Ladies Please Be More Realistic when it comes to Dating- Jamaican Men and Women

I never chase, i just replace, I only chase the dollars i make...Those who like me, raise your hand and for those who don't, raise your standards. Deuces!!!!

When i first saw this picture of the guy who actually exchanged a package worth 160k for a $20 draw of weed. I had a wtf moment and then i thought he is as amusing as the story of the little boys in Africa who exchanged their diamonds for some candies. That is just the way it is people will quickly pass you up if (1) they have no knowledge of your worth and (2) You are not what they are looking for. It might sound shallow but human beings react to every thing at face value and this has been our primary reasons for having all those regrets when we discover the truth later on.

There are some men regardless of how great a woman you are who will quickly swap whatever you are offering them because your package "aint right" or he is ignorant of what you have inside for the temporary high of the partner or females he is accustom to. It is not just men who are prone to react like this but women do it too.

We pass up great people because our scope of value is narrow or concentrated on what we already know and we are accustom to that we end up with regrets. Women get their panties wet over thinking about the man they like while men cannot get a boner for a woman that does not match his ideal. Women pass up good men because they do not like how they look and men complain about meeting superficial women because they keep chasing women who look like barbies,. Everyone chasing a fantasy. Women want men who are chasing Dudes who are only interested in platinum pu$$y and women fall in love with men who should wear a tag on their forehead stating. " Mr. Love Em and Leave Em"

Am not saying a girl cannot dream but know the difference between what is going on in your head and your reality. Keep a friend who is a voice of rationality. Read and educate yourself. Arm yourself with the armour of knowledge of self honesty so that you can shield yourself from utopic expectations that lead to heartache.

Why Jamaican Young Women love the men who beat them?

It is like a quotidian occurrence for young men to be seen hitting their girlfriends on the street or at parties. It is as trendy as chromes Van and Bleaching skin. If one should listen to the women on the street recounting nocturnal fights with their partners among throngs of friends you would think the beatings were some novel mating dance.

In some cases it appears beating is some type of foreplay, a precursor to sex. After the fighting and “tumble down” , a passionate night of lovemaking ensues, tommorrow morning they tight as biscuit. You woulda never know a fight took place a few hours ago.


Most women cannot get these men to pay them any adequate amount of attention and therefore they provoke them into giving them a beating. After the fight, the male may rue the altercation and becomes loving and attentive until he gets bored of her.

That is just one theory i offered in my book. Here is another presented by a blogger. “ Jamaican women won’t give you the ” wuk “without a reference, lol, they want other women to want you but they don’t actually want to see you with one. The key to getting any woman to fall in love with you is cool indifference with a tups a tenderness… lol a lie..!!”. It may have some truth to it since most of these beatings are often over some infidelity she assumed he committed for which he would rather beat her to accept his version of events than fest up to.

The beating often involves some levels of threats and promise of more assaults if she decides to leave the relationship. The female is then reassured that he loves her and will calm down. Next time she might go at the mistress instead of the man who has convinced her that he loves her and is only unable to resist the sexual lure of a disloyal female who keeps waving her goodies at him.

Most women do not necessarily endorse the “murderation”. But the male uses it to cower the female into submission. He affectionately calls it a “touch up”. He will brag to his friends about how he has to give his girlfriend her weekly “touch up” so she will learn to behave herself and love him more.

It is unclear how they bond during this beating phase but the male becomes empowered by the wailing sounds of the woman while onlookers murmur among themselves, some men might intervene when the situation becomes disgraceful. Most elders declined intervention citing that if you intercieve, tommorrow morning she is back with him therefore it is futile. Let them fight out their frustrations and work on their relationships until they get tire of each other.

It is clear the young women have a distorted notion of what a healthy relationship is. This may be due to lessons they inherited from their mother who tolerated abusive relationships, unknowing giving rise to a flawed perception that it is okay to be in a relationship with a man who verbally abuses her.

Lack of denouncement among other members of society might encourage this behaviour among young men since most men within the cultural nucleus especially those of lower socio-economical class, have no hiccups against “touching up their women”.



Read more: http://healthmad.com/women/why-jamaican-young-women-love-men-who-beat-them/

Is every one from the Ghetto a criminal or supporting criminality?

Earlier this year there was a case in the circuit court involving Jodian Pantry whose estranged lover paid Gun Men to kill her. Her being pregnant at the time and her child's father a very popular radio broadcaster. Who would not deem this man a "law abiding citizen". There are many law abiding citizens in Jamaica, who do not stick up people with Guns but they stick up people with their mouth. There are people , our law abiding neighbours, family members and friends who hire these young men and offer them money to get rid of some us. Few if any of them are ever persecuted. The ones who pulled the trigger are punished but the trigger mouths almost always get away.


Some people think that anyone who defends poor people are basically complicit with and are purveyors of their lumpen culture. 

I do not go around attaching labels to people base on where they were born. I quickly realize that if I was not as smart as I was then certain people would not even bother to deal with me. Simply because I had the misfortune to be borne a certain place and spawned from a certain type of people. 

Someone has to live within the realms of poverty to understand that people don't necessarily have time to rationalize when them hungry . A hungry man is an angry man and not just by maxim. 

Just the other day a very well meaning attorney at law said to me that " do you know that many of these people you trying to empower and defend may not want to get out of their situation?"

This crusade you are on may be futile. These very same people without notice, at any moment can hurt you or kill you because of the values that they embrace and encourage" 

He may be right. 

But I often think about the white people who were lynched among with the blacks for being a "nigger lover". I learnt that your very own will hate you if you can no longer support their myopic perspectives.  

Unity is a fallacy in any society. It's about conformity and choosing sides. You are either on our side or you are not. There is no neutrality, you cannot be the mediator between the soldier and the warrior. You are either lumpen or bourgeoise, there's no in between, no plateau, no high ground. 

Read through this conversation and inbox me your perspectives 

Original Post on Facebook

"So I was reasoning with Gussy younger brother last night using Dudus Coke as analogy to emphasize the lessons about our society. With all the money that Dudus had, he was still considered a liability to society and deemed removable by the powers that may be.

If high society thinks you are a threat to traditional values or the statusquo of this nation then you become a liability to society. Your very existence is seen as detrimental...you become dispensable..."



Observer: What values are you defending? It it the one that supports the lifestyle and practice of criminal who strive on the fear of every individual in society. And then subject then and their families to extreme brutality?


"Purveyor": No. I was not defending Dudus Coke. I was merely pointing out to this twenty year old boy who is extremely vulnerable to the same fate of his older brother that he should strive to become an asset to his society. He should never live his life in such a way that people would rather see him dead than alive. I was merely showing him that even money does not make you immune to prosecution or even death if you are deemed a threat to civil society.

Observer: I believe all criminals should die. No chances. Switzerland has the second lowest crime rate jn the world. You kno why? Becaz even the possession of illegal fire arms and the attempted use of same is punishable by death. That is a society that defend it's citizens. It's not criminal who are the drivers of driver but the law and by extension the people. This is arrogant but I prefer a known criminal to be shot down by the police than a single citizen be subjected to the brutal deaths as committed by a "gun man".


Purveyor: i heard a similar perspective from several people of late. I do not know if I give anyone the impression that i defend or support "criminality". I have been disavowing crime and violence from before it landed on my doorstep. There are many types of criminals in this society, some just a lethal as the man who stick you up with him gun cuz them stick you up with them mouth. Think about the law abiding citizens who hire hitmen to kill people... Most of this criminals are never prosecuted or gunned down as you put it. Haven't the police been doing that here terry? Haven’t they been shooting down gun men from way back when and then ten more rise up again... It signals that there are deeper social factors behind crime than people simply having an inclination to be diabolic.


Well as Dr Aadesh Cunningham told me last night at our vigil that there are many who will misperceived your message and that is only natural. I was encourage and I am committed now to make my messages more lucid. Perception is a hell of a thing cuz you, Tyrese ferrari, Andrew get that impression while most ghetto people think I despise their culture and lifestyle. They actually think I believe that I am better than them and here you are telling me that I am a supporter deviant culture of Donship ...Smh...can't win eeen???


Right side think you defending the anomalies of the Left side not knowing that the left side don't even subscribe to your ideologies because they see them as bourgeoisie.
Ghetto People get offensive, my in laws, my mother and even child's father gladly curse me if i ever said anything negative which in many cases are facts about lower class people and the ideologies that they hold. I now realise why people uptown will never understand people down town and it is because they both fail to understand the dynamics of those separate culture.

When i defend poor people's plight, the law abiding citizen of our country interpret that as an endorsement of the lumpen culture. When I try to proselytize and convert lower class people to seek social empowerment or even to illustrates some of the ills of culture of the lumpen class, I am met with quarrels, disrespect. People down town are often offended by what I say...They often respond in umbrage intonations that "me must galang lef yah". They are not interested in change, they are only interested in not being seen as inferior.

My intellectual friends see my writings as a defence of the criminal culture of poor people and most poor people see my stance as a criticism not of the social elements of the ghetto but a critique, a disparage of circumstances that they have little or no control over. They think I am ridiculing them, most if not all believe that I think I am superior to them yet I clamour everyday for their cause. Some of them do not even like me because of what I represent, the way I think,my ideologies reflect those of the people that they believe are oppressing them and keeping them in their indigent state. I am seen as a traitor.

People treat you differently because of where you come from. I know that. Many people I went to school with don't even fart pon me because I have failed to detach myself away of the circumstances I was born into. I often ask them that if Gussy had lived uptown and came from a good family that police would come kill him and drive away with him.

Most of my peers and family would start quarrel how GUssy woulda dead same way. They do not think they can be safe anywhere else than where they are. They do not like rules. They would prefer to play loud music at any time of night. They basically love slackness and in certain communities, slackness is not the norm and they hate having people police their behaviour.

Support my New Book

Some people think that when you sow bad seed, you reap bad seed. No what you will reap is a tree filled with fruits that have bad seeds. Whatsoever you sow, you shall reap tenfold.

White people sow slavery, destroyed the black man's mentality and are now reaping a society of black people who are unable to evolve from a path of self destruction and regression.

What are the issues really affecting our Jamaican Society so that we cannot seem to move forward?

We understand that a break down in family values is one of the fundamental contribution to the surge in crime and violence within our society as children are inculcated with anti-social values and then reinforced by families who provide safe havens for their criminal relatives. They refuse to inform on them and therefore keep them in the community as a threat and menace to the society.


What are the central factors contributing to the depravity of the Jamaican Society?

1. Absentee paternal culture is prevalent in Jamaica where fathers are not actively involved in the lives of their children and therefore mothers cannot adequately send children to school because of no financial support. Children also need affirmation and our culture encourages abuse of children instead of loving and nurturing the next generation.

2. Mothers with no financial support and a baby to care for often end up with another man who gets her pregnant and abandons her. Before you know it. She has several children to feed without any financial support from their fathers. She ends up raising adults who were not properly schooled, men with psycho emotional problems and women with low self esteems. The process will indubitably recur with these adults. It is a proven fact that children from these family structures often become just like their parents. Gunmen and serial single mothers are often from similar familys structures.

3. We need more factories in Jamaica, Agro processors, Factories for creating clothing, Arts and Crafts industrial complexes and Angel Investor opportunities for our smart talented YOUNG people. A lack of viable employment opportunities is another critical element in helping Jamaica to move towards sustainable development. We are spending too much time trying to repair that which is broke and not sufficent interest in finding recourses and opportunities for transitional development and nation building.

4. Our legal system is fraught with issues regarding injustices and professionalism. Civilians are angry at the police force because they know too well and contribute sufficiently to the corruption that they talk about amony members of the Jamaica Defense Force. They often attempt to bribe police officers who due to the harsh economical times and the incapacity of their salaries to sustain their lifestyles succumb to venality. It may seem that our police officers are bearing the brunt of our economical down turn just as civilians. Remember that the members of the police force are taken from our own society

5. When a nation is a sinking ship then it leaves opportunities for its brightest and professionals to become white collar criminals. Their salaries cannot supplement the cost of living in Jamaica therefore they become embezzlers.


6. Absentee Politicians are a huge issue in Jamaica. When an area has a political representative that is absent predominantly for several consecutive terms then the area becomes an anarchy. Where you do not have leadership it leaves space for qsuedo leaders to be born and for “dons” to dominate. People will no doubt take up the mantle and begin to provide for the community sometimes at the expense of other members of our society.

7. The Anti-Informant culture is a big deterrent to crime and violence. How can citizens be encourage to speak on knowledge of crimes when the police cannot offer them protection.How can any member of a community give the police information and then the officers leave them in the same area with the hooldums. Not only that many police officers have friends among the bad man and therefore people are afraid to inform on them. It is like you are damned if you do and damn if you don't...

8. Our Education system is crippled with problems. We have long market education as a means for social mobility and wealth creation. We never addressed the pyshco-emotional needs of our children. We need an educational programme that not only teach our children to get rich but to be better citizens. We need ethical education so that we can have a better society.

9. Religious Leaders are afraid. They provide the medium between the civilian and the realm. They have forgotten their purpose and religious commitment to maintaining the morals and values in our society. The laws that we have are formed from the core principles of christianity hence our religious eaders do have a part to play in the restoration of our country.

10. Diaspora abandoned Jamaica. The Jamaicans who live abroad run away and never come back. They do not care about the nation. I am often surprised to discover how much many Jamaicans believe that they can only see what they are working for in another country and not their own. They allow every one to come and capture a piece of Jamaica while the wealthy people in our diaspora do not see Jamaica as an auspicious investment opportunity.

When you live in A SOCIETY where the vulnerable and the innocent like our elders and children become victims of violence. It signals not just a decline in regards for human life but an overall decomposition in the validation and sanctity of our humanity. We are a culture of people that enjoy preying on the weak. We respect the strong “arms” but seek to eliminate those who only wish for the collective good of our society and not just that of any one individual or group.

Why these educated, College Women and I ve got my cxc subjects cant hold a man!

Let me first say that I am not here to demonstrate any level of superiority to any woman in this man and woman relationship game. Truth is I have been slucked and ducked too so albeit I may have experience and insight on what really makes this relationship business suck, I am no greater or lesser than any other female out there.

I live my life on some simple tenets I have embraced over the last three years or so.

When it comes to dating, you cannot convince a man to love you whose love has been misplaced on you in the first place. If he has shown you signs that he does not care, believe him, he truly doesn’t.

Do not date men who make whores my competition, because it does not matter how low I go, I will never get as nasty and dirty as these hoes and I will be messing up my social image for nothing.

It is OK to feel hurt when some guy passes you over for some other chick, but remember their will always be women more attractive than you since new girls leave high school every year, Do not chase some guy and waste your greatness on his ignorance.

When I was going to high school my teacher told us that when you have your education that you can get any man you want. She was far off on that notion because educated women are often single and struggle the most to get a man to stick around.

The average men complain that we are bossy, manly, disrespectful, ' full of ourself" and a wide range of epithets to rationalise why he would settle for a basic chick than a girl who has her life in top gear. Most men who date women who have their lives together almost, always do so on the premise of opportunity to improve themselves. Just the other night, a friend of mine was saying that most men in Jamaican were becoming Gigolos. More interested in what was happening in a woman's pocket than in her panties.
She went on to tell me that the worst type are the gay men masquerading as heterosexual, who have no sexual attraction to women but use them for monetary gains to support their flamboyant lifestyles

Why are educated women in Jamaican getting the shitty end of the stick????

Women who focused on their education, making their own money and have a life are more likely to end up sleeping around with one circle of men. Why ? Because most educated, functional women are attracted to the same kind of men. We all want a perfect, kyrptonian guy who looks like he just step off the cover of GQ Magazine yet we do not understand that the rarity with which educated women were sought after of the past is gone now.

Women are focusing on education now more than ever therefore men have more pickings. They can delay commitment for as long as they want because there will always be fresh young women coming up D block for fresh man year at the University of the West Indies.

When I watched BET pilot for Mary Jane, my child's father said to me that I was one of those types. He is not just not my lover, my child's father and the man I may marry one day, more than anything, he is my friend. He Knows me very well and sometimes I laugh at how much attentions he pays to my personality. He is not Brad Pitt, he is an average guy, who happens to be handsome, compassionate and kind. We have our conflicts but he has this uncanny way of always coming back to talk it over after one of his many tirades. We can "reason" for hours and that is what counts. I watch him playing with our daughter a lot, IF HE IS NOT ANYTHING, HE IS A GOOD FATHER.

From time to time, I may meet a handsome guy or the type that makes your belly flutter because he is so good looking and I am always tempted to compare the way he treats me to the way my child's father does. Truth is if he falls short, I am automatically turned off because I know what it feels like to be treated right.

What about the woman who has never been treated right by a man?

I do not believe in that notion because we all meet men who would go out of their way for us but we are not interested in them because they do not look like whatever image we have in our head of a good partner. A good partner is never based on ways or precepts but more on looks and status and I will tell you that men with looks and status are not very kind to women who fall short of their glory. If we would concentrate more on how a man makes you feel instead of how he looks then we might get somewhere.


Back to the Mary Jane Story

A good man will not come in a good package and that is why we often see beautiful people dating not so attractive individuals. People who are good looking use their beauty as crutches and they never develop a real personality. Why would I want to be nice to people when people look at my cute face and wanna be my friend?
These wealthy cute guys are not focused on personalities, they have been trained to concentrate on what looks good.

I was talking to a handsome wealthy guy on Whatsapp, I sent him a cup of tea pic in the morning. He posted "dwl", that is a huge a red flag for me because I sent it to other men and I got responses like oohs, ahhs and thank you. He failed to acknowledge my gesture because I surmised he probably does not even understand the meaning of what I did.

Then I notice something else, he skims over very interested questions about who he is as a person or his life. Huge red flag number 2. He never calls only whatsapp and I feel like a sycophant every time I talk to him.

If your relationship feels like work. It stresses you out, you feel as if you are "pushing up" on this person. You feel unappreciative, unloved and unrecognised then you are in a non-relationship and you need to get out. Not because a man looks as if he is right for you. It does not transcend into him being the man for you. When you can decipher the difference then you will be able to save yourself a lot of heartache.

I use the knowledge I gained from my past relationships to recognise red flags. If you keep dating the same type of men over and over again then you are bound to get the same results.
Throw that check-list away and start giving the guy with the corny ways a night out to see how he truly makes you feel.

Have you ever wondered if a guy is just unkind to you or if he is like that to all women? Or wondered what this woman that he is with has over everyone else he looked over including you? That is a huge no-no. He may not have chosen her because she is better than you and even so that is his opinion but remember that she might be settling for elements of the relationship that you may never stoop for. Never compare yourself to another woman, love is not a competition entirely. Because a bitch gets a man you wanted, it does not mean she has won anything.


You can have sex appeal without dumbing down. You simply have to learn how to switch between personalities. Be the boss lady on the street and a freak in the sheet. I do not mean fellatio. Guys can get oral sex any day, anywhere on the street so you cannot bet on that stock to make your man stick around because these ratchets be popping dildos in their mouths by the dozens. I mean wow the guy with role play. Any man that laughs and looks at you in amused admiration after you burst around the bathroom door in
a goofy sexy ensemble, is definitely a keeper. Then pulls you into his arms and be like..."I like it" while grinning from ear to ear because he knows you look stupid but gives you an A for trying is definitely the guy that you should be dating.

The guy who compliments you on your beautiful smile or notices that you have dimples is the one you should be giving a chance and not the one who is giving you a once over. The man who is luxuriant, shows potential for growth and improvement not some dead stock cutie who you might spend the rest of your life taking care of him. You do not need a grown baby walking around looking like man. I am not saying he has to have a six figure income and ray ray or that you should be lowering your standards.

But maybe if women would alter their calculated needs and realise that a good check-list will not guarantee a life partner. Someone who really loves you does not make you work for his respect. You have a natural chemistry. He anticipates your needs and he is right there when you need him. NO man who truly loves a woman is always too busy for him. You know that you are not being treated right but you stay with him because you believe that he is right for you.

What Tommy Lee is doing to our Young Men!

I would be a liar if I said that I was not intrigue by Tommy Lee Sparta lyricism,his fixation with morbidity and graphic detailing of crime and violence has given me much insight into the minds of our young SHOTTas.

Tommy Lee Sparta did not begin this connection between dance hall music and violence but he has taken it to a different level. Tommy Lee augments the glorification of the gun, he purports killing as if it is a superior artistic elemental that only youths of a certain; a not easily attainable calibre can commit. The grimmer the death experience is for the victims, the better, he sensationalizes the connection between criminality and the dark forces. Only someone deep in satanic worship as religious  fanatics put it would name himself "Uncle Demon"

When I listen to Tommy Lee even last night at this party I went to, I always observe the magic transformation, his music has on the patrons. Young men with Gun Fingers at their sides, step out in militancy, face contorted in mime anger and determination: if a bwoy step to any of these young men in the height of one of these Tommy Lee "highs" , memba smady a get dust out.

Not even Vybz Kartel elicits this kind of violent response, after all Kartel is mostly regarded as a Galist and not a badman. Mavado is the one that is considered a Gangster. My main concern Is how the man them get grieve as soon as them hear a Tommy Lee Song.

I will admit that on many afternoons, high on Hennessey and red bull, I would imbibe doses of Tommy Lee Sparta's at parties and Jah Know 'me feel like the baddest gyal around'. I am not naturally a violent person so last night after seeing the Gangstas them "clutch back" as they would say in one of the many badman idiomatic references that are becoming a part of mainstream dialect in the Ghetto. This I will explore after I've done some researches with some of these alleged 'chargies'.

.what I often imagine is how this type of music affects a well thinking person of a rather mild disposition and compare it with the psycho emotional impact it has on a young, semi-literate, barely rational, angry, disaffected youth carrying "vengeance"(grudges) against society for his unfortunate status in life. What you have are easy candidates to build an army. Add some drugs and ,liquor to the mix, and you have found yourself a mean killing machine.

Who is responsible for our young men's obsession with Guns, Money and Murdering someone for the slightest offence? Our young men have lost touch with their values brought on by an erosion of the value system in our society and its replacement being that of the media and misguided notions purported by people with dishonourable intentions.

i believe that our educators have a greater burden on their shoulder, we need an ethics and values class within our education system where children are taught from kindergarten about the value of their humanity. When i was a child, most kids went to church. Today parents do not send their children to church therefore children are not encountering the tenets of christian principles which forms the cores of the values and moral that the Jamaican Society Embraces.

Successful people are afraid to go back to the Ghetto and help youths because they become preys for social predators and their army. How can anyone be interested in helping our children evolve into the best of their humanity when they are consistently bombarded by extortionist, gangsters and thugs.
Small minded people misinterpret charity as meaning you have more to give than seeing it as generosity and will become plagues upon your life. Imagine i buy some books and give it away to children, keep a little back to school fete, i spend a mere $50,000 plus donations from Charities and people misinterpret that as being rich. What does that say about how people view life? If i have to give away, it means i have a superfluous amount! Unknowingly, i invited "bay preements" unto myself without having any intention of doing so. All of a sudden people start checking you for pampers for their baby and stuff...


Tommy Lee is a product of our society. He claims it is just entertainment yet i watched a couple interviews he did and wondered how vacuous he really is and if he writes his lyrics. He sounds shrill to my ears, like rubbing a piece a zinc on a grater and that "yuh zimmi", its annoying and a tell-tale sign of imprudence and rest assure, most teenage boys use it like a pronunciation at the end of every statement.

I say to cousin "WEH U A GO TRAVIS' His response "go out pon the front" laughs and adds "you zemmiiie". I roll my eyes, this is what Tommy Lee does to these young men.

I am not saying Tommy Lee Sparta does not have depth and he has probably seen more gruesome stuff in his 24 years than i have in my 25, but we are the same age group yet we do not think the same way. We have two completely different outlook on life. Or maybe i am not in a position to judge Tommy Lee the person since i only know about Tommy Lee the Artiste.

What i would like to hear is Tommy Lee putting on Forums and spearheading campaigns against Violence. Telling young men the horrific truth of life as a Spartan. Better yet i do not even know why Tommy Lee chose Sparta. He is not even Greek. Does he understand who is a Spartan? Is He alluding to the residents who were free in the Greek city but did not have political rights? why not Zulu or Mandingo? he might have a pint there but endorsing the murder and mayhem as resolution tactics is not the way forward for our society.

I know many overzealous young men are dying for a revolution and power. But remember with great power comes great responsibility. Tommy Lee has five kids and he should think about how his lyrics are affecting the way people might deal with his children.Conflict is unavoidable because human beings will have disagreements but should we be encouraging our children to "mek river run" like blood out of any one who disagrees with our opinions or if someone says something that offends our sensibilities.

Why Women stay with Abusive men

Why women stay with abusive men

It’s a phenomenon that we are both intrigued yet repelled by and it is the idea of a successful, intelligent, good natured and ‘should know better woman’ that remains committed to a man that disrespects, abuses and ill treat her mercilessly and unrepentantly. We wonder what could compel a woman to want to remain with a man that only cost her pain and discomfort, yes I mean cost her and not cause her! A man that only seems to sap her energy, undermine her self worth and under rate her dexterities and competencies. A man that limits her physical and psychological freedom publicly humiliates her and beats her occasioning grievous injuries. We are appalled when a successful woman admits that she has been abused by her husband. We are outraged when a woman is murdered by the hands of her lover. We are incensed when a woman attempts to leave an abusive relationship but finds her self right back with the abusive lover because she feels that she can’t live without him or that he will hurt her if she leaves. We wonder why a man could do something to a woman that he claims that he loves.



The truth be told, an abusive man does not love anyone but himself. Abusers are frequently narcissistic. They are self absorbed, ego centric and egotistic. He is weak and lacks human compassion, feelings or even emotions. The only time he feels any iota of emotions is when he feels as if his being is somehow threatened. These emotions ranged from anger, guilt, self pity and ferocity. It is at the ferocious point that most women will get their asses slapped or neck slashed by an abusive man. I know it sounds grisly heinous but it is the truth. We have seen many headlines, many Dr Phil’s and Oprah Winfrey and even CNN headline. Abusive husband, jealous boyfriend, estranged lover murders his woman.



Women have a nurturing nature that is a characteristic of our evolutionary psychological development. Just as how a mother loves a delinquent son, it is the same analogy for a woman with a tyrant, inconsiderate irreverent husband. A woman feels love for her man even though pummels her every night. In spite of his abusive nature, he often has other great characteristics that overshadow his sadomasochist behavior. The wife believes that if she loved him more, harder over and over again, he will become a better man. She posits that she has sufficient love within her being to serve for both of them. Enough love to fill the void that his lack of expressive love has made. She loves for both of them, suffers for both of them and lives for them both. It’s a level of sacrifice that is unfounded and leaves the woman exhausted, an overwhelming emotional fatigue. It’s the same altruistic and self less, incessant, irrevocably love that a mother has for her disaffected child. She loves him no matter how bad he is.

But does she always love him. Sometimes we women believe that we love a man but what we are really enamored with is often what the man represents, the power that he has or his money. We are in love with a shell. You realize that you love the way he looks, the way he commands attention at a seminar, the fact that you feel proud to have a husband who is a corporative executive, drives a Pontiac and lives in Beverly Hills. The same husband that broke two of your ribs disrespects your mother and almost shot your daddy in the ass when he came for thanksgiving.


You love how he looks and what he represents and not necessarily the substance of the man. It’s like loving a bottle of crystal champagne. You like how it looks, you like showing it to everyone (yes I can buy an expensive drink and yes I have taste!) but you hate the damn contents, you never drank a sip from that bottle that you boast of every day.


She feels that she probably will never meet another man like him. He becomes indispensably to her. She needs to keep this man because she feels nullified without him. Her identity has become intersperse with his and she feels as if she will become no body or nothing without this man. Her sense of self has been eroded by his constant abuse and denigration. She has no autonomy, no singular personality or definition of self outside of her husband and his life. This woman is normally the one who is married to the governor or a very powerful man. This woman is afraid of losing her status in society and divorcing from her abusive man may well be the ramification.

Then there are the women who are trapped in their relationship with abusive men for personal reasons. The females remain with abusive men because they want to protect their children because she fears that the man might abuse the child or children. Most men that abuse women tend ill treat children because abusive men like to pound on people that are weak or perceived debilitating.


An abusive man suffers from malignant narcissism. He feels that he is above moral authority. He rarely feels any form of reproach. He sees no wrong in his violent actions and is incorrigible. He accepts violence and sees it as his only form of expression, be it verbal or demonstrative. He sees foul behavior as norm and expects everyone to accept it. It is quite normative that he was taught violence as a means of communication as a child. He has suffered abuse and therefore is only acting out what he was taught.


But this gives no man the right to bludgeon a woman to death or to loath her in any form. No woman deserves to be abused. No woman deserves to be disrespected. No woman deserves to be marginalized and isolated from her friends and family by an abusive husband. No woman deserves to be abused. No woman should remain in an abusive relationship. There is no reason to hang around saying that it will get better. The man can be encouraged to seek counseling but how many narcissistic men will be willing to admit that he needs counseling? How many sadistic men will see the vile and anomie in their actions. The best advice is to get out while you still can! Get out now!