I heard Sass in my head. I only listened to her now, I willed myself not to remember negativity only positivity...
"You see his choice of words towards you...they are derogatory. He wanted to keep you down so that when he did show you some measure of kindness it would mean the world to you and it would give you hope."
I told her I wanted to write a book.
"Its your world saf. No one can make the decisions. Only you. Now the type of writing you will undertake...cleanse yourself with every word you write. Smile with every page you complete. Who knows...this book could be more than what you ever dreamed. It can help change the lives of women going through the same thing. Help others find closure. Fight."
All I felt these days was fear and nothing else.
She reassured me.
"In the face of fear you have two choices. Fight or flight. Will you run away Saf? Will you run away from those deep seated emotions Dre has put inside you or will you face them? Will you face them and fight them? Can you channel them into positivity? Or will you run and hide behind a wall of pretence?"
"Don't be like Dre!!!"
"Dre a the real pussy!"
She cackled like a witch
"Pussy cat liddung under a chair. He choose flight to counteract his fear"
She scoffed... "You lost but it's your time to gain!"
"He asks for food, money and clothes. At no point did he mention spending time with you. At no point did he mention anything of mutual benefit. Everything was "Dre centered"
"He's never good for you!"
"Typical egocentric child"
"Every damn word out of his mouth was aimed at manipulating you to get what he wanted. You are a real fairy godmother Saf!"
I thought about that statement and my hatred for Dre boiled to new heights.
Sass emphasized. "Him fi put pan ward 21. No mind right next a window so him can guh chuck off and swim pan pavement and stop ruin good women"
"That man is like an idol. You don't realize it yet, and you bring him into your home. You worship him. Then the idol shows its demonic powers. You are so blinded by thinking its a valuable item that you deny its demonic influence. Then it gets worse and finally ruins you, laughing at you as it makes its way to another person to destroy them as well. The demon possessed idol has a chain of followers who are self blinded to the truth. You realize the truth but you also see the idol as it is. Faux. What you must seek to do now is accept that you made a mistake. You are afterall human. Do not dwell in misery and self pity. Pick yourself up and reveal him to the world with the book. The book is closure. You will reflect on your mistakes and learn from them. Build yourself a better person. I know its hard to think he will never accept what he has done. Take peace in knowing that you can move on, and he knew what he was doing but he isn't sorry and he will never be.
Exorcize your soul of the demon that is Deandre Myles. Pray. Fill your life with the things that make for peace love and joy. Even when you feel most alone look to your faith and hold on to your god; pray and cry out your pain. He will hear and understand and he will send an angel into your life when the time is right. That time isn't now. Now you must heal and grow.
Dre picked you up and ate your ripened flesh threw you a dry seed in the soil. You task now is to germinate. Set strong sturdy roots. And grow. Grow big and tall and tower over him like a giant. Oblivious to him. Making yourself into a meaningful citizen of society and in the lives of your friends and family."
I burst into tears. I guess I will be doing that for sometime.
Remembering and crying...
Not a life of condoms, a lifetime of tears.
Sass blue raspberries, she was still a child at heart. A different kind from Dre.
"Dre saw a delicate golden flower and decided he must have it."
"But he made sure the flower never knew she was golden"
"Made her out to be worthless"
She shook her head like a grandmother telling takes of a life filled with remorse. It was cinematic.
"you took alot of degradation from that wretch"
"But sad to say. I understand. Its not simply explained. The intricacies are many. And its not well thought out either."
"Good night Saf. I have the people dem work in the morning...cant wait to hang up my PHD and tell government a piece a my mind...think only good things before bed dearie. Drink some water. Watch a comedy."
The Bunna Man
The Epilogue
Copyright 2015
Crystal A. Evans
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