Happy Birthday My Princess

I have a special love for Bronx.
Maybe when I said that her daddy interpreted it to mean I didn’t love our son.
He doesn’t understand.
I had Bronx at one of the lowest points in my life, emotionally and psychologically. 
When I had my first child 9 years ago, I thought I’d grow up, Bronx has made me mature in ways I had not when I had Paris.
Sometimes I’d sit and my mind wanders off, cause me is a thinker, my mind works differently.
My bronkkie will come and interrupt my train of thoughts.
“Mimmy a wah do u mimmy?”
Her voice lulls me back to reality.
First time she said it, i almost cried.
She wasn’t even two years old.
“Me good Bronx, a think me a think”
Bronx I’ve discovered has my heart, she is very loving, caring and compassionate and for that I am grateful.
Bronx doesn’t know or maybe she figure it out because I don’t know what’s on my face when I go on my mind’s journey.
That since she came into my life that I have been through hell and I’ve had to care for her the utmost way while going through my storms.
I have a different level of appreciation for single parents, jah know it ruff sometimes.
I remember days I couldn’t buy her diapers and her daddy lived up the road and I couldn’t call him.
I remember when my landlord gave us hell and I had to find a place for her to put her tiny head.
I remember when I had issues with the bank and had to feed her sugar and water to keep hungry out of her belly and I couldn’t call her father.
This year she said she wanted to be like Frozen princess.
Bronkkie if snow a something me could a buy and ship come here you would have snow for this day.
But no worry yourself my second princess, next year god’s willing, me a bring you to the snow.
Happy third Birthday baby
Mommy loves you.

80/20 Rule

I was telling a client that the 80/20 phenomena goes so much deeper than just switching black monkey for black puss. Like a female leaves one guy cause he's broke and end up with a next guy with similar characteristics plus money. Like this chick doesn't like lazy men absolutely abhors guys who hang out, lay in bed all day and watch TV types, bum life. Then she meets a new guy and discovers in a few years that he's also that type but she excuses his behavior because at least he ain't broke. Then he goes broke and she realizes all along she just didn't want a broke man. Now he ain't got no money, she don't want him. Mama doesn't want a broke man. He can be anything, he better be making some cheddar. Hmmm

A dog is a dog regardless of the owner

Women are other women’s worst enemies.
Even I am guilty of that.
Five years ago a guy I was with had two girlfriends, the other girl throw word on Facebook, said all sort of shit, till this day she still hates me.
One day she call me and tell me all sort of things.
The guy knew she was going to call me for he came to see me.
I remember I said to him, the girl so confident that you will remain with her after she tells me these things, wah yuh tell her so?
He went back to her house and him mussi beat her up then he came back to mine.
He slept there.
The next day, my mother said to me, you shudda neva mek him stay her, crystal you shud a send him home after him go beat up that girl.
When I told my female friends, Shanda, Charm and Sass, Shar told me the same thing, a slackness me keep up.
It bother me cause something told me sooner or later, this guy gone shame me for supporting his slackness.
It happened, as karma would have it, four years later, another woman calls me.
He didn’t chose me this time, he chose her and every little thing that little girl told me he texted her and tell her, him text me and tell me same things.
I knew it was coming cause one day him tell me that him left that girl for me, I knew he was rethinking, he was having regrets.
Karma took another turn, for I live to see or rather hear how him do the one after me.
A dog is a dog regardless of the owner.

People have relationships for different reasons

I get stories from women I meet everyday through mutual friends, online from my page. I use their experiences as muse for my stories.
A young lady from my BPO told me that her guy was cheating on her, she said she discovered that while she was at work, he had some teenager at home.
She told me last night that it’s not the cheating that bothers her so much than how she thought she was being a whole woman to him, why would he spend his days with this little gal.
I related a story from my own experience to her.
You see I fell completely out of love with a man when he chose another woman over me. (That for me is like a kryptonite, once you openly own someone else, it’s a wrap”)
I told her one day we (this ex and I) were talking and the guy told me, he knew what he was getting into, he knew how bar girls stay but him did control that one.
I told her I remembered that part of the conversation where he said “he controlled her”.
I told her just as how you are wondering what could he see in this adolescent over you, I wondered the same thing until he told me, “him did control so and so”
The next thing I thought.
“Him neva want control me”
“Me in all my glory and smarts and resourcefulness”
“Instead he sought to tear me down”
“He could not appreciate me”
“Or maybe I didn’t give him something to control”
“He had a good woman, opted to control bad gal”

I explained to her that maybe her guy sees something in the little girl he doesn’t see in you, people have relationship for different reason, some for sex, convenience, money, myriad of factors.

I also told her, one day I saw the man’s new woman in stocking and uniform.
I realized he didn’t accept her work life, he wanted something better and she opted to fit into that mold.

I think relationships are psychological warfares and a lot of people are suffering from post traumatic stress disorders.
We tie so much of our worth to the outcomes of our relationship.
It’s not just an internal battle. It’s external too, people judge you, attach labels to you based on how your personal life pans out.
So we see a failed relationship, even after you gave it your best as a sign of overall failure and make a transitioning situation, a life tragedy.

Women helping other women by listening

There is nothing more powerful than women guiding other women to access their power, purpose and joy.
Becoming accountable for my life choices, setting standards and ideals, getting much needed feedback from a standpoint of neutrality, surrounding myself with people who are not comfortable with seeing me self sabotage or playing small is my overall aspiration for this year and beyond.
I want to live the best version of my life, not disconnected from my purpose or shoehorned into the narrow ideals of waste people narrative.
I am a listener for my friends, I am the one they come to with their messy lives, I point them to the light for they know I’ve had some pretty dark days myself.
I tell them that in the end, you come out stronger, ride the waves, you can fight it and suffer through it or you can accept your situation and grow through it. If talking to me helps you cope, I am an ear away.
I’ve lost people who were nothing short of a disappointment, truth is they weren’t meant to go into this new phase with me.
Now I have friends that offer me a clear mirror, people who hold space for me to process my feelings, people who complement not disconnect me from my intuitive wisdom. People who have helped me to find me, in recent times I was a shadow of myself. They reined me in, helped me return to myself.

I found clarity.
I am the key to my own bliss.