life we live, we experience it on a different plane. If we make the most of this life then we are birthed into the next realm into a better life.
It does offer some comfort to know that death is not permanent unconsciousness infinitely.

I do believe we live on in our children and that is how we gain immortality. I do however subscribe to this philosophy being that we eat plants and animals, when we die, plants and animal feed on our decomposing corpse. Life within itself is one great cycle.
I envision that death must be like when I fall asleep and the night events past with me being ignorant of it. I also assume that dying must be like the fight I have with my eyes when I try to stave off sleep but it eventually beats me.

My body involuntarily does what it wants despite what my mind tells it to. That's the revelation, this world, its illusions, the unknown, all exist in my head..
Hence my belief in Karma....

I am no greater than any other human, just being true to myself...